All Hat No Cattle

Tuesday, August 4, 2020

'It's under control as much as you can control it'

'It's under control as much as you can control it'
President Trump said the coronavirus outbreak is as under control as it can get in the United States, where at least 155,000 people have died amid a patchy response to the crisis.

Americans Insanely Jealous of Spain After Corrupt Head of State Flees Country. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

But if we don’t reopen the schools where will 5-year-olds have their active shooter drills? - OhNoSheTwitnt

Jesus. It's OK To Deny Puerto Ricans Their Rights For 2 More Months?
A federal judge on Monday ruled that it is unconstitutional to deny Puerto Ricans living in the U.S. territory access to three federal welfare programs in a major decision cheered by many.
However, the judge also granted a two-month administrative stay of the injunction at the federal government’s request, which means the decision for now will apply only to the nine plaintiffs in the case.

“If he can in any way profit off your death, he will facilitate it and then he’ll ignore the fact that you died.” - Mary Trump

Republican Shenanigans

Joe Biden can pronounce Yosemite.

Watching the Jonathan Swan interview reminded me of my interview with Chris Guest as Nigel Tufnel in Spinal Tap. Trump’s stupidity goes to 11. - Rob Reiner

Conspiracy Theorist Trump Questions Epstein's Suicide
President Trump in a new interview questioned Jeffrey Epstein's cause of death in prison and stood by his well wishes for Ghislaine Maxwell, who is accused of helping recruit young girls who were sexually abused by the disgraced financier.

Can anyone help me understand this?

More than 32% of U.S. households couldn't pay their mortgages/rent in July, but the GOP say there’s $377M for West Wing remodeling & $2B for a new FBI HQ?

Please explain w/ small words, like I'm someone who needs to take a cognitive exam. - James Kosur

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Shut your mouth, Donald Trump, while we wish Happy Birthday to a real president.

Happy Birthday, President Obama! - Middle Age Riot

Rock The Voter News

Look, sheeple, we can open the schools like Trump says as long as children promise not to get sick. Toughen up and show some damn patriotism, kids!! - Rex Huppke

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Business/Tech News

Respect to Jonathan Swan for not blurting out "what the f-ck is wrong with you" - Jeff Tiedrich

What can possibly go wrong?

A Quarter Million Virus Spreaders Welcomed To South Dakota
Sturgis is on. The message has been broadcast across social media as South Dakota, which has seen an uptick in coronavirus infections in recent weeks, braces to host hundreds of thousands of bikers for the 80th edition of the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally.
More than 250,000 people are expected to rumble through western South Dakota, seeking the freedom of cruising the boundless landscapes in a state that has skipped lockdowns.

Me: This pizza is really good!

Somebody Who Visited Italy With Their Family For A Week When They Were 14: *sighs* It’s fine... - Jon Drake tweet

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Please Kick In A Buck or Two

Because All Dollars Matter

Monday, August 3, 2020

Nancy Pelosi explains her 'lack of confidence' in Dr. Birx

Nancy Pelosi explains her 'lack of confidence' in Dr. Birx
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi addresses her recent criticisms that she doesn't have confidence in Dr. Deborah Birx's handling of the Covid-19 ...

I remember cringing when I watched that press conference and being so disappointed Dr. Birx just sat there and let him ramble about injecting people with disinfectant. I don't think she's complicit but afraid. Afraid of losing her position.

I wonder what it's like to live in a country where the head of government isn't trying to kill people. it must be nice. - Jeff Tiedrich

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

If Biden Wins, We'll Watch Him Inaugurated on a Split Screen With 'Police and Armed Forces Trying to Pull Trump Out of the White House' - April Ryan, CNN

The president tweeting "Make America Great Again," after nearly four years in office, is an incredible self-own. - The Lincoln Project

I Sympathize With These Russian Protesters Since We Have The Same President
Thousands of people took to the streets in Russia's far eastern city of Khabarovsk for the 24th consecutive day on Monday, continuing a rare spate of ongoing anti-Kremlin demonstrations in the region sparked by the arrest of a local politician.

We are losing the number of people who died on 9/11 every two days. - Bradley Whitford tweet

Republican Shenanigans

Trump Orders Pence To Draw Up List of Potential VP Candidates. - Andy Borowitz

Is Michael Cohen A Fixer Or Flipper?
The Manhattan district attorney’s investigation involving U.S. President Donald Trump is not limited to so-called hush-money payments made to two women in 2016 by his former lawyer and fixer Michael Cohen, according to a court filing on Monday.

