Tuesday, April 2, 2019

Nielsen to require more asylum seekers to remain in Mexico


Nielsen to require more asylum seekers to remain in Mexico
Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen on Monday ordered an expansion of the administration’s “remain in Mexico” strategy, which forces certain non-Mexican asylum seekers to wait in Mexico pending resolution of their asylum cases in the U.S.
The secretary said her department would expand the policy — formally known as the “Migrant Protection Protocols” — “to return hundreds of additional migrants per day.” The program already has been launched at and between several ports of entry in California and Texas.


“When Barack Obama took office, there was only one Mexico,” Fox host Ed Henry said. “He allowed these additional Mexicos to develop.” - Andy Borowitz




The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

Trump considering pulling out of U.S. Constitution. - Andy Borowitz






Trump Loves To Kick People When They're Down Or Throw Them Paper Towels 
President Donald Trump ranted about Puerto Rico and complaints that he hasn’t funded hurricane relief for the U.S. territory to the degree that it was necessary. According to Trump, he’s spent $91 billion on Puerto Rico, but that's not what his own government says.


Facts: 
- Puerto Ricans are Americans. 
- Puerto Ricans have not received $91 billion in aid.  
- Puerto Rico is still waiting for the help its government should provide as they rebuild after 3,000 deaths and horrific damage. - Hillary Clinton tweet




Republican Shenanigans

Mitch McConnell handing the Merrick Garland SCOTUS seat to Trump was the shadiest gift in the history of stolen merchandise. - John Fugelsang





Sarah Huckabee Sanders Calls Subpoena Seekers Sore Losers. Neener Neener Neener, She Added. 
White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders accused Democrats who are threatening to issue a subpoena for special counsel Robert Mueller's full report of being "sore losers."





Merrick Garland is a reminder that the only POTUS ever denied an up/down vote on a SCOTUS nom was also the only black POTUS.
Not saying Mitch McConnell is racist for obstructing.
Just saying Mitch should have to defend why it wasn't racist, every day, for the rest of his life.- John Fugelsang


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Rock The Voter News

Republicans said Hillary Clinton was unlikeable.Then they said Nancy Pelosi is unlikeable.Now they say Elizabeth Warren and Kamala Harris are unlikeable.
But is anyone more unlikeable than Mitch McConnell? I’ll wait. - Denzican Grimes






Meanwhile, The House Wants To Know What Is Going On With These Loosey Goosey Security Clearances.
A Democratic-led House committee plans to subpoena a Trump administration official to discuss how the White House granted security clearances to people despite problems with their background checks.
The House Committee on Oversight and Reform meets Tuesday to discuss a subpoena for Carl Kline, the personnel security director during the first two years of the Trump presidency. 





Trump paints Puerto Ricans as “leeches”, accidentally revealin’ a key element of the Republican HealthCare Plan. - Tea Pain


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So, How's That Brexit Going?




Business/Tech News

Whenever I feel that America has never been this divided I remind myself that 700,000 Americans dying in a civil war is just a bit worse than dudes being total dicks on Twitter. - John Fugelsang





Gloom & Doom On The Debt Ceiling Horizon
President Donald Trump and House Democrats are gearing up for a fight over the debt ceiling in coming months — a standoff that could ultimately prove to have even higher stakes than the recent federal government shutdown in which the president tried to extract funding for a border wall.


Jimmy Carrey and Mussolini's actual granddaughter in a Twitter fight may be the most 2019 thing yet. - Bill Shay





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NOTICE: Finally, I move this afternoon! I will return on Thursday!



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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo
We all need a sloth smiling at us today.

Peace.


Monday, April 1, 2019

Trump calls Rep. Adam Schiff a Pencil Neck

Trump campaign starts selling 'Pencil-neck Adam Schiff' t-shirts
President Trump's 2020 presidential campaign is now selling "Pencil-Neck Adam Schiff" T-shirts, after Trump coined the new nickname at a .


April is Donald Trump Awareness Month — please help find a cure - Jeff Tiedrich





The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

I wonder if the reason Trump Administration treats Puerto Ricans as second-class citizens is because they think Puerto Rico is one of the “3 Mexican countries” - Ana Navarro-Cardenas





Democrats Prepping For Barr Wars
Democrats in the House of Representatives are getting ready to drop the hammer on Attorney General Bill Barr Wednesday by subpoenaing special counsel Robert Mueller’s entire report.


Fox & Friends Blames Obama For Creating Additional Mexicos - Andy Borowitz





Republican Shenanigans

Voters Who Favor Border Wall Can't Identify Border On A Map - Andy Borowitz







Wouldn't This Be Nice?
New York’s attorney general has turned her sweeping investigative powers to focus on the Trump Organization — which she has the power to potentially dissolve.










Our historic experiment in Democracy is in great peril.  April Fools!!! (Pause) Hello?  Anyone? - Conan O'Brien



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‘There Is Beauty In Decay,’ Says Head Of Federal Highway Administration While Surveying Nation’s Crumbling Roads. - The Onion





Rock The Voter News

Sort of curious to see how President Trump handles April Fools Day on Twitter... Does he tell the truth? - Dan Rather tweet






Whistleblower: Security Clearances Don't Seem To Be Important To This White House
A White House staff member has told House investigators that senior officials have overruled concerns raised about 25 individuals whose security clearances were initially denied over a range of disqualifying issues -- such as fears about foreign influence and potential conflicts-of-interests -- warning of the grave implications to national security, according to a senior Democratic lawmaker.



