All Hat No Cattle

Friday, December 8, 2017

TGIF

Email shows effort to give Trump campaign WikiLeaks documents
Candidate Donald Trump, his son Donald Trump Jr. and others in the Trump Organization received an email in September 2016 offering a decryption key and website address for hacked WikiLeaks documents, according to an email provided to congressional investigators.

Here is an update to the above story:
CNN forced to climb down over Trump-WikiLeaks email report
Network said Trump had received email that offered hacked WikiLeaks files – but CNN got date wrong and later admitted material was already in public sphere

I don't know about you but if Wikileaks contacted me while I was working on a campaign, I would call the FBI.

Nation fears drug test would reveal that Trump is not on drugs. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Though Americans were strongly enthusiastic about moving Trump to Jerusalem, in a rare consensus both Arabs and Israelis vehemently opposed the move. - Andy Borowitz

Trump Is Totally Responsible For This And He's Probably Proud About It
Protesters clashed with Israeli police and dozens were injured in Bethlehem and other cities on Thursday as demonstrations were held in response to President Trump’s recognition of Jerusalem as Israel’s capital.

Mueller Probe Finds Election May Have Been Influenced by Millions of Idiots. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

The weather in Alabama next week will favor Moore because it’s supposed to dip into the teens. -Liars Never Win tweet

Are Republicans Punishing California? Of Course They Are!
House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-San Francisco) on Thursday criticized Republicans in the California delegation for approving a tax bill that eliminated the deduction for personal losses from wildfires, earthquakes and other natural disasters, but kept the break for victims of the recent severe hurricanes.

Roy Moore is what would happen if a confederate flag came to life. - Jeff Tiedrich

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Sarah Huckabee Sanders said that Trump’s slurred speech was “a case of what happens when President Putin doesn’t change the batteries in his remote frequently enough.”- Andy Borowitz

Rock The Voter News

A Liberal is someone naïve enough to believe a Conservative should be disgusted by pedophilia, racism or slavery. - Tea Pain

Did Democrats Just Fall Into Roger Stone’s Trap?
With the resignation of Sen. Al Franken, I asked women on Capitol Hill if he should pay a lesser price than the one that Harvey Weinstein, Charlie Rose, Mark Halperin, and Matt Lauer paid. Or does Franken, for all his boorish behavior, fall closer to George H.W. Bush, aka David “Cop-a-Feel,” than to those who summoned underlings to their lair under the guise of meeting about work but actually to expose and, in some cases, force themselves upon them?

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Business/Tech News

Men spend years hiding sexual assaults then lose their jobs. Trump brags about his and gets elected President. What the f*ck, America?- John Leguizamo

Great. Baggage Fees To Be Hidden Again. Cha-Ching!
The Trump administration has scrapped an Obama-era proposal requiring airlines and ticket agencies to disclose baggage fees as soon as passengers start the process of buying a ticket.

Told the 5 yr old "If you're good Santa rewards you; if you're naughty he won't."
He replied "I think you're talking about Karma" - John Fugelsang

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FUNDRAISER

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Al Franken resigns. Groper-in-chief doesn't.

Franken resigns in defiant floor speech
"There is some irony that I am leaving while a man who bragged on tape about his history of sexual assault sits in the Oval Office, and a man who preyed on young girls runs for Senate with the full support of his party."

Franken should announce he’s switching parties. He’ll be fine then. - AllahPundit

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Broad majority of Americans support moving Trump to Jerusalem. - Andy Borowitz

Tillerson & Ukraine?
U.S. Secretary of State Rex Tillerson said Thursday that Ukraine was the sole sticking point keeping the United States and Russia from forging a closer relationship, suggesting that all other disputes were secondary.
“The issue that stands in the way is Ukraine,” Tillerson said.

Olympic officials first got suspicious that Russians were using performance-enhancing drugs when the Russians set a new speed record for skiing UP the mountain. - James Corden

Fredo Trump

Dumb As A Trump
Donald Trump Jr. on Wednesday cited attorney-client privilege to avoid telling lawmakers about a conversation he had with his father, President Donald Trump, after news broke this summer that the younger Trump — and top campaign brass — had met with Russia-connected individuals in Trump Tower during the 2016 campaign.

Republican Shenanigans

Al Franken is doing the right thing.

I now look forward to seeing Donald Trump and Roy Moore do the right thing.

I'll just be waiting right here.

Let me know when it happens.

**slowly dies and, over a period of years, turns to dust** - Rex Huppke

Giving an important speech on the Middle East? You don't want to lose the audience - or your bottom teeth! Next time, use SUPER POLIGRIP® DENTURE ADHESIVES! Just 'cause you've lost your mind doesn't mean you have to lose your dentures! - Mrs. Betty Bowers

GOP Congressman Wants To Pay Back $84K
A Texas Congressman said Monday he would pay back the $84,000 in taxpayer money that was used to settle a sexual harassment lawsuit that was filed by a former employee.
“Even though I was completely exonerated by [the Office of Congressional Ethics] and the settlement agreement has been paid, I am doing my best and am going to hand a check over this week to, probably Speaker Ryan or somebody, and say, look, here is the amount of my settlement. Give it back to the taxpayers,” Farenthold said

