U.S. Customs and Border Protection has ordered medical checks on every child in its custody after an 8-year-old boy from Guatemala died, marking the second death of an immigrant child in the agency's care this month.
“We must make it clear to immigrants that if they seek laws or government, they’re coming to the wrong country,” McConnell said. - Andy Borowitz
The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump
- C-SPAN caller: I support Trump’s shutdown because ‘it’s getting us closer’ to the second coming of Jesus
- UN expert calls for investigation into death of young migrant girl in US custody
- Guatemalan girl's Christmas funeral too much for grieving mother
- Man who survived Las Vegas and California mass shootings prepares to deploy to Afghanistan
- Afghanistan delays presidential election due to technical issues
- Turkey 'determined' to drive out Syrian Kurdish forces
- Trump is first president since 2002 to not visit troops around Christmas
In Last Official Act, Mattis Revokes Trump’s Draft Deferments And Deploys Him To Iraq - Andy Borowitz
Trump's Lies Extend Back To His Bone Spurs, Apparently.
The daughters of the late Dr. Larry Braunstein, a one-time podiatrist based in Queens, have told the New York Times that their father helped President Donald Trump escape getting drafted during the Vietnam War by fabricating a diagnosis of bone spurs in his feet.
Fred Trump bribing a medical doctor to give a fraudulent diagnosis for Donald to then use for Vietnam war draft exemption is interesting, but I'm still hung up on Fred Trump being an actual member of the 1920s KKK. - Haitian State of Mind tweet
Republican Shenanigans
- Trump rips ‘presidential harassment’ against him in late-night tweet
- Trump: McConnell says last two years have been ‘best & most productive’ of his career
- Dan Rather asks Trump what’s more ‘marginal’: ‘Believing in Santa at age 7 or not believing in climate change at age 72?
- Huckabee defends Trump: It’s not like he’s "boiling the little girl’s rabbit"
- Rick Santorum: Obama 'strangled the economy' with 7 years of economic growth
The joke’s on Putin - he thought he was getting control of the US government and now the US doesn’t even have a government. - Andy Borowitz
Porn Publisher Parties With Don Jr.'s Former Mistress
Hustler publisher Larry Flint trolled Donald Trump Jr. with an epic birthday party featuring the presidential son’s former mistress as a performer.
the president of the united states is live-tweeting his own descent into madness. what a time to be alive. - Jeff Tiedrich
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Obama willing to serve as temp president while Trump receives psychiatric evaluation. - Andy Borowitz
Rock The Voter News
- Ruth Bader Ginsburg has been discharged from the hospital and is recuperating at home
- Dem senator: Trump saying he doesn’t know his top ISIS envoy "should scare the hell out of every American"
- Bill Daley calls for changing Dan Ryan Expressway to Obama Expressway
I Love Pelosi's Comeback
A Democratic leader who recently was in a highly-publicized fight with President Donald Trump ridiculed him for the compromises he made on his proposed wall at the US-Mexico border....his border wall degenerates into little more than a ‘beaded curtain’Pelosi Offers Trump $5 To Build Lego Wall - Andy Borowitz
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Every time Trump yells "Fake News" we should yell back "Fake Bone Spurs!" - Brian Krassenstein
Business/Tech News
- White House aides want Trump to throw Mnuchin 'under the bus' for stock market meltdown
- China’s US soybean imports plunge to zero amid trade war
- Dow Jones plunges after Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin comments on banks
- Trump bizarrely claims 'many' federal workers want to go without paychecks until he gets his wall
In any other administration, it would be newsworthy that the new defense secretary is a defense contractor.- Jonathan Allen
President Donald Trump's frustration with Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin is ratcheting up further after markets suffered their worst Christmas Eve drop ever following Mnuchin's attempts to calm Wall Street failed, according to a source close to the White House.
Businessman Goes Home For The Holidays To Network With Family - The Onion
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