All Hat No Cattle

Thursday, April 4, 2019

Alaska Republican accused of shoving a female reporter and cursing at her in the Capitol building

Alaska Republican accused of shoving a female reporter and cursing at her in the Capitol building
A female Politico reporter noted on Twitter Thursday than an Alaskan Republican congressman pushed her and cursed at her while she was interviewing a different lawmaker in the Capitol.

I wonder how many journalists have to be killed to satisfy the GOP.

A few weeks ago the House voted 420-0 for release of the full Mueller report. Today every Republican on the House Judiciary Committee voted no. What’s up? - Elie Honig

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Trump is so scared of the Mueller Report being made public, you'd think it was his tax returns. - Stephen Colbert

Mueller Report Leakers Leaking! Hell Yeah!
Several investigators on Robert Mueller's team have expressed frustration to people outside the special counsel about the way the investigation findings were summarized by Attorney General Bill Barr in his letter Congress, according to sources familiar with the conversations.

If Trump gets dementia, how will we know? - Lawrence O'Donnell

Trump's Accounting Firm Will Cough Up His Financial Records With A Subpoena.
An accounting firm is asking the House Oversight and Reform Committee to issue it a subpoena before sending lawmakers 10 years of President Donald Trump’s financial records, the panel’s chairman said on Wednesday, adding that the firm intends to turn over the documents.

Republican Shenanigans

Actually I only support infanticide when it’s directly on an open border, performed by a caravan of illegal immigrants & paid for by socialism.Then trans women in bathrooms confiscate all guns, followed by mandatory gay marriages where Sharia Law is imposed & all must eat kale. - John Fugelsang

BREAKING: Donald Trump's supporters, have been removing ceiling fans from their trailers, after president Trump claimed they cause cancer.

Presidential Assassinations Are Nothing Compared To Trump's Woes
Donald Trump has claimed he suffers the “highest level” of presidential harassment in American history, despite four of his predecessors having been assassinated.

Germany Demands Apology After Trump Claims Father Was Born There. - Andy Borowitz

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Joe Biden now has 20% of the allegations needed to be president.

Rock The Voter News

We live in a time when everyone still has to listen to Paul Ryan complain that AOC won't listen to Paul Ryan. - John Fugelsang

"Let's say Jenna has a 470 verbal score, but she needs 730 to get into Yale," DeVos said. "How much will she have to pay to get her score changed? - Andy Borowitz

Oooooh. The House Has Spies!
The Democrat-controlled House Oversight Committee now claims that it is secretly in contact with “dozens” of people inside and outside the Trump administration who wish to expose its wrongdoing.

It has been 38 days since Bernie Sanders announced he was releasing 10 years of tax returns and didn’t release anything, again. - Adam Parkhomenko

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Republicans have no healthcare plan, they just hate ours. - Nancy Pelosi

Business/Tech News

Talk About Lowering The Bar
President Donald Trump said Thursday that he's recommending Herman Cain, a former pizza executive who dropped his bid for the 2012 Republican presidential nomination amid sexual harassment allegations, for a seat on the Federal Reserve Board.

A posh woman asked where I got my boots and I didn't want to say TJ Maxx, so I told her I won them in a bar fight. - Elizabeth Hackett

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Sorry for the late edition but moving is time consuming. I don't know what is more tired, my brain or my body!

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Nielsen to require more asylum seekers to remain in Mexico

Nielsen to require more asylum seekers to remain in Mexico
Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen on Monday ordered an expansion of the administration’s “remain in Mexico” strategy, which forces certain non-Mexican asylum seekers to wait in Mexico pending resolution of their asylum cases in the U.S.
The secretary said her department would expand the policy — formally known as the “Migrant Protection Protocols” — “to return hundreds of additional migrants per day.” The program already has been launched at and between several ports of entry in California and Texas.

“When Barack Obama took office, there was only one Mexico,” Fox host Ed Henry said. “He allowed these additional Mexicos to develop.” - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Trump considering pulling out of U.S. Constitution. - Andy Borowitz

Trump Loves To Kick People When They're Down Or Throw Them Paper Towels
President Donald Trump ranted about Puerto Rico and complaints that he hasn’t funded hurricane relief for the U.S. territory to the degree that it was necessary. According to Trump, he’s spent $91 billion on Puerto Rico, but that's not what his own government says.

Facts:

- Puerto Ricans are Americans.

- Puerto Ricans have not received $91 billion in aid.

- Puerto Rico is still waiting for the help its government should provide as they rebuild after 3,000 deaths and horrific damage. - Hillary Clinton tweet

Republican Shenanigans

Mitch McConnell handing the Merrick Garland SCOTUS seat to Trump was the shadiest gift in the history of stolen merchandise. - John Fugelsang

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Calls Subpoena Seekers Sore Losers. Neener Neener Neener, She Added.
White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders accused Democrats who are threatening to issue a subpoena for special counsel Robert Mueller's full report of being "sore losers."

