The Taliban said Tuesday that they would not allow Afghans to leave the country and warned that the US must stick to next week's deadline to pull out, as a frantic Western evacuation operation at Kabul airport picked up the pace
Taliban Name Sean Spicer Press Secretary. - Andy Borowitz
The month after 9-11, I did this meme
The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans
- White House Announces Nearly 22,000 People Evacuated From Kabul in Past 24 Hours
- CIA Director Reportedly Met With Taliban Leader As Evacuation Deadline Approaches
- Adam Schiff Says It's 'Possible' But 'Very Unlikely' U.S. Can Finish Evacuations by August 31
- Reuters photographer killed in Afghan military retreat, general says, body found mutilated
- Airbnb will begin housing 20,000 Afghan refugees globally for free.
Update: Between 3AM ET on 8/23 and 3AM ET on 8/24, a total of approximately 21,600 people were evacuated from Kabul. 37 US military flights carried approximately 12,700 evacuees, and 57 coalition flights carried 8,900 people.Since August 14, the U.S. has evacuated and facilitated the evacuation of approximately 58,700 people. Since the end of July, we have re-located approximately 63,900 people. - The White House posted on Facebook
As the Taliban settles in to its revived rule in Afghanistan, the group could soon try to strengthen its ties with international powers like Pakistan and China, Politico reports. One way they might go about a friendship offering? Selling data that's been left behind during the United States' evacuation.
CIA Begrudgingly Impressed By How Well They Trained Future Taliban Members In 1980s. - The Onion
We didn't "lose" Afghanistan so much as Donald Trump gave it to the Taliban, all wrapped up in a nice big f*cking bow. - Jeff Tiedrich
Republican Shenanigans
- House Republican Compares Pelosi to the Gestapo for House Mask Mandate: ‘I Call Her a Gestapelosi’
- DeSantis Responds to AP Letter, Says They Got ‘Deserved Blowback’ for ‘Partisan Smear Piece’
- Trump Tells Alabama Rally Crowd He Recommends the Covid Vaccine, But Then Pivots Back to Talk About ‘Freedom’ After Some Booing
- Stephen A. Smith Hilariously Roasts Anti-Vaxxers Taking Livestock Medicine: 'You Are Not a Horse…You're a Jacka**'
- Candace Owens Facing $20M Defamation Lawsuit for Claiming GOP House Candidate Kim Klacik Was a Strip Club Madame, Money Launderer
- Tucker Carlson Says He Agrees With Guest Arguing 'A Lot of What the Left Supports Is Satanic'
- Meade County experiencing 36% weekly test-positivity rate eight days after the Sturgis Rally ended
The Sturgis Motorcycle Rally did not interrupt even one Mensa gathering. - Kona Lowell
FDA Approval of Pfizer Vaccine Convinces 19 Year Old
It was the Food and Drug Administration's Monday announcement that it has granted full approval to Pfizer and BioNTech for their COVID-19 vaccine that convinced 19-year-old Cailin Magee to line up at a vaccine clinic at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette and get the shot.
The way Kristi Noem is running South Dakota we’re going to end up with just one Dakota. - Mayo tweet
Florida's Kindergarteners Offer To Explain Mask Issue to DeSantis. - Andy Borowitz
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Rock The Voter News
- Andrew Cuomo Officially Resigns as New York Governor
- On eve of VP Harris trip, Vietnam tells China it does not pick sides
- Jill Biden Staffer Demands Apology from Fox News Host over ‘Disgusting’ Comments
Hillary Clinton is currently chartering flights to evacuate vulnerable families and women from Afghanistan.But you didn’t know that cause the media is too busy letting Mike Pompeo blame Biden for the deal he negotiated. - Santiago Mayer
I Hope VP Harris Won't Get Zapped By The Havana Syndrome
Vice President Kamala Harris pushed ahead with a trip to Vietnam on Tuesday after delaying the visit over concerns due to an unexplained health incident potentially related to the mysterious Havana Syndrome.
If Stacey Abrams was in charge of getting people vaccinated we’d have full herd immunity within weeks. - John Fugelsang
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Business/Tech News
- Nursing shortage: Hospital offers $40K sign-on bonus
- Passenger dies of COVID-19 amid outbreak on Carnival cruise ship
- U.S. agency created to counter China’s New Silk Road: We don't do 'debt-trap financing'
- Unvaccinated Americans hospitalized with COVID-19 cost the U.S. health care system $2.3 billion in June and July: report
Defense Contractors Fear Afghan Collapse Could Have Chilling Effect On Stupid Wars. - Andy Borowitz
House Democrats advanced an agreement Tuesday to move forward with infrastructure and budget bills on separate tracks, solving an impasse with centrists including Rep. Jared Golden of Maine who rebelled against a plan to link votes on the two measures.
We’re all sick of Donald Trump. But ignoring him won’t make him go away. Ignoring him will make our democracy go away. - Glenn Kirschner
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Me, yesterday.
