Trump’s Doctor Says the President Can Go Back to Public Engagements by Saturday

Trump’s Doctor Says the President Can Go Back to Public Engagements by Saturday

President Donald Trump’s physician has cleared the president to return to public events Saturday. In a White House press release issued Thursday, Dr. Sean Conley said that Trump had remained stable since returning from Walter Reed Hospital to the Oval Office. 

Americans Hope and Pray Trump Healthy Enough To Stand Trial. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

• Trump Lays Into ‘Terrible’ Whitmer After Alleged Right-Wing Plot to Kidnap Her Busted
• Bill Barr insists he was unaware of the violent terrorist threats against Michigan’s Democratic governor
• Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer Links Kidnapping Plot To Trump's Hate Rhetoric
• Trump clings to bogus claim that he saved 2.2M lives
• The head of the White House security office is critically ill with Covid-19
• Police killings are more likely among law enforcement agencies that receive military gear, data shows

If Donald Trump had a family who truly loved him, they would intervene and stop this. If Donald Trump had a party and cabinet that cared about America, they would intervene and stop this. - Steven Beschloss

So a lot of White House staffers are worried the recklessness of the president will hurt them? Welcome to what millions of Americans have been feeling for years. - Dan Rather

Rose Garden Attendees Urged To Get Tested And Not By Trump
In an extraordinary step, the Washington, D.C., Department of Health has released an open letter appealing to all White House staff and anyone who attended a Sept. 26 event in the Rose Garden to seek medical advice and take a COVID-19 test.

Fly Calls Trump A Loser For Skipping Debate. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

• Trump accuses debate moderator Steve Scully of being a 'Never Trumper'
• Fox News Dr. Marc Siegel Will Interview Trump, Conduct 'Medical Evaluation' On-Camera Friday Night
• Judge wants White House to say if Trump tweeted declassified the full Mueller report
• Use of Jackie Robinson and MLK images in Trump ad opposed by family members
• Sen. Kelly Loeffler Accidentally Posts 'Generic Tweet' Template After Vice Presidential Debate
• Don't forget: The Trump campaign gave its most sensitive data to a Russian spy
• Brad Parscale cried during arrest, told officers his wife won't have sex with him

Trump Accuses Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson and Roosevelt of Trying To Keep Him Off Mt. Rushmore. - Andy Borowitz

Mitch McCruelty Expects Not To Pass Any Relief To Millions Of Americans. Great Re-election Strategy!

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) signaled on Friday that he does not expect Congress and the White House to reach a deal on a coronavirus package before the elections, citing steep political headwinds.

McConnell, speaking to reporters in Kentucky, called the dynamics around the months-long, off-on negotiations "murky," adding that he didn't expect it to get resolved before Nov. 3.

Man With 20 Rifles Can’t Remember If His Goal To Start Or Stop Violent Overthrow Of Government. - The Onion

Gary Busey Would Bring Much-needed Stability To White House, Experts Say. - Andy Borowitz

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Rock The Voter News

• Democrats surge past Republicans in early voting
• Joe Biden and Kamala Harris meet tribal leaders, rally supporters in joint visit to Phoenix
• Younger voters worried about coronavirus, pessimistic about the future: poll

Once again.  The Covid "cure" Trump's been touting was developed with fetal tissues obtained by abortions. So, let's be clear...he's pro HIS life only. - Bette Midler

Russian Trolls Are So Busy!
C-SPAN said the Twitter account of the moderator for the second debate, C-SPAN journalist Steve Scully, was hacked, and that this accounts for a tweet in which he appeared to asked staunch Trump critic Anthony Scaramucci for advice on how to respond to the president.

Trump Will Avoid Biden And Instead Debate Voices Inside Head. - Andy Borowitz

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Can you name another job that Donald Trump would continue to hold after exhibiting this type of unhinged public behavior other than President of the United States with the support of craven and complicit Congressional Republicans? - Dan Rather

Business/Tech News

• Trump to propose $1.8T coronavirus relief package
• Trump falsely claims Green New Deal calls for 'tiny little windows'
• U.S. indicts six more chicken-industry executives over alleged price fixing
• Waymo opens driverless robo-taxi service to the public in Phoenix

In fairness, the Trump campaign has always wanted to go super viral. - George Takei

Trump will be so happy that he finally made the cover of TIME magazine

Those Steel Jobs Trump Promised Are In Negative Territory

President Donald Trump promised a new dawn for the struggling U.S. steel industry in 2016, and the lure of new jobs in Midwestern states including Michigan helped him eke out a surprise election win.

