All Hat No Cattle

Thursday, February 20, 2020

Roger Stone sentenced to 40 months in prison. Swinger Clubs lower flags at half-staff.

Roger Stone sentenced to 40 months in prison
The longtime friend and former campaign adviser to President Trump was convicted of lying to Congress and witness tampering...

Mexico Tightens Border After Trump Pardons White-Collar Criminals. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Every time I see a Bloomberg ad featuring Obama it makes me want to vote for Obama. - Andy Borowitz

Is The DOJ Investigating This?
Ha Ha. I Made a Joke!
Rohrabacher confirms he offered Trump pardon to Assange for proof Russia didn’t hack DNC email.
Former California Republican congressman Dana Rohrabacher confirmed to Yahoo News he told Julian Assange he would get President Trump to give him a pardon if he turned over
8.Trump Has Put Jared Kushner in Charge of Pardons: Report

Sooner or later, Trump will pardon Jared Kushner's father, Charles Kushner. In 2005, he was convicted of illegal campaign contributions, tax evasion, and witness tampering.

A Trump rally is like an overflowing toilet, but with hats. - Middle Age Riot

Republican Shenanigans

“I cannot recall what I would like to order at this time,” Barr said, according to the attendant. - Andy Borowitz

Job Vacancies Available!
For months, a loose network of pro-Trump commentators and outside agitators has been urging the president to purge his administration of anyone and everyone involved in the Russia probe.
They’ve celebrated as many of the FBI and Justice Department officials involved in the investigation have left government. And now, with an angry and newly liberated President Donald Trump seeking retribution in the wake of his impeachment acquittal, they’re pressing him to finish the job.

I miss having a president I could trust alone in a room with my daughter or the Constitution. - Middle Age Riot

Ironically, white supremacists elected a white president who consistently proves himself inferior to a black one. - Middle Age Riot

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Elizabeth Warren treated Mike Bloomberg like Mike Bloomberg treated black people. - michaelharriot tweet

Rock The Voter News

“I’d like to talk about who we’re running against: a billionaire who calls women fat broads and horse-faced lesbians, And no, I’m not talking about Donald Trump. I’m talking about Mayor Bloomberg." - Elizabeth Warren

Warren Chewed Up Bloomberg and Spit Him Out
Warren went after Bloomberg with such ferocity and precision that the former mayor looked as if he’d just been stopped, thrown up against a wall, and frisked outside his tony New York townhouse.

Maybe if we change Liz Warren’s name to Hillary’s emails the media will stop ignoring her. - OhNoSheTwint

One of my favorite debate moments from 1988

BREAKING: The official slogan of the Bloomberg campaign, “Mike Gets It Done,” has been updated to “Mike Done.” - Andy Borowitz

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Business/Tech News

Trump vs Sanders: the sequel to GRUMPY OLD MEN. - Stephen King

Trump Grabs California By The Water
President Trump on Wednesday signed an order in California to re-engineer the state’s water plans, completing a campaign promise to funnel water from the north to a thirsty agriculture industry and growing population further south.

Forget cars, is anyone working on a self-driving government? - Conan O'Brien

Take Your Child to Work Day

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Wednesday, February 19, 2020

Trump Offered Assange Pardon if He Covered Up Russian Hack, Court Hears

Trump Offered Assange Pardon if He Covered Up Russian Hack, Court Hears
President Trump offered to pardon Julian Assange if he agreed to cover up the involvement of Russia in hacking emails from the Democratic National Committee, which were later published by WikiLeaks, a London court was told on Wednesday...Edward Fitzgerald, Assange’s lawyer, said on Wednesday that a message had been passed on to Assange by former Republican Congressman Dana Rohrabacher.

Impeach him again.

Today’s revelation of Trump’s bribe of Assange is further evidence of what we all know to be true: Trump colluded with Russia to steal the 2016 election. He’s trying to do it again. That’s what Criminals do. - Rob Reiner

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Any Politician Who Doesn't Release Their Full Medical Records After a Heart Attack Has Something To Hide.
Sen. Bernie Sanders said Tuesday he will not release any more medical records during his presidential bid, arguing he’s already released sufficient information to quell concerns about his health.
Sanders, the current front-runner for the Democratic nomination, has faced questions about his health since he suffered a heart attack in October. He insisted at a CNN town hall Tuesday night that the release of three letters from his doctors at the end of December declaring him healthy were sufficient disclosures.

Imagine when Hillary got pneumonia in 2016 she actually had a heart attack, had her team lie about it for days, then promised to release her medical records, but didn't. There would have been editorials nationwide calling for her to drop out of the race. - Victoria Brownworth

Republican Shenanigans

Trump Makes Pence Watch Him Issue Pardons To See How It's Done. - Andy Borowitz

Trump Had Empathy For Wife Of Blagojevich
President Donald Trump spoke with reporters at Joint Base Andrews Wednesday on his way out of Washington, D.C. to boast about his presidential pardoning of Rod Blagojevich — after seeing his wife appear as a guest on Fox News.

Rod Blagojevich Trying To Sell Presidential Commutation To Cellmate For $2.8 Million. - The Onion

Let's just clarify this one more time: Bill Barr is playing y'all. - Rick Wilson

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Right now Bernie Madoff is sitting in his jail cell feeling really left out. - Randi Mayem Singer

Rock The Voter News

The journalism profession hasn't even begun to confront the damage it did to itself in 2016 with its But Her Emails coverage. - Ian Millhiser

Trump & Barr Play Rope-a-Dope
President Donald Trump and Attorney General William Barr agree on one thing at least: The president is making the attorney general’s job much harder. What they don’t agree on: Trump sees no reason to stop.
Defying Barr’s pleas, the president renewed his public attacks on law enforcement Tuesday, denouncing the prosecutors, judge and jury forewoman in the case of his longtime friend Roger Stone and defending his convicted former adviser Michael Flynn against Trump’s own Justice Department.

