All Hat No Cattle

Monday, April 1, 2019

Trump calls Rep. Adam Schiff a Pencil Neck

Trump campaign starts selling 'Pencil-neck Adam Schiff' t-shirts
President Trump's 2020 presidential campaign is now selling "Pencil-Neck Adam Schiff" T-shirts, after Trump coined the new nickname at a .

April is Donald Trump Awareness Month — please help find a cure - Jeff Tiedrich

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

I wonder if the reason Trump Administration treats Puerto Ricans as second-class citizens is because they think Puerto Rico is one of the “3 Mexican countries” - Ana Navarro-Cardenas

Democrats Prepping For Barr Wars
Democrats in the House of Representatives are getting ready to drop the hammer on Attorney General Bill Barr Wednesday by subpoenaing special counsel Robert Mueller’s entire report.

Fox & Friends Blames Obama For Creating Additional Mexicos - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

Voters Who Favor Border Wall Can't Identify Border On A Map - Andy Borowitz

Wouldn't This Be Nice?
New York’s attorney general has turned her sweeping investigative powers to focus on the Trump Organization — which she has the power to potentially dissolve.

Our historic experiment in Democracy is in great peril. April Fools!!! (Pause) Hello? Anyone? - Conan O'Brien

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‘There Is Beauty In Decay,’ Says Head Of Federal Highway Administration While Surveying Nation’s Crumbling Roads. - The Onion

Rock The Voter News

Sort of curious to see how President Trump handles April Fools Day on Twitter... Does he tell the truth? - Dan Rather tweet

Whistleblower: Security Clearances Don't Seem To Be Important To This White House
A White House staff member has told House investigators that senior officials have overruled concerns raised about 25 individuals whose security clearances were initially denied over a range of disqualifying issues -- such as fears about foreign influence and potential conflicts-of-interests -- warning of the grave implications to national security, according to a senior Democratic lawmaker.

Trump Confident That Supporters Are Incapable Of Reading Mueller Report - Andy Borowitz

If This Doesn't Define Cruel and Unusual Punishment, I Don't Know What Does
The Supreme Court made it clear on Monday that the U.S. Constitution does not guarantee a prisoner sentenced to capital punishment “a painless death,” paving the way for the execution of a convicted murderer who sought to die by lethal gas rather than lethal injection because of a rare medical condition...The court’s five conservatives were in the majority and its four liberals dissented.

Report Reveals Jesus Christ May Have Benefited From Father’s Influential Position To Gain High-Powered Role As Lord And Savior - The Onion

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Donald Trump is:
1) "a billionaire" but you can't see his taxes
2) "a genius" but you can't see his grades
3) "exonerated" but you can't see the report.
It's no wonder people point and laugh at right-wingers - Alex Cole

Business/Tech News

FAA To Ban Plane Crashes - The Onion

Just try to lock me up.

Historic Medicare Fraud Champ Leads Replacement For Obamacare
Republican Sen. Rick of Scott, one of the Republican senators President Trump has tasked with devising a replacement for the Affordable Care Act, denounced the "Medicare for all" proposal, warning that the progressive plan endorsed by several 2020 Democratic White House hopefuls would "ruin" the health care system in the U.S.

"The two greatest obstacles to democracy in the United States are, first, the widespread delusion among the poor that we have a democracy, and second, the chronic terror among the rich, lest we get it." - Edward Dowling

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Friday, March 29, 2019

Rand Paul: 'Time for Congress to investigate' Obama

Rand Paul: 'Time for Congress to investigate' Obama
Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) said Wednesday that lawmakers should investigate former President Obama, suggesting that he could have played a role in the years-long Russia investigation that concluded over the weekend.

Rand Rubles Paul wants to investigate Obama and Obama will tell you that in 2016 your very own GOP Senate leader was against Obama informing Americans that Russia was interfering in the election.

Lindsey Graham says: “President Trump has been good to me in the sense that he's allowed me in his world." Is he kidding? I’d call him Little Mermaid, but Mermaids have spines! - Bette Midler

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Trump tells the Hannity show that wind power doesn't work because "it only blows sometimes"
Unlike, say, the Hannity show. - John Fugelsang

Mitch McConnell Dislikes Puerto Rico As Much As Trump
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell on Thursday took procedural steps to block further amendments to a massive disaster aid bill, a move sure to anger Democrats.
Senate Democrats are threatening to oppose the $13 billion dollar disaster aid bill unless it includes more money for Puerto Rico, even as President Donald Trump complains that Congress is providing too much money to the island.

Trump mocks asylum seekers, mimicking them saying, "I am very afraid for my life, I’m afraid for my life." Then he says, "it’s a big fat con job." - Colby Itkowitz tweet, Washington Post

Republican Shenanigans

The GOP is terrified of Adam Schiff because they can’t block him from being briefed on classified information.
That’s all this is. They don’t want someone as tenacious as Schiff to get that full briefing on the Mueller report. - Angry Staffer

Aw, Sibling Rivalry, How Cute.
First daughter Ivanka Trump was reportedly in a “tussle” of sorts with her older brother, Donald Trump Jr., over who would potentially follow in the footsteps of their father and run for president. She even “has a hissy fit” when Trump Jr. gets good press, said the author of a new book.

I agree with Trump that Adam Schiff does not belong in Congress. He should be President. - Andy Borowitz

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Rock The Voter News

“Those who read ‘Moby-Dick’ looking for whales will be sorely disappointed,” Barr wrote. “There are no whales here.” - Andy Borowitz

No One Wants To Be A Border Agent. Wonder Why?
Border Patrol struggling to hire, keep agents, but may never get 5,000 Trump ordered.
When U.S. Border Patrol agents called on the patrol's air unit to provide overhead coverage for operations, about four out of five requests were rejected over three recent years.
The reason? A lack of pilots.
And the staffing crisis at Border Patrol doesn't end with pilots.

