All Hat No Cattle

Tuesday, August 21, 2018

I'm taking a sick day to see the dentist

I have a few memes so your visit won't be completely wasted

Microsoft Corporation: We found more Russian hacking tries ahead of midterm elections

I admire the Melania Trump speech against cyber bullying the way I admire Eva Braun’s passionate call for tolerance, Camille Cosby’s fiery address about believing female accusers and Lady MacBeth’s epic monologue about nonviolence. - John Fugelsang

As the Mueller Siege Tightens, Trump's Twitter Rage Crests

My fellow Americans: Rudy Giuliani is right: truth isn’t truth. And climate change isn’t real, and Donald Trump isn’t president! Feels better already,
doesn’t it? - Bette Midler

Trump fixer Michael Cohen may plead guilty today as part of cooperation agreement: report

Fun fact about Nancy Pelosi: she got a late start in politics compared to her male colleagues because she had and raised five kids while volunteering in the Democratic Party before running for elected office. - Alan Brauer

USDA Rolls Out New School Brunch Program For Wealthier School Districts -The Onion

My orchid plant's first bloom in a pot I made out of concrete and a towel.

Peace.

Monday, August 20, 2018

McGahn seen as ‘undercover operative’ in Trump’s White House

McGahn seen as ‘undercover operative’ in Trump’s White House
President Donald Trump is claiming his White House lawyer, Don McGahn, was representing his interests and following his orders when he voluntarily testified before the special counsel in multiple sessions.

'When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser' - Socrates, who sounds to me like a butthurt libtard snowflake. - John Fugelsang

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Imagine if the leader of another country tweeted as erratically as Trump does. We’d all be like lol nice job electing a completely unhinged racist psycho who can’t spell, morons. - OhNoSheTwint

Former CIA Director May Sue Trump
Former CIA Director John Brennan announced Sunday that he is willing to pursue legal action against President Donald Trump after his security clearance was revoked.

“Doublethink means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in one's mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them.” George Orwell

Thank you FBI for taking these bozos down.

Aryan Strikeforce? No, It's Not A Video Game.
Justin Daniel Lough slipped into a booth at a Cracker Barrel restaurant in rural Virginia and started talking about making a deal.
Soon, two other members of the white supremacist group Aryan Strikeforce joined Lough, known as “Rocko,” along with another man they had been dealing with at the restaurant just off Interstate 81 near the city of Staunton.

Trump Accuses Voters Of Meddling In Midterms - The Onion

Republican Shenanigans

The wife of Supreme Court Justice Thomas, Ginni, posted this

Putin reportedly close to firing Giuliani - Andy Borowitz

When you have access to every attorney in the country, and you choose Rudy Giuliani as your best bet, you’re a moron. - Andy Lassner

Trump Donors Question Having To Hire People Trump Fires
‘We owe these people’: Trump loyalists find soft landings after getting ousted. A motley crew of die hard Trump allies have found their way to a constellation of pro-Trump entities and outside political groups...Donors are starting to notice. Some have expressed concerns about hard-fought fundraising dollars bankrolling Trump’s crew. The wall-to-wall coverage of the Trump campaign’s $15,000-a-month offer to Manigault Newman has revived long-simmering concerns about how donor money is being spent.

I can't understand how having a plethora of knowledge at our fingertips 24 hours a day has somehow made 35% of Americans more ignorant. - Alt Fed Employee

Donald Jr. posted a selfie this weekend

I fixed it for him

Republicans projected to pick up 70 seats in prison. - Andy Borowitz

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Rudy Giuliani is what happens when a president with dementia hires a lawyer with dementia -Jeff Tiedrich

Rock The Voter News

I have a suggestion. How about reporters stop asking whether or not political leaders “believe” in climate change and start asking if they understand it instead. - Turnip2020 tweet

A Democrat Bars The Press??
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez — the New York-based Congressional nominee poised to make history this November by becoming the youngest woman ever elected to the House — has come under fire for barring the media from a public town hall this past Sunday. Now, her defense has prompted even more head-scratching from critics.

