All Hat No Cattle

Monday, April 30, 2018

I made a joke about Sarah Sanders' eye makeup, too!

Michelle Wolf Slays Useless White House Correspondents' Dinner
After the annual mutual congratulation session known as the White House Correspondents' Dinner concluded Saturday, NBC News White House reporter Kelly O'Donnell distanced herself from the program. O'Donnell thought Daily Show comedienne Michelle Wolf had been too rough on Trump press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

Where was this sisterhood of the traveling journalistic outrage during the 2016 campaign? - goldengateblond tweet

Why are you guys making this about Sarah’s looks? I said she burns facts and uses the ash to create a *perfect* smoky eye. I complimented her eye makeup and her ingenuity of materials. -Michelle Wolf

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Kim Jong-un Demands Human Sacrifice of Mike Pence as Precondition for Summit - Andy Borowitz

Trump To Speak At NRA. I Wonder If The KGB, CIA, FBI Or NSA Will Make An Appearance.
President Donald Trump is expected to speak at the National Rifle Association's annual meeting later this week in Dallas, two sources familiar with the matter told CNN.

White House Correspondents' Association Deeply Regrets Use of First Amendment. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

People are feeling more sorry for Sarah Sanders getting roasted by Michelle Wolf than they are when Donald Trump conspired with Russia and stole the presidency from Hillary Clinton. - Jason Elias

Republican Turned Democrat Running For Senate
Richard Painter, a longtime Republican who was chief ethics lawyer for George W. Bush’s White House, intends to run for the U.S. Senate in Minnesota this year as a Democrat, according to a filing he made recently with federal elections officials.

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The overreaction to Michelle Wolf by DC journos desperate to prove their neutrality regarding Trump just proves what a sh*tshow the press coverage of the Dem nominee in 2020 is going to be. -Brian Fallon

Rock The Voter News

Michelle Wolf is the first person to call Sarah Huckabee Sanders a “LIAR” straight to her face. Republicans can’t handle the truth and journalists are scared of losing their access to the White House if they ever told the unfiltered truth. - Ryan Knight

Millennials Are Leaning Towards Republicans. It's The Baby Boomers Fault!
The online survey of more than 16,000 registered voters ages 18 to 34 shows their support for Democrats over Republicans for Congress slipped by about 9 percentage points over the past two years, to 46 percent overall. And they increasingly say the Republican Party is a better steward of the economy.

I attended the WHCD last night. Donald Trump has so poisoned the atmosphere by attacking the disabled, gold star parents, Muslims, Mexicans, Blacks, women, the press, the rule of law that a comedian who simply tells the truth is offensive? She’s joking. He’s not. - Rob Reiner

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Business/Tech News

Politicians can't stand up for Main St if they're on all fours for Wall St. - John Fugelsang

Gas Prices To Rise. It Must Be Obama's Fault.
Get ready for a little bit more pain at the pump this summer.
Crude oil prices are at the highest level in more than three years and expected to climb higher, pushing up gasoline prices along the way.

"I had always hoped that this land might become a safe and agreeable asylum to the virtuous and persecuted part of mankind, to whatever nation they might belong." - George Washington, 1788

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Friday, April 27, 2018

Korea Unites?

In South Korea, Summit With North Korea Is Greeted With Hope — And Skepticism
In a day filled with compelling images and stirring rhetoric, Friday's political theater and media spectacle in South Korea had something for just about everyone. North Korean leader Kim Jong Un took historic strides across the border to meet South Korean President Moon Jae-in. Then, he invited Moon to step briefly into the North.

My thoughts and prayers are that Trump doesn't mess this up.

If you think about it, the North and South Korean War will end before the finish of the American Civil War.- Erik Bransteen

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Fun fact the new embassy in Jerusalem will cost tax payers $60 million dollars! How’s the water in Flint? - irishygirl tweet

WWB Violation By Ex-NFL Player
An ex-NFL player was slammed to the ground and choked until he was unconscious by Henry County police officers during an arrest in a shopping center parking lot, cellphone video of the attack shows.

Duke, Duchess Of Cambridge Announce Name Of Third Child Is Louis Arthur Al-Baghdadi - The Onion

Republican Shenanigans

House Intelligence Committee Republicans declare there was no collusion btw DT campaign & Russia which is why you should ignore 19 indictments, 4 guilty pleas & Don Jr emailing "collude at me, bro." - John Fugelsang

Kanye West and the GOP teach us a valuable lesson, when you fall in love with a reality tv star there is a pretty good chance you will lose your mind. - Matthew Dowd

If Jesus Were Alive Today, Paul Ryan Would Lead The Lynch Mob
More than 70 Democratic lawmakers have signed a letter demanding answers from Speaker Paul Ryan about his decision to oust the chaplain of the House of Representatives.
The letter, which began circulating Thursday evening and is also signed by at least one Republican, asks Ryan to explain his motivation for seeking the resignation of Rev. Patrick Conroy, the Jesuit priest who had served as House chaplain for the last seven years.

Who the hell fires a priest?- John Dingell

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I don’t know if Joy Reid is telling the truth or not.
Here’s my truth.
I grew up being taught in school that being gay was wrong.
I was told people chose to be gay.
I used gay slurs with my friends.
And then I learned the truth.
I evolved.
I changed.
Now I produce Ellen.
- Andy Lassner

Rock The Voter News

It was reported that disgraced CBS anchor Charlie Rose is developing a show where he'll interview other men brought down by the MeToo movement, which brings us to a new segment called "Just, No." No. No! NO!- Seth Myers

Cut & run, Manafort before it's too late.