Betsy DeVos woke up on her yacht and thought “what disadvantaged group can I take federal funding away from today?” Don’t judge Betsy DeVos until you sail a mile in her yacht. - Chelsea Handler

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Business/Tech News

If you think fertilized eggs are people but women who've walked their kids 2,000 miles aren't, stop pretending your concerns are religious. - LOLGOP

You must pray the gay away.

Mike Pence Is Gonna Be Pissed
Google is pulling a gay conversion therapy app that was banned by Apple, Amazon, and Microsoft months ago. Despite pressure from LGBTQ rights groups, Google had refused to ban the app from Living Hope Ministries, saying it didn’t clearly violate its Play Store terms of service. A Google spokesperson said: “After consulting with outside advocacy groups, reviewing our policies, and making sure we had a thorough understanding of the app and its relation to conversion therapy, we’ve decided to remove it from the Play Store, consistent with other app stores.”

Trump says the GOP is the “Party of HealthCare”, meanin’ they’ll have it and you won’t. - Tea Pain

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Thursday, March 28, 2019

HUD Charges Facebook With Housing Discrimination Over Targeted Advertising

HUD Charges Facebook With Housing Discrimination Over Targeted Advertising
The Department of Housing and Urban Development [HUD] has alleged that Facebook’s targeted advertising practices violate the Fair Housing Act by “encouraging, enabling, and causing” unlawful discrimination. The HUD says Facebook breaks the law by allowing users to restrict who can view housing ads.

If Twitter is trying to censor conservative voices, it is doing a very bad job. - Stephen Colbert

Facebook censored one of Clay Bennett's cartoons today.

Clay Bennett!

This cartoon (posted 3/20/2019) was just removed by Facebook for "violating community standards."
So, tell me Facebook- how am I supposed to depict a presidency that "violates community standards" without doing so myself? - Clay Bennett 3/28/2019 tweet

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

The prime minister of Israel is defending Hitler to further demonize Islam. I’m familiar with “Jews for Jesus” but “Jews for Hitler” is a new one on me. - OhNoSheTwint

Chairman Schiff stared them down, and listed off all the indisputable evidence that the Trump campaign colluded with Russia. Watch it, then watch it again.

Disney just announced they won’t be releasing Star Wars Episode IX as we’d been promised - but instead, Attorney General William Barr will provide the world with a comprehensive 4-page plot summary. - John Fugelsang

Trump Puts More FBI Agents In Danger
Donald Trump accused former FBI employees Peter Strzok and Lisa Page of committing treason when they took steps to investigate his possible ties to Russia. “They wanted to do a subversion,” the president told Sean Hannity in rambling, 45-minute interview on Fox News on Wednesday night. “It was treason. It was really treason.” He also claimed he plans to release the classified documents the FBI used to launch a probe of Russian interference in his election.

Republican Shenanigans

Trump & his Peeps seem to have Premature Exoneration Syndrome At 72 he’s lucky to get an election. - Mayday Mindy tweet

Gasp! President Donald Trump Jr.?
In a terrifying glimpse into the future, Donald Trump Jr. has revealed that he’s considering running for office one day, just like his dad. Speaking on Bloomberg Radio on Wednesday evening, Donald Trump’s oldest son said he was focused on getting “the country back on track” by promoting his father’s policies.

Look, I’m not perfect but at least my obituary won’t say, “and in 2019, he defunded the Special Olympics.” - Conan O'Brien

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I wonder which college basketball team will get to watch Trump eat 300 room temperature cheeseburgers. - Stephen Colbert

Rock The Voter News

"I'm so proud of the work of Chairman Adam Schiff...I think they're just scaredy-cats. They just don't know what to do." - Speaker Pelosi says after GOP members of House Intel Committee call for his resignation.

When the ranking member of the House Intel Committee demands that Chairman Schiff resign, we know we’re in an out and out war for the soul of Democracy. The GOP cult will do anything to protect the Corrupt Autocrat. Don’t let down. Dig in. Long fight ahead. - Rob Reiner

White-Supremacists In Action
Federal authorities in Alaska have charged six members of the 1488 white-supremacist prison gang with the beating death of gang member Michael Staton, according to ABC News 13. “The defendants allegedly participated in the heinous murder of Michael Staton, with the goal of impressing their vile and racist gang,” Assistant Attorney General Brian Benczkowski said in a statement late Wednesday.

Reporter: "Do you think that you'll see a female President in your lifetime?"

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: "I f*cking better. Yeah"

The Special Olympics needs a new event, throwin' javelins at anyone who wants to cut funding to the Special Olympics. - George Wallace

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Business/Tech News

Great Britain is like a dad who asks for a divorce, then refuses to move out of the house and kind of hopes you’ll forget he’s living in the basement. - Conan O'Brien

Twitter Comes Up With Penalty For Politicians
A Twitter executive on Wednesday said the company is considering a new feature that will label tweets from politicians, including President Trump, when they violate Twitter rules.

The rise of flat-Earthers in the United States is evidence of two things: 1) the protection of speech, and 2) the failure of our educational system. - Neil deGrasse Tyson

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Monday, April 1, 2019

Trump calls Rep. Adam Schiff a Pencil Neck

Friday, March 29, 2019

Rand Paul: 'Time for Congress to investigate' Obama

Thursday, March 28, 2019

HUD Charges Facebook With Housing Discrimination Over Targeted Advertising

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