Four years later, Great Lakes Works - once among the state's largest steel plants - has shut down steelmaking operations and put 1,250 workers out of a job.

Bought a brand new heavy duty chainsaw after the last hurricane. 

Won't start. Never started. I've used chainsaws my whole life, since I was a kid. Fixed them. Rebuilt them. Won't start. Directions. Online troubleshooting. Won't start.

Took it to the dealer. One pull, starts. - Stonekettle

 

Jane Fonda is fierce at 82.

 

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Odd News

• Astronaut chooses daughter's wedding over space test flight
• Pieces of Venus may be hiding on the moon
• Our Species Is Still Evolving: Forearm Artery Reveals Humans Evolving From Changes in Natural Selection
• Pennsylvania man gets high school diploma before 100th birthday
• Florida woman attempts to sell ring back to store from which it was stolen

Time To Deflate Photo

A group of wild rabbits is called a fluffle and I've never loved the English language more.

Best wishes for a safe and peaceful weekend.

Twitter buzzes over a fly in Pence’s hair, speculates about his left eye

Twitter buzzes over a fly in Pence’s hair, speculates about his left eye

During the vice presidential debate on Wednesday, many Twitter users were fixated not on the arguments — but on a fly that landed on Mike Pence’s head...But Twitter users’ first fixation was on Pence’s left eye. The eye was red from the moment he took his seat behind a plexiglass barrier.

Pence brought a lot to the debate last night, a fly and a red eye. 

“I’m speaking. I’M speaking.” I hope every little girl heard that. #VPDebate - Uzo Aduba

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

• More than 2,300 people evacuated after explosions at munitions depot in Russia
• Coronavirus: Masks made mandatory outdoors across Italy
• Teen spurs coronavirus outbreak, infects 11 family members
• Nearly half of parents polled 'very worried' kids will get COVID-19 at school
• Benjamin Netanyahu's wife, Sara, reportedly violates lockdown rules with haircut
• Former police officer charged in George Floyd's death released on $1 million bond

Am starting an exorcism fund for the White House.  Clorox alone won't do. - dee

Trump Chickens Out Of Next Debate

President Donald Trump said Thursday that he will not participate in the second presidential debate with Joe Biden after the Commission on Presidential Debates said the event will be held virtually in the wake of the President's positive coronavirus diagnosis.

"I am not going to do a virtual debate," Trump said on Fox Business. "I am not going to waste my time on a virtual debate."

He had a bloody eye and a fly on his head. -- Anderson Cooper

Pence will catch the virus. He doesn't look well, although his botox does.

 

Trump Receives Injections With Cells From An Aborted Fetus

Trump’s antibody treatment was tested using cells originally derived from an abortion.

The Trump administration has looked to curtail research with fetal cells. But when it was life or death for the president, no one objected.

I would rather listen to grocery store music for a year rather than listen to another second of Mike Pence. - Mike Barnicle

 

Republican Shenanigans

• Trump calls Harris a 'monster'
• Megyn Kelly scolds Kamala Harris on debate facial expressions: 'Take it like a woman'
• Trump swipes at Barr, Pompeo, Wray in return to Russia investigation, Clinton emails
• Trump says talks on COVID-19 aid are now 'working out'
• Eric Trump event venue in Nevada fined over COVID-19 rules
• Chris Christie remains hospitalized with COVID-19 in New Jersey
• Surgeon general cited for taking pictures in Hawaii park closed to prevent virus spread
• Meadows hosted wedding despite guidelines banning gatherings of more than 10 people: report
• Missouri governor says again he will pardon St. Louis couple
• Michigan AG: Burkman, Wohl turn themselves in on voter intimidation charges
• Tax Collector Endorsed By Matt Gaetz For Congress Indicted On Sex Trafficking Charges

Pence not committing to the peaceful transition of power is a way bigger deal than anything else that happened last night. - Molly Jong-Fast

Judge Orders Twitter To Reveal User Who Started The Seth Rich Murder Rumors
Twitter must reveal the identity of an anonymous user who allegedly fabricated FBI documents about the murder of Democratic National Committee staffer Seth Rich and passed them to Fox News, a federal judge in California has ruled. The Twitter user @whyspertech is accused of providing faked documents to Fox News, which falsely linked Rich’s 2016 murder to the WikiLeaks hack of Democratic Party emails in the run-up to the presidential election.

