All Hat No Cattle: Shots Fired Again Near Mississippi Military Site

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Shots Fired Again Near Mississippi Military Site
Shots were fired for a second consecutive day near a military facility in southern Mississippi, but there are no reports of anyone being wounded, National Guard officials said Wednesday

The only thing we have to fear is fear mongers themselves. - LOLGOP

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

Over the weekend in Iran, temperatures reached 165 degrees, one of the highest temperatures ever recorded on earth. In fact, it was so hot in Iran, American flags burst into flames on their own.- Jimmy Fallon

Mitch The Bitch O'Connell Puts Iran Deal
On Hold
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) aimed to pressure President Obama on the Iran nuclear deal ahead of his speech later Wednesday.
"It's clear that the deal is making members of both parties uneasy, and with good reason," the Republican leader said. "That's why I've called for a debate worthy of the importance of the agreement when the Senate takes it up in September. I hope the president will echo this tone of seriousness in his remarks later today.

Republican Shenanigans

GOP Debaters Won't Diss Each Other. Watch Out, Hillary!
The head of the Republican Party on Wednesday said its presidential candidates are unlikely to attack each other in the party's first official debate but instead are focused on ousting Democrats from the White House.

Donald Trump is still leading the Republican polls, with support from 19 percent of voters. Of course, it’s only a matter of time before Trump slips up and says something completely sane.- Seth Myers

Scientists: Earth Endangered by New Strain of Fact-Resistant Humans. - Andy Borowitz

Fiorina Says Hillary's Emails Were Hacked
GOP presidential candidate Carly Fiorina said on Wednesday that Hillary Clinton’s private email server was likely compromised during her tenure as secretary of State.
“Hillary Clinton doesn’t understand that technology well enough to know her server has most assuredly been hacked because Secret Service agents can’t protect it from being hacked,” Fiorina told hosts Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski during a telephone call to MSNBC’s “Morning Joe.”

Any politician who says "I don't know if President Obama is really Christian" has sorta just revealed they're really not. - John Fugelsang

Rock The Voter News

Jeb says "women's health care" and I hear Terri Schiavo. He has no freaking business making health care decisions for ANYONE.- Tina Dupuy

Grey's Anatomy Actor Comments On Silencing Trump
Ellen Pompeo, who plays Dr. Meredith Grey on “Grey’s Anatomy,” says her character would have a surgical (and probably painful) way of handling Donald Trump: "You could send him over to Meredith, and I could cut his vocal cords out.”

The fact checker for Thursday's ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ has already started drinking.- John Fugelsang

Amtrak Service Will Continue
A deal has been reached to save Amtrak service between Indianapolis and Chicago, after state officials considered cutting the rail line, the Indianapolis Star reports.
Indiana officials considered cutting the line because of a change to federal regulations that they said would have increased the cost of operating the route.

Jeb Bush says that "women's health" issues are overfunded. Clearly, the Republicans are not satisfied with the 47% of voters Romney alienated and are now shooting for 51%.- Andy Borowitz

Business/Tech News

Cell Phones Down In Four States For Five Hours.
If you live in the Southeast and couldn't place a call last night, you're not alone.
Cell phone customers of all four major carriers had no service Tuesday afternoon and into the evening in parts of Kentucky, Tennessee, Alabama and Georgia. Service was restored Tuesday night.

HitchBOT, the lovable hitchhiking robot, hitched safely across Canada, made it to the East Coast of the United States, but unfortunately didn't get out of Philadelphia alive. To be fair, Philadelphia is the city that pelted Santa Claus with snowballs. They threw batteries at their own baseball team, and forced Will Smith to go live with his auntie and uncle in Bel Air.- James Corden