White House Can't Find Leaker, But I Have A Suspicion...

White House Leak Crackdown: ‘Men in Suits’ Reportedly Hunting Down Banned Cell Phones Using ‘Large’ Devices
Panicked by its inability to stem the flow of leaks, the White House is having men in suits scour the West Wing for non-government-issued electronics, per a new CNN report.


Hurry the f*ck up, Mueller. 
I want John McCain to see Donald Trump taken away in handcuffs for treason. - dylan

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

• North Korea cancels high-level talks with South scheduled for Wednesday because of anger over military exercises
• Trump shares Ramadan message praising the "richness Muslims add to the religious tapestry of America"
• US blocks UN from adopting resolution to investigate violence after Jerusalem embassy opening
• Uneasy Calm Falls Over Gaza After Israel Kills Scores at Protests
• Facebook reports spike in violent content
• Top intelligence official says Chinese ZTE cellphones pose security risk to US
• Trump defends reversing himself on Chinese company ZTE ahead of trade talks

Jared Kushner: "Waiter, could you please ask them to stop shooting protesters until we're done with our breakfast?" - Rex Huppke

Iran Optimistic It Can Save Nuclear Deal
Iran's foreign minister said Tuesday that efforts to save the nuclear deal after the abrupt US withdrawal were "on the right track" as he began talks with European powers in Brussels.


STEP 1: US provokes violence by trolling Middle East with embassy move to Jerusalem. 
STEP 2: Nikki Haley tells UN: "The violence is Iran’s fault."
STEP 3: Trump & Netanyahu, to distract from legal woes: “We have no choice now. Must have war with Iran!”
- Mrs. Betty Bowers

I scream 
you scream 
we all scream 
this is our life now
- Sandra Newman


Republican Shenanigans

• Meghan McCain on Trump Going After Leaking ‘Traitors’: Leaks Happen ‘When You’re Not Inspiring Loyalty’
• White House flare-up over McCain leak 
• Admin blocked publication of water contamination report over fear of PR "nightmare"
• Ana Navarro: ‘White House is irritated John McCain is not dying of cancer’
• Senate Republicans blast White House over fallout from staffer's McCain comments
• Republicans worry that golden boy Josh Hawley, the party’s top Senate recruit, isn’t taking his campaign seriously
• Scott Pruitt Got 24/7 Security From Day 1 At EPA, New Documents Show
• McConnell brother-in-law picked by Trump to lead pension agency
• Haspel says CIA should not have conducted interrogation program
• Before Obama, Asian Americans voted Republican. The GOP wants to bring them back.
• Melania Trump's office requests 'personal privacy' as she recovers from surgery

Netanyahu Announces Day Of Mourning For Fence Damaged In Yesterday’s Conflict- The Onion

Trump Puts Gun Imports In The Hands Of Commerce Dept
The Trump administration on Tuesday announced a long-awaited proposal to transfer the approval of certain gun exports, including semi-automatic rifles and ammunition, from the State Department to the Commerce Department.




"The ones who are disabled and can't work...why are we required to keep them up? Sorry but euthanasia is cheaper and doesn't make everyone a slave to the government." - Republican candidate for Governor of Oklahoma, Chris Barnett

Trump To Warehouse Migrant Children
The Washington Post reports that the Trump Administration is laying the necessary groundwork to warehouse the children of migrants who enter the United States illegally on military bases in Texas and Arkansas. The bases will be used to contain anyone under the age of 18 who crosses the border illegally with their parents or on their own.

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Jared Kushner Regrets Not Reading Entire Wikipedia Page on Mideast Conflict - Andy Borowitz

Just this week, Trump has screwed up chances for peace between Iran and the West, peace between Israel and the Palestinians, and peace between North and South Korea. And it's only Tuesday! This could be the best Infrastructure Week yet. - Jeff Tiedrich


Rock The Voter News

• Obama ethics chief accuses Trump of violating emoluments clause: 'See you in court Mr. Trump'
• House Dem: Money at the heart of Trump’s decisions on China, Russia, Turkey
• Parents of Parkland shooting victims announce run for School Board seats

Poll: Americans Support Moving Trump to Jerusalem - Andy Borowitz

Woman Calls Cops On Black People For A Cookout
Area residents had a massive cookout at a park in Oakland, Calif., just two weeks after a white woman called the police on a black family for setting up a charcoal grill in the same park.

