All Hat No Cattle

Thursday, March 19, 2020

Americans' coronavirus fears spike: poll

Americans' coronavirus fears spike: poll
Americans’ fears surrounding the coronavirus that has rocked public life in the U.S. have spiked, according to a poll released Thursday.

Good thing we have Space Force instead of the US Pandemic Response team, amirite?

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

If Trump wants to call covid-19 the Chinese Virus, China is justified in calling Trump the American Syphilis. - Andy Borowitz

School Safety Trump Style: Cancel the Meeting
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on Tuesday abruptly canceled an online briefing with school superintendents, and their association called on the agency and the White House to clarify federal guidance for schools struggling amid the coronavirus outbreak.

Three Nigerian princes have emailed me about how they plan to respond to Coronavirus. - George Wallace

Republican Shenanigans

People are dying who have never died before. - Donald J. Trump, March 18, 2020

A Republican Warned His Buds, Last Month, That All Virus Hell Would Break Out
The chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee warned a small group of well-connected constituents three weeks ago to prepare for dire economic and societal effects of the coronavirus, according to a secret recording obtained by NPR.
The remarks from U.S. Sen. Richard Burr(R) were more stark than any he had delivered in more public forums.
On Feb. 27, when the United States had 15 confirmed cases of COVID-19, President Trump was tamping down fears and suggesting the virus could be seasonal.

Triumphant Jared Kushner Announces Plan To Move CDC Headquarters To Jerusalem. - The Onion

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Trump Quietly Checks With Aides To Make Sure He’d Be Included In Receiving $1,000 Government Checks. - The Onion

Feel Good Photo: A sweet little girl

gazing at Michelle Obama's portrait.

Rock The Voter News

New York Governor Warns of Shortages
New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo on Wednesday explained that a basic problem facing hospitals in his state and around the country in the worsening coronavirus outbreak is a shortage of the equipment that helps critically ill people breathe.

What the hell are we waiting for? Tests! Masks! Ventilators! Surge capacity! Federal guidelines! The truth! - Dan Rather

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Business/Tech News

At this point I would feel safer if the Coronavirus gave a press conference about how it’s going to save us from Trump. - OhNoSheTwitnt

Trump Wants Poor People To Die. It's That Simple.
The Agriculture Department said Wednesday that it would appeal a judge’s ruling that it would be “arbitrary and capricious” to move forward during a global health crisis with food stamp changes that could force hundreds of thousands from the program.

Planet Earth Doesn't Know How To Make It Any Clearer It Wants Everyone To Leave. - The Onion

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I'd Rather You Laugh Than Cry

Wednesday, March 18, 2020

Florida governor refuses to shut down beaches amid spread of coronavirus

Florida governor refuses to shut down beaches amid spread of coronavirus
Gov. Ron DeSantis said it's "not uniform throughout the state that you're seeing massive crowds at beaches," despite videos of gatherings in Tampa Bay.

If you can’t say anything nice about Trump, then you’re a good judge of character. - Jeffrey Guterman

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

This morning a White House official referred to #Coronavirus as the “Kung-Flu” to my face. Makes me wonder what they’re calling it behind my back. - Weijia Jiang, CBS

It's Going To Get Worse, Folks
A plan developed by the federal government to combat the coronavirus reportedly projects the pandemic will last 18 months or more and could feature multiple “waves,” The New York Times reported.
“Shortages of products may occur, impacting health care, emergency services, and other elements of critical infrastructure,” the plan warns...

The Senate voted not to remove Trump February 5th. It seems like a lifetime ago.

Republican Shenanigans

Americans Demand Immediate Quarantining of Rand Paul in Guantanamo. - Andy Borowitz

Dr. Fauci said he has no idea who locked Jared Kushner in the bathroom. - Andy Borowitz

Californians Are Going To Mexico To Buy Toilet Paper
Desperate Californians are flooding into Northern Baja in search of water, toilet paper and other items.
An hour before the Costco in Tijuana opened Tuesday morning, there was already a line forming. Employees said that in recent days, by 10 a.m., there have been 600 people in line. They know this because the store only has 600 shopping carts and those have all been taken.