Congress Approves Defense Relief Funding For Americans To Receive Stimulus Aircraft Carrier - The Onion

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Only in America would Tik-Tok be banned before semi-automatic rifles. - PJ Chukwurah

Rock The Voter News

Trump Proposes Putting Betsy DeVos In Charge of Counting Votes In November. - Andy Borowitz

While People Are Losing Their Homes Because of Covid-19, Trump Wants $377 Mil To Redecorate The White House
The Trump administration wants $377 million in the next coronavirus relief bill for a long-delayed modernization of the West Wing, but the timetable for construction is yet to be determined.
The sum is included in the draft aid legislation from Senate Republicans and would also cover a new security screening facility for the Eisenhower Executive Office Building in the White House complex.

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At least during the 1918 pandemic they had cocaine in their soda. - Slothnova tweet

Business/Tech News

I don’t appreciate Fox News telling my 84 year old GOP father with a heart condition not to wear a mask. - Woman in the Moon tweet

Pro-Lifers Suck The Life Out Of Small Business PPP Loans
Anti-abortion crisis pregnancy centers across the United States received at least $4m and possibly more than $10m in forgivable federal loans as part of the government’s first coronavirus bailout package, called the paycheck protection program (PPP).

Trump Warns Nation About Shadowy Antifa Splinter Group Called U.S. Postal Service. - Andy Borowitz

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Wear It Anyway!

Please Stay Safe!

Friday, July 31, 2020

Fauci: Virus rampant in U.S. because of inadequate, patchwork shutdowns

Fauci: Virus rampant in U.S. because of inadequate, patchwork shutdowns
The Trump administration's decision to leave coronavirus shutdown decisions to the states created a patchwork of policies that effectively only imposed restrictions on about half of the country, NIH infectious diseases expert Anthony Fauci told a House hearing on Friday

Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Month of November. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Uh, Oh. Pompeo Subpoenaed By The House For Dirty Politics
According to a press release from the House’s Committee on Foreign Affairs, Rep. Eliot Engel (D-NY) “issued a subpoena to Secretary of State Mike Pompeo as part of the committee’s investigation of his apparent use of Department of State resources to advance a political smear of former Vice President Joe Biden.”

Donnie, you silly man! You said your friend Herman Cain died of the “China Virus.” Listen, I’m no Chinacologist, but they’re not the ones who held a flop rally in Tulsa where attendees skipped masks. Everyone knows it’s your fault. Maybe soon we’ll call it the Resigner Virus! - Bette Midler

Republican Shenanigans

Let the Epstein chips fall wherever. I don’t care if you’re Democrat, Republican or Independent. Child Predators belong in jail. - NotHoodlum tweet

There's A Mrs. Pompeo?
As Secretary of State Mike Pompeo prepared to tour the Middle East last year, senior State Department officials debated whether they could legally justify his wife Susan’s desire to travel with him.
Susan Pompeo had been invited to events in two capitals, Cairo and Abu Dhabi, by foreign officials. But circumstances had grown complicated: a U.S. government shutdown meant the State Department had to be exceptionally careful with spending, and her presence would incur some costs to taxpayers.

Let’s be honest, if Alan Dershowitz was Trump’s next nominee for the Supreme Court, every Republican senator would vote to confirm him. - Andrea Junker

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Trump: "Herman Cain passed away from something called the 'China Virus.'"
Only Trump could invoke rank racism while eulogizin' a black man. - Tea Pain

Rock The Voter News

Aliens Issue Statement Asserting That Sex with Them Does Not Spread the Coronavirus. - Andy Borowitz

House Slaps The Hand Of Fellow Congressman
In a rare public reprimand of one of their own, the House voted Friday to formally sanction Rep. David Schweikert (R-Ariz.) for violating campaign finance rules and improperly using official resources for his reelection efforts.
The measure, adopted by voice vote, imposes a $50,000 fine on Schweikert that must be paid to the U.S. Treasury by the end of October.

Trump wants to delay elections

now would be good time for the 100+ newspapers that demanded Bill Clinton resign to find an ounce of courage and call for Trump’s removal - Eric Boehlert

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Business/Tech News

Trump responds to Obama’s eulogy: I did much more for minorities than he did

Floridians Are Suffering Because Their Governor Kept The State Open For Spring Break. Dumb Ass.
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) has seen his approval rating nosedive in recent weeks as the state has become one of the new epicenters for the coronavirus pandemic.
A poll by Mason-Dixon Polling & Strategy released Friday shows that 45 percent of respondents said that they approved of the DeSantis' job performance, while 49 percent disapproved.
This is a stark contrast from the last iteration of the survey in March when 62 percent of Florida voters said that they approved of the job DeSantis was doing, with just 24 percent saying they disapproved.

President Obama: “When we do form a more perfect union — whether it's years from now, or decades, or even if it takes another two centuries — John Lewis will be a founding father of that fuller, fairer, better America.”

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Stay Safe Everyone!