The only thing that will make Republicans happier than Franken resigning is if the child molester beats the Democrat in Alabama. - OhNoSheTwint

Fake Reporter Honored By Wife Of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas
James O'Keefe, the conservative activist who attempted to plant a false story in The Washington Post this month about GOP Senate candidate Roy Moore, was presented Wednesday with an Impact Award, handed to him by Ginni Thomas, wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

So instead of losing to ONE woman in 2016, Trump lost to ALL WOMEN in 2017. - OhNoSheTwitnt

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Rock The Voter News

Hope Hicks is on the Steam Dream Team

Steaming Trump's Pants. Ew.
Former Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski told CNN Thursday that he steamed Donald Trump's pants as part of his responsibilities on the 2016 campaign trail.
In a conversation with "New Day" anchor Alisyn Camerota, Lewandowski was expanding on an anecdote in his campaign memoir, "Let Trump Be Trump," in which he revealed that campaign spokeswoman and current White House communications director Hope Hicks was tasked with steaming the candidate's suits on his private plane -- while he was wearing them.

Really, Republicans, baking a wedding cake for a gay couple probably won’t damage the nation’s morality as much as electing a child molester to the Senate.- Andy Borowitz

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Business/Tech News

Russians Are Everywhere
A Russian oligarch whose business dealings have come under scrutiny by investigators probing Russian influence in the 2016 presidential election has dropped a libel suit against The Associated Press.
Lawyers for aluminum magnate Oleg Deripaska, who worked closely with indicted former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort several years ago, joined with the news service Tuesday in a joint court filing dismissing appeals of a judge's decision in October tossing out the defamation lawsuit.

If you think DT's dentures are rebelling against him you should see his arteries.- John Fugelsang

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Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Treason's Greetings!

Flynn Said Russian Sanctions Would be 'Ripped Up,' Whistle-Blower Says
Michael T. Flynn, President Trump’s former national security adviser, told a former business associate that economic sanctions against Russia would be “ripped up” as one of the Trump administration’s first acts, according to an account by a whistle-blower made public on Wednesday.

Flynn pleads guilty and flips. Finally, the 282nd sure thing to bring down the Trump Administration.- Conan O'Brien

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Trump Fans The Flames Of Jerusalem. Evangelicals Awaiting The Rapture!
President Donald Trump recognized Jerusalem as Israel's capital on Wednesday and announced plans to relocate the US Embassy there, a move expected to inflame tensions in the region and unsettle the prospects for peace.

Was this Jerusalem thing Jared Kushner's idea to win peace in the Middle East?
If so, he really sucks at his job.- Erik Bransteen

Russia has been banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics but is still allowed to participate in the 2020 election.- Michael Blackman

I Think The Russians Did This
Doctors treating the U.S. Embassy victims of mysterious, invisible attacks in Cuba have discovered brain abnormalities as they search for clues to explain the hearing, vision, balance and memory damage, The Associated Press has learned.

I guess one of the reasons I'm a Democrat is because of the Party's "no pedophiles" policy.- Seth Abramson

Republican Shenanigans

“I damn sure believe — and have done my to ensure — that men who hurt little girls should go to jail and not to the United States Senate.” - Doug Jones, Roy Moore's opponent

I Don't Trust A Man Who Doesn't Like Animals
An adviser to President Trump reportedly said Trump was “embarrassed” by the Pence family’s desire to bring their pets with them to Washington, D.C.
The adviser told The Atlantic Trump told his secretary that he thought it was “low class” for the Pences to bring their pets to the Naval Observatory.

Every time I see a picture of Steve Bannon I smell salami.- Akilah Hughes

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Flynn’s not the only one in Mueller’s crosshairs — because, in court, Flynn said that he’s agreed to cooperate with the special counsel’s office. Woo-hoo! He’s singing like a canary! Well, actually, more like an angry shaved eagle. - Stephen Colbert

Rock The Voter News

Democrat Senators Call For Al Franken To Resign
Senators Kirsten Gillibrand, Mazie Hirono, Claire McCaskill and Maggie Hassan all issued statements this morning calling on fellow Democrat Al Franken to resign.

"How is it that Al Franken has become the top story and concern when the rapist trump, the pedophile Moore, the pervert Barton and so many others are skating away? I'm disgusted by the lack of accountability on both sides!" ~ Jay Cohen

May you live in interesting times, like when your vice-president starts picking his vice-president. - Conan O'Brien

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Business/Tech News

A great thing about the new tax plan - if you own a race horse, you can write off its genitals as a small business. - Conan O'Brien

Wal-Mart Name Change. Sorta.
Wal-Mart Stores is dropping a 48-year-old habit, the dash in its name. It's also ditching the word "stores."
Wal-Mart said Wednesday it is changing its legal name to Walmart, as the company looks to emphasize its shift from a company that sells in stores to one that sells online and off.

A Mormon came to my door, and after a long, emotional, and persuasive pitch, I got him to start wearing longer sleeves.- Conan O'Brien

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Please Help Me End This Fundraiser

FUNDRAISER!

Friday, December 8, 2017

TGIF

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Al Franken resigns. Groper-in-chief doesn't.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Treason's Greetings!

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