Prosecutors seek a slowdown in Capitol attack cases, calling probe the ‘most complex’ in history

Prosecutors seek a slowdown in Capitol attack cases, calling probe the ‘most complex’ in history

U.S. attorneys cited the rapidly growing roster of defendants and the enormous cache of evidence they must sift through.

While Democrats were getting sh*t done, Republicans were wasting everyone's time over children's books and plastic potatoes. - Jeff Tiedrich

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• Putin: Riot at US Capitol was a 'stroll'
• U.S. Justice Department says will file 100 more cases over Capitol attack
• Fox News bizarrely aired Tucker Carlson's live reactions to Biden's prime-time speech
• 'It's wrong, it's un-American and it must stop': President Biden denounces attacks against Asian Americans
• As Abbott hits Biden for releasing migrants with COVID, White House asks why Texas rejects funds to test them
• Fox & Friends whines about Biden 'kicking' Trump over COVID: 'We don't need to go over the 500,000 dead'
• Mexico approves landmark medical cannabis bill in hopes of combatting powerful drug cartels

I sorta wish that Biden had worn a tan suit during his address last night.

 

I'd Listen To The Capitol Police, Not Inconvenienced Politicians

The top Democrat and Republican on the House Armed Services Committee are calling for curtailing the deployment of thousands of National Guard troops at the Capitol.

The bipartisan pushback Thursday from Armed Services Chair Adam Smith (D-Wash.) and ranking member Mike Rogers (R-Ala.) comes after Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin approved a U.S. Capitol Police request for nearly 2,300 Guardsmen to remain through late May.

Donald Trump is sitting in Mar a Lago, feeling the days slip by and the smell of mildew rising around him. - Rick Wilson

 

Republican Shenanigans

• Trump allies counting on Ron DeSantis to refuse extradition to New York if ex-president gets indicted
• Tucker Casts Doubt on Vaccines After Biden’s COVID-19 Speech
• Republicans in Pennsylvania placed robocalls that appeared to be from 'Johnson & Johnson'
• GOP lawmaker loses job for sponsoring controversial Georgia 'voter suppression' bill
• Fact-checker blows the lid off Lauren Boebert's tale about a man's death being the reason she carries a gun
• Trump blurted insults and showed off lewd photos at Shiva for accountant’s mother: report
• Ghislaine Maxwell selling London home to fund defense in Epstein case
• Prosecutor defends failed effort to convict Iowa journalist

Kentucky Wants To Make It Illegal To Taunt The Police. Seriously.

It could become a crime to taunt a police officer in Kentucky, under a bill that passed the state Senate on Thursday.

The measure was filed months after Louisville, the state's largest city, became the site of huge protests in the wake of the police killing of Breonna Taylor. The bill passed the Republican-dominated Senate 22-11 and now awaits House input.

I called Tucker Carlson a dick on National television. It’s high time I apologize...to dicks. Never should have lumped you in with that terrible terrible person. - Jon Stewart

 

The Republican Party hates Uncle Joe because it's hard for them to make people hate him. And they hate that. - JRehling

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Rock The Voter News

• Biden directs states to make all adults eligible for COVID vaccines by May 1
• 'I Need You!' Biden Implores Americans to Work Together So July 4 Marks 'Independence from the Virus'
• House passes 2 gun control bills
• Cuomo aides called former employees in attempt to discredit accuser: report

Trump Accuses Biden of Assaulting American People with Long Words. - Andy Borowitz

 

Let The Chips Fall Where They May
New York Governor Andrew Cuomo faced growing pressure to resign on Thursday, as the state's assembly speaker authorized an impeachment investigation into the allegations of misconduct he's facing. New York State Assembly Speaker Carl Heastie said he authorized the Assembly Judiciary Committee to begin the investigation, which he said will have the power to interview witnesses and subpoena documents.

"Joe Biden will crash the stock market"

— some genius who went broke running casinos

--- Jeff Tiedrich

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Business/Tech News

• Gold falls, pressured by rising U.S. bond yields, dollar
• Michigan State announces basketball team will now be called "MSU Spartans Presented by Rocket Mortgage"
• Amazon removing books that frame LGBTQ issues as mental illness
• Netflix cracking down on password sharing: ‘You need your own account to keep watching’

What a relief to have a president who isn't a fluorescent tangerine jackass. - Jeff Tiedrich

Russia Breaks Their Internet, Blames Google.

