All Hat No Cattle

Monday, August 24, 2020

Kellyanne Conway announces she's leaving the White House and George Conway is stepping away from Lincoln Project

Kellyanne Conway announces she's leaving the White House and George Conway is stepping away from Lincoln Project
White House counselor Kellyanne Conway announced Sunday evening she will leave her post at the end of the month while her husband, George Conway, said he was withdrawing from The Lincoln Project, both citing a need to focus on their family.
"I will be transitioning from the White House at the end of this month. George is also making changes," Kellyanne Conway said in a statement.
"We disagree about plenty but we are united on what matters most: the kids.

KellyAnne Conway’s daughter did a huge service to America. - Really American tweet

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

After terrorist assholes hit the World Trade Center, 2,606 people died. The country came together: Democrats AND Republicans. Now 57% of Republicans call 176,000 dead from COVID-19 "acceptable losses?" What happened to you, America? - Stephen King

Uh Oh, Eric Trump Is In Trouble With the NYAG
The New York state attorney general is asking for a court to compel Eric Trump to be deposed in an investigation of the Trump Organization.
In court filings Monday, Letitia James' office outlined the investigation into whether the Trump Organization "improperly inflated the value of Mr. Trump's assets on financial statements in order to secure loans and obtain economic and tax benefits."

Interpreter Sought To Translate Eric Trump’s Deposition Into English. - Andy Borowitz

Kellyanne Conway Leaving White House To Hunt Down Perpetrator of Bowling Green Massacre, - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

Experts Recommend Disinfecting Television After Trump Has Been On. - Andy Borowitz

My My My, More Tapes To Come?
A former friend and adviser to Melania Trump claims that she secretly recorded the first lady making “disparaging remarks” about President Donald Trump and his adult children.

Trump Administration Plants 137,000 Corpses In Fauci’s Bed To Frame Him For Coronavirus Deaths. - The Onion

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Rock The Voter News

Trump Freaks Out After Giant Statue of Obama Suddenly Appears on White House Lawn. - Andy Borowitz

Melania Rips Out Rose Garden Foliage Planted By Previous First Ladies
Melania Trump unveiled her overhaul of the White House Rose Garden Saturday, a month-long project that included digging up trees, replacing vibrant floral beds with white and pastel roses, and laying down paved walkways.

Melania gave the Rose Garden a Brazilian. - Allison Burnett

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Business/Tech News

Seems like the only qualified, non-criminal person Trump ever hired was Stormy Daniels. - Andrea Junker

These MAGA Politicos Have No Fear of Perjury
Postmaster General Louis DeJoy told senators Friday about cost-cutting fixes he has made to the U.S. Postal Service transportation system supposedly designed to improve service.
But an exclusive NewsChannel 5 investigation found that, at the same time that DeJoy was testifying, the Postal Service was paying for an empty truck to drive from Nashville to Illinois.

“Grandpa Conan, tell us again what ‘crowds’ were.”

“Why the year was 2019. This was pre-Civil War 2. President TikTok hadn’t even been born yet...” - Conan O'Brien

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Me, after posting today's edition

Friday, August 21, 2020

Steve Bannon strikes defiant tone after arrest: ‘Honey badger doesn’t give’

Steve Bannon strikes defiant tone after arrest: ‘Honey badger doesn’t give’
Steve Bannon on Friday vowed to fight on after being arrested for allegedly diverting money meant for a privately funded border wall for personal expenses, labeling his indictment a “political hit job."

RNC 2020 Slogan:

“If you ain’t indicted, you ain’t invited” - Travis Allen

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

I wish Trump would get deeply involved with QAnon because then it would only be a matter of time before it is bankrupt. - Andy Borowitz

Problematic Pompous Pompeo
The U.S. Navy flagged a “problematic” request from the State Department in 2018 asking for Secretary Mike Pompeo to receive military housing, according to a memo obtained by the watchdog group American Oversight.
The May 2018 document noted there “might be a negative public perception relating to a civilian Secretary of State displacing a uniformed member of the military in a tight housing market.”

Republican Shenanigans

Trump Furious At Bannon For Not Giving Him Cut of Fundraising Scam. - Andy Borowitz

I Don't Know Who I Dislike More, George W. Bush or Sen. Susan Collins
Former President George W. Bush on Friday backed Republican Sen. Susan Collins of Maine in his first public endorsement of the 2020 election cycle.
Bush has largely stayed out of the political fray since he left the White House in 2009, and his endorsement is a welcome boost for Collins, who is waging her most difficult campaign yet as she seeks a fifth term.