Trump fears next election will be decided by Americans. - Andy Borowitz


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http://www.wattensawpress.com/

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Business/Tech News

• Metals: Gold Tumbles to 2018 Low on Higher Dollar
• Uber, Lyft end forced arbitration for sexual assault claims by passengers or employees
• Starbucks slams Seattle's new big business tax
• Toys 'R' Us to sell Geoffrey the Giraffe, and sex-toys-r-us.com

The White House wants you to know that being an asshole is okay as long as it isn’t on camera or in front of a snitch.- Tony Posnanski

Activists Trying To Block Construction Of Obama's Library
A federal lawsuit seeking to block construction of the Obama Presidential Center in Jackson Park was filed Monday by public parks activists against the city of Chicago and the Chicago Park District.



By the way it is very easy to spot the liberal at Whole Foods...
They speak in complete sentences and say “Excuse Me” if they bump into you. - Tony Posnanski

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Thank you so much!

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Odd News

• New smart glasses can translate foreign text with just a look
• Water plumes on Europa detected by Galileo spacecraft
• China Sichuan Airlines pilot 'half sucked out of plane' survives
• 'Memories' Transferred From One Snail to Another Via Injection, Scientists Say
• Woman fired for bringing laxative-filled brownies to coworker's send-off, police say

Time To Deflate Photo

Three amigos taking a selfie!

Peace.

Apparently the apartheid displayed by Israel is too much for South Africa

South Africa recalls ambassador to Israel over deaths on Gaza border
South Africa announced on Monday it was recalling its ambassador to Israel after at least 52 Palestinians were killed along the Gaza border.
“Given the indiscriminate and grave manner of the latest Israeli attack, the South African government has taken a decision to recall Ambassador Sisa Ngombane with immediate effect until further notice,” South Africa's foreign ministry said in a statement.



If Trump wins a Nobel Peace Prize, I bet he’ll try to trade it in for an Emmy. - Conan O'Brien

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

• Israel Kills Dozens at Gaza Border as US Embassy Opens in Jerusalem
• Ambassador Friedman told NPR that taking the status of Jerusalem off the table will free up talks by removing a "veto" from the Palestinians
• These Photos Show The Stark Divide Between Shooting Deaths In Gaza And The Celebrations In Jerusalem
• Lindsey Graham: If You Have A Problem With Jerusalem As Israeli Capital, 'Take It Up With God' 
• Mitt Romney on Twitter: "Robert Jeffress says “you can't be saved by being a Jew,“ and “Mormonism is a heresy from ...
• Jeanine Pirro says Trump 'fulfilled' a 'biblical prophecy' by moving US embassy to Jerusalem
• Foreign policy expert quakes with anger as he watches Ivanka partying in Israel while Gaza burns
• Court told 'would-be teen terrorist' fantasised about killing Barack Obama
• Russia bank helps Venezuela defy US cryptocurrency sanctions

Jared and Ivanka partying it up in Jerusalem while Israeli forces massacre Palestinians in Gaza is a level of depravity you can only find in the Trump and Netanyahu administrations.- Eugene Gu

Oh, Emoluments Are In The Air
A billion-dollar Indonesian property development with ties to Donald Trump has become the latest project in China’s globe-spanning Belt and Road infrastructure project – just as Washington and Beijing are tussling over trade.

Trump Fascinated By Israeli Cultural Tradition Of Mass Slaughter Of Protesters - The Onion


Republican Shenanigans

• White House says aide's remark about McCain being handled 'internally'
• Pence PAC hires ex-Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowksi 
• Trump allies fear Mike Pence is setting up a ‘shadow office’ and taking over the Republican Party
• Trump expresses need for better 'TV lawyers' to combat Mueller probe: report
• GOP Congressional candidate channels Trump with attack on NJ aid to undocumented students
• White House, EPA headed off chemical pollution study
• ‘I’d do it again’: Former VP Dick Cheney insists waterboarding not torture in Fox News interview
• The internet lights up Jared Kushner for Israel speech: ‘He doesn’t even have security clearance’
• Donald Trump Praises His 'Incredible' Mom on Mother's Day — But Doesn't Mention Melania

Think of the money Barack Obama saves each #MothersDay!
He only has to buy one card.
Donald has to buy, at least, three. - Mrs. Betty Bowers

Melania Fakes Kidney Condition To Escape Trump For A Week
Melania Trump underwent a surgical procedure on Monday morning to treat what the White House called a “benign kidney condition” and was reported to be recovering without trouble at a military hospital outside the capital.
“The procedure was successful and there were no complications,” the White House said in a statement. “Mrs. Trump is at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center and will likely remain there for the duration of the week. 



