Wednesday, August 26, 2020

Huge Thanks to Trump's Family

Melania Trump gives Republican convention a ratings boost with 18 million TV viewers
...The audience for the second night of the Democratic National Convention held last week was 19.2 million viewers. Over four nights, the DNC’s presentation averaged 21.6 million viewers.

Hundreds of R.N.C. Attendees Test Positive for Delusion. - Andy Borowitz





The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

"My father does NOT run away from challenges...Fighting for America is something my father would sacrifice anything for." -- Tiffany trump, daughter of Cadet Bonespurs, afraid of ramps and water.






One of Those "Very Fine People" Got Arrested In Kenosha Shooting
A 17-year-old Illinois resident connected to an overnight shooting during a protest in Kenosha, Wisconsin, was taken into custody Wednesday morning, according to police in Antioch, Illinois.
Antioch Police said Wisconsin authorities issued an arrest warrant charging the teenager with first-degree intentional homicide.





Tiffany Trump Thanks Dad For Not Making Her Speech Go Straight To Voicemail. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans




Nothing in life is certain except for the fact that Kimberly Guilfoyle probably can’t breathe out of her nose right now. - Brian Tyler Cohen





Melania Holds Super Spreader Event In The Colorless Rose Garden
First Lady Melania Trump opened her RNC speech from the White House Rose Garden addressing the coronavirus pandemic and the struggles Americans have been facing...She spoke personally about her journey to the United States and becoming an American citizen. The First Lady also referenced her Be Best campaign to help young people.



The Only Colors In The Rose Garden Are People's Clothing


Access-journalism.Haberman’s latest in the @nytimes quotes the First Lady: “never make assumptions based on the color of a person’s skin” 

*fails to mention her birtherism. 

*And calls wearing a jacket that said “I Really Don’t Care. Do U” a “famous fashion faux pas”. - Soledad O'Brien tweet




The impressions that she allows us are fleeting and contradictory. Which leaves us to make only one conclusion: Melania Trump is a riddle that she doesn’t really want us to solve. - Karen Tumulty

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Rock The Voter News

Jimmy Carter had to put his peanut farm in a blind trust. - The Lincoln Project





Oh, This Is Rich:  US Denies Restricted Access To Abortion.
The U.S. government on Wednesday denied a United Nations panel's accusation that states have restricted abortion access during the COVID-19 pandemic, and rejected the notion that there is an assumed “right to abortion.” 






Guilfoyling is when you try to make a Braveheart style speech, but end up just scaring the horses. - Jeremy Newberger





4,634 people died of Covid in China. Total. We're at 177,000 and climbing. Don't call it the "China virus". This sh*t is the "Trump Mumps". - George Wallace

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Business/Tech News

Mocking Melania's accent excuses the fact she was the mother of the racist of birtherism along the father of it: Donald. Melania and Donald are a couple united by bigotry. They think they are America's King Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette. In reality they're David Duke and "Karen" - Dean Obeidallah





Oh Oh Oh, I Love Spicy Chicken But There's No McDonald's Nearby! 😞
McDonald’s is debuting two new menu items that will bring plenty of heat and something cool and sweet to customers in an effort to boost falling sales due to coronavirus impacts.
The fast food giant said it will add Spicy McNuggets and a Chips Ahoy McFlurry, complete with crushed cookies and caramel swirls, to its menu for a limited time beginning September 16.


To be fair, if I was Donald Trump’s son, I’d probably turn to drugs too. - Steve Redmond





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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo

Luna wishes you all a Happy International Dog Day!

Peace.


Tuesday, August 25, 2020

Don Jr. and Kimberly Guilfoyle Said It All Very Loud and Very Fast So All of It Must Be True


Don Jr. and Kimberly Guilfoyle Said It All Very Loud and Very Fast So All of It Must Be True
Not that you'd know it from the sprawling images of fire and destruction that exploded out of the Republican National Convention on Monday


Night one of the RNC was optimistic if you’re the coronavirus. - Andy Borowitz




The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

A cocaine addict, an adulterer and a fraudster walk into a bar. Bartender says, "What'll you have,  Donald J Trump Jr?" - Jon Cooper






I've Lost Count of the Crimes Trump Has Committed
Miles Taylor, the former Trump administration official who has endorsed Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, claimed Tuesday that President Trump offered to pardon officials who broke the law while carrying out his immigration policy. 







Congress Passes Bill To Build New 35-Mile Overpass Capable Of Housing Millions Of Evicted Americans. - The Onion





Republican Shenanigans

RNC Kicks Off With Delegates Toasting Trump With Clorox. - Andy Borowitz





Well, Well, Well, Eric Trump Is Quite Cocky Before His Deposition
President Trump’s son, Eric Trump, said Tuesday that the New York state attorney general should recuse herself from investigating the Trump family’s business practices.
Eric Trump, who serves as the executive vice president of the Trump Organization, told Fox News Radio host Brian Kilmeade he is “not at all” worried about the investigation






‘Goodbye, Tiffany, You’ve Served Me Well,’ Says Trump Watching Kellyanne Conway Pack Up Desk. - The Onion

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Rock The Voter News

I don’t know if Biden got a convention bump but Don Jr’s happened before he even walked onstage. - John Fugelsang





I Knew Jackie Kennedy And Melania Is No Jackie Kennedy!
Trump's Trade Advisor Compares Melania to Jackie Kennedy
White House trade adviser Peter Navarro told MSNBC on Tuesday that "Melania Trump is the Jackie Kennedy of her time," ahead of her speech and introduction of the new Rose Garden for the Republican National Convention.