JUST IN: VT Republican Gov. Phil Scott announces "I won't be voting for President Trump" - Ana Cabrera, CNN

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Joe Biden goes to church so regularly that he doesn't even need tear gas and a bunch of federalized troops to help him get there. - Julia Louis-Dreyfus

Rock The Voter News

Warning That US Could See 3rd Act of COVID-19
The former head of the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) is warning the U.S. could see a “third act” of the coronavirus in the fall and winter...“I do think that we’re going to have a third act of this virus in the fall and the winter and it’s likely to be more pervasive spread in a broader part of the country,”

"During his entire Presidency, Barack Obama sent out 352 tweets.Trump is now at 43,600." - Pete Souza

USPS ordered to remove 671 mail sorting machines under DeJoy:

59 in Florida

58 in Texas

34 in Ohio

30 in Pennsylvania

26 in Michigan

15 in North Carolina

12 in Virginia

12 in Wisconsin

11 in Georgia

They are all swing states. Imagine that.

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Business/Tech News

FYI: The yacht Bannon was arrested on is owned by Guo Wengui, a billionaire who has a membership at Mar a Lago and is on China's most-wanted list, accused of bribery, fraud, money laundering, and sexual assault.

Florida Is Infected & Unemployed
Florida has struggled in handling unemployment since the coronavirus arrived, and a new study shows that the recovery from unemployment may be just as difficult.
In a new report, WalletHub researchers identified which states were recovering the fastest from the 16.3 million Americans who are currently unemployed in the wake of the pandemic...Florida was last on the list, with a 1,003.71% change in unemployment last week alone, compared to the same time frame last year.

My wife asked me why I spoke so softly in the house. I said I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening! She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed. - Mohamad Safa

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Thursday, August 20, 2020

Steve Bannon Got Busted By the Postal Service Police

Steve Bannon Got Busted By the Postal Service Police. Well Played, Irony.
Acting U.S. Attorney for the Southern District of New York Audrey Strauss said Bannon, Brian Kolfage, Andrew Badolato and Timothy Shea were arrested Thursday morning. Bannon, 66, is set to appear before a federal judge in Manhattan. The four men are accused of defrauding hundreds of thousands of people who donated to the "We Build the Wall" fundraising campaign that raked in more than $25 million to build a wall along the U.S.-Mexico border, according to the indictment. Federal prosecutors said that while donors were assured 100% of the money raised would be used to build the wall, those claims were false.

So obviously money laundering and fraud and scamming charities are all serious crimes, but... there’s a small part of me laughing at the fact that a bunch of anti-immigrant bigots were the ones who got scammed. - RVAwonk tweet

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Dear America,

Today, agents from the United States Postal Service took Steve Bannon into custody for stealing from racists.

Signed, Karma

One Of The Many Reasons Trump Is Afraid Of Putin
The Russian opposition activist Alexei Navalny is in a coma and on a ventilator in a hospital intensive care unit after a suspected poisoning.
“We assume that Alexei was poisoned with something mixed into his tea,” his press secretary, Kira Yarmysh, tweeted. “That was the only thing he drank this morning. The doctors say that the toxin was absorbed more quickly because of the hot liquid. Right now Alexei is unconscious.”

The new Senate report on the 2016 Trump-Russia coordination is giving me a real sense of Deja Putin. - Stephen Colbert

This is your reminder that Hillary Clinton received more votes for President than any white man in history.
Also more voters than any white man who spray-tans himself out of the known color spectrum. - John Fugelsang

Republican Shenanigans

Steve Bannon was arrested and federal judge rules Trump must turn over his tax returns, all on the day Joe Biden accepts the nomination. Boom. - Scott Dworkin tweet

So, How Are Things Going Among Republicans?
Former McCain aide Steve Schmidt fired back at former vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin with a blistering barrage that accused her of “paranoia, pathological lying, profound ignorance, brittleness and insanity.”

Thanks to Donald Trump, 170,000 Americans can't vote by mail or in person. - Middle Age Riot

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Obama Renews Lease Inside Trump’s Head. - Andy Borowitz

Rock The Voter News

Just another day where none of my former coworkers on Hillary's campaign are going to jail. - Jess McIntosh tweet

Have you noticed that undocumented immigrants commit crimes at a considerably lower rate than trump’s campaign staff?

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Business/Tech News

Not surprised that Erik Prince, Kris Kobach and Trash Jr helped Steve Bannon promote his “We Build The Wall” money laundering scheme. I’ll say it again, the MAGA regime is a criminal syndicate, a stupid one at that. - Ricky Davila

I spoke with Postmaster General DeJoy regarding his alleged pause in operational changes. During our conversation, he admitted he has no intention of replacing the sorting machines, blue mailboxes and other infrastructure that have been removed. - Speaker Nancy Pelosi

Trump's A Chicken Killer Too, Of Baby Chicks!
At least 4,800 chicks shipped to Maine farmers through the U.S. Postal Service have arrived dead in recent weeks after rapid cuts hit the federal mail carrier's operations, Rep. Chellie Pingree said.
Pingree, a Maine Democrat, is raising the issue of the dead chicks and the losses farms are facing in a letter to Postmaster General Louis DeJoy and U.S. Department of Agriculture Commissioner Sonny Perdue, The Portland Press Herald reported.

In other news, the assistant director of DHS' Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency, Brian Harrell, has just submitted his resignation to Trump, per letter I obtained. Says he is returning to the private sector. - Natasha Bertrand, Politico

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