Deplorables: DON'T MAKE FUN OF MELANIA'S SURGERY, LIBTARD
also Deplorables: HA HA HA JOHN MCCAIN, THAT ASSHOLE IS DYING. - Jeff Tiedrich

ME: “Looks like America might be saved by a porn actress and her lawyer.”
GOD: “I work in mysterious ways.”
ME: "Oh, honey . . . after the past two years, my only surprise is that you work at all.”
- Mrs. Betty Bowers

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http://www.cwblogsite.com/

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The New York Times would have you believe that a bunch of Nazi motherfuckers were all set to vote for Hillary but then she called them deplorable and hurt their feelings and they switched to Trump. uh huh and I have five bankrupt casinos in Atlantic City to sell you. - Jeff Tiedrich

Rock The Voter News

• Hillary Clinton warns Australia about Chinese interference in elections
• Can I legally bet on sports now? Everything you need to know about Supreme Court's ruling
• Supreme Court Upholds Individual Rights In 2 Key Criminal Justice Cases
• Democrats to force vote Wednesday on net neutrality
• Nancy Pelosi slammed for ‘trivializing’ the ‘impeachable bigot’ in the White House

And if you don't pay your gambling debts, SCOTUS will send over Justice Alito to break your thumbs.- Erik Bransteen

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http://www.wattensawpress.com/

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Business/Tech News

• Oil Prices Rise on Tightening Global Market Signs
• Tesla CEO Musk tells staff he plans 'thorough reorganization'
• How can I tell if my information was shared with Cambridge Analytica? - Facebook
• Salmonella outbreak in eggs sickens a dozen more people in five states

The U.S. hit ZTE with a 7-year ban for violating Iran and North Korea sanctions, then lying about their efforts to address the problem.
The heads of the NSA, FBI, and CIA are also concerned that ZTE may be using their technology to spy on U.S. consumers. - Kyle Griffin


Trumps Stumps For ZTE
With his pledge to save a major Chinese company from crippling US sanctions, President Donald Trump has delivered yet another twist in the trade clash with Beijing.
His announcement on Twitter that he's working to give China's ZTE "a way to get back into business, fast" was a sudden shift in the US stance at the start of a big week for trade ties between the world's top two economies.

If you didn't care about Trump breaking the emoluments clause before, now that he's trying to bail out China Smartphone giant ZTE in what seems to be a way to secure a $500 million Chinese loan that benefits Trump hotels in Indonesia, maybe now would be a good time to start! - Ed Krassenstein

Suspicious house

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Thank you!

Today's edition was a little late due to my eye doctor's appointment for new glasses. They arrive in 10 days, from Spain!


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Odd News

• An Asteroid Will Narrowly Miss Earth Tomorrow And You Can Watch
• Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 crash was deliberate, aviation experts suggest
• Aliens May Well Exist in a Parallel Universe, New Studies Find  lol -- shudder
• Astronauts Spot Kilauea Volcano's Dramatic Plumes from the Space Station
• Caged tiger at school's prom causes uproar, reports say

Time To Deflate Photo

From jail birds to free birds on their first flight.

Peace.

Trump aide mocks John McCain

Trump aide reportedly said John McCain's view on CIA pick 'doesn't matter' because 'he's dying anyway'
Meghan McCain, television co-host and daughter of Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., gave a stinging response Friday to a White House official who reportedly said at a staff meeting that his opposition to a Trump administration nominee "doesn't matter" because "he's dying anyway."
"I don't understand what kind of environment you're working in when that would be acceptable and then you could come to work the next day and still have a job," McCain said on "The View" Friday.


Hey Melania,  @kellysadler45  is not be best. - Tim Hanlon

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

• Iran condemns wave of Israeli air strikes in Syria
• US Raises Pressure on Iran With Sanctions on Currency Exchange
• 'It's about war and peace': Germany and France urge restraint in Middle East
• Radar reveals details of mountain collapse after North Korea's most recent nuclear test
• Australia's worst mass shooting in 22 years leaves family of 7 dead
• Command mistakes, lack of training led to Niger ambush that killed 4 US soldiers
• Fox Guest Defends Torture: It Worked On John McCain
• Cheney: US should restart harsh interrogations, back Haspel

So a former prisoner of war and torture victim now dying of brain cancer is fair game but heaven help you if you make fun of Sarah Sanders's smokey eye makeup. - Jeff Tiedrich

Here's your reminder that Kim Jong Un took 3 Americans hostage, sentenced one to hard labor & deprived another of sunlight.    Or, as Trump says, "really was excellent to these people."
#MAGA folk, reality will welcome you back with open arms whenever you're ready. - John Fugelsang


Pakistan Is Pissed At US
Pakistan imposed travel restrictions Friday on U.S. diplomats in a response that could strain relations between the two nations.
Under the new restrictions, U.S. diplomats are restricted from movements in the country and will no longer receive special treatment at airports.