The House is now investigating Mike Pompeo for illegally deciding to speak at the MAGA hate rally Convention, a violation of the Hatch Act, a law that Kellyanne CONway has broken over a dozen times. Now do you see why he fired the IG who was investigating him? He’s a crook. - Ricky Davila

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Business/Tech News

Congress Sends Unemployed Americans 40 Million Boxes Of Saltwater Taffy From Vacation, - The Onion


Aw, Another Evangelical Loses His Wings
The overnight fall of Jerry Falwell Jr. from high evangelical grace feels in many ways like a Trump-era gloss on the fabled preacher sex scandals that have dogged our self-appointed Protestant moralists throughout the modern era. Instead of absconding with a church secretary like Jim Bakker or patronizing sex workers like Jimmy Swaggart, Falwell Jr. allegedly upped the scandal ante by arranging a threesome with his wife, Becki, and a pool boy. And instead of adjourning directly into the fleshpots of temptation, Falwell Jr. elected, reportedly, to watch; in a conservative movement long given to deriding betrayers of the one true faith as virtual cucks, Falwell Jr. decided to go for the real thing.





Melania Trump to Read Passages from Her Best-Selling Book, “Becoming” - Andy Borowitz





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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo
Wat Ban Rai, the Elephant Temple, is located in the district of Dan Khun Thot in Thailand. Those are dainty little feet on the elephant.

Peace.


Monday, August 24, 2020

Kellyanne Conway announces she's leaving the White House and George Conway is stepping away from Lincoln Project

Kellyanne Conway announces she's leaving the White House and George Conway is stepping away from Lincoln Project
White House counselor Kellyanne Conway announced Sunday evening she will leave her post at the end of the month while her husband, George Conway, said he was withdrawing from The Lincoln Project, both citing a need to focus on their family.
"I will be transitioning from the White House at the end of this month. George is also making changes," Kellyanne Conway said in a statement.
"We disagree about plenty but we are united on what matters most: the kids.


KellyAnne Conway’s daughter did a huge service to America. - Really American tweet




The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

After terrorist assholes hit the World Trade Center, 2,606 people died. The country came together: Democrats AND Republicans. Now 57% of Republicans call 176,000 dead from COVID-19 "acceptable losses?" What happened to you, America? - Stephen King





Uh Oh, Eric Trump Is In Trouble With the NYAG
The New York state attorney general is asking for a court to compel Eric Trump to be deposed in an investigation of the Trump Organization.
In court filings Monday, Letitia James' office outlined the investigation into whether the Trump Organization "improperly inflated the value of Mr. Trump's assets on financial statements in order to secure loans and obtain economic and tax benefits."


Interpreter Sought To Translate Eric Trump’s Deposition Into English. - Andy Borowitz





Kellyanne Conway Leaving White House To Hunt Down Perpetrator of Bowling Green Massacre, - Andy Borowitz





Republican Shenanigans

Experts Recommend Disinfecting Television After Trump Has Been On. - Andy Borowitz







My My My, More Tapes To Come?
A former friend and adviser to Melania Trump claims that she secretly recorded the first lady making “disparaging remarks” about President Donald Trump and his adult children.












Trump Administration Plants 137,000 Corpses In Fauci’s Bed To Frame Him For Coronavirus Deaths. - The Onion


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Rock The Voter News

Trump Freaks Out After Giant Statue of Obama Suddenly Appears on White House Lawn. - Andy Borowitz





Melania Rips Out Rose Garden Foliage Planted By Previous First Ladies
Melania Trump unveiled her overhaul of the White House Rose Garden Saturday, a month-long project that included digging up trees, replacing vibrant floral beds with white and pastel roses, and laying down paved walkways.





Melania gave the Rose Garden a Brazilian. - Allison Burnett


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Business/Tech News

Seems like the only qualified, non-criminal person Trump ever hired was Stormy Daniels. - Andrea Junker





These MAGA Politicos Have No Fear of Perjury
Postmaster General Louis DeJoy told senators Friday about cost-cutting fixes he has made to the U.S. Postal Service transportation system supposedly designed to improve service.
But an exclusive NewsChannel 5 investigation found that, at the same time that DeJoy was testifying, the Postal Service was paying for an empty truck to drive from Nashville to Illinois.


“Grandpa Conan, tell us again what ‘crowds’ were.”
“Why the year was 2019. This was pre-Civil War 2. President TikTok hadn’t even been born yet...” - Conan O'Brien





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Me, after posting today's edition



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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo

The European inspired 'Jilongbao Resort' Castle Located in Wanfeng Lake, Xingyi, China. I wonder if cliff diving is available?

Peace.