All Hat No Cattle

Monday, May 1, 2017

The Whitey Tighties

Priebus: Trump Considering Amending or Abolishing 1st Amendment
A number of press reports have picked up this exchange this morning between ABC’s Jonathan Karl and White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus. But people have missed the real significance. Priebus doesn’t discuss changing ‘press laws’ or ‘libel laws’. He specifically says that the White House has considered and continues to consider amending or even abolishing the 1st Amendment because of critical press coverage of President Trump

According to a new CNN poll, 44 percent of Americans approve of the job President Trump is doing as he approaches his 100th day in office. While the other 56 percent said, “It’s only been 100 days?!” - Seth Myers

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

If you are one of the people confused about why the civil war happened...slavery. Start there. - Christopher C. Cuomo

Smoke & Mirrors?
Philippines President Rodrigo Duterte said he could not commit to visiting the White House after President Trump invited him this weekend, saying “I am tied up.”
“I cannot make any definite promise. I am supposed to go to Russia; I am supposed to go to Israel,” he said...

Sebastian Gorka is the first--but probably not the last--Nazi to be forced out of the White House. Think about that. - George Takei

trump's civil war comments will seem pretty quaint when the nukes start falling. - @echedgar tweet

Republican Shenanigans

The White House invited reporters to bring their kids with them this morning for Take Your Kids to Work Day. Or as Trump calls it, every day. - Jimmy Fallon

GOP Renew Attacks On Pelosi
Move over Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, Republicans have a new campaign boogeyman. Well, sort of new. It's more of an encore for Nancy Pelosi, the 77-year-old House Democratic leader who spent four years as the nation's first ...

Ivanka keeps doing business out of the WH. She should peddle a skincare line. Her dad’s presidency is aging the sh*t out of us all. - Bette Midler

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Yale Republicans = cru·el·ty
ˈkro͞o(ə)ltē/
noun
callous indifference to or pleasure in causing pain and suffering.
Yale University's local College Republicans chapter held a barbecue on Friday near the fasting site of campus union organizers participating in a hunger strike directed against the university. Bragging about the wafting, delicious smells on Facebook, it appears to have been a move to torment the fasting grad students, who have thus far gone days without food in a protest for their worker's rights struggle.

Rock The Voter News

FYI: I'll bet my bank account that Hillary, given 30 minutes, could write an accurate longform essay on the causes of the Civil War. - Charles Clymer

Abracadabra:China Could've Hacked The Election
In conversation with John Dickerson, the president suggested that maybe it wasn’t Russia behind the email hacking that took place during the election season that led up to his presidency. In fact, it “could’ve been China,” he said.....

When will PocoPenis Trump stop calling Senator Warren "Pocahontas?" - Madeline Begun Kane

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Biz/Tech News

Report: American Dream Now An Out-Of-Court Settlement. - The Onion

If Anyone Believes This I Have A Bridge In Brooklyn To Sell
President Trump said Monday he’s considering breaking up major Wall Street banks, and could support bringing back a Depression-era law separating consumer and investment banking.

The year is 2052, President Cooterpie has declared war on That Island of Plastic Garbage in the Pacific, and the Stones are still touring. - Conan O'Brien

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It's the 1st of the month

Please Kick A Few Bucks Over To Help Pay AHNC's Bills!

Friday, April 28, 2017

The Dismantler's Little Helper

Tillerson eyes cutting 2,300 jobs at State Department
Secretary of State Rex Tillerson is proposing to eliminate 2,300 jobs as part of a plan to cut more than a quarter of the State Department's budget for the next fiscal year, officials said Friday. The plan will almost certainly meet resistance from lawmakers opposing President Donald Trump's proposal to shrink the size of the federal government.

Trump Boasts He Has Made More Money in First 100 Days Than Any Other President. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Millionaire-at-birth who just played golf 19 times in 99 days thought new job would be easier. - John Fugelsang

Trump Reins In U.S. Ambassador
The State Department is reportedly urging U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Nikki Haley to get her remarks cleared with Washington before making official public statements.

When you ask yourself how the GOP chooses to protect obvious treason, remind yourself the RNC was hacked, too. #Kompromat - Tea Pain

Republican Shenanigans

Spicer reminds you to blame the white guy who hired Flynn on the black guy who fired Flynn. - John Fugelsang

Fox News Being Investigated For Fraud
The U.S. Justice Department's investigation of Fox News has widened to include a second law enforcement agency.
Financial crimes experts from the United States Postal Inspection Service are now involved, according to four sources connected to the investigation.
Mail fraud and wire fraud cases are part of the USPIS purview.

We don't need a tax cut, we need a President cut.- Andy Borowitz

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Appearing at his first public event since leaving office, the former President fired off a punishing fusillade of grammatically correct statements. - Andy Borowitz

Obama Delivers Zinger In Style
Former President Barack Obama hailed the political resilience of his signature health care law at a private event Thursday, pointing out that Obamacare is now more popular than his successor trying to repeal it: President Donald Trump.

