All Hat No Cattle

Thursday, April 11, 2019

Julian Assange Arrested After 7 Years Holed Up In Ecuadorian Embassy

WikiLeaks' Julian Assange has been arrested at the Ecuadorian Embassy
British police entered the Ecuadorian embassy in London Thursday, forcibly removing the WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange on ...

Trump 2016: “I love Wikileaks.”Trump 2019: “I know nothing about Wikileaks.”

Barr takes over, Mueller suddenly finishes. Three weeks later Assange is arrested. The Mueller report is still not released yet.
Besides Assange’s personal hygiene, does any of that smell funny to you? - Tea Pain

Assange Predicted His Future

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

BREAKING: WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange was arrested in London and extradited to the United States to serve as Donald Trump's Secretary of Homeland Security. - Middle Age Riot

This Does Not Surprise Me One Iota
A man arrested in connection with fires at three historically black Louisiana churches is a law enforcement official's son, according to local reports.

Russia hacked for him

Assange & Wikileaks leaked for him

Newscorp shilled for him

Comey kneecapped HRC for him

Media nonstop promoted him

And all along he told us it would be rigged.- John Fugelsang

George Washington Explains Why He Did Not Name Mt Vernon After Himself: 'I'm Not A Narcissistic Asshole' - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

[kids are thrown in cages]
GOP: Not our fault. Blame their parents.
[kids are shot in school]
GOP: Nothing we can do.
[women want to have abortions]
GOP: KILL THEM ALL! PROTECT THE BABIES! - OhNoSheTwint

There Is A Remote Possibility That Avenatti & Assange Might Be Cellmates!
Attorney Michael Avenatti has been charged in a 36-count federal indictment alleging he stole millions of dollars from clients, did not pay his taxes, committed bank fraud and lied in bankruptcy proceedings.

Michael Avenatti's big mistake was not being elected president soon. - Simon Maloy

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I never thought I’d find myself saying “That’s the dumbest goddamn thing I’ve ever heard” 53 times a day, but here we are. - Rex Huppke

Rock The Voter News

Anyone thinking about running for office — don’t let anyone tell you ‘no’. I eat ‘no’ for breakfast. - Kamala Harris

Is Obama's Former White House Counsel In Trouble?
Former White House counsel Greg Craig expects to be indicted within a matter of days, his attorneys said in a statement Wednesday..."This case was thoroughly investigated by the SDNY (Southern District of New York) and that office decided not to pursue charges against Mr. Craig," his attorneys said in a statement. "We expect an indictment by the DC US Attorney's Office at the request of the National Security Division. Mr. Craig is not guilty of any charge and the government's stubborn insistence on prosecuting Mr. Craig is a misguided abuse of prosecutorial discretion."

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Business/Tech News

Trump's lawyers are fighting the tax return request?! He's had TWO YEARS, not counting his time as a candidate. How long does it take to have your nephew Photoshop "ordinary loan from friend" over all your Russian payouts? - Bette Midler

Retired Pope Blames the 1960s For Pedophile Priests
Pope Benedict XVI has broken his silence in a rare essay on the sex abuse crisis in the Catholic Church, claiming that it was caused in part by the sexual revolution of the 1960s and the liberalization of the church's moral teaching

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Wednesday, April 10, 2019

Hey, Big Spender...

US deficit soars to $691 billion, expected to top $1 trillion this year
The federal deficit in the first six months of the 2019 fiscal year reached $691 billion, according to new federal data, eclipsing the full-year deficits from 2015-2017.
The data released by the Treasury Department projects that deficits will reach $1.1 trillion by the end of the fiscal year on Sept. 30.

It's 2019 and Americans can't agree on why Hitler was bad, because maybe half the country ate lead paint chips or some goddamned thing or maybe, just maybe, hear me out: maybe Fox News and their ilk are eating away at the brains of millions of gullible f*cking snake-oil addicts. - Jeff Tiedrich

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Pence Calls Space Force Necessary To Protect Us From Gay Aliens. - Andy Borowitz

Republicans Finally Notice That Trump May Be Nuts
Even President Donald Trump’s allies are getting nervous as his behavior — never restrained or deliberative — has become more unpredictable and tumultuous in recent weeks.

Republican Shenanigans

Donald Trump: "If [George Washington] was smart, he would've put his name on [Mount Vernon]. You've got to put your name on stuff or no one remembers you."

Wrong. Everyone remembers Judas Iscariot and Benedict Arnold, and everyone will remember Donald Trump for the same reason. - Middle Age Riot

Trump to Discontinue Obama-Era Practice of Using Lowercase Letters. - Andy Borowitz

No Sympathy Here For A Woman Who Caged Kids
Republican operatives acknowledge that it will be hard for newly-ousted Homeland Security secretary Kirstjen Nielsen to get a new job given her reputation.

