All Hat No Cattle

Friday, February 23, 2018

One step closer to the money laundering

Former Trump campaign aide Rick Gates pleads guilty to conspiracy, lying
Former Trump campaign aide Rick Gates pleaded guilty Friday to conspiracy and to lying to investigators — even while he was negotiating a deal with special counsel Robert Mueller. Soon after, Mueller slapped Gates's business partner, former Trump campaign chief Paul Manafort, with new charges.

As the CPAC crowd chants “Lock her up!” over and over, former top Trump campaign aide Rick Gates is pleading guilty and signaling that he is cooperating in the Mueller investigation. - Matt Viser

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

I'm starting a gofundme to allot a certain chunk of American space to create the new libertarian fantasy land of Whitetopia where DT can rule for ever & his fans can hate the rest of America from within their own borders. - John Fugelsang

Trump Seeks Gun Violence Advice From Sons
President Trump consulted with his adult sons, Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump, over Presidents Day weekend about how to address gun violence in the U.S. following the deadly high school shooting in Florida.

"I was in Vietnam." Strangest sentence Trump has ever spoken. Just now at CPAC. - Lawrence O'Donnell

Donald Trump tweeted about Ivanka being in South Korea saying “we cannot have a better, or smarter, person representing our country.” We do have a better, smarter person... and his name is Dennis Rodman. - Chelsea Handler

Republican Shenanigans

Three prominent Republicans have been indicted since CPAC started chanting “lock her up” a few hours ago. - Josh Schwerin

Broward County Sheriff's Dept Guarding Deputy
Sheriff’s deputies are now guarding the home of Scott Peterson, the armed school resource officer who hid outside as 17 students were massacred inside Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida.

I know this point of emphasis is going around, but I want to make clear I place zero blame on the armed guard. it's not his job to wage war w/ an AR-15 mad man - Eric Boehlert

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I know countless girls who were sexually harassed (or worse) by male teachers and coaches. It’s a terrifying experience as it is. Imagine if those teachers and coaches also had guns. - OhNoSheTwint

Rock The Voter News

So @realDonaldTrump, who lied for 5 years that the 1st black president wasn't really born here, then capped off that lie with a lie that Hillary Clinton told the lie first, is complaining about Fake News. - John Fugelsang

Wow. Someone Needs To Make A Republican Soap Opera -- As The Scandals Turn
A woman whose affair with a Pennsylvania congressman led to his resignation — and who's pursuing her own run for the U.S. House — is accused of threatening to kill her husband...Shannon Edwards is seeking the Republican nomination to take on Democratic Rep. Mike Doyle.
Republican Rep. Tim Murphy, an opponent of abortion rights, resigned in October after text messages obtained by The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette suggested he wanted Edwards to get an abortion when they thought she might be pregnant.

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We have notified the NRA that we are ending the NRA’s rental car discount program with Hertz. - Hertz Tweet

Business/Tech News

If guns don’t kill people, people kill people, why do the teachers need guns? - Kumail Nanjiani

When Wallets Are More Powerful Than Guns
Several businesses with ties to the National Rifle Association are breaking up with the group amid mounting pressure from gun-control proponents following the Parkland, Fla. school shooting.

New Study Finds Majority Of God’s Blessings Burn Up On Entry Into Atmosphere.- The Onion

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Not me, I went to work!

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Biden confirms reports McConnell blocked Obama from warning Americans about Russian election interference

Biden confirms reports McConnell blocked Obama from warning Americans about Russian election interference
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell rejected the Obama administration’s efforts to warn the public about Russian interference in the 2016 presidential campaign, former vice president Joe Biden said Tuesday.

Ronald Reagan was shot while he was surrounded by armed secret service. I guess he just needed an armed science teacher around. - irishygirl tweet

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Donald Trump tweeted that we must focus on strengthening background checks… And when Russia releases Trump’s background check, we’ll let you know. - Chelsea Handler

I'll Believe Trump When It Happens
President Trump said Thursday he will push for comprehensive background checks “with an emphasis on mental health” on gun sales, saying that the age of purchasers should be raised to 21 and bump stocks should be banned.

In other Trump news, according to a New York Times survey of political scientists across both parties, Donald Trump has been rated America’s worst president ever. I had a sneaking suspicion. It’s pretty incredible because it’s the first time Trump has won a popular vote.- James Corden

Republican Shenanigans

Teens dunking on Marco Rubio is my favorite Olympic sport. - Molly Knight

Where's The Teleprompter When Needed?
Amid the White House’s listening session for people directly impacted by mass shootings in schools, an Associated Press photo circulated of President Donald Trump holding a response cue card that included the phrase “I hear you.”

Why do we have to hear what f'ing Wayne LaPierre thinks? And if we do, why can't we also hear from the Brady Campaign, the Coalition to Stop Gun Violence, the National Gun Victims Action Council, etc? Why after each massacre do the media hand the mic straight to the NRA? - Randi Mayem Singer

Wait, did Trump cheat with Stormy or Karen first? I’m just trying to
get his affairs in order. - Bette Midler

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I want Marco Rubio being booed by teenagers to be my new ringtone. - Ike Barinholtz

Rock The Voter News

2 observations from CNN town hall: 1) Holy hell, Rubio looked scared of that kid. And 2) Somewhere, there are 101 puppies covering themselves in soot to escape from Dana Loesch. - Seth MacFarlane

FYI: Bernie Was One Of Two Senators Who Voted Against Russian Sanctions
Bernie Sanders on Wednesday blamed Hillary Clinton for not doing more to stop the Russian attack on the last presidential election. Then his 2016 campaign manager, in an interview with POLITICO, said he’s seen no evidence to support special counsel Robert Mueller's assertion in an indictment last week that the Russian operation had backed Sanders' campaign.