Trump Confident That Supporters Are Incapable Of Reading Mueller Report - Andy Borowitz






If This Doesn't Define Cruel and Unusual Punishment, I Don't Know What Does
The Supreme Court made it clear on Monday that the U.S. Constitution does not guarantee a prisoner sentenced to capital punishment “a painless death,” paving the way for the execution of a convicted murderer who sought to die by lethal gas rather than lethal injection because of a rare medical condition...The court’s five conservatives were in the majority and its four liberals dissented.


Report Reveals Jesus Christ May Have Benefited From Father’s Influential Position To Gain High-Powered Role As Lord And Savior - The Onion

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Donald Trump is:
1) "a billionaire" but you can't see his taxes
2) "a genius" but you can't see his grades
3) "exonerated" but you can't see the report.
It's no wonder people point and laugh at right-wingers - Alex Cole


Business/Tech News





FAA To Ban Plane Crashes - The Onion


Just try to lock me up.

Historic Medicare Fraud Champ Leads Replacement For Obamacare
Republican Sen. Rick of Scott, one of the Republican senators President Trump has tasked with devising a replacement for the Affordable Care Act, denounced the "Medicare for all" proposal, warning that the progressive plan endorsed by several 2020 Democratic White House hopefuls would "ruin" the health care system in the U.S. 








"The two greatest obstacles to democracy in the United States are, first, the widespread delusion among the poor that we have a democracy, and second, the chronic terror among the rich, lest we get it." - Edward Dowling



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Moving delayed until tomorrow.


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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo
A tulip field in Lisse, Netherlands. Think Spring! It's around the corner.

Peace.

Friday, March 29, 2019

Rand Paul: 'Time for Congress to investigate' Obama

Rand Paul: 'Time for Congress to investigate' Obama
Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) said Wednesday that lawmakers should investigate former President Obama, suggesting that he could have played a role in the years-long Russia investigation that concluded over the weekend.


 Rand Rubles Paul wants to investigate Obama and Obama will tell you that in 2016 your very own GOP Senate leader was against Obama informing Americans that Russia was interfering in the election.

Lindsey Graham says: “President Trump has been good to me in the sense that he's allowed me in his world." Is he kidding? I’d call him Little Mermaid, but Mermaids have spines! - Bette Midler



The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump




Trump tells the Hannity show that wind power doesn't work because "it only blows sometimes" 
Unlike, say, the Hannity show. - John Fugelsang


Mitch McConnell Dislikes Puerto Rico As Much As Trump
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell on Thursday took procedural steps to block further amendments to a massive disaster aid bill, a move sure to anger Democrats.
Senate Democrats are threatening to oppose the $13 billion dollar disaster aid bill unless it includes more money for Puerto Rico, even as President Donald Trump complains that Congress is providing too much money to the island.





Trump mocks asylum seekers, mimicking them saying, "I am very afraid for my life, I’m afraid for my life." Then he says, "it’s a big fat con job." - Colby Itkowitz tweet, Washington Post

Republican Shenanigans




The GOP is terrified of Adam Schiff because they can’t block him from being briefed on classified information. 
That’s all this is. They don’t want someone as tenacious as Schiff to get that full briefing on the Mueller report. - Angry Staffer



Aw, Sibling Rivalry, How Cute.
First daughter Ivanka Trump was reportedly in a “tussle” of sorts with her older brother, Donald Trump Jr., over who would potentially follow in the footsteps of their father and run for president. She even “has a hissy fit” when Trump Jr. gets good press, said the author of a new book.






I agree with Trump that Adam Schiff does not belong in Congress. He should be President. - Andy Borowitz

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Rock The Voter News

“Those who read ‘Moby-Dick’ looking for whales will be sorely disappointed,” Barr wrote. “There are no whales here.” - Andy Borowitz


No One Wants To Be A Border Agent. Wonder Why?
Border Patrol struggling to hire, keep agents, but may never get 5,000 Trump ordered.
When U.S. Border Patrol agents called on the patrol's air unit to provide overhead coverage for operations, about four out of five requests were rejected over three recent years.
The reason? A lack of pilots.
And the staffing crisis at Border Patrol doesn't end with pilots.





Betsy DeVos woke up on her yacht and thought “what disadvantaged group can I take federal funding away from today?” Don’t judge Betsy DeVos until you sail a mile in her yacht. - Chelsea Handler

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Business/Tech News

If you think fertilized eggs are people but women who've walked their kids 2,000 miles aren't, stop pretending your concerns are religious. - LOLGOP





You must pray the gay away.
Mike Pence Is Gonna Be Pissed
Google is pulling a gay conversion therapy app that was banned by Apple, Amazon, and Microsoft months ago. Despite pressure from LGBTQ rights groups, Google had refused to ban the app from Living Hope Ministries, saying it didn’t clearly violate its Play Store terms of service. A Google spokesperson said: “After consulting with outside advocacy groups, reviewing our policies, and making sure we had a thorough understanding of the app and its relation to conversion therapy, we’ve decided to remove it from the Play Store, consistent with other app stores.”




Trump says the GOP is the “Party of HealthCare”, meanin’ they’ll have it and you won’t. - Tea Pain





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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo
I wonder what that jaguar is looking at -- dinner?

Peace.