Rock The Voter News

If Trump's greatest 100 day achievement is getting Gorsuch on SCOTUS I once gave someone stolen merchandise too and it didn't take 100 days. - John Fugelsang

The Justice Dept Was Investigating Bernie Sander's Wife
The Justice Department was investigating the activities of the now-defunct Burlington College as recently as February, according to emails obtained through a public records request...In January 2016, after reporting by VTDigger showing former Burlington College President Jane Sanders overstated pledged donations in applying for a loan so the school could purchase its former North Avenue campus, Republican lawyer Brady Toensing made a formal request to the U.S. attorney for a fraud investigation.

"I want to say happy birthday to first lady Melania Trump, who turned 47 years old today! She plans to celebrate with her loved ones. And Donald." –Jimmy Fallon

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"A new study says that the first humans to arrive in what is now North America may have been Neanderthals. Apparently they came here to vote in the 2016 election." –Conan O'Brien

Biz/Tech News

"President Trump spoke on the phone with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau yesterday amidst increased tensions on trade. I'm guessing Trump wanted to trade ... faces?" –Seth Meyers

Google And Facebook Got Swindled By Fake Emails But Not By Nigeria
Joon H. Kim, the Acting United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York, and William F. Sweeney Jr., the Assistant Director-in-Charge of the New York Office of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (“FBI”), announced criminal charges against EVALDAS RIMASAUSKAS for orchestrating a fraudulent business email compromise scheme that induced two U.S.-based internet companies (the “Victim Companies”) to wire a total of over $100 million to bank accounts controlled by RIMASAUSKAS. RIMASAUSKAS was arrested late last week by authorities in Lithuania on the basis of a provisional arrest warrant. The case has been assigned to U.S. District George B. Daniels.

"President Trump is considering opening federal park land to developers. In fact, builders have already broken ground on a Bed, Bath & Grand Canyon." –Conan O'Brien

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Thursday, April 27, 2017

Follow The Ruble

Russia Gave to Citgo—and Citgo Gave to Trump
The oil company’s half-million donation to Donald Trump’s Inaugural Committee wasn’t illegal. But it certainly wasn’t moral. And the cash may have come from the Kremlin, at least indirectly.
Recently released Federal Election Commission filings show that Citgo, the U.S. subsidiary of the Venezuelan oil company Petróleos de Venezuela (known as PDVSA) gave Trump more money than Shell or Walmart. The donation is unusual for PDVSA: Citgo had not donated to previous presidential inaugural committees.

We now return to our regularly scheduled cover-up brought to you by the Republican Party. - Tea Pain

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Let's settle this the old-fashioned way: Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump at dawn in New Jersey.- Conan O'Brien

Trump Is Up To His Neck In Conservative Communists
Before Sebastian Gorka was an adviser to President Donald Trump, he was a man with a dream to rise to the top of Hungarian politics. It didn’t quite work out.

Serious question: Is there a Melania Jong Un? - Conan O'Brien

$19.95 Million Fine For Exxon While Rex Tillerson Was CEO
A federal judge ruled on Wednesday that ExxonMobil Corp should pay a $19.95 million penalty for pollution from its Baytown, Texas, refining and chemical plant complex between 2005 and 2013.

Tell Trump the statute of limitations on blaming Obama was up when he was wrong about his birth certificate. He fired Flynn, you hired scum. - Alt Fed Employee Tweet

Republican Shenanigans

The U.S. State Department has hired a female anchor from Fox News. However, the State Department described it as “more of a rescue mission.” - Conan O'Brien

One Trump trip to Mar-a-Lago costs the same as eight Obama speeches. Difference is Cantor Fitzgerald isn't paying.
You are. - Sarah Kendzior

Loyal To A Fault. Sad. Really Sad.
A large majority of voters who supported President Trump in the 2016 presidential election approves of the job he is doing in office, according to a new survey.
A University of Virginia Center of Politics poll finds the president's approval rating among those who supported him in last year's election is at 93 percent.

Stateside, they’ve had trouble moving Ivanka’s line of clothing, so they secretly relabeled it as Adrienne Vittadini. That’s how unpopular the Trump name is — her clothing has been put in the Witness Protection Program. - Stephen Colbert

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FUN FACT: Obama fired Mike Flynn in August 2014. - Tea Pain

Rock The Voter News

Democrats Are Trying To Save ACA From Republicans Who Want To Destroy It
House Democrats threatened on Thursday to withhold their support for a stopgap spending bill if Republicans pressed forward with a swift vote on their legislation to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act.

Since becoming president, Donald Trump has not left the country — he’s barely left the country club. But today, Trump sent Ivanka to Berlin to participate in a women’s conference, making her the first Trump to attend a women’s conference that didn’t include a swimsuit competition. - Stephen Colbert

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Biz/Tech News

Donald Trump’s daughter, Ivanka Trump, was booed at a women’s entrepreneurship summit in Germany on Tuesday when she described her father as “a tremendous champion of supporting families.” You know you’re on the wrong side of history when Germany’s booing you. - James Corden