"Trump's tweetin' today like Bob Mueller is standin' in the White House driveway with a grand jury subpoena." - Tea Pain

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In my lifetime Republicans have ignored the AIDS epidemic, crushed union workers, exploited a terror attack on my hometown to justify an immoral war, tank the economy, let New Orleans get destroyed, and let a pandemic grind our country to a halt so I tend to vote for democrats. - Tom Brennan

Rock The Voter News

"no one saw this coming" says the moron who fired the pandemic response team, went golfing, called it a hoax, went golfing again, said he had a "hunch" it wasn't all that deadly, went golfing again, and bragged that 15 cases would soon be down do zero. but cool story, asshole. - Jeff Tiedrich

Trump's Coronavirus Plan Isn't Going Well
Morning Joe chief medical correspondent Dr. Dave Campbell warned that the U.S. doesn’t have enough ventilators to deal with the coronavirus, partially because they were already bought out by other countries ahead of time.

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Ashish Jha, director of the Harvard Global Health Institute: “The only shot we have, I believe, of staving off the worst is going to a national quarantine for 14 days.”

Business/Tech News

Maybe the only upside to this virus is that I can now blame it for the days I stay in, talk to no one, watch movies, and eat frozen pizza. - Conan O'Brien

Dow Jones Pulls Down Trump's Pants
The Dow Jones Industrial Average on Wednesday erased all the gains it had made since President Trump took office amid the ongoing economic fallout from the coronavirus epidemic.
The morning of Trump's inauguration, the stock index opened at 19,795 and closed at 19,827. At its lowest point on Wednesday, it fell to 19,700.

Okay guys, I'm getting on the road. If I start seeing abandoned vehicles in the middle of the highway, I'm turning my ass around. - Woman in the Moon

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I'd Rather You Laugh Than Cry

Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Happy St. Pat's Day! Trump doesn't insult the Irish today, he insults the Chinese.

Trump tweets about coronavirus using term 'Chinese Virus'
President Donald Trump drew backlash Monday night after posting a tweet using the phrase "Chinese Virus."
After giving an address Monday afternoon in which he said the country may be headed toward recession and urged social distancing, he later tweeted his confidence in and support for various sectors while including the offensive remark.

The #FamiliesFirst bill was about many things but first and foremost: testing testing testing. I urge Senators to pass this legislation today, to make free testing and the masks needed to provide it available ASAP. Any delay is a delay in testing.- Nancy Pelosi

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

A modest proposal: Let's parade all of them nice aircraft carriers of ours by that virus and scare it off. - Jimmie von Tungeln

Why Do I Have This Feeling That Trump Is Going To Bankrupt The USA?
The government’s economic stimulus is set to quickly balloon into trillion-dollar territory in the coming days, the largest rescue in modern American history, as major industries flood the Trump administration and Capitol Hill for aid while huge swaths of the economy stall from the coronavirus crisis.

Things seem to be going as planned

BREAKING: Mexico is building a wall to keep out infected Americans, and will make the U.S. pay for it. - Middle Age Riot

Republican Shenanigans

Trump Sends Pence Out Shopping For Toilet Paper. - Andy Borowitz

Jesus Needs To Throw These Money Changers Out, Again.
A pastor in Alabama this week invited people who have been infected with coronavirus into his church so that they could be treated with the power of prayer, despite guidelines from the Centers for Disease Control to avoid large gatherings.
Patheos reports that Chris Bartlett, pastor of the Boaz Church of God in Boaz, Alabama, wrote a now-deleted Facebook post in which he criticized other churches for temporarily closing to help slow the spread of the disease.

Funny how the people who want more God in govt keep voting for guys who worship the Golden Calf. - John Fugelsang

Trump Orders Parade To Celebrate His Handling Of Pandemic. - Andy Borowitz

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Rock The Voter News

Pfizer Pours All Resources Into Developing New Hyper-Depressant Pill To Help Americans Ease Transition Into Self-Quarantining. - The Onion

The Check Is In The Mail?
Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin said Tuesday that the Trump administration was considering offsetting the economic burden of the coronavirus pandemic by "immediately" cutting checks to Americans.

Congress Allocates $2 Trillion To Bail Out Struggling Bailout Industry. - The Onion

Both Ivanka & Melania are giving us hints to help us stay entertained while homebound.I'm sure they are both concerned about how the bills are going to be paid while they play with the kids or read a good book. - Woman in the Moon

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Business/Tech News

Thank god President Trump is bailing out the airlines I was so worried they wouldn’t be able to feed their children or get medical care. - OhNoSheTwitnt

Ahem, CNN, A Cheeto Doesn't Change Its Color
CNN's Dana Bash lauded President Trump's tone on Tuesday afternoon following the White House's daily briefing on the coronavirus pandemic.
The network's chief political correspondent called him "the kind of leader that people need" amid the growing crisis.

WHY HAS JARED KUSHNER NOT FIXED EVERYTHING YET?? - Rex Huppke

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I'm grateful I have a job where

I can work from home.

Thank you!