All Hat No Cattle

Friday, March 20, 2020

Poll: Majority of Americans now approve of Trump's coronavirus management

Poll: Majority of Americans now approve of Trump's coronavirus management
The uptick in the president's ratings comes after the administration took a variety of new response measures over the past week.

Fox To Address Coronavirus Crisis With Three-Part Series on Hunter Biden. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

If you’re stupid and racist enough to blame random Asian-American people for the coronavirus pandemic then you need to self-quarantine yourself out of society anyway. - Jake Tapper

Coronavirus Causes Troop Withdrawal in Iraq
The U.S.-led military coalition in Iraq is withdrawing some troops in part over the coronavirus pandemic, the coalition confirmed Friday.
“The coalition is adjusting our positioning in Iraq for two reasons: long-planned adjustments to reflect success in the campaign against Daesh; and short-term moves to protect the force during the coronavirus pandemic,” the coalition said in a statement, using an alternate name for the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria.

As you watching our flailing president try to bullsh*t and bluff his way through a crisis he's too deteriorated to understand, recall how our media mocked Hillary for being "over-prepared" at a debate. - Jeff Tiedrich

Republican Shenanigans

Nuclear missiles could be on their way to our country and Republicans would spend their last seconds on earth dumping stocks. - Jeff Tiedrich

Mitch McConnell Sets Deadline On Stimulus Package

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) is pushing an aggressive schedule, asking Republican and Democratic negotiators who met Friday morning in the Hart Senate Office Building to reach an agreement in principle on a $1 trillion stimulus package by the end of the day.

We need to see the stock trades of President Trump and his family in the month of February. - David Frum

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Rock The Voter News

CDC Studying Whether Tanning Bed Kills Coronavirus. - Andy Borowitz

Bored At Home Yet? This Is Expected To Last Several More Weeks.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, said Friday that Americans will most likely have to continue staying at home and practicing social distancing for “at least several weeks" amid the coronavirus outbreak.

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Business/Tech News

A few ideas to help the economy: Moratorium on rent, mortgage, college loan and tax payments. Moratorium on executive pay. Trump's resignation. - Andy Borowitz

Remember These Essential Workers
The U.S. electric industry may ask essential staff to live on site at power plants and control centers to keep operations running if the coronavirus outbreak worsens, and has been stockpiling beds, blankets, and food for them, according to industry trade groups and electric cooperatives.

The thing about Peter Alexander's question to Trump about Americans being frightened? The one that prompted Trump to lash out at him as a terrible reporter?

A colleague of Alexander's at NBC News just died of covid-19. - Philip Bump

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I'd Rather You Laugh Than Cry

Thursday, March 19, 2020

Americans' coronavirus fears spike: poll

Americans' coronavirus fears spike: poll
Americans’ fears surrounding the coronavirus that has rocked public life in the U.S. have spiked, according to a poll released Thursday.

Good thing we have Space Force instead of the US Pandemic Response team, amirite?

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

If Trump wants to call covid-19 the Chinese Virus, China is justified in calling Trump the American Syphilis. - Andy Borowitz

School Safety Trump Style: Cancel the Meeting
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention on Tuesday abruptly canceled an online briefing with school superintendents, and their association called on the agency and the White House to clarify federal guidance for schools struggling amid the coronavirus outbreak.

Three Nigerian princes have emailed me about how they plan to respond to Coronavirus. - George Wallace

Republican Shenanigans

People are dying who have never died before. - Donald J. Trump, March 18, 2020

A Republican Warned His Buds, Last Month, That All Virus Hell Would Break Out
The chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee warned a small group of well-connected constituents three weeks ago to prepare for dire economic and societal effects of the coronavirus, according to a secret recording obtained by NPR.
The remarks from U.S. Sen. Richard Burr(R) were more stark than any he had delivered in more public forums.
On Feb. 27, when the United States had 15 confirmed cases of COVID-19, President Trump was tamping down fears and suggesting the virus could be seasonal.

Triumphant Jared Kushner Announces Plan To Move CDC Headquarters To Jerusalem. - The Onion

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Trump Quietly Checks With Aides To Make Sure He’d Be Included In Receiving $1,000 Government Checks. - The Onion

Feel Good Photo: A sweet little girl

gazing at Michelle Obama's portrait.