I wonder what all short men who support Trump think of his mini-Mike jokes. - Roland Scahill

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Business/Tech News

Boy Scouts Leadership Confident Organization Can Overcome Stigma Of Bankruptcy. - The Onion

So, How's That Brexit Coming Along?
Britain's government on Wednesday faced a backlash over its new post-Brexit immigration plans, which are designed to cut "cheap labour from Europe" in favour of high-skilled English speakers and boosting the homegrown workforce.

Pretty distressing day in Brighton so far. A member of the public threw a cup of hot chocolate at me and screamed abuse about how he hates the BBC, literally moments before I went on air for @bbcsoutheast this lunchtime. Luckily the drink missed my face and hit my coat instead. - Lauren Moss, BBC

Charles Manson is an unlucky bastard. He died before trump had a chance to pardon him. - Angry Naval Officer tweet

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Tuesday, February 18, 2020

Federal judges association holding emergency meeting over DOJ interference in Stone case

Federal judges association holding emergency meeting over DOJ interference in Stone case
The Federal Judges Association will hold an emergency meeting on Tuesday to discuss concerns members have over President Trump and top Justice Department officials intervening

If Trump loses in November too decisively to deny, there will be a spasm of pardons in December and January, including (who doubts it?) an attempt at self-pardon. - David Frum

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

It's disgraceful for the Pope to question Trump's Christianity, say people who spent 8 years questioning Obama's Christianity. - John Fugelsang

Trump's Budget Excludes Funding For Bomb Sniffing Dogs
New Yorkers could see fewer bomb-sniffing dogs at the city’s airports and train stations if President Trump gets his way.
Trump’s proposed 2021 budget released to Congress last week includes plans to eliminate a program that deploys dog teams to detect explosives at crowded travel hubs across the country.

Boy if FOX News keeps playing all those racist Michael Bloomberg quotes he might wind up as the GOP nominee.- John Fugelsang

Republican Shenanigans

I want to be clear how utterly despised Blagojevich was in his own party in Illinois (a Democratic powerhouse).

He was impeached 114-1. He was convicted in the IL Senate 59-0.

*He tried to sell Obama's Senate seat for profit. He does not deserve commutation. - Bradley P. Moss

* That's probably why Trump is commuting his sentence.

I literally wrote a book about billionaires taking over the world, and even I cannot believe that what is shaping up now is a contest between a billionaire and a guy who thinks billionaires shouldn't exist to replace a pretend billionaire. - Anand Giridharadas

Making Sure Sham Educational Institutes Thrive
Led by Secretary Betsy DeVos, the U.S. Department of Education in 2018 revived a Washington, D.C. accrediting agency, just two years after it was shut down by President Barack Obama’s administration. Now, the Accrediting Council for Independent Colleges and Schools (ACICS) is back to determining the viability of higher education institutions, and has reportedly approved Reagan National University, a college which doesn’t appear to exist at all.

Bloomberg Enrages Trump By Buying Greenland. - Andy Borowitz

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Rock The Voter News

How about a Bernie/Bloomberg co-presidency where Bernie redistributes all of Bloomberg's money and Bloomberg spends his time making videos that torment Donald Trump? - Rex Huppke

The Whistleblower of Russian Hacking Petitions Trump For Her Release
Supporters of Reality Winner, a National Security Agency whistleblower who leaked classified information about Russia’s interference in the 2016 presidential election, petitioned Donald Trump on Monday for her early release from prison...Winner was sentenced to five years and three months in August 2018 after admitting breaching the espionage act by passing top secret documents to an investigative news website about the Russian hacking of voting software and its efforts to disrupt dozens of local election systems ahead of the 2016 election.

During my research I interviewed a guy who said he was a libertarian until he did MDMA and realized that other people have feelings, and that was pretty much the best summary of libertarianism I've ever heard. - Hilary Agro

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Business/Tech News

The #CatholicChurch #SouthernBaptistChurch and #BoyScouts are all facing pervasive sexual abuse scandals.

Coincidentally they have been those most relentlessly attacking the morality of LGBTQ human beings.

I think we're starting to see who the real danger is. - John Pavlovitz

I Watched This Stadium Being Built. The Chinese Workers Used Bamboo Scaffolding. BTW China Also Built Wind Farms in Nicaragua at the Same Time.
A $10 million donation from China to the Costa Rican Institute of Sports and Recreation (ICODER) will help fund renovations to the National Stadium, Costa Rica’s largest and most modern sports venue...While a giant Costa Rican flag waves on the western side of the National Stadium, the “Jewel of La Sabana,” as it was deemed by former President Oscar Arias, was constructed by a staff of entirely Chinese workers.
In June 2007, Arias severed diplomatic ties with Taiwan to officially establish Costa Rica’s new partnership with China. As a token of appreciation, the Chinese government offered Costa Rica a new National Stadium as “a gift” and spent an estimated $100 million on its construction...During a visit to San José earlier this year, U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo warned Costa Rica against allying itself too closely to China.

I bashed people on Twitter, ate junk food and went to a strip club. How did you celebrate “President’s Day”? - Conan O'Brien

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