All Hat No Cattle

Thursday, January 17, 2019

So when do we start calling him, President Putin?

Donald Trump Personally Phoned ‘NYT’ Reporter To Defend Vladimir Putin Against Election Hacking Accusations
Following a meeting with Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump once picked up the phone to call a 'New York Times' reporter to make an extraordinary claim about the Russian strongman.

The simple truth is that Trump is now vastly overmatched by people vastly smarter and more knowledgeable than he is. He truly has no clue what to do. When your main advisers are your experience free daughter and son-in-law, you are truly alone. - Tony Schwartz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

It's always nice to remind yourself that Donald Trump thinks it's morally worse to deny him TV time than it is to starve 800,000 families or leave thousands to die in Puerto Rico.- LOLGOP

Guys, I’m starting to think Rudy Giuliani may be secretly working for Robert Mueller
Rudy Giuliani, Trump’s personal attorney, said that there could have been “collusion” between Trump’s presidential campaign and Russian officials, but if it did happen, Trump didn’t do it

Rudy Giuliani is the Grandpa Simpson of the Trump administration.- The USASingers tweet

If our government is "shut down," then how come the president's mic is still on?- Stephen Colbert

Republican Shenanigans

Lindsey Graham blackmailed by some salacious personal peccadillo is actually a more sympathetic explanation than he’s just an opportunistic toady. - Schooley tweet

Evangelical Poll Rigging
Michael Cohen paid the chief information officer for Jerry Falwell Jr.’s evangelical college to rig early polls in Donald Trump’s favor, according to a new report.

Paying someone from Liberty University cash in a bag to rig an online poll just reminds you that we're really not playing against the varsity here. - PopeHat tweet

For I was a stranger & you tear-gassed meI asked for asylum & you stole my children

I fled violence in my country from your drug war & you called me 'illegal'

But maybe the next time evangelicals vote they'll read the Gospels 1st instead of electing f*cking CaligulaAmen. - John Fugelsang

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Rock The Voter News

Thank god we took back the House… if you think the state of the union is in shambles now, just imagine the mess we’d be in if we didn’t. - William LeGate

Happy Birthday Michelle!

Here We Go Again. Hillary's Emails.
A federal judge has breathed new life into questions surrounding former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's use of a private email server and the 2012 attack that killed U.S. officials in Benghazi, Libya.
Judge Royce Lamberth ruled Tuesday that Obama administration officials, including national security adviser Susan Rice and deputy national security adviser Ben Rhodes, must answer written questions as part of a conservative judicial advocacy group's Freedom of Information Act lawsuit against the State Department over Clinton's emails.

Fact that Ken Starr, who flushed $70M running unhinged and incompetent Clinton witch hunt and then lost his Univ job after covering up campus sexual assault, is still perceived by NYT as a Very Serious Person says a lot about our broken political culture. - Eric Boehlert

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Business/Tech News

Marco Rubio said, "Are you ready for President Kamala Harris declaring a national emergency over climate change?" Marco, are you FLIRTING WITH ME?! - Bette Midler

Criminal Case Brought Against China
The U.S. Justice Department will pursue a criminal case against Chinese tech giant Huawei for alleged trade secrets theft, according to The Wall Street Journal.
The charges revolve around theft of trade secrets related to a robotic device called "Tappy" made by T-Mobile, which was used in testing smartphones, according to the report.

Within period of 72 hours, Nixon was inaugurated for second term, LBJ died, Roe v. Wade was decided, Vietnam War settlement was announced--all 46 years ago this coming week. - Michael Beschloss

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Thank you!

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Day 26 of the shutdown

Kremlin says 'stupid' to suggest Trump a Russian agent
A top Kremlin aide on Wednesday dismissed as ridiculous claims that US President Donald Trump has acted as an agent for Russia amid mounting controversy over his alleged ties to Moscow.

Intel. 101:

Whose job is it to detect and to remove a Russian mole?

The F.B.I.

Who is paranoid about the F.B.I.?

A Russian mole. - Richard W. Painter

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

On a day when US troops are reported killed in Syria, Mike Pence declares at State: "ISIS has been defeated." - Michelle Kosinski, CNN

Surprise. Surprise. Those Republicans Unaffiliated With Russia Step Up To The Plate.
The Republican-led U.S. Senate voted on Tuesday to advance a resolution disapproving of a Trump administration plan to ease sanctions on Russian companies tied to Russian oligarch Oleg Deripaska, clearing the way for debate and a vote on the plan.
The result marked a rare break from President Donald Trump. Eleven of Trump's fellow Republicans joined Democrats to vote 57-42 in favor of a motion to proceed to the resolution of disapproval.

[Trumps shoots a person on Fifth Avenue]

Rudy Giuliani: "is murder even a crime? I'm not sure it is"

Mitch McConnell: *crickets*

NBC internal memo: "don't refer to it as murder"

Maggie Haberman: "to be fair, it was only one person"

William Barr: "I am unfamiliar with this story" - Jeff Tiedrich

Russians Are Coming Out Of The Woodwork And Prison
An imprisoned model from Belarus who claimed last year she had evidence of Russian involvement in helping elect Donald Trump president has told Russian media she can't wait to be released. Anastasia Vashukevich, who has been in a Thai prison since February last year, was given a suspended sentenced Tuesday and ordered to be deported after she pleaded guilty to soliciting and conspiracy.

