Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan on Tuesday said that the “savage murder” of journalist Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi consulate in Turkey...
I don't usually go in for conspiracy theories, but the fact that the Saudis' cover-up plan was so moronic does kind of point to Jared. - Andy Borowitz
The World Is A Safer Place Without
- White House report raises fears of Maoism infiltrating Congress as they face a potential blue wave in November
- Trump accuses Puerto Rico of using disaster funds for other debt
- Without proof, Mike Pence says it’s ‘inconceivable’ that Trump is lying about Middle Easterners in caravan
- Fox News embedded reporter burns Trump on caravan criminals: 'Most are driven by poverty and a better life'
- Lebanon PM backs Saudi Arabia in Jamal Khashoggi case
I have been beaten, my skull fractured, and arrested more than forty times so that each and every person has the right to register and vote. Friends of my gave their lives. Do your part. Get out there and vote like you’ve never voted before. - Rep. John Lewis
𝅘𝅥𝅮 Let's Get Physical, Physical 𝆕
More than a year into his role as chief of staff in the Trump White House, John Kelly’s patience with other men in Trump’s orbit is reportedly wearing thin.
According to a Monday report in the New York Times, in February, Kelly got into a physical altercation with former campaign manager-turned Trump hype man Corey Lewandowski just after the two were dismissed from the Oval Office. The incident involved Kelly grabbing Lewandowski by the collar.
Republican Shenanigans
- FBI unable to find photos of Comey, Mueller 'hugging and kissing' as Trump claimed
- Fox News apologizes for using Kamala Harris photo with story about murder suspect
- Indiana attorney general won’t be charged in alleged groping
- Woman demands to see passports of Spanish-speaking family at Virginia restaurant
- Neo-Nazis hit Dem Florida governor candidate with new racist robocall: ‘I is the Negro Andrew Gillum’
- Man blames Trump after being caught groping woman on Southwest flight: The president says it's ok
- ‘What goes around comes around’: Fox News fans celebrate explosive device found at George Soros’ house
- '‘What is racist?’ Megyn Kelly doesn’t understand what’s wrong with blackface Halloween costumes
- Disgusted evangelical scholar explains how Christian ‘grifters and status-seekers’ paved the way for Trump
- Trump bolsters 3 Republicans seeking open House seats
So Trump makes up some bullsh-t story about how George Soros is paying brown people to invade America and in response, one of his unhinged dimwit worshipers put a bomb in Soros' mailbox. we Jews have seen this movie before and we didn't much care for it the first time. - Jeff Tiedrich
BREAKING: Caravan of hardened criminals spotted making their way into the United States.
Hate Vaccinations? Here's Your Guy!
Bob Stefanowski, the GOP nominee for governor in Connecticut, questioned the effectiveness of vaccinations for children, saying in a newly surfaced video that he doesn't believe parents should be “dumping a lot of drugs into kids for no reason."
McConnell, if you think you're going to get away with taking from seniors after you have given to the rich, you have another thing coming. We will not allow you to touch #SocialSecurity, #Medicare, or #Medicaid to make up for your wild tax cuts for corporations & the rich. - Rep. Maxine Waters tweet
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Christine Blasey Ford right now is probably wondering why her testimony wasn’t as credible to Trump as the Saudis’ watertight fistfight scenario. - Andy Borowitz
Rock The Voter News
- Christine Blasey Ford's Testimony Quotes Were Graffitied On Yale Law School Steps
- Iowa Democrats fume over GOP change to ballot law
Georgia Needs A Woman Governor To Clean Up The GOP Mess
Brian Kemp, Georgia Secretary of State and the Republican nominee for Georgia governor, expressed at a ticketed campaign event that his Democratic opponent Stacey Abrams’ voter turnout operation “continues to concern us, especially if everybody uses and exercises their right to vote,” according to audio obtained by Rolling Stone.
Guys, we don't know for sure it was a maga who tried to blow up George Soros. It could've been a leftie who was tired of marching without getting paid. - Randi Mayem Singer
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To stem the tide of immigration, move Trump to the Mexican border and have him talk nonstop, just to give would-be immigrants a nightmarish glimpse of what life in the US is like. - Andy Borowitz
Business/Tech News
- Russian trolls get DM from US Cyber Command: We know who you are. Stop it
- Former Fed Chairman Paul Volcker thinks 'we're in a hell of a mess'
- Never-before-published emails offer a window into Trump’s failed condo project in Tampa
- Attendance collapses at Creationist Ark museum after Kentucky taxpayers spent millions building theme park
There Goes The Census...
The Supreme Court has temporarily shielded Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross from having to sit for questioning under oath in the lawsuits over a controversial citizenship question the Trump administration added to the 2020 census.
Thousands of Swedes are getting microchips implanted under their skinthat they can use to ride trains and open doors. The only chips I want in me have ruffles. - Bette Midler
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