All Hat No Cattle

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

If Trump goes to prison...

Trump considering new US military base in Poland that could be named after him: 'The facility would be world class'
Donald Trump has floated the idea of establishing a US military base in Poland – a move that would be seen as a stark provocation by Russia – that Warsaw has offered to name after him.

We tolerate a truly shocking amount of political corruption. - John Iadarola

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Trump says he has made a deal to make Hawaii the fiftieth state. - Andy Borowitz

More Obstruction of Justice To Add To The Long List
Justice Dept. Cites Executive Privilege In Keeping Census Documents From Democrats. Oversight committee Chairman Elijah Cummings, D-Md., is in a dispute with the Trump administration. He's threatened to hold two Cabinet officials in contempt; DOJ says it's withholding materials.

Forget “Ich bin ein Berliner,” and “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!” and “These are the boys of Pointe du Hoc.” People will always remember ... What did he say at the Normandy gravesite? ... Oh, yeah—that “Nervous Nancy Pelosi is a disaster, Okay? She’s a disaster.” - George Conway

Republican Shenanigans

Remember, the people who told us to hate all Muslims after #Pulse because of Omar Mateen are the ones still fighting for Mateen to have easy access to assault weapons. - John Fugelsang

I Wonder How The CIA Feels About This
U.S. President Donald Trump took a public stance against the use of CIA informants to spy on North Korean leader Kim Jong Un on Tuesday, saying it would not happen on his watch and possibly taking away a valuable tool of the U.S. intelligence community.

Donald Trump was never going to get along with anything called "the intelligence community." - Middle Age Riot tweet

Call me crazy but I'm starting to suspect that the lying liar who lied about crowd size and lied about his wealth and lied about his racist wall and lied about bone spurs and lied about ten thousand other things might be lying about this stupid f*cking imaginary deal with Mexico. - Jeff Tiedrich

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Rock The Voter News

Shep Smith encourages FOX viewers to read the Mueller report, and learns that when they scream "RINO" it also stands for "Reading Is Not Optional." - John Fugelsang

Remember during all those Benghazi investigations when Obama blocked access to documents and refused to let Hillary testify? of course you don't. Obama handed over everything and Hillary sat for 11 hours straight, because they had nothing to hide and they aren't whiny man-babies. - Jeff Tiedrich

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Business/Tech News

Trump Wants Uranium Mining In The Grand Canyon. The F++king Grand Canyon!
The Trump administration is signaling a renewed push to consider uranium mining near the Grand Canyon, a move that would undoubtedly ignite a political fight involving environmentalists and the mining industry.

I heard the Grim Reaper is now on anti-depressants. - Conan O'Brien

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I NEED MONEY FUNDRAISER!

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

Pelosi-Nadler clash over impeachment intensifies

Pelosi-Nadler clash over impeachment intensifies
Speaker Nancy Pelosi and House Judiciary Committee Chairman Jerry Nadler, two longtime allies, are clashing over whether to begin an impeachment inquiry against President Donald Trump — a sign of how toxic the split over Trump has become for House Democrats.

Trump offers Pelosi $130,000 to keep quiet. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

So here’s the new normal: If you get caught doing bad shit, just yell “FAKE NEWS!” and move on. - Stephen King tweet

Trump Waves Piece of Paper Claiming It's the Secret Trade Deal With Mexico
President Trump unveils what he says is the first page of his trade deal with Mexico. Trump claims that while he is in control of when it would go into effect, he will let Mexico decide when to announce the deal.

Mexico Agrees to Pay for Trump's Psychiatric Care. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

Nixon Furious At John Dean For Comparing Him To Trump - Andy Borowitz

I try not to be pessimistic about everything and then I remember we live in a world where Sean Hannity and Lou Dobbs are Presidential influencers. - Schooley tweet

Sam Donaldson Takes Swipe At Sarah Sanders
Former ABC News anchor Sam Donaldson took aim at White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders on Friday, arguing that she is frequently dishonest with reporters while taking questions from the press.
In an interview with CNN, Donaldson quipped that Sanders's falsehoods earned her a "lifetime achievement Oscar for lying."

Medgar Evers, World War II veteran and NAACP field secretary in Mississippi, was murdered outside his home, hours after the civil rights speech JFK gave tonight in 1963.

