All Hat No Cattle

Thursday, January 31, 2019

CyberWar Heats Up

Russia making repeated attempts to hack prominent conservatives and foreign policy experts
Russia’s military intelligence agency has been busted for persistently attempting to hack into the Center for Strategic and International Studies, a prominent think tank populated by former U.S. government officials.

Trump’s IQ Hits Seventy Below Zero - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Russian operatives caught using evidence from Mueller's team in effort to discredit investigation
Mueller: Shared evidence was used to discredit special counsel probe
Leaked email shows NRA heavyweight David Keene wanted access to Putin
Ex-CIA officer ridicules Trump for being so absent that he doesn't even know what his Intel chiefs think
Pushing for Maduro to go, White House says don't trade Venezuelan gold
UCF student with illegally modified AR-15 on campus tells cops ‘I don’t like laws’

“I know a lot more than people with intelligence do," Trump said. - Andy Borowitz

FYI: That's Dennis Rodman.

Deplorable Empathy
Multiple schools across the country are closed due to the frigid cold that has reportedly claimed the lives of eight people so far. However, Kentucky’s Tea Party Gov. Matt Bevin believes that children in his state should tough it out.

Before Trump invades Venezuela, he should be required to spell Venezuela. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

Trump's Bid To Be Born-Again Fails As Jesus Turns Down Facebook Friend Request. - Andy Borowitz

This Is How A Republican Congressman Greeted A Freshman Congresswoman
A Republican congressman freaked out when Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN), a Muslim and a Somali-American, was selected to serve on a committee with influence over U.S. foreign policy, and he melted down again when she called out his bigoted remarks.

