All Hat No Cattle: Newt Gingrich Throws Hair In Speaker Of The House Ring

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Newt Gingrich On Possibly Becoming Speaker Again: 'I Am Very Prepared'
Newt Gingrich, who ruled over the House as speaker in the 1990s, is open to the possibility of returning to his former post. In a Tuesday radio interview on Fox News Radio, Gingrich and his wife Callista said that both of them support his return to the speakership if they “are called to duty in any way.”

DEBATE PREVIEW: During Hillary's opening statement, watch Joe Biden leap onstage and announce he's running.- Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

North Korea this weekend held a military parade celebrating the 70th anniversary of their communist party. People who attended the parade called it “amazing” and “mandatory.”- Seth Myers

You Want Equality, Ladies? Here's Your Equality!
Women will eventually have to register for the draft if "true and pure equality" is to be realized in the U.S. military, Army Secretary John McHugh said Monday.

Dr. Ben Carson made news last week by saying that the holocaust could have been averted if European Jews had had guns. Though I’m pretty sure what he meant to say was, “I don’t want to be president.”- Seth Myers

Well, Well, Well, Bush Torture Inventors Being Sued
The American Civil Liberties Union sued two psychologists who devised the CIA's Bush-era interrogation program on Tuesday, saying they encouraged the agency "to adopt torture as official policy" and made millions of dollars in the process.

Republican Shenanigans

SOURCES: Paul Ryan seeking assurances he won't lose his Koch Industries employee benefits if he accepts Speaker role . - The Daily Edge

A Bit Of Historical Perspective
The current Republican uprising in the House of Representatives isn't entirely unprecedented -- but to find similar scenarios, you have to go back about 100 years.

Mayor Bill de Blasio signed a bill last week that requires stores here in New York City to keep their doors closed when their air conditioning is on. So apparently Bill de Blasio is not only our Mayor, he's also our dad. "I'm not paying to cool off the whole world! SHUT THAT DOOR! Not in use? Turn off the juice!"- Jimmy Fallon

Rock The Voter News

I'm Popping My Popcorn!
The shadow boxing that Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders have played at for months -- they've barely mentioned each other on the campaign trail -- will give way to more direct jabs Tuesday night.

The gods are smiling on political junkies from Chicago: Cubs game should be over by the time Democrats start yelling at each other in Vegas. - Matt Laslo

Ocean Food Chain Collapse?
The world's oceans are teeming with life, but rising carbon dioxide emissions could cause a collapse in the marine food chain from the top down, researchers in Australia said Monday.

The grass is always greener on the other side. ConAgra owns it and it's fertilized with your children's future health and well-being.- Warren Holstein

Business/Tech News

Makes sense for Playboy to stop running photos of nude women. After all, CNN stop reporting news ages ago.- Jeff Tiedrich

Chinese Helping Rid U.S. Of Hackers?
The recent arrests of several Chinese hackers by the Beijing government may not be the first such apprehensions, records suggest....U.S. authorities were successful in convincing Beijing to take similar action at least once before.