Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Nielsen to require more asylum seekers to remain in Mexico

Nielsen to require more asylum seekers to remain in Mexico
Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen on Monday ordered an expansion of the administration’s “remain in Mexico” strategy, which forces certain non-Mexican asylum seekers to wait in Mexico pending resolution of their asylum cases in the U.S.
The secretary said her department would expand the policy — formally known as the “Migrant Protection Protocols” — “to return hundreds of additional migrants per day.” The program already has been launched at and between several ports of entry in California and Texas.

“When Barack Obama took office, there was only one Mexico,” Fox host Ed Henry said. “He allowed these additional Mexicos to develop.” - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

Trump considering pulling out of U.S. Constitution. - Andy Borowitz

Trump Loves To Kick People When They're Down Or Throw Them Paper Towels 
President Donald Trump ranted about Puerto Rico and complaints that he hasn’t funded hurricane relief for the U.S. territory to the degree that it was necessary. According to Trump, he’s spent $91 billion on Puerto Rico, but that's not what his own government says.

- Puerto Ricans are Americans. 
- Puerto Ricans have not received $91 billion in aid.  
- Puerto Rico is still waiting for the help its government should provide as they rebuild after 3,000 deaths and horrific damage. - Hillary Clinton tweet

Republican Shenanigans

Mitch McConnell handing the Merrick Garland SCOTUS seat to Trump was the shadiest gift in the history of stolen merchandise. - John Fugelsang

Sarah Huckabee Sanders Calls Subpoena Seekers Sore Losers. Neener Neener Neener, She Added. 
White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders accused Democrats who are threatening to issue a subpoena for special counsel Robert Mueller's full report of being "sore losers."

Merrick Garland is a reminder that the only POTUS ever denied an up/down vote on a SCOTUS nom was also the only black POTUS.
Not saying Mitch McConnell is racist for obstructing.
Just saying Mitch should have to defend why it wasn't racist, every day, for the rest of his life.- John Fugelsang


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Rock The Voter News

Republicans said Hillary Clinton was unlikeable.Then they said Nancy Pelosi is unlikeable.Now they say Elizabeth Warren and Kamala Harris are unlikeable.
But is anyone more unlikeable than Mitch McConnell? I’ll wait. - Denzican Grimes

Meanwhile, The House Wants To Know What Is Going On With These Loosey Goosey Security Clearances.
A Democratic-led House committee plans to subpoena a Trump administration official to discuss how the White House granted security clearances to people despite problems with their background checks.
The House Committee on Oversight and Reform meets Tuesday to discuss a subpoena for Carl Kline, the personnel security director during the first two years of the Trump presidency. 

Trump paints Puerto Ricans as “leeches”, accidentally revealin’ a key element of the Republican HealthCare Plan. - Tea Pain


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So, How's That Brexit Going?

Business/Tech News

Whenever I feel that America has never been this divided I remind myself that 700,000 Americans dying in a civil war is just a bit worse than dudes being total dicks on Twitter. - John Fugelsang

Gloom & Doom On The Debt Ceiling Horizon
President Donald Trump and House Democrats are gearing up for a fight over the debt ceiling in coming months — a standoff that could ultimately prove to have even higher stakes than the recent federal government shutdown in which the president tried to extract funding for a border wall.

Jimmy Carrey and Mussolini's actual granddaughter in a Twitter fight may be the most 2019 thing yet. - Bill Shay


NOTICE: Finally, I move this afternoon! I will return on Thursday!


Odd News

Time To Deflate Photo
We all need a sloth smiling at us today.


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