Who Knew? Democrats Are Prone To Be Mass Shooters!
Rep. Claudia Tenney, an upstate New York Republican who is up for re-election in one of the most competitive congressional districts in America, told a radio host in Albany that Democrats are more prone to be mass shooters.

Young people have helped lead all our great movements. How inspiring to see it again in so many smart, fearless students standing up for their right to be safe; marching and organizing to remake the world as it should be. We've been waiting for you. And we've got your backs. - Barack Obama

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Marco Rubio reminds you that more guns make us safer and that's why America has the lowest gun murder rate in the world. - John Fugelsang

Business/Tech News

Well, Mr. Crabapple, you have all the requirements we need and I think you'd make an excellent P.E. teacher. But unfortunately, you were unable to maneuver our Abrams tank around the school yard in the allotted time while firing an AK-47, so we're going to keep looking. - Rex Huppke

Net Neutrality Has Left The Building
The Federal Communications Commission's (FCC) order repealing net neutrality was published in the Federal Register Thursday morning, opening the door for supporters of the Obama-era rules to launch legislative and legal challenges.

ME: (being eaten alive) HELP ME! I'M BEING EATEN BY A CROCODILE!

GUN EXPERT: Actually, that's an alligator.

ME: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST GET HELP.

GUN EXPERT: ...You can tell by the rounded u-shaped snout. - Jesse McLaren

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JUST KIDDING!

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Florida House declares porn a public health risk shortly after denying assault rifle ban

Florida House declares porn a public health risk shortly after denying assault rifle ban
Florida lawmakers on Tuesday passed a resolution declaring pornography a public health risk, less than an hour after they rejected a motion to consider a bill that would ban assault rifles.

Welcome to the American gun debate; where the adolescents are leaders because the leader is an adolescent. - John Fugelsang

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

It’s insane, and the fact that there’s more bullet holes in those windows than bills that have been proposed and passed to save these kids’ lives is disgusting. - David Hogg, Parkland survivor

At Least Someone Is Trying To Stop The Russians
Top House and Senate Democrats want to add $300 million in new FBI funds to a government spending bill next month to bolster America’s defenses against foreign interference in U.S. elections and social media.

Oh, This Is Just A Little Quid Pro Quo, Bro!
Federal investigators are probing whether former Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort promised a Chicago banker a job in the Trump White House in return for $16 million in home loans, two people with direct knowledge of the matter told NBC News

GOP: An AR-15 isn't even an automatic weapon. You can't regulate from a position of ignorance.
ME: [pulls out paper and pencil] Please draw, label, and explain the female reproductive system. -ffish tweet

Republican Shenanigans

Let’s elect the Parkland students to Congress and send the idiots who are there now back to school.- Andy Borowitz

Billy Graham, devoted his life to emulating Jesus, a Jesus who hobnobbed with Caesar and died a multi-millionaire.- Mrs. Betty Bowers

Conservatives Turned Comrades Are Mad At Twitter Bot Purge
Conservative Twitter users are raging against the social media company, lobbing accusations of left-wing bias and censorship after they lost thousands of followers in an overnight bot purge

'They're the ones putting out the pornographic stuff. The Jewish stranglehold has got to be broken or the country's going down the drain. - Billy Graham to Richard Nixon 1972

Remind all those GOPrs who are now saying the answer to school shootings is dealing with mental illness: They are the SAME people who last year passed a law to give the mentally ill the ability to buy guns. - Kurt Eichenwald

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Republican Plans To Build A Wall Separating Republican And Democrat Staff
House Intelligence Committee ranking member Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) spoke out Tuesday against a plan from the panel's chairman Rep. Devin Nunes (R-Calif.) to build a physical barrier between the staffs of Democrats and Republicans on the committee, calling the idea "terrible."..."So the wall is a terrible idea," Schiff said, adding: "Plus, Mexico will never pay for it. Though I suspect if they did build the wall in our committee, it will be the only wall Trump ever gets built."

Rock The Voter News

To those who say we can never get rid of assault rifles, there was a time in our country when people said we could never get rid of slavery. As I say this, I recognize that some people who want to keep their assault rifles are still bummed that we got rid of slavery. - Andy Borowitz

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I just wish these high school students had some relevant expertise before speaking out about public policy, like owning a beauty pageant or being the host of The Apprentice.- Jess Dweck

Business/Tech News

2018: Debtor's Prison
In the first-ever report on the extent and impact of cooperation between courts and the private debt collection industry nationwide, the American Civil Liberties Union found courts in 26 states and Puerto Rico in which judges issued arrest warrants for alleged debtors at the request of private debt collectors.

Panicked Billy Graham Realizes He Took Wrong Turn Into Heaven’s Largest Gay Neighborhood - The Onion

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Friday, February 23, 2018

One step closer to the money laundering

Thursday, February 22, 2018

Biden confirms reports McConnell blocked Obama from warning Americans about Russian election interference

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Florida House declares porn a public health risk shortly after denying assault rifle ban

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