Kamala Harris won the debate, and the fly on Mike Pence's head came in second. - Bill Kristol

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If you’re keeping score, so far Kamala is leading Pence by 90 IQ points.- Andy Borowitz

Rock The Voter News

• Poll: Majority believe Harris won VP debate against Pence
• Biden campaign sells out 'truth over flies' swatter after fly lands on Pence during debate
• Biden more trusted than Trump to lead health care system: survey
• Second presidential debate will be virtual, commission announces

A virtual Presidential debate will be a complete waste of time, says man who called into Fox Business for one hour this morning. - The Daily Edge

There is a fine line between attending a Trump rally and assisted suicide. - Andy Borowitz

Trump's A Drug Addict Trying To Keep His Medical Records Secret
President Trump required personnel at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center to sign non-disclosure agreements last year before they could be involved with treating him, according to four people familiar with the process.

Trump Furious At Pence For Refusing To Take Steroids Before Debate. - Andy Borowitz

 

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That fly is an American hero. - Gabrielle Union

Business/Tech News

• Jobless claims were worse than expected amid slowdown in hiring
• All 30 million British homes could be powered by offshore wind in 2030
• Elon Musk said Starlink now has enough satellites in orbit to launch a public beta of its high-speed internet service
• Type 2 diabetes drug manufacturer recalls 76 more lots of metformin for cancer-causing concerns

Pence Calls Space Force Necessary to Protect U.S. from Gay Aliens. - Andy Borowitz

The Stock Market Surely Doesn't Reflect Everyday America

Stocks opened with gains Thursday amid rollercoaster negotiations between the Trump administration and House Democrats on a coronavirus aid package with less than four weeks until Election Day.

The Dow Jones Industrial Average opened with a gain of 120 points, rising 0.4 percent after the market opened Thursday. The S&P 500 index rose 0.5 percent and the Nasdaq composite rose 0.7 percent after the opening bell.

My uncle said he wouldn’t discuss trump with me unless I said one good thing he’s done so I said he’s normalizing makeup for men and it didn’t go as I planned. - Daniel

 

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Odd News

• 'Be one with the fish': aquarium yoga among Hong Kong Ocean Park's new offerings
• Australian Pro Surfer's Very Close Call With Shark Captured In Drone Footage
• Stolen Mao Zedong scroll 'worth millions' found cut in half
• Website offers chance to 'live under a rock' during election week
• Anniversary gift from son earns woman $1 million lottery jackpot
• Facebook flags onion seed ad as 'overly sexual'

Time To Deflate Photo

Annie Edson Taylor was a schoolteacher who became the first person to survive a trip over Niagara Falls in a barrel (on her 63rd birthday) in 1901. I believe she also coined the phrase "hold my beer."

Peace.

Harris Wins Fight To Enclose VP In Pence Fence During Debate

Harris Wins Fight To Enclose VP In Pence Fence During Debate

Vice President Mike Pence finally accepted late Tuesday the placement of plexiglass dividers during Wednesday’s vice presidential debate after criticizing the move to protect against coronavirus infection.

I hope Kamala slowly turns to Pence tonight and says, "So, Mr. Head-of-the-Coronavirus-Task-Force, why couldn't you keep the virus out of the White House?"

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

• France, Germany seek Russia sanctions over Navalny poisoning
• Leaders of Greek neo-Nazi party Golden Dawn are guilty of running a criminal organization
• British pair charged in US over murder of Isis hostages
• The Mavericks say a band member was assaulted in Tennessee, reportedly for speaking Spanish
• 80-year-old is killed in upstate New York after asking bar patron to wear mask
• Russia fires hypersonic missile in birthday blast for Vladimir Putin

HISTORY LESSON:

2003: US President accuses Iraq of possessing weapons of mass destruction 

2020: US President is weapon of mass destruction

- Andy Borowitz

Jeff Sessions Isn't A Keebler Elf, He's A Real Life Ghoul.

Then-U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions was clear in May 2018 that President Trump wanted to separate undocumented immigrant children from their parents in a conference call with the five U.S. attorneys whose states border Mexico, telling the officials, “we need to take away children,” according to a draft report by the Department of Justice inspector general, the New York Times reported Tuesday.

