All Hat No Cattle

Thursday, July 16, 2020

U.S. is not ready to fully return to schools: Poll

U.S. is not ready to fully return to schools: Poll
Most Americans say the U.S. is not ready to send children back to school this fall and reject President Trump's effort to force schools to fully reopen, a Yahoo News/YouGov poll finds.

The White House Press Secretary on Trump's push to reopen schools: "The science should not stand in the way of this." - Jim Acosta, CNN

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

“He’s like the man who refuses to ask for directions,” Pelosi says of Trump and his handling of the crisis. - Manu Raju, CNN

What kind of sh-thole country suppresses data about a deadly pandemic. - Jeff Tiedrich

Beanghazi
CNN anchor Chris Cuomo blasted President Donald Trump and his adviser and daughter Ivanka Trump for showing off Goya products as the United States coronavirus death toll passes 137,000.
"You tell me how a President in the middle of a pandemic has got time for this bullshit? Are you kidding me? Hawking products? Goya, I don't care who it is. Resolute desk? This is what he's resolute about," Cuomo said on "Cuomo Prime Time" Wednesday evening.

If you want your beans without a side of racism, try other brands. I am. - Chelsea Handler

Republican Shenanigans

Let’s all put our hands together for Dancing with the Stars newest contestant : Brad Parscale - Roland Scahill

Say What? Rupert Murdoch's Son Donated To Biden?
Rupert Murdoch’s son James Murdoch reportedly donated $615,000 to the Biden Victory Fund last month.
According to New York Times reporter Kenneth P. Vogel, who cited the Federal Election Commission (FEC) receipts, James Murdoch and his wife Kathryn Murdoch donated $615,000 each to the fund supporting former Vice President Joe Biden’s 2020 presidential election campaign.

This week on The Apprentice President: Gary Busey, Meat Loaf and Ivanka Trump compete to see who can sell the most beans while ignoring the choking gasps of the dying plague victims. - Jeff Tiedrich

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Trump has commuted Roger Stone's 40-month sentence. Every time you think the Orange Man has hit the gutter, he bounces lower. - Stephen King

Rock The Voter News

Every Member Of Police Department Excitedly Volunteers To Go Undercover In White Supremacist Group - The Onion

Churches Sue California To Be Able To Spew Saliva While Singing
Three northern California churches are suing Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) and other public health officials over a ban on singing and chanting in houses of worship during the coronavirus crisis.

The only difference between Donald Trump and other organized crime bosses is that Al Capone and John Gotti were never stupid enough to run for president. - Middle Age Riot

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Business/Tech News

Trump University. Trump Casino. Trump Steaks. Trump Water. Trump Wine. Trump Vodka. Trump Airlines. Trump Mortgage. Trump Magazine. Trump Entertainment. Trump Foundation.

Nothing could be more on-brand than the Trump Presidency being an expensive failure. - Middle Age Riot

Dr. Fauci Power Walks 3.5 Miles A Day
For Dr. Anthony Fauci, “exercise [is] a significant part of my regimen,” he recently told InStyle.
The 79-year-old White House advisor has been putting in jam-packed, 20-hour days fighting Covid-19, so he makes time to power walk to relieve stress, Fauci told InStyle.
Fauci and his wife, Christine Grady, 67, a nurse bioethicist, power walk 3.5 miles together daily.

Always thought the apocalypse would be dramatic and sudden like a bomb. In fact, it’s just a slow bummer where everybody loses their basic manners. - Scott Linnen

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Wednesday, July 15, 2020

Hospitals told to send coronavirus data to Washington, not CDC

Hospitals told to send coronavirus data to Washington, not CDC
The CDC will "no longer control" the coronavirus data collection system from hospitals across the nation, a spokesman for U.S. Health and Human Services says.

Hospital Covid data will now go straight to Donald Trump and not the CDC and every single news station isn't talking about this, and people are not in the streets? I don't get it. This is pure fascism. - Randi Mayem Singer

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Anderson Cooper: "Jim, is there *anyone* left in the administration who shakes their head when they hear the president rambling in the Rose Garden?"

Jim Acosta: "No, Anderson, we are down to Kool-Aid drinkers and next of kin."

The 3 Stooges Would Run This White House Better
The Trump administration is distancing itself from a senior adviser’s critique of Anthony Fauci, the immunologist who has delivered warnings about the coronavirus’ resurgence as the president pushes to reopen.
Peter Navarro, the White House’s director for the Office of Trade and Manufacturing Policy, wrote an op-ed published in USA Today, criticizing Fauci. Navarro also had earlier sent a similar statement to CBS.