Rock The Voter News

New York Governor Warns of Shortages
New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo on Wednesday explained that a basic problem facing hospitals in his state and around the country in the worsening coronavirus outbreak is a shortage of the equipment that helps critically ill people breathe.

What the hell are we waiting for? Tests! Masks! Ventilators! Surge capacity! Federal guidelines! The truth! - Dan Rather

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Business/Tech News

At this point I would feel safer if the Coronavirus gave a press conference about how it’s going to save us from Trump. - OhNoSheTwitnt

Trump Wants Poor People To Die. It's That Simple.
The Agriculture Department said Wednesday that it would appeal a judge’s ruling that it would be “arbitrary and capricious” to move forward during a global health crisis with food stamp changes that could force hundreds of thousands from the program.

Planet Earth Doesn't Know How To Make It Any Clearer It Wants Everyone To Leave. - The Onion

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I'd Rather You Laugh Than Cry

Wednesday, March 18, 2020

Florida governor refuses to shut down beaches amid spread of coronavirus

Florida governor refuses to shut down beaches amid spread of coronavirus
Gov. Ron DeSantis said it's "not uniform throughout the state that you're seeing massive crowds at beaches," despite videos of gatherings in Tampa Bay.

If you can’t say anything nice about Trump, then you’re a good judge of character. - Jeffrey Guterman

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

This morning a White House official referred to #Coronavirus as the “Kung-Flu” to my face. Makes me wonder what they’re calling it behind my back. - Weijia Jiang, CBS

It's Going To Get Worse, Folks
A plan developed by the federal government to combat the coronavirus reportedly projects the pandemic will last 18 months or more and could feature multiple “waves,” The New York Times reported.
“Shortages of products may occur, impacting health care, emergency services, and other elements of critical infrastructure,” the plan warns...

The Senate voted not to remove Trump February 5th. It seems like a lifetime ago.

Republican Shenanigans

Americans Demand Immediate Quarantining of Rand Paul in Guantanamo. - Andy Borowitz

Dr. Fauci said he has no idea who locked Jared Kushner in the bathroom. - Andy Borowitz

Californians Are Going To Mexico To Buy Toilet Paper
Desperate Californians are flooding into Northern Baja in search of water, toilet paper and other items.
An hour before the Costco in Tijuana opened Tuesday morning, there was already a line forming. Employees said that in recent days, by 10 a.m., there have been 600 people in line. They know this because the store only has 600 shopping carts and those have all been taken.

"Trump's tweetin' today like Bob Mueller is standin' in the White House driveway with a grand jury subpoena." - Tea Pain

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In my lifetime Republicans have ignored the AIDS epidemic, crushed union workers, exploited a terror attack on my hometown to justify an immoral war, tank the economy, let New Orleans get destroyed, and let a pandemic grind our country to a halt so I tend to vote for democrats. - Tom Brennan

Rock The Voter News

"no one saw this coming" says the moron who fired the pandemic response team, went golfing, called it a hoax, went golfing again, said he had a "hunch" it wasn't all that deadly, went golfing again, and bragged that 15 cases would soon be down do zero. but cool story, asshole. - Jeff Tiedrich

Trump's Coronavirus Plan Isn't Going Well
Morning Joe chief medical correspondent Dr. Dave Campbell warned that the U.S. doesn’t have enough ventilators to deal with the coronavirus, partially because they were already bought out by other countries ahead of time.

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Ashish Jha, director of the Harvard Global Health Institute: “The only shot we have, I believe, of staving off the worst is going to a national quarantine for 14 days.”

Business/Tech News

Maybe the only upside to this virus is that I can now blame it for the days I stay in, talk to no one, watch movies, and eat frozen pizza. - Conan O'Brien

Dow Jones Pulls Down Trump's Pants
The Dow Jones Industrial Average on Wednesday erased all the gains it had made since President Trump took office amid the ongoing economic fallout from the coronavirus epidemic.
The morning of Trump's inauguration, the stock index opened at 19,795 and closed at 19,827. At its lowest point on Wednesday, it fell to 19,700.

Okay guys, I'm getting on the road. If I start seeing abandoned vehicles in the middle of the highway, I'm turning my ass around. - Woman in the Moon

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I'd Rather You Laugh Than Cry