"No man who is corrupt, no man who condones corruption in others, can possibly do his duty by the community." - Theodore Roosevelt.

Republican Shenanigans

• Brexit Campaign's Use of GOP Strategist Broke Election Law
• Giuliani: Media should 'calm down' about Cohen payments
• Novartis CEO: 'We made a mistake' with Cohen payments
• Exclusive: Mueller's team questions Russian oligarch about payments to Cohen
• AT&T Executive Who Oversaw Michael Cohen's Contract Forced Out
• Trump says Democrats would 'destroy your jobs' and 'knock the hell out of your border' if they win 2018 midterms
• Trump will not call for negotiation on Medicare drug prices despite Democratic hopes
• Trump Expected to Threaten Veto of Farm Bill Without Tighter Work Requirements
• West Virginia Republican Said Teachers Won't “Have Any Significant Effect” On Elections. Then They Voted Him Out.
• Republican Activists to Hold Convention at Minnesota Mosque
• Sarah Palin: John McCain's Regret Over Picking Me as Running Mate Is 'Perpetual Gut Punch'

Let this serve as formal notice - there is significantly more evidence and facts to come relating to Mr. Cohen's dealings and Mr. Trump's knowledge and involvement. You can come clean now or wait to be outed. Your choice. We have only just begun...- Michael Avenatti, Stormy Daniels' attorney

Do as I say not as I do.

Trump Has Another Temper Tantrum
President Donald Trump unloaded on Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen at a heated cabinet meeting this week, railing against her for failing to stop illegal border crossings









It’s pretty crazy that Stormy Daniels’ money could be traced all the way back to Vladimir Putin. In response, Putin said, “Donald can spend allowance however he wants.” - Jimmy Fallon

Sarah Sanders, The Deplorable One
Facing the White House press following an aide making a “joke” about Arizona Sen. John McCain “dying,” spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders refused to address or condemn the comment, saying she “would not get into it,” and dismissing it as a leak.
Asked whether White House aide Kelly Sadler “still has a job,” Sanders replied, “I’m not going to comment on an internal staff meeting.”






I think black people should be allowed to call the police on white people who look like they might call the police on black people. - Rex Huppke

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http://www.cwblogsite.com/

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According to The New York Times, the shell company that President Trump’s lawyer, Michael Cohen, used to pay Stormy Daniels received payments from AT&T. To thank them, Cohen will be using AT&T for his one phone call. - Seth Myers


Rock The Voter News

• Lawmaker anger builds after White House aide mocks 'dying' McCain
• Democrats Campaign on Health-Care Expansion in Wake of GOP's Failed ACA Repeal
• Right Wing Conspiracy Theorists Obsess Over Hillary Clinton's Health and Scarf Choice

Deep State = Russian Spies
Kremlin-linked Russian politician Alexander Torshin traveled frequently between Moscow and various destinations in the United States to build relationships with figures on the American right starting as early as 2009, beyond his previously known contacts with the National Rifle Association.







Trump’s lawyer may have used money that’s tied to Vladimir Putin, which is why Trump called Putin his “Sugar-Vladi.”- Jimmy Fallon

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AT&T CEO Regrets Hiring Cohen Instead Of Just Dropping A Ton Of Cash At Trump International Hotel Like Everyone Else - The Onion


Business/Tech News

• US oil prices hover at 3 1/2 year highs, as analysts entertain the idea of $100 crude
• Banks are walking away from low-income homebuyers
• Elon Musk posted video of his Boring Company tunnels under LA, saying people can use them 'in a few months' for free
• FCC fines robocaller $120 million for making nearly 100 million calls

AT&T CEO says "AT&T hiring Michael Cohen as a political consultant was a big mistake."   
Except when you pay bribes to kill net neutrality and net neutrality gets killed, where's the mistake part? - John Fugelsang

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Odd News

• Monster 23.8m-wave is largest ever recorded in southern hemisphere
• 'He's my soul mate.' Accused stalker speaks out from jail about sending 65000 texts
• Naked man runs around airport, threatens bomb at Daytona Beach airport, police say
• Man wins $4.38 million with lottery ticket he got for free
• Illinois firefighters rescue toddler from inside claw machine

Time To Deflate Photo

The reconstructed face of  "Ava" a Bronze Age woman who lived in present-day Scotland 3700 years ago. I think I saw her at the grocery store the other day next to the beer and cake display.

Peace.