On the same day Russia botched its attempt to censor Twitter, dozens of other websites, including Google and YouTube, went down. Russia is now trying to blame the damage on a fire in another country - a claim Google disputes.

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Odd News

• 'Just Vaccinated' couple tie cans to truck, drive through Colorado town to celebrate
• Spanish police seize a homemade narco-submarine able to carry up to 2.2 tons of cargo
• Brewery catapults keg to new Guinness World Record
• Website hiring 'Minecraft' gardening consultants for virtual landscaping
• Woman arrested for practicing medicine without a Florida license in Doral

Time To Deflate Photo

The General Sherman Tree is the oldest tree in the world and is located in the Giant Forest of Sequoia National Park, California. Not as gnarly as I thought it would be.

Best wishes for a peaceful and safe weekend.

Oklahoma House Passes Bill To Give Immunity To Drivers Who Hit Protesters

Oklahoma House Passes Bill To Give Immunity To Drivers Who Hit Protesters

The legislation approved by the Republican-led House comes after Black Lives Matter protests last summer against racist police violence.

Apparently, conservative Oklahoma wants to make murder legal. Is that even legal?

 

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• Military leaders hit Tucker Carlson over 'divisive' remarks on women in military
• Every Living President, Except Trump, Teams Up for Vaccine PSA Urging Americans to Get Their Shots
• Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton threatens to sue the city of Austin if it doesn't lift its mask mandate
• 5 Oklahoma City officers charged with first-degree manslaughter in fatal shooting of teen who dropped gun
• In Big Win for Prosecution, Judge Rules Derek Chauvin Must Again Face Third-Degree Murder Charge in George Floyd’s Death
• Iowa Reporter Found Not Guilty By Jury After Arrest At Black Lives Matter Protest

Trump Rips Biden’s Failure To Mock People’s Looks In First Fifty Days. - Andy Borowitz

 

 

What Is Mitch McConnell Saying? Does He Want To Lower The Level of Protection For The Capitol?
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell on Wednesday criticized the level of security at the U.S. Capitol right now, two months after a violent riot happened there, and compared it to what he previously saw in Kabul, Afghanistan.

Democrats accomplishments since Biden was sworn in.  Passed massive relief bill, developed real plan to fight covid, getting more than 2 millions shots in arms a day and rolling back the most oppressive elements of Trump agenda. Republicans -- read some children's books. - Joe Lockhart

 

Republican Shenanigans

• McConnell Desperately Tries to Downplay Covid Relief Bill: If Economy Booms, This ‘Will Have Absolutely Nothing to Do With’ It
• GOP Senator Slammed for Touting Provision of Covid Relief Bill After Voting Against It
• Marjorie Taylor Greene calls Italian, Jewish lawmaker 'Rep. Mussolini'
• Jason Crow Calls Out Fellow CO Rep. Lauren Boebert for Video Featuring Gunshot Sounds: ‘It’s Not Funny, It’s Not Normal’
• Stacey Dash, After Washing Out at Fox News, Has Now Turned On Trump
• 'Marjorie Taylor Greene Can Get Lost': Democratic Rep. Cicilline Hits Back After GOP Colleague Smears Him as 'Rep. Mussolini'
• WSJ Releases ANOTHER Tape of Trump Pressuring GA Official About Election: 'Something Happened There'
• Tucker Carlson Mocks NYT Reporter as a 'Deeply Unhappy Narcissist' After Paper Calls Him Out for ‘Cruel’ Harassment
• Seth Meyers Brutally Mocks Tucker Carlson for His Obsession with Meghan Markle and the Royal Family
• John Dean: 'Only a matter of how many days' until Trump is indicted

I’d follow any random pregnant woman into battle before I’d follow Tucker Carlson. - Middle Age Riot

When Republicans Fail, They Try, Try, Again

Mississippi Republican Gov. Tate Reeves signed a bill Thursday to ban transgender athletes from competing on girls or women’s sports teams. Mississippi is the first state this year to enact such a ban, after a federal court blocked an Idaho law last year.