Seems That Manafort's Lawyers Are As Swift As Trump's
A federal judge on Friday tossed out former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort's lawsuit challenging the scope of special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation.
In her decision, U.S. District Judge Amy Berman Jackson wrote that a civil suit is not the way for Manafort to challenge actions by the prosecutors who are working for Mueller's office.

Pence Unveils Campaign To Educate Teens About Dangers Of Premarital Eye Contact - The Onion

Since When Does A Reputable (?) Author Whine When Her Facts Don't Check Out?
New York Times reporter Amy Chozick has found herself embroiled in an extremely civil public debate with Chelsea Clinton over Chozick’s new book, Chasing Hillary.

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So they asked Trump, since he isn't getting enough credit, they asked him to assess his own performance to date. What grade do you think the president gave himself? Let's find out. [Trump clip] “I would give myself an A-plus.” That's right, A-plus. Not an A, an A-plus. Just an unbiased review from a guy who names everything from neck ties to meat after himself, an A-plus. I'm going to miss him when he's arrested, I really am. - Jimmy Kimmel

Business/Tech News

Look, he did promise to create tons of new jobs; we just didn't know they would all be for criminal defense attorneys. - John Fugelsang

Tom Brokaw Accused Of Sexual Harassment. Tom Brokaw?
Tom Brokaw, the retired longtime anchor of "NBC Nightly News," denied a former colleague's accusation on Thursday that he tried to kiss and grope her when she was an NBC News correspondent during the 1990s.
The former correspondent, Linda Vester, told The Washington Post and Variety that Brokaw, who at 78 is 26 years older than she, twice made unwanted advances toward her, in 1994 and 1995.

Bill Cosby, one of the most beloved and successful TV stars of all-time, was convicted on three counts of indecent assault today. He could very well spend the rest of his life eating pudding in prison.- Jimmy Kimmel

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Thursday, April 26, 2018

Trump goes on Twitter Tirade

Trump's comments cause him legal headaches — again
President Donald Trump's penchant for freewheeling chatter on issues being litigated in court landed him in hot water again Thursday, potentially upending his attorneys' strategy in ongoing court battles involving his personal lawyer Michael Cohen

Trump’s Mouth Wired Shut on Advice of Legal Team - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

I've known comedians who have done cocaine and stayed up all night and they sounded just like trump on fox & friends. - Dean Obeidallah

Trump Tweets This Morning, Federal Prosecutors Use It In Court Filing
Federal prosecutors in New York argued on Thursday that public statements by President Trump and Fox News host Sean Hannity signal that materials seized from Michael Cohen are unlikely to contain large amounts of privileged information.

What Trump thinks of his tweet vs what everyone else thinks about it

Republican Shenanigans

Diamond and Silk are lying so much in their testimony, they're gonna have to change their name to Zirconia and Polyester.- Nick Jack Pappas

IT'S CALLED DRAGON ENERGY, IT'S A NEW THING KANYE AND I HAVE

Publicist Worried Kanye West’s Support Of Trump Will Damage His Carefully Crafted Public Image As A Manic Self-Absorbed Lunatic- The Onion

My My My. One More Thing For Trump To Be Mad At. Here Come Da Judge.
The first look at documents seized from Donald Trump’s longtime personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, will go to Barbara Jones, who cut her teeth as a mob prosecutor, presided as a judge over white-collar crime cases including corporate chieftain Bernie Ebbers, and oversaw the arbitration of NFL running back Ray Rice.

Kanye: I am the craziest Trump supporter and will do absolutely anything for money.

Diamond and Silk: Hold our beer.

Dr. Ronny Jackson: No problem.

- Mith

Jeff Sessions Desperately Trying To Keep His Job
Attorney General Jeff Sessions said he shared President Donald Trump’s “frustrations” with the special counsel probe and called for it to wrap up.
The attorney general testified Thursday before the House Appropriations Committee, saying the investigation overseen by special counsel Robert Mueller was distracting the president from national security matters.

I have started a GoFundMe to send Michael Cohen to law school. - Andy Borowitz

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It's being reported that Veterans Administration nominee Dr. Ronny Jackson is known as "the candy man" in the White House because he gave out prescriptions "like candy." So, now we can all stop asking ourselves, "How does Melania do it?"- Conan O'Brien

Rock The Voter News

Bill Cosby Found Guilty And Screams About It
Just after being found guilty on sexual assault, comedian Bill Cosby reportedly had an outburst at his prosecutor and screamed obscenities while his potential incarceration without bail was discussed.

Now if only we could start holding our president to the same standard we’re holding Bill Cosby. - OhNoSheTwint

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Body language experts say all the touching between Presidents Trump and Macron was an exercise in primate-like male dominance. And here's the good news for Americans — apparently our baboon won.- Conan O'Brien

Business/Tech News

Former White House press secretary Sean Spicer appeared in Madame Tussauds today to unveil a wax figure of first lady Melania Trump. And you can tell it's not the real Melania because — OK, you can't tell. - Seth Myers

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Monday, April 30, 2018

I made a joke about Sarah Sanders' eye makeup, too!

Friday, April 27, 2018

Korea Unites?

Thursday, April 26, 2018

Trump goes on Twitter Tirade

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