Tuesday, March 17, 2020

Happy St. Pat's Day! Trump doesn't insult the Irish today, he insults the Chinese.

Trump tweets about coronavirus using term 'Chinese Virus'
President Donald Trump drew backlash Monday night after posting a tweet using the phrase "Chinese Virus."
After giving an address Monday afternoon in which he said the country may be headed toward recession and urged social distancing, he later tweeted his confidence in and support for various sectors while including the offensive remark.


The #FamiliesFirst bill was about many things but first and foremost: testing testing testing. I urge Senators to pass this legislation today, to make free testing and the masks needed to provide it available ASAP. Any delay is a delay in testing.- Nancy Pelosi




The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

A modest proposal: Let's parade all of them nice aircraft carriers of ours by that virus and scare it off. - Jimmie von Tungeln





Why Do I Have This Feeling That Trump Is Going To Bankrupt The USA?
The government’s economic stimulus is set to quickly balloon into trillion-dollar territory in the coming days, the largest rescue in modern American history, as major industries flood the Trump administration and Capitol Hill for aid while huge swaths of the economy stall from the coronavirus crisis.



Things seem to be going as planned


BREAKING: Mexico is building a wall to keep out infected Americans, and will make the U.S. pay for it. - Middle Age Riot



Republican Shenanigans

Trump Sends Pence Out Shopping For Toilet Paper. - Andy Borowitz





Jesus Needs To Throw These Money Changers Out, Again.
A pastor in Alabama this week invited people who have been infected with coronavirus into his church so that they could be treated with the power of prayer, despite guidelines from the Centers for Disease Control to avoid large gatherings.
Patheos reports that Chris Bartlett, pastor of the Boaz Church of God in Boaz, Alabama, wrote a now-deleted Facebook post in which he criticized other churches for temporarily closing to help slow the spread of the disease.


Funny how the people who want more God in govt keep voting for guys who worship the Golden Calf. - John Fugelsang




Trump Orders Parade To Celebrate His Handling Of Pandemic. - Andy Borowitz

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Rock The Voter News

Pfizer Pours All Resources Into Developing New Hyper-Depressant Pill To Help Americans Ease Transition Into Self-Quarantining. - The Onion





The Check Is In The Mail?
Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin said Tuesday that the Trump administration was considering offsetting the economic burden of the coronavirus pandemic by "immediately" cutting checks to Americans.


Congress Allocates $2 Trillion To Bail Out Struggling Bailout Industry. - The Onion





Both Ivanka & Melania are giving us hints to help us stay entertained while homebound.I'm sure they are both concerned about how the bills are going to be paid while they play with the kids or read a good book. - Woman in the Moon


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Business/Tech News

Thank god President Trump is bailing out the airlines I was so worried they wouldn’t be able to feed their children or get medical care. - OhNoSheTwitnt





Ahem, CNN, A Cheeto Doesn't Change Its Color
CNN's Dana Bash lauded President Trump's tone on Tuesday afternoon following the White House's daily briefing on the coronavirus pandemic.
The network's chief political correspondent called him "the kind of leader that people need" amid the growing crisis. 




WHY HAS JARED KUSHNER NOT FIXED EVERYTHING YET?? - Rex Huppke





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I'm grateful I have a job where 
I can work from home.
Thank you!




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Odd News




Time To Deflate Photo - Click on photo for a larger view

Apparently, we are all living in an Edward Hopper painting.

Peace.


Monday, March 16, 2020

Trump Gives Himself a 10 Out of 10 for Handling Coronavirus Outbreak

Trump Gives Himself a 10 Out of 10 for Handling Coronavirus Outbreak
President Donald Trump gave his coronavirus response a 10 out of 10, Monday, during a White House press conference on the situation.


If the US goes into a war against Coronavirus Trump will get a note from his podiatrist. - Andy Borowitz





The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump





These D.C. Restaurants Won't Comply
A group that owns several restaurants in Washington, D.C., has come out against new restrictions on bars and restaurants announced by Mayor Muriel Bowser (D) amid the coronavirus outbreak, saying its locations will remain open.


Pence Assures Nation That Tests Could Be Ready As Early As 2035. - Andy Borowitz






“Mom, tell me about the early 2000’s.” 
Well, honey, people were upset about a lady’s emails so we elected the dumbest rich white man who ever lived as our president and he tried to kill us all in a futile attempt to save his reputation. - OhNoSheTwitnt


Republican Shenanigans






Melania To Continue Long-standing Policy of Social Distancing From Trump. - Andy Borowitz


Congresscow Devin Nunes Encourages People To Go To Bars & Restaurants
Congressman Devin Nunes offered some suggestions to Fox News viewers about going out to restaurants and pubs this morning with comments very much at odds with what Dr. Anthony Fauci has been publicly advising today.