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Now that we’ve heard from Melania Trump on the dangers of cyberbullying, let’s hear from Mike Pence about the importance of treating the LGBT community with respect or from Stephen Miller about how it’s wrong to unhinge your jaw and swallow children whole. - OhNoSheTwint

Business/Tech News

Has anyone tried unplugging the country and plugging it back in?

Trump Is Bullying The Federal Reserve
President Donald Trump said he disagreed with the Federal Reserve's decision to raise interest rates, and he said the Fed should do "what's good for the country," according to an interview with Reuters.

Someone is suing Canada Dry Ginger Ale because it contains no ginger, so I’d like to formally announce my lawsuit against Panda Express. - Conan O'Brien

Proofreading is important

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I have an achy breaky toothache. I hope it didn't affect today's edition!

Dental appointment tomorrow.

Friday, August 17, 2018

Suffering from PTSD?

Rand Paul asks Trump to lift sanctions on top Russian officials so they can visit the US
Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) says he will ask President Trump this weekend to lift sanctions against top Russian officials so they can visit the United States later this year.

“The thing is, collusion IS a crime, if you collude with somebody to break a law,” “That’s called ‘conspiracy.’ You can’t get out of a crime by finding a synonym. If that were the case, all any criminal defense lawyer would need is a thesaurus.” - Al Franken

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

News item: mercenary predator-bro and scumbag-for-hire Erik Prince wants to build a private army whose only allegiance would be to Trump. hey, there's no way that could end badly, right? what could go wrong? HURRY THE F-CK UP, MUELLER - Jeff Tiedrich

What with the multiple wives, the obesity, the megalomania, the yen to go after political enemies, the breaking of traditional structures for personal gain, and the overall petty meanness, Trump is basically Henry VIII...but if Henry VIII was the puppet of Ivan the Terrible.- Greg Olear

The Gall Of Trump Knows No Bounds
The Trump White House is planning an event next week to honor federal immigration agents — even as more than 500 migrant children remain separated from their parents after being separated at the border.

According to a new article, Donald Trump Jr. and his girlfriend, former Fox News anchor Kimberly Guilfoyle, have cute new nicknames for each other. He refers to her as Pooh Bear and she refers to him as Junior Mint. I guess Junior Mint will do until he gets his soon-to-come nickname, Federal Inmate #7544.- James Corden

Republican Shenanigans

A group of birds is called a “flock” a group of fish is called a “school” and a group of Trump supporters is called a “Klan” - Stone Cold tweet

I Think I Just Heard Something Backfire
President Donald Trump’s decision to declassify competing congressional memos about the validity of the so-called Steele dossier means the FBI has lost its authority to rebuff Freedom of Information Act requests about the bureau’s efforts to verify the report’s intelligence linking Trump to Russia during the 2016 campaign, a federal judge ruled on Thursday.

Lara Trump said Omarosa's $15k a month hush money would come out of campaign dollars from "small donors," which is terrible.That money is meant for silencing porn stars.- Nick Jack Pappas

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Rock The Voter News

I’m afraid it’s true, the free press is colluding with... the other members of the free press... to... keep the press....... free. - Olivia Nuzi

Mitch McConnell Scolds Senate Republicans?
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) scolded Senate Republican colleagues on Thursday for skipping a Wednesday night vote, ...

If Trump watched Sesame Street instead of Fox & Friends he would be better informed and his spelling would improve.- Andy Borowitz

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Business/Tech News

Following recent accusations of President Trump's racist behavior, White House press secretary Sarah Sanders has gotten into some trouble of her own. Yesterday she was caught during a press briefing making false claims about the number of jobs Trump has created for African-Americans. Although if you believe Omarosa, the biggest lie was that the White House used the term African-Americans.- James Corden

FOX News excited about interviewing Denzel Washington today. - Tony Posnanski