Republican Shenanigans

I hope everyone is starting to get over their anger at shaving products today. - Andy Lassner

Pelosi Puts Trump In The Time Out Corner
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has sent a letter to President Trump asking to move the day of the State of the Union address or deliver it in writing, citing security concerns from the ongoing government shutdown

If Trump now reopens Govt, he visibly surrenders to Pelosi.
If Trump keeps Govt closed, he bleeds support faster. Workers miss next paycheck, air travel delays, govt services fail, and economy stalls.
Trump built the trap and walked into it. Pelosi just locked it behind him. - David Frum

Looking forward to "Donald Trump's EXCLUSIVE State of the INCREDIBLE Union Address Show," live-streamed on Stormfront ($50 one-time fee applies) and brought to you by Trump Steaks. - Rex Huppke

Karen Pence teaches art at a parochial school which bans gay teachers, gay students and gay subject matter. The scariest part of all this is the idea of Karen Pence teaching art. - Paul Rudnick

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Rock The Voter News

Karen Pence is teaching at a school that bans gay employees and kids. Really makes you miss Dr. Jill Biden, also an educator, who used her Second Lady role to advocate for safe schools for LGBTQ students. - Adam Best

Unlucky 7
A day after congressional Democrats declined to meet with President Donald Trump over ending the government shutdown, at least seven House Democrats attended a White House meeting Wednesday aimed at reopening the government that has been partially closed for more than three weeks.

WOMEN: Treat us like humans.

MEN: You’re being sensitive and irrational.

GILLETTE: Men, we can be better.

MEN: *PTERODACTYL SCREAM* - Solomon Georgio tweet

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It is not possible to cheer on Donald Trump unless you reject almost every teaching of Jesus. If this makes you angry, find a teaching of Christ that DT has fought for.The only things Trump has in common w/Jesus is they both hung out with hookers & used ghostwriters. - John Fugelsang

Business/Tech News

Trump A$$ Ki$$ers Are Everywhere!
T-Mobile signed a mega-merger that needs the Trump Administration's OK.
The next day, staff at Trump's DC hotel were told: we've got 9 high-level T-Mobile execs checking in.

Did you hear about the war between the conservatives and liberals? The conservatives threw sticks of dynamite at the liberals. The liberals lit the sticks of dynamite and threw them back

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Tuesday, January 15, 2019

Day 25 of the government shutdown

Government shutdown day 25: Trump says he will 'never back down'
What's up with the partial government shutdown on Day 25: ...Trump digging in for a fight, declaring he will “never ever back down

Kremlin names Trump Employee of the Month. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

In the 1640's the Dutch inhabitants of New Amsterdam built a 12' wall to keep the bad guys out. The British ignored the wall and took New Amsterdam by sea. It's now called New York. They took down the wall and built a street. It's called Wall St.

Drone Wars On The Horizon?
Federal regulators announced plans Monday to change rules to allow drone operators to fly their unmanned aerial vehicles over populated areas and at night, without having to get special permits

So hard going through the airport today. I looked into the eyes of our workers who deserve better. A TSA officer said: "Don't stop fighting. Keep it up." I broke down & felt the weight of the responsibility on me. I will never become numb to the human impact. We must end this.- Rep. Rashida Tlaib

Trump's slurred speech tied to low battery in Putin's remote. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

If I didn't already know that Laura Loomer was white, I would have guessed it after you told me that she jumped a fence and trespassed on someone's private property, went up to the front door and tried to open it and the cops let her walk away un-arrested and in fact still alive. - Jeff Tiedrich

William Barr claims "I will act with the same integrity as I did with the George H. W. Bush administration."
That's the problem. Barr advocated the pardonin' of every scoundrel in the Iran-Contra scandal. - Tea Pain

GOP Senate Blocks Reopening Government
Senate Republicans blocked a House-passed package to reopen the federal government for a second time in as many weeks on Tuesday.

William Barr assures the American people he will bravely let the Mueller probe continue until the day he advises Trump to pardon everyone who's been convicted and they all walk away clean like in good 'ol '92. - John Fugelsang

I'd like 600 hamberders, 300 freedom fries, and a diet coke with extra ice.

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Trump now has the longest government shutdown in history and he wants you to know it's also the thickest. - John Fugelsang

Rock The Voter News

Chuck Schumer Honestly Pretty Amazed He Hasn’t Caved Yet - The Onion

I Wonder If Covfefe Was Served With Hamberders
Fast food aficionado President Trump claimed Tuesday he bought more than 1000 “hamberders” for the Clemson Tigers college football team, ...

Oh no! My hamberder meat has e-collie. - Crutnacker tweet

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Trump's mafia name is Donny Burgers - Jeff Tiedrich

Business/Tech News

No real billionaire needs to tell people that he paid for fast food. - Andy Lassner

Something Else For Trumpsters To Destroy
The razor company's short film, called Believe, plays on their famous slogan "The best a man can get", replacing it with "The best men can be".
The company says it wants men to hold each other "accountable".
Some have praised the message of the advert, which aims to update the company's 30-year-old tagline, but others say Gillette is "dead" to them.

We need to get past this stupid fast food thing so we can get back to [checks notes] bickering over disposable razor ads. - PopeHat tweet

Laughter is much more important than applause. Applause is almost a duty. Laughter is a reward. - Carol Channing who passed away today at the age of 97

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So close...thank you!