Q. What do you call a journalist who doesn't call Trump's lies "lies?"

A. Not a journalist. But hey, access.

-John Fugelsang

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When a gun is present in a domestic violence situation, the risk of the woman getting murdered rises by 500 percent.
Tell your senators to stand up to the NRA, close the "boyfriend loophole," and reauthorize the Violence Against Women Act. - Hillary Clinton tweet

Rock The Voter News

Karen Pence Offended By Pete Buttigieg. LOL.
Karen Pence, the wife of Vice President Pence, said Tuesday that people “shouldn’t be attacked for what your religious beliefs are,” responding to recent comments from South Bend, Ind., Mayor Pete Buttigieg.

Obama has joined a growing movement of so-called “schoolers,” who contend that Trump never attended school. - Andy Borowitz

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Business/Tech News

Betsy DeVos Suggests That Bribing Colleges Helps Students Learn Math. - Andy Borowitz

Marijuana CFO Needs Guns & Guards
Normally, a chief financial officer's job involves poring over balance sheets and bank statements. But in the pot business, the job still bears a lot of similarities to the illicit trade — transporting loads of cash under the watchful eye of big guys carrying lots of guns.

It's nice to wake up to a day where the breaking news is that scientists have captured the first image of a black hole. Let us pause to rejoice in the creativity, determination, hard work, and collaborations of those who extend the frontiers of human knowledge. Yay science! - Dan Rather

Boy, do I ever, only till I am fully unpacked!

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Tuesday, April 9, 2019

Trump overseeing 'near-systematic purge' at Department of Homeland Security

Trump overseeing 'near-systematic purge' at Department of Homeland Security
President Donald Trump is cleaning house in the Department of Homeland Security.
Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen and Secret Service Director Randolph "Tex" Alles have been ousted, and at least two officials have been named as possibly heading out the door: US Citizenship and Immigration Services director Francis Cissna and Office of the General Counsel's John Mitnick.

On this date in 1865 Gen. Robert E. Lee surrendered at Appomattox on what historians refer to as "You Can't Call Yourself American And Still Wave A Confederate Treason White Supremacist Flag Day." - John Fugelsang

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Saudi Executioner Thinks He Pulled Something In Shoulder During Last 10 Decapitations - The Onion

Meanwhile, 3 U.S. Marines And A U.S. Contractor Were Killed
Three American service members and a U.S. contractor were killed when their convoy hit a roadside bomb on the outskirts of Bagram Airbase in Afghanistan...

On this day in 1865 the Civil War ended.
Many people seem to have not been notified of this. - TheTweetOfGod

Republican Shenanigans

Attorney General William Barr projects the kind of trustworthiness usually seen in veteran used-car salesman who are deeply concerned you're not opting for the undercoating. - Rex Huppke

Trump Demands William Barr Prove Loyalty By Putting Gun In Mouth. - The Onion

Sex, Drugs & Wine. I Wonder If There Was Rock & Roll.
A new report links California Republican Congressman Devin Nunes to a lawsuit concerning a Napa Winery’s San Francisco Bay cruise that allegedly featured prostitutes and cocaine. The link was made by a California newspaper Nunes recently described in extremely unflattering terms.

AG Barr said he “tried to include as much of the special counsel's language as I could” in his summary.
CNN counted and found he used 101 of Mueller’s words from the 300-400 page report and that figure includes the title. - Jim Sciutto, CNN

Fired Trump Staffers Now Outnumber Inauguration Crowd - Andy Borowitz

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Rock The Voter News

A quick update on our national security leadership:

Defense Secretary: Vacant.

DHS Secretary: Vacant.

UN Ambassador: Vacant.

FEMA Director: Vacant.

Secret Service Director: Vacant.

ICE Director: Vacant.

DHS Deputy: Vacant.

President: Present, but unaccounted for. - Rep. Adam Schiff

What's Next? Is Trump Going To Move Immigrants To Guantanamo?
The White House is working on plans to make it harder for immigrants at the border to receive asylum by forcing them to do more to prove they have a credible fear of returning home and putting border agents in charge of the interview process, according to multiple senior administration officials.

John Kerry: “Congresswoman Ocasio-Cortez has in fact offered more leadership in one day or in one week than President Trump has in his lifetime on [climate]."

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Business/Tech News

Trump's lawyers are fighting the tax return request?! He's had TWO YEARS, not counting his time as a candidate. How long does it take to have your nephew Photoshop "ordinary loan from friend" over all your Russian payouts? - Bette Midler

No Need To Scream For Ice Cream Because It's Free Today At Ben & Jerrys!
Alert to ice cream lovers across the globe: There's free ice cream on Tuesday. Between 12 and 8 p.m., if there's a Ben & Jerry's store in sight, it'll be giving away free ice cream cones. Yes, we're talking all 600-plus stores in 38 countries

So the fattish man of paralyzing stupidity has fired all the heads of the agencies tasked with keeping US safe: DHS, FEMA, ICE, SECRET SERVICE, and Customs and Border Protection. What if there’s another 9/11? Who do we get? Rudy Giuliani? - Bette Midler

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Monday, April 8, 2019

Oh oh, I need another day off

The construction continues. Too much going on here that needs my attention. I love my new casita but my knuckles are dragging.

I will return tomorrow with my usual mocking of this totally inept administration.

Angela Merkel misses Obama as much as we do.