How I felt during the last administration

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When Republicans speak of “quality” votes, it’s just another word for white. - Woman In The Moon tweet

Rock The Voter News

• President Joe Biden signed his blockbuster $1.9 trillion COVID-19 relief package, the American Rescue Plan, into law on Thursday afternoon.
• Merrick Garland arrives at Justice Department and delivers an implicit rebuke to Trump era
• De Blasio on latest Cuomo accusations: 'He can no longer serve as governor'
• House approves bill tightening background checks on guns
• Fact check: Claims about Pelosi's in-flight bar tab are unfounded

Americans To Hear First Presidential Address In Four Years. - Andy Borowitz

Geraldo Rivera Wants To Be A US Senator. I Hope He Makes His Announcement From Al Capone's Vault.
Geraldo Rivera said on Wednesday that he is considering a run for Senate, eyeing the seat in Ohio that is soon to be vacated by Sen. Rob Portman. “Pondering running for retiring @senrobportman seat in United States Senate,” Rivera tweeted, before adding,  ‘It’d Scare the Bejesus Out of the Democrats.’

By retweeting Trump press releases, you guys are doing what NBC did by airing ‘The Apprentice’

Giving him a mass audience for doing absolutely nothing, - Roland Scahill

 

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Former Guy put out a statement yesterday and everyone ignored it and it's already forgotten and that's f*cking glorious. enjoy irrelevance, you needy f*ck. - Jeff Tiedrich

Business/Tech News

• Jobless claims drop to 712,000, near pandemic low
• 'You Can Tear Them Up!' American Airlines Announces Cancellation of 13,000 Layoff Warnings, Crediting Just-Passed Covid Relief Bill
• Sharon Osbourne Has EPIC Meltdown Live On Air, Screams at Black Co-Host to 'Educate Me!' on Piers Morgan's Racism

Trump Argues His Name Should Be On Stimulus Checks Because He Made Economic Disaster Possible. - Andy Borowitz

Indict Trump, Already, Before He Leaves The USA!

Donald Trump’s former lawyer and fixer, Michael Cohen, said he would go in for a seventh interview on Wednesday with the Manhattan district attorney’s office pursuing a criminal investigation into the former U.S. president.

In a brief interview with Reuters, he likened a March 1 U.S. Supreme Court decision denying Trump’s last-ditch effort to keep his tax records private to the “holy grail” for Manhattan District Attorney Cy Vance Jr.’s investigation into whether the Trump Organization committed financial crimes.

FDR in 1944, recalling this month 1933:

“You remember...the starvation wages...foreclosures of homes...bankruptcies of business...the young men and women...facing a hopeless, jobless future...the blank despair of a whole nation...the utter impotence of the federal government.”

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Odd News

• UC Davis Offers Students Money NOT To Travel During Spring Break
• Russia and China unveil plans for joint lunar space station as Moscow drifts away from NASA
• Bacteria know how to exploit quantum mechanics, study finds
• Florida Woman Starts Pig Clothing Company After Her Pet Pig Grows Too Big for Dog Outfits
• Ohio server surprised by $2,021 tip on a $100 tab

Time To Deflate Photo

Mt. Everest peeking out above the clouds.

Peace and beauty.

Senate confirms Merrick Garland as Biden's attorney general

Senate confirms Merrick Garland as Biden's attorney general

The Senate on Wednesday voted to confirm Merrick Garland's nomination to be U.S. Attorney General, handing the reins of the Justice 

At long last, Merrick Garland will be confirmed as Attorney General so he can prosecute the insurrectionists who attacked our democracy.

Today is a GOOD day.

 

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The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• Turns Out Someone's Out Here Trying to Get Major Biden Killed for 'Nipping' Secret Service Agent's Hand
• The Queen Issues Statement on Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Says Royals 'Saddened' and Race Issues 'Concerning'
• Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene forces Congress to delay vote on $1.9 trillion coronavirus stimulus package
• House approves $1.9T COVID relief in partisan vote

Hear me out—instead of Meghan, we interview prince Andrew. and instead of Oprah, it’s the police. - Alice Vaughn

 

 When I saw the above meme, I thought, Merry Olde England, enslaved a whole island of white people, too.

It's called Ireland.

I Wonder If Don Jr. Gets His Cocaine From Honduras

An accountant witnessed meetings between Honduras President Juan Orlando Hernández and a drug trafficker in which they planned the trafficking of cocaine to the U.S., federal prosecutors in New York said Tuesday.

Assistant U.S. Attorney Jacob Gutwillig said during his opening statement at the trial of accused Honduran drug trafficker Geovanny Fuentes Ramírez that the accountant was present when Hernández allegedly said he wanted to “shove the drugs right up the noses of the gringos.'"

It must be nice that Piers Morgan gets to leave a situation when he feels uncomfortable but criticizes a black woman when she does the same. 