The President hasn’t slept for 48 hours. And he hasn’t led for 48 months. - Ken Olin

My mom would have taken away my phone, my brother’s phone and cancelled the entire neighborhood’s Internet access by now if I was Claudia Conway ... - Eugene Scott

Republican Shenanigans

• Texas Supreme Court blocks Houston elections officials from sending mail-in ballot applications to 2 million voters
• Supreme Court turns away Republican appeal on ranked voting
• Federal appeals court rules Trump can't block New York subpoena for his tax returns
• Trump returns to comparing COVID-19 to the flu: 'We have learned to live with it'
• Reporter possibly infected on Air Force One says White House hasn't contacted him since
• ‘We will not see coronavirus come here’: Kayleigh McEnany’s prediction comes back to haunt her after she tests positive
• Trump says he feels 'great' and is symptomless: White House doctor
• Trump fires off dozens of tweets while recuperating at White House
• Don Jr Pushes Back on Trump 'Roid Rage' Allegation with Baseless Claim: 'Nancy Pelosi Has Her Own Substance Issues'
• Scott asks Senate panel to pass resolution pushing to strip 2022 Olympic games from China
• Dinesh D'Souza's 'Trump Card' Explores Hunter Biden, Socialism

Dinesh D'Souza is not only a waste of space and a waste of oxygen, he's a waste of an apostrophe. - Middle Age Riot

 

White House officials believe POTUS was infected at the event for Judge Barrett on Saturday Sept 26. 

They will not say when POTUS last tested negative, raising questions as to whether he was tested at all between infection and the debate Tuesday Sept 29. 

This is important. - Jake Tapper

Hey, Jake, did you see this:   Chris Wallace: Trump Arrived at Debate Too Late for COVID-19 Test

Dr. Fauci Begs Americans

Dr. Anthony Fauci begged Americans to take coronavirus precautions seriously during an interview with the president of American University on Tuesday — even asking the “50 percent” of the country that “hate” him to implement public health measures.

Fauci noted that he does not want the country to go back into lockdown, nor does he think it will get to that point, as long as people listen to his recommendations

Holy bajeezus Trump is just sitting in bed cranked up on dexamethasone & Adderall and retweeting crackpot conspiracy theories like your methed out 2nd cousin who lives in a trailer out back in the woods. - Kellum Dnader 

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With Trump and right-wing pundits' attacks on Hillary Clinton today, it looks like she's not going to win the 2020 election. - Nick Jack Pappas

Rock The Voter News

• Biden at Gettysburg: ‘Today, once again, we are a house divided’
• Biden Soars to Double Digit Lead in Trump-Favored Rasmussen Poll
• Democrats outraged as Trump halts Covid stimulus talks until after election

My heart goes out to everyone touched by this virus, from those at the White House, especially the Secret Service and residence staff whose service ought never be taken for granted, to all those names and stories most of us will unfortunately never know. - Michelle Obama

Well, Justice May Be Served After All To These Honkies
A grand jury indicted Mark and Patricia McCloskey Tuesday on charges of exhibiting guns at protesters in a June incident in their neighborhood and added a charge of tampering with evidence for both members of the couple.

Jimmy Carter putting solar panels on the White House and Reagan removing them... pretty much says it all. Republicans hate progress. - Betty

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Business/Tech News

• Goldman Sachs: A Democratic sweep would mean faster economic recovery 
• Stocks Bounce Up After White House Says It's Open To Stimulus After All
• Watch Stephanie Ruhle Grin, Anthony Scaramucci Squirm as MSNBC Guest INCINERATES Wall Street for Shocking Political Ineptitude
• Royal Caribbean, Norwegian cancel cruises through November, past CDC's 'no-sail' order

I know all of you “pro-life” people must be upset that trump took a drug made with stem cells, right?  Regeneron uses stem cells in that cocktail.  You are going to vote against trump for using fetal tissue, right??? - Heather

Meanwhile, Here In Costa Rica...

Hundreds of public sector workers marched through the capital of Costa Rica on Tuesday in support of the movement of road blockades that began a week ago in rejection of a proposed agreement with the International Monetary Fund (IMF).

“Let the rich and their fortunes pay, not the workers,” the protesters urged in a banner displayed at the march that went to the headquarters of the Legislative Assembly.

When he loses, they're going to burn so much evidence in the Oval people will think we're picking a new Pope. - Patrick S. Tomlinson 

 

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Odd News

• Man falls to death off Arizona cliff while taking photos; unrelated human remains found near his body
• Grandparents are kidnapped, ransomed for cocaine or $3.5M
• Venice successfully stopped a flood for the first time by raising a mile-long network of barriers to hold back the sea
• Tasmanian devils are roaming mainland Australia again after 3,000 years
• Astronaut who spent a year in space shares tips on dealing with isolation
• Lottery ticket worth $5.7M sat in oblivious winner's wallet for a month

Time To Deflate Photo

Humboldt Redwoods State Park in California. I felt so teeny tiny standing next to those trees.

Peace.