Merrick Garland is a reminder that the only POTUS ever denied an up/down vote on a SCOTUS nom was also the only black POTUS.
Not saying Mitch McConnell is racist for obstructing.
Just saying Mitch should have to defend why it wasn't racist, every day, for the rest of his life.- John Fugelsang

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Rock The Voter News

Republicans said Hillary Clinton was unlikeable.Then they said Nancy Pelosi is unlikeable.Now they say Elizabeth Warren and Kamala Harris are unlikeable.
But is anyone more unlikeable than Mitch McConnell? I’ll wait. - Denzican Grimes

Meanwhile, The House Wants To Know What Is Going On With These Loosey Goosey Security Clearances.
A Democratic-led House committee plans to subpoena a Trump administration official to discuss how the White House granted security clearances to people despite problems with their background checks.
The House Committee on Oversight and Reform meets Tuesday to discuss a subpoena for Carl Kline, the personnel security director during the first two years of the Trump presidency.

Trump paints Puerto Ricans as “leeches”, accidentally revealin’ a key element of the Republican HealthCare Plan. - Tea Pain

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So, How's That Brexit Going?

Business/Tech News

Whenever I feel that America has never been this divided I remind myself that 700,000 Americans dying in a civil war is just a bit worse than dudes being total dicks on Twitter. - John Fugelsang

Gloom & Doom On The Debt Ceiling Horizon
President Donald Trump and House Democrats are gearing up for a fight over the debt ceiling in coming months — a standoff that could ultimately prove to have even higher stakes than the recent federal government shutdown in which the president tried to extract funding for a border wall.

Jimmy Carrey and Mussolini's actual granddaughter in a Twitter fight may be the most 2019 thing yet. - Bill Shay

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NOTICE: Finally, I move this afternoon! I will return on Thursday!

Monday, April 1, 2019

Trump calls Rep. Adam Schiff a Pencil Neck

Trump campaign starts selling 'Pencil-neck Adam Schiff' t-shirts
President Trump's 2020 presidential campaign is now selling "Pencil-Neck Adam Schiff" T-shirts, after Trump coined the new nickname at a .

April is Donald Trump Awareness Month — please help find a cure - Jeff Tiedrich

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

I wonder if the reason Trump Administration treats Puerto Ricans as second-class citizens is because they think Puerto Rico is one of the “3 Mexican countries” - Ana Navarro-Cardenas

Democrats Prepping For Barr Wars
Democrats in the House of Representatives are getting ready to drop the hammer on Attorney General Bill Barr Wednesday by subpoenaing special counsel Robert Mueller’s entire report.

Fox & Friends Blames Obama For Creating Additional Mexicos - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

Voters Who Favor Border Wall Can't Identify Border On A Map - Andy Borowitz

Wouldn't This Be Nice?
New York’s attorney general has turned her sweeping investigative powers to focus on the Trump Organization — which she has the power to potentially dissolve.

Our historic experiment in Democracy is in great peril. April Fools!!! (Pause) Hello? Anyone? - Conan O'Brien

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‘There Is Beauty In Decay,’ Says Head Of Federal Highway Administration While Surveying Nation’s Crumbling Roads. - The Onion

Rock The Voter News

Sort of curious to see how President Trump handles April Fools Day on Twitter... Does he tell the truth? - Dan Rather tweet

Whistleblower: Security Clearances Don't Seem To Be Important To This White House
A White House staff member has told House investigators that senior officials have overruled concerns raised about 25 individuals whose security clearances were initially denied over a range of disqualifying issues -- such as fears about foreign influence and potential conflicts-of-interests -- warning of the grave implications to national security, according to a senior Democratic lawmaker.

Trump Confident That Supporters Are Incapable Of Reading Mueller Report - Andy Borowitz

If This Doesn't Define Cruel and Unusual Punishment, I Don't Know What Does
The Supreme Court made it clear on Monday that the U.S. Constitution does not guarantee a prisoner sentenced to capital punishment “a painless death,” paving the way for the execution of a convicted murderer who sought to die by lethal gas rather than lethal injection because of a rare medical condition...The court’s five conservatives were in the majority and its four liberals dissented.

Report Reveals Jesus Christ May Have Benefited From Father’s Influential Position To Gain High-Powered Role As Lord And Savior - The Onion

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Donald Trump is:
1) "a billionaire" but you can't see his taxes
2) "a genius" but you can't see his grades
3) "exonerated" but you can't see the report.
It's no wonder people point and laugh at right-wingers - Alex Cole

Business/Tech News

FAA To Ban Plane Crashes - The Onion

Just try to lock me up.

Historic Medicare Fraud Champ Leads Replacement For Obamacare
Republican Sen. Rick of Scott, one of the Republican senators President Trump has tasked with devising a replacement for the Affordable Care Act, denounced the "Medicare for all" proposal, warning that the progressive plan endorsed by several 2020 Democratic White House hopefuls would "ruin" the health care system in the U.S.

"The two greatest obstacles to democracy in the United States are, first, the widespread delusion among the poor that we have a democracy, and second, the chronic terror among the rich, lest we get it." - Edward Dowling

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Thursday, April 4, 2019

Alaska Republican accused of shoving a female reporter and cursing at her in the Capitol building

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Nielsen to require more asylum seekers to remain in Mexico

Monday, April 1, 2019

Trump calls Rep. Adam Schiff a Pencil Neck

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