All Hat No Cattle

Thursday, December 13, 2018

Everybody's colluding but Trump!

Maria Butina admits to engaging in conspiracy against US
Alleged Russian spy Maria Butina admitted in federal court Thursday morning to engaging in a conspiracy against the ...

Is it possible the Grinch who Stole the Election may not make it to Christmas? - Ken Olin

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

Advice for Michael Cohen: On first day of prison, go up to the biggest guy in the yard and offer to pay him $130,000. - Stephen Colbert

Chief of Staff Applicants Are Coming Out of the Dugout
Jose Canseco is ready to take a swing at politics.
The former major league slugger has made his pitch for a big job at the White House, tweeting Wednesday to President Donald Trump: “u need a bash brother for Chief if (sic) Staff.”
Canseco told his “little buddy” he has “a secret reorg plan already.” He suggested Trump send him a direct message and signed off (hashtag)yeswecanseco.

I'm beginning to suspect that the guy who cheated on his first wife with his second and cheated on her with his third and cheated on her with a porn actress and lied about paying hush money and then said the hush money payments were legal might not actually be a good christian. - Jeff Tiedrich

Republican Shenanigans

Republicans Are Unsure About The Wall
House Republicans are struggling to come up with a strategy to fulfill President Trump’s demand that the lower chamber pass a funding bill that includes $5 billion for his promised border wall.

Let’s stop calling it a witch hunt and call it what it is. A felon purge. - Ken Olin

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I Wonder If Mueller Will Release This Report Before Or After Pelosi Takes Over The House
Special counsel Robert Mueller is reportedly planning to begin releasing information concerning foreign countries' efforts to interfere in U.S. politics and the 2016 election.
The Daily Beast reports that three sources familiar with Mueller's efforts in the Russia investigation say that prosecutors will begin outlining in court filings next year how foreign countries, in particular ones in the Middle East, attempted to exert influence over the Trump administration.

Pelosi Rejects Trump’s $130,000 Offer To Be Quiet. - Andy Borowitz

Rock The Voter News

Don’t bring a Pence to a Pelosi fight.- Max Weiss

LOL. Newt Gingrich Doesn't Want The Chief of Staff Job? Really?
Former Speaker Newt Gingrich on Thursday dismissed speculation he is in the mix for White House chief of staff, adding that President Trump should select someone who is willing to stand up to him.

Having already been thrown out of a senior government position for corruption, Newt Gingrich would have the most relevant experience of any White House staffer. - The Hoarse Whisperer

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TRUMP SURROGATES: “No, silly! Payments to women weren’t election fraud. They were to protect delicate Melania from being totally SHOCKED to find her husband, Donald “I Grab ‘Em By The Pussy” Trump, was actually unfaithful to her!”
NATIONAL ENQUIRER: “No, it was election fraud.” - Mrs. Betty Bowers

What the hell happened to Melania? Her hair and makeup looks like it's right out of Walmart.

Business/Tech News

At this point, wouldn’t it be more efficient if the White House just hired a warden? - Conan O'Brien

In Like Flynn
Michael Flynn has told associates his talks with Kislyak began during the ‘16 campaign. It wasn’t just the transition. Flynn says they discussed Syria and Iran.

As Bobby Kennedy taught us, the thing about hope is that it travels through space *and* time, first splashing against the rocks, but eventually breaking down the walls of cruelty and injustice. And if we do our best with the time we’re given, others will take hope in our example. - Barack Obama

Holidays in the Hospital

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Good News...construction begins mid-January!

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

Pensive restraint

What’s behind Mike Pence’s stony visage? Trump may plan to dump him for Nikki Haley
It looks as if The Trump Show will take some interesting turns in the new season, which begins Jan. 3. The teaser we saw on Tuesday was a doozy.

Hey remember a couple weeks ago when Trump boasted Nancy Pelosi should be Speaker again because she'd embarrass the Democrats? - Matthew Chapman

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

The news from Yemen gets more and more terrible. This week's updates:
1. It's getting worse. November's casualty numbers were highest of the entire war.
2. Surprise! We never billed the Saudis for the mid-air refueling. U.S. taxpayers have been footing the bill for their war. - Sen. Chris Murphy

Jesus.
A technology company linked to a sanctioned Russian oligarch is among the bidders for a Pentagon contract to store sensitive data — possibly even U.S. nuclear codes.

Mike Flynn is also, among other things, the #1 reason why Mike Pence should never be allowed to pardon anybody. - John Fugelsang

This video deserves a repeat

Sex, Guns & Moscow
Admitted Russian spy Maria Butina’s Republican operative boyfriend wrote in private communications that he was involved in setting up a “very private line of communication” between Russia and the Trump campaign.

Republican Shenanigans

idk about you guys but i think trump is in quite a predicament.- The Dogfather tweet

Trump's Consigliere Is Sentenced To 3 Years
A federal judge in Manhattan has sentenced Michael Cohen, the president’s former personal attorney, to three years in prison for crimes including campaign finance violation, tax evasion, and lying to Congress.