I can’t explain Peter Navarro. He’s in a world by himself. - Dr. Anthony Fauci

Peter Navarro’s Ph.D. Revealed to Be from Trump University. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

In 2016, Trump asked voters "What do you have to lose?" He seems dedicated to answering that question every day. - The Lincoln Project

Mary Trump To Her Uncle: RESIGN
Mary Trump said her sociopathic grandfather led a "dysfunctional" family and turned her uncle, President Donald Trump, into a damaged man who poses a threat to America.
The president's only niece spoke to ABC News chief anchor George Stephanopoulos in an exclusive interview following the release of her memoir, "Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World's Most Dangerous Man."

Me: Ugh I hate family gatherings. My racist uncle is always there and he’s the worst.

Mary Trump: Hold my book. - OhNoSheTwitnt

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Rock The Voter News

Trump University Demands Students Return in Fall. - Andy Borowitz

Let Them Eat Beans!

Dumber & Dumber Hawk Goya Beans In Violation of Ethics Rules
U.S. President Donald Trump and his daughter and adviser Ivanka Trump are rallying support for Goya Foods on Twitter, as social media pressure continues for boycotting the largest Hispanic-owned U.S. food company over its CEO’s effusive praise for Trump...However, her comments could violate government ethics rules that prohibit the use of public office to endorse products or advance personal business gains.

According to my calculations @kanyewest’s presidential aspirations lasted one full Scaramucci.- Anthony Scaramucci tweet

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Business/Tech News

Ivanka launches a “Find Something New” initiative meant to help millions of Americans unemployed because of Covid-19, ignoring the fact that many jobs are gone forever. You can’t just order up a new job because you want one. It’s not a nose or a chin. - Bette Midler

All Walmart Shoppers Must Wear Masks. You Know Where This Is Headed!
All Walmart and Sam's Club shoppers will be required to wear a mask beginning on July 20, the company said Wednesday. "Currently about 65 percent of our more than 5,000 stores and clubs are located in areas where there is some form of government mandate on face coverings," Walmart said.

New Report Links Nationwide Decline In Mental Health To Not Being Able To Eat Inside Hard Rock Cafe. - The Onion

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Tuesday, July 14, 2020

White House turns on Fauci as Trump minimizes virus spike

White House turns on Fauci as Trump minimizes virus spike

With U.S. virus cases spiking and the death toll mounting, the White House is working to undercut its most trusted coronavirus expert, playing down the danger as President Donald Trump pushes to get the economy moving before he faces voters in November.

Dr. Fauci has faithfully protected the American people through six administrations. Real presidents don’t have guys silenced. Mobsters do. - Scott Linnen

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

What kind of sh*thole country undermines its scientists? - Jeff Tiedrich

Ted Cruz Caught Maskless On Flight
American Airlines said Monday that it was investigating after a photo was tweeted of Senator Ted Cruz flying without a mask on one of its regional carriers. A spokesperson for Cruz said he wears a mask while traveling and had taken it off to drink and put it back on afterward.

Here’s an idea: Put Betsy DeVos in an elementary classroom five days a week this fall. - Amanda Carpenter

Republican Shenanigans

If you're condemning Dr. Fauci while defending Roger Stone, I can guarantee that in 10 years you'll deny you did either. - John Fugelsang

Will Trump Pardon Ghislaine Maxwell?
Ghislaine Maxwell is due to appear on Tuesday in Manhattan federal court via video feed for arraignment and bail arguments involving her alleged participation in Jeffrey Epstein's sex trafficking of minor girls. ... If convicted, Maxwell faces up to 35 years in federal prison

It’s beginning to feel like Dr. Fauci should stay away from windows on high floors. Comrades. - Scott Linnen

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"Trump’s COVID scandal makes what Nixon did at Watergate look innocent. Nobody died in the Watergate scandal. Thousands of people are going to die in this COVID scandal." - Gov. Cuomo

Rock The Voter News

Florida Governor Orders All Children to Work at Walmart and Home Depot This Fall. - Andy Borowitz

Would You Sign Away Your Kid's Life?
A school district in Missouri is requiring parents to sign a waiver in case children become infected with COVID-19 and die.
The “waiver of liability” from Hazelwood School District was shared on Tuesday by attorney Natasha Scruggs.
“I feel sick reading it,” Scruggs said.

If more testing creates more cases, and Trump gets tested every single day, then… shouldn’t he... ya know... be the most likely person in the world to get it? - Sarah Cooper

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Business/Tech News

Once Salk’s polio vaccine was proven in 1955, the government approved it within hours.

Church bells rang! A nation rejoiced!

But thanks to problems with manufacturing and distribution, politics, racism and fraud, it wasn’t fully eradicated until 1979.

24 years later. - Bill Weir, CNN tweet

Let them suck popsicles, Daddy.

This Was Ivanka's Idea. Does She Provide Her Champagne Popsicles To The Unemployed, Too?
A new White House-backed ad campaign aims to encourage people who are unemployed or unhappy in their jobs or careers to “find something new.”
The opening ad in the “Find Something New” campaign beginning Tuesday features ordinary people sharing their stories. A companion website provides links to training and other resources.

I just had a nightmare that someone hugged me. - Sarah Cooper

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