Is there any update on Melania’s tennis courts? - Amy Siskind




Most people staying home aren't doing so out of fear; they're trying to avoid becoming coronavirus vectors that could sicken and kill vulnerable others. Going out to bars and restaurants isn't "brave," it's selfish, the moral equivalent of deliberately coughing in someone's face. - David Futrelle

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Rock The Voter News

As a reminder.
But her emails........Pretty minor now, huh?-Woman In The Moon






Holy Guacamole! Mitt Romney Said What?
Senator Mitt Romney (R-UT) called for “urgent” measures to fight against the coronavirus pandemic on Monday, including an eye-popping proposal: distribute a one-time payment of $1,000 to every American adult.




The next Vice President of the United States will either be a highly qualified woman or Mike Pence. If that doesn't motivate you to vote, I don't know what will. - Palmer Report



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Business/Tech News

If  Donald Trump were CEO of a publicly-traded company and handled a major corporate crisis the way he has handled COVID-19, the board of directors would have thrown him out on his ass weeks ago. - George Conway


Jack Ma is the "Jeff Bezos"  of China. He just donated 500,000 test kits and masks to the U.S. 
What has Jeff Bezos done?



Since his first bankruptcies at end of 1980s, Trump's life has been dominated by one idea: what scheme/scam will keep his creditors at bay for the next 24 hours? That's the approach he's brought to coronavirus too. - David Frum




Mar-a-Lago Is Getting Disinfected
Mar-a-Lago, the crown jewel of President Donald Trump’s real estate empire, has been his refuge and sanctuary throughout his time in office...Now it could take a place in history as an international transfer point for a deadly virus spreading across the globe.
At least three people who visited Mar-a-Lago in the past 10 days have tested positive for the deadly virus, and were spotted in photographs with the president and other club members.





We must all come together by not coming together. 
#QuarantineLife - John Fugelsang





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I'd Rather You Laugh Than Cry





Thank you!




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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo
Sitting on the dock of the bay in Lake Louise, Canada. Yeah, canoes!

Peace.


Friday, March 13, 2020

The president: "National emergency. Two very big words.”

Trump declares national emergency in latest bid to combat coronavirus
Trump said the move would free up $50 billion in additional funding, and give officials new authority to speed up coronavirus testing and care.


Deliberately lying about a health crisis resulting in additional deaths sure seems like a high crime or misdemeanor to me. - The Hoarse Whisperer






The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

South Korea has tested 200,000 people for coronavirus, prioritizing the most vulnerable people.

The CDC only tested 77 people this week. Yet, the Utah Jazz was able to test all 58 players in a matter of hours. - Sawyer Hackett





Feds Gave California 8,000 Faulty COVID-19 Test Kits. Jesus.
California’s ability to test people for COVID-19, the disease caused by the new coronavirus, has been limited by incomplete test kits provided by the federal government, the state’s governor said Thursday.
So far only about 1,500 people have been tested in the state, Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) said in a press conference. While the state government has 8,000 test kits available, the kits have not all included every necessary component to actually perform the test for COVID-19, Newsom said.


By the end of his first term, Donald Trump will have killed more Americans with his incompetence than Russia and middle eastern terrorists could ever dream of. - Edan Clay





Republican Shenanigans

BREAKING: The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out. - Gillian Turner





Is there anything more poetic than Trump being taken out by a Chinese Flu named after a Mexican beer?

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Stock Market Rallies On News That Trump Has Laryngitis. - Andy Borowitz




Rock The Voter News

Boomer Remover? 
Hey I have an idea, let's give control of the national healthcare system over to a bunch of folks who think it's funny when old people die. - Willie Everstop




So good to see we've reached the "WHAT ABOUT OBAMA [insert lie here]" phase of our national health emergency. - Jeff Tiedrich





Louisiana Postpones Primary
Louisiana postpones primary as states scramble to adjust to coronavirus. It's the first primary to be postponed since the outbreak of the virus. Four states voting this Tuesday say they will continue as planned.


We must suspend mortgage payments and evictions nationwide. - Sen. Ed Markey




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Email

Why does your new page come out so late in the day? I usually try to look at it around 4 PM EST, it gets later everyday.

HD

Hi HD,
Lordy, deep apologies for your humor inconvenience. Better late than never, don't ya think? 😉


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America must've said somethin' about this virus's momma. This sh*t took out baseball, Disneyland and Tom Hanks in 24 hours. - George Wallace




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I need someone to explain to me why we can immediately approve $1.5 trillion for Wall Street but not for free coronavirus testing and paid sick leave.

Explain it to me like I’m in kindergarten. - Andrea Junker


Business/Tech News





If you’re upset about regular folk hoarding toilet paper, wait till you hear about how a tiny percentage of rich people have hoarded most of the world’s wealth. - Jason Reid


Meanwhile, Russia-Saudi Oil War Escalates
Saudi Arabia is flooding markets with oil at prices as low as $25 per barrel, specifically targeting big refiners of Russian oil in Europe and Asia, in an escalation of its fight with Moscow for market share, five trading sources said on Friday.






[coronavirus pandemic diary]
Day 3: I’ve not had sex in 6 months- David Hughes






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I'd Rather You Laugh Than Cry






Thank you!



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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo

Red Lotus Lake - Haeo, Thailand. Do not pick the flowers.

Peace.