Qwhite interesting. - Chelsea Handler

Republican Shenanigans

• Senate GOP faces retirement brain drain
• 'This is Freedom Right Here': Giddy Fox News Host Celebrates Texas Reopening in a Diner Packed With Maskless Patrons
• 'Trash Your Mask': Rand Paul Contradicts CDC's Mask Guidance for Those Who've Been Vaccinated
• Don Jr. Makes Fun of Meghan Markle 'Looking for Attention' in Self-Produced Video Admitting He ‘Couldn’t Care Less’ About the Royals
• Venue Listed For Mike Lindell’s ‘Election Fraud’ Rally is Desperately Trying to Make Clear They Are Not Hosting It
• GOP Rep. Lauren Boebert’s Anti-Pelosi Ad Ends With A Chilling Sound Effect
• Florida Republican pushes proposal that would completely ban ballot drop boxes
• Trump Requests Mail-In Ballot After Spending Year Attacking the Practice as Corrupt

The Republican Party might as well be a Trump casino. It’s bankrupt of ideas, being run by shady characters, and fighting with Trump over the use of his name. - Jeremy Newberger

 

 

FYI: That's Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene on the right.

 

Healthcare Should Be Between A Woman And Her Doctor, Not Creepy Old Politicians.
Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchinson (R) on Tuesday signed into law a bill that bans all elective abortions in the state, only allowing an exception in cases of a medical emergency where the procedure is required to save the life of the mother.

If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. - Florynce Kennedy

 

 

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QAnon Shaman Asks For Release On Grounds That Shamen Are Essential Workers. - Andy Borowitz

Rock The Voter News

• Senate set to confirm Merrick Garland as attorney general
• Joe Biden Rips Trump Over Covid Payroll Program During Visit to Local Small Business
• Sixth Woman Comes Forward, Accuses Gov. Cuomo of Inappropriate Touching as Sexual Harassment Investigation Ramps Up
• Cuomo Bars Press from State Fair Appearance Over 'Covid Restrictions'

It’s nice to have a president who isn’t angry and hateful 24/7. - Stephen King

I Wonder Where Lauren Boebert & Marjorie Taylor Greene Were On Jan 5 Between 7:30 pm - 8:30 pm

The FBI has released some surveillance video in their ongoing investigation of pipe bombs that were placed outside the RNC and DNC offices on Jan. 5, one night before the violent riots at the Capitol.

A number of the rioters have already been charged, but the feds are still looking into who planted those pipe bombs. Weeks after the riots, the FBI said that they were planted “between 7:30 p.m. and 8:30 p.m.” on the 5th.

President Biden's dogs could bite my ass in the middle of Fifth Avenue and he still wouldn't lose my vote. - BlackKnight10K tweet

 

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Greg Abbott Announces: “Texas Is Open For Coronavirus” - Andy Borowitz

Business/Tech News

• Dow jumps 550 points to a record as bond yields fall, House passes new stimulus
• Fox News is Still the Most-Watched Network Among GOP Voters — But One in Seven Has Tuned Out
• Conde Nast Removes Saudi Arabia Sponsored Content From Teen Vogue
• Mass Layoffs Hit HuffPost Shortly After Acquisition By BuzzFeed

I love that Joe Biden doesn’t have any need to see his name on relief checks. - Bryce Tache

 

Everytime I See A Panda Express, I Am Going To Think Of This.

A former Panda Express employee said she was pressured to strip to her underwear in front of colleagues and strangers during a "trust-building" exercise, according to a civil complaint.

Jennifer Spargifiore, 23, filed the lawsuit last month in Los Angeles County Superior Court. Panda Express and Alive Seminars and Coaching Academy, a self-improvement consulting outfit that led the exercise, are named in the suit as defendants.

New York has the best bagels because you eat them while you’re in New York end of argument. - Kat Dennings

 

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Would you like to see my gutters?

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Odd News

• Meteor explodes over Vermont with the force of 440 pounds of TNT
• Impact crater beneath Greenland could help explain Ice Age
• ESPN Anchor CRUSHED on Air by Falling Set Wall, Miraculously Escapes Injury
• Amtrak worker accused of stealing, selling 77 chain saws
• Watch: Cow escapes transport vehicle en route to New Jersey slaughterhouse
• Breeder sells python with three smiley face emojis on it for $6,000

Time To Deflate Photo

Lilac Breasted Roller. I hear they are pretty mean birds.

Peace.