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So now the Trump crime family is robbing the country blind, Barr is defying subpoenas left and right, Rudy is inviting Ukraine to meddle in 2020 and Senator and Mrs. Turtlef*ck are openly peddling influence, so yes please more stories on how much money Liz Warren made as a lawyer. - Jeff Tiedrich

Rock The Voter News

Before we carry Jon Stewart around the Intertoobz on our shoulders, we should remind him that “Congress” isn’t holding up the renewal of the 9/11 bill. Republicans are. - Charles P. Pierce tweet

Alabama Institutes Chemical Castration For Sex Crimes Against Minors. Hey Roy Moore, Are You Nervous?
A controversial chemical castration law has been signed by Alabama Gov. Kay Ivey in an attempt by the state to reduce the number of sex crimes against minors.
“This bill is a step toward protecting children in Alabama,” Ivey said in a statement to CNN. The new law dictates that individuals convicted of sex crimes involving minors under the age of 13 must begin the process of chemical castration the month prior to being released from custody. Although offenders must pay for their own chemical castration, but they cannot be denied parole for their inability to afford the procedure.

“The Vatican rejects notions that gender identity can be fluid,” said a bunch of guys in flowing gowns. - George Takei

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Business/Tech News

America 2019, where "child lunch debt" is a real thing and fully-employed workers live in their cars and dying cancer patients beg on the internet for strangers to pay for their medication so yeah, I'd say that late-stage capitalism is working out just aces for everyone. - Jeff Tiedrich

Trump Proposes Kicking People When They're Down. What A Guy!
If you're poor or low-income in the U.S. and take advantage of government safety net programs, you could be affected by a number of new rules and actions proposed by the Trump administration. Most of the changes are still pending, and anti-poverty groups are trying to stop them from going into effect. Some of the proposals already face legal challenges.

Should I get the new Macbook Pro, Macbook Air, iPad Pro, or just see how my kids are doing? - Conan O'Brien

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FUNDRAISER

FYI: My drainage system is working as intended

after several downpours.

YeeHaw!

Monday, June 10, 2019

Pompeo’s Solution To Dealing With Climate Change: ‘Move To Different Places’

Pompeo’s Solution To Dealing With Climate Change: ‘Move To Different Places’
Secretary of State Mike Pompeo’s got a solution to avoiding the harms of climate change: Just live somewhere else.
Pompeo gave an interview to the Washington Times on Friday, during which he addressed the Trump administration’s approach to combating global warming.

There is no Republican Party. There's a Trump party. The Republican Party is kind of taking a nap somewhere. - John Boehner, former Republican Speaker of the House

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Been waiting for Trump's statement condemning a Russian destroyer nearly colliding with a US warship. And I suppose that's the point. Russia wanted to gauge his reaction, or non-reaction and they got it. - Amy Siskind tweet

French Friendship Tree Dies While Held In Quarantine
A sapling planted by the French and US presidents on the White House lawn, meant to symbolize friendship between the two nations, has died. It had been living in US quarantine for the last year.

Once you realize the migrant concentration camps at the border turn a profit as private prisons it all starts to make sense. - Nathan H. Rubin

Republican Shenanigans

Actual bullets fired at US forces on D-day: 360,000,000

Actual bullets fired at Bill Barr: 0 - NueroPsychoPhD

The people who always told us "Reagan won the Cold War" are now the ones trying to give the trophy back to Russia. - John Fugelsang

Glad To See This Story Is Getting Legs
Under Elaine Chao, the Transportation Dept. designated a special liaison to help with grant applications and other priorities from her husband Mitch McConnell's state of Kentucky, paving the way for grants totaling at least $78 mil for favored projects.

Evangelicals have to constantly tell you they're Christian – because otherwise you'd never guess. - Mrs. Betty Bowers

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I think the words I’ve come to hate the most are “Democrats have reached a deal with DOJ.” Keep trying to kick that football, folks. I’m sure Lucy is a completely different person now. - Adam Parkhomenko

Rock The Voter News

2015-

David Axelrod Is A Democratic Divider Not A Uniter. He Mocked Biden & He Constantly Mocked Hillary In 2016.
CNN's David Axelrod mocked a tweet from former Vice President Joe Biden to former President Obama celebrating "Best Friends Day," with the former Obama-Biden campaign chief strategist asking if it was joke.

Vote your conscience in the primaries.

Vote for our survival in the general. - Douglas C. Perera tweet

Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll contribute to the global over depletion of the ocean. So give him a salad, maybe. - TheTweetofGod

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Call me crazy but I'm starting to suspect that the lying liar who lied about crowd size and lied about his wealth and lied about his racist wall and lied about bone spurs and lied about ten thousand other things might be lying about this stupid f*cking imaginary deal with Mexico. - Jeff Tiedrich

Business/Tech News

Twitter is fun because you get to be like, “Ducks are good” and someone in your mentions will go, “Um, I’m sorry but my brother is married to a duck scientist and this is a harmful view” and then someone else pops up going, “Your silence about horses is extremely telling” - Mike Drucker tweet