This tweet aged well

Everything Trump Touches Goes To Prison for 36 Months. - Rick Wilson

This video also deserves a repeat

Paul Ryan Proudly Put America Deeper In Debt
When Paul Ryan became speaker of the House in 2015, the federal budget deficit was $438 billion. He blamed the “failed policies of President Obama” for budget deficits that had exploded to $1.4 trillion in 2009, the year after the Great Recession, though shortfalls began shrinking in the following years and were continuing to fall as Ryan took the gavel.
Today, with Ryan preparing to retire from Congress, the annual federal budget deficit is again approaching $1 trillion. Over his two decades in Congress, the total national debt increased from less than $6 trillion to nearly $22 trillion.

Trump:
“Nancy’s in a situation where it’s not easy to talk right now”

Pelosi:
“Please don’t characterize the strength that I bring to this meeting”

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How many of the President’s men have to be in prison before impeachment talk isn’t “Democratic overreach?” - Schooley

Rock The Voter News

Meanwhile, Hillary Was Literally Dancing In India
Hillary Clinton, who arrived in Udaipur on Saturday, was seen quite excited for the celebrations as she danced to bhangra beats and Bollywood numbers with John Kerry, former US Secretary Of State, the entire Ambani clan and B-Town stars including Shah Rukh Khan, Aamir Khan, Karan Johar, Aishwarya Rai Bachchan among others.

Later today Michael Flynn will have a sentencing hearing and Hillary Clinton won’t. - TDP tweet

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Mexico Agrees To Pay For Trump's Psychiatric Care. - Andy Borowitz

Business/Tech News

An “Irish Exit” is when you leave without saying goodbye.
A “British Exit” is when you loudly announce that you’re leaving and then wander in and out of the door while you decide if you really want to leave or not, angrily complaining the whole time. - Jules Suzdaltsev tweet

China Is #1 In Economic Espionage
From 2011-2018, more than 90 percent of the Department of Justice cases alleging economic espionage by or to benefit a state involve China, and more than two-thirds of the Department’s theft of trade secrets cases have had a nexus to China

Keep Christ in Christmas? Can we put him back in Christianity first? - John Fugelsang

My work here is done.

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Thank you!

Tuesday, December 11, 2018

It looks as though it's going to be a White Russian Christmas

At least 16 Trump associates had contacts with Russians
At least 16 associates of Donald Trump had contacts with Russians during the 2016 campaign or transition, according to ...

At this point it would be easier to ask which Republicans Putin is not blackmailing. - driftglass

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

They may have to bring back the Draft to get someone to be Donald Trump's Chief of Staff. - Roland Scahill

I Think Ivanka Is Going To Be The Next Chief Of Staff
Outgoing White House chief of staff John Kelly is reportedly “furious” at Donald Trump and his son-in-law adviser Jared Kushner for pushing him out of the role. So, here's what he did...

On 11 DEC 1968, a 2/4 MAR rifle platoon was ambushed in Vietnam -- half became casualties. Its leader, a 24 yo Lt, received the Bronze Star with V for rescuing one of his wounded Marines under fire.
50 years later, that Lt is still on the job, hunting down his country's enemies. - John Schindler

If Trump thinks Mueller's court filings have cleared him of wrongdoing, what has he been smocking?- Andy Borowitz

Sandy Hook Releases Chilling Video
A chilling new public service announcement, released Monday by the gun violence prevention organization Sandy Hook Promise, depicts the moments leading up to a school shooting from the shooter’s perspective.

White House Evacuated Due To Faulty Smock Alarm. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

The Ginger Russian Spy Will Sing
Maria Butina, 30, was either a perky gun nut with a fetish for sex-starved GOP losers, or a secret agent in Russia's covert influence operation to influence the 2016 United States elections.

As the war on Christmas begins, let's give a shout out to the GOP doing the lord's work trying to lock out the needy, keep the hungry from getting food stamps, locking babies in cages, & making the wealthy richer by killing sick people. - AltFedEmployee tweet

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Hey Donald J. Trump don’t hurry to name a new Chief of Staff. In a few months President Pelosi will. - Andy Borowitz

Rock The Voter News

This is the thing- If Biden was the nominee against Trump in 2016, Trump would still have won. If Sanders was the nominee in 2016, Trump would still have won.
Why? Because a foreign enemy wanted Trump to win.
Remember, this was an attack on our country and our democracy. - Roland Scahill

Grinch Threatens Senate
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) on Tuesday warned that the Senate will be in session between Christmas and New Years to finish their work for the year unless senators agree to fast-track some items on their to-do list.

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I look forward to the day when I can watch something involving the president of the United States and not say, "That is literally the dumbest thing I have ever witnessed." - Rex Huppke

Business/Tech News

CONGRESS: "When I type in the word 'idiot' images of Donald Trump appear."
GOOGLE: "Yeah, we told you it works." #GoogleHearing - Mrs. Betty Bowers

Trump says it’s jail for Cohen & that Roger Stone will never turn on him. Ok, let’s replace "Trump" with "Al Capone" and you can see we're living in a gangster movie! But remember, Elliot Ness got Capone on…TAXES! Now there's the Hollywood ending we’re all waiting for. - Bette Midler