All Hat No Cattle

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

It looks as though it's going to be a White Russian Christmas

At least 16 Trump associates had contacts with Russians
At least 16 associates of Donald Trump had contacts with Russians during the 2016 campaign or transition, according to ...

At this point it would be easier to ask which Republicans Putin is not blackmailing. - driftglass

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

They may have to bring back the Draft to get someone to be Donald Trump's Chief of Staff. - Roland Scahill

I Think Ivanka Is Going To Be The Next Chief Of Staff
Outgoing White House chief of staff John Kelly is reportedly “furious” at Donald Trump and his son-in-law adviser Jared Kushner for pushing him out of the role. So, here's what he did...

On 11 DEC 1968, a 2/4 MAR rifle platoon was ambushed in Vietnam -- half became casualties. Its leader, a 24 yo Lt, received the Bronze Star with V for rescuing one of his wounded Marines under fire.
50 years later, that Lt is still on the job, hunting down his country's enemies. - John Schindler

If Trump thinks Mueller's court filings have cleared him of wrongdoing, what has he been smocking?- Andy Borowitz

Sandy Hook Releases Chilling Video
A chilling new public service announcement, released Monday by the gun violence prevention organization Sandy Hook Promise, depicts the moments leading up to a school shooting from the shooter’s perspective.

White House Evacuated Due To Faulty Smock Alarm. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

The Ginger Russian Spy Will Sing
Maria Butina, 30, was either a perky gun nut with a fetish for sex-starved GOP losers, or a secret agent in Russia's covert influence operation to influence the 2016 United States elections.

As the war on Christmas begins, let's give a shout out to the GOP doing the lord's work trying to lock out the needy, keep the hungry from getting food stamps, locking babies in cages, & making the wealthy richer by killing sick people. - AltFedEmployee tweet

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Hey Donald J. Trump don’t hurry to name a new Chief of Staff. In a few months President Pelosi will. - Andy Borowitz

Rock The Voter News

This is the thing- If Biden was the nominee against Trump in 2016, Trump would still have won. If Sanders was the nominee in 2016, Trump would still have won.
Why? Because a foreign enemy wanted Trump to win.
Remember, this was an attack on our country and our democracy. - Roland Scahill

Grinch Threatens Senate
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) on Tuesday warned that the Senate will be in session between Christmas and New Years to finish their work for the year unless senators agree to fast-track some items on their to-do list.

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I look forward to the day when I can watch something involving the president of the United States and not say, "That is literally the dumbest thing I have ever witnessed." - Rex Huppke

Business/Tech News

CONGRESS: "When I type in the word 'idiot' images of Donald Trump appear."
GOOGLE: "Yeah, we told you it works." #GoogleHearing - Mrs. Betty Bowers

Trump says it’s jail for Cohen & that Roger Stone will never turn on him. Ok, let’s replace "Trump" with "Al Capone" and you can see we're living in a gangster movie! But remember, Elliot Ness got Capone on…TAXES! Now there's the Hollywood ending we’re all waiting for. - Bette Midler

Arizona Snowflake
Former Maricopa County, Ariz., Sheriff Joe Arpaio filed a multi-million dollar defamation lawsuit against several media outlets on Monday.
Arpaio’s suit lists CNN, CNN president Jeff Zucker, anchor Chris Cuomo, The Huffington Post and its senior political reporter Kevin Robillard, and Rolling Stone and staff writer Tessa Stuart, claiming that they falsely referred to him as a "convicted felon" despite his presidential pardon.

Welcome to the SATs.

Your score may determine which college loan you'll be paying into your 40s.

Let's begin. - John Fugelsang

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Thank you! So Close to the Goal!

Monday, December 10, 2018

The President of the United States doesn't use spell check

Trump Gets Mocked on Twitter for Smocking Gun Tweet
“Democrats can't find a Smocking Gun tying the Trump campaign to Russia after James Comey's testimony. No Smocking Gun…No Collusion.

Trump's so scared of a smoking gun that he misspelled it. Twice.

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

I’m kinda shocked Trump hasn’t started a war by now. - Toure tweet

Trump Defends Hush Money
President Trump is defending the hush money payments made by his former lawyer to 2 women during his 2016 campaign as "a simple private transaction." Federal law requires disclosure of payments made "for the purposes of influencing" an election.

“Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind.” - William Shakespeare

Republican Shenanigans

Trump is such a fool. If only he had disclosed that he had paid a porn star $130,000 to keep quiet he'd have won even more of the evangelical vote. - Real Fake Potus tweet

BREAKING:
The next White House Chief of Staff will be the first person who says yes. - Andy Lassner

I Wonder if Bill O'Reilly is Available for Chief of Staff.
Nick Ayers, Vice President Mike Pence’s chief of staff and the top choice to move into the same role for the president, declined the offer and will leave the White House in the next few weeks, according to several media reports.

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The most likely outcome still involves DT getting bored & leaving America for a younger hotter country. - John Fugelsang

Rock The Voter News

I bet Hillary no longer finds it funny when she walks into a bagel place and people chant, "Lox her up!" - Conan O'Brien

Wisconsin Blues
Former Wisconsin Gov. Scott McCallum (R) is calling for Gov. Scott Walker (R) to reject some of the measures the state legislature passed to limit incoming Democratic officials' authority.
“It appears completely political, (like) a power grab,” McCallum told the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel on Saturday, before adding that Walker has the chance to avoid the “appearance of sour grapes."

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Donald Trump was never going to get along with anything called "the intelligence community." - Middle Age Riot

Business/Tech News

Brexit is what happens when you throw the baby out with the bathwater.

China Goes After Apple
Apple was down about 2 percent Monday morning after a Chinese court banned the import and sale of most iPhone models in the country as part of an injunction. Qualcomm requested the injunction for alleged patent violation and announced the news in a statement Monday morning.

If Republicans were really smart and wanted to save what's left of their party before they lose control of the House, they would impeach Trump and Pence and say hello to President Ryan. Fugetaboutit. they're not that smart.

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Friday, December 7, 2018

This is why Mueller is taking so long to complete his investigation...

Trump lashes out at Robert Mueller on Twitter ahead of expected Manafort, Cohen filings
President Trump lashed out at Special Counsel Robert Mueller in a series of tweets on Friday ahead of court filings expected later in the day. Mr. Trump also promised that his lawyers would release a report to counter Muller's final findings.

How fearful are Administration officials of Mueller? “If the president had a dog the dog would lawyer up,” I was told. - Brian J. Karem

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

In an instant Europe has gone from being the most stable region in the world to anything but. Paris is burning, the Merkel era is ending, Italy is playing a dangerous game of chicken with the EU, Russia is carving up Ukraine, and the UK is consumed by Brexit. History is resuming. - Richard N. Haass

I Wonder If Mueller Has Interviewed Rex Tillerson
Rex Tillerson in Texas: “So often, the president would say here's what I want to do and here's how I want to do it and I would have to say to him, Mr. President I understand what you want to do but you can't do it that way. It violates the law.”

Trump is freaking out because he knows the First Family is about to experience Robert Mueller’s family separation policy. - Tom Arnold

Republican Shenanigans

On the day Trump leaves office I will get so drunk Brett Kavanaugh will tell me I’ve had enough. - Andy Borowitz

Bring it on, again.

More Hillary Investigations To Come
Bill Barr, the man Trump will nominate as the nation’s next attorney general, has previously supported Trump’s call to investigate Hillary Clinton and questioned the need for Mueller’s probe

Trump is hanging his legal hopes on a Mueller counter report that will be written by Rudy Giuliani.
Rudy.
The Clem Kadiddlehopper of Counselors.
The Clouseau of Cybersecurity.
I can’t wait. - bjcreigh tweet

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Click on photo for full size

A man can be an insufferable asshole 364 days a year & the media will suggest on the 1 day he’s not that he’s turned a positive corner.
A woman can sit still & ignore the man who’s spent two years screaming for her imprisonment & be called a rude bitch. - Michelle

Rock The Voter News

Margaret Atwood is writing a sequel to The Handmaid's Tale, and Donald Trump is almost finished with the prequel. - Stephen Colbert

Someone Cares About Hurricane Maria Victims
Four prominent Democratic senators on Thursday asked the inspector general of the Department of Homeland Security to broaden an ongoing investigation into contracting and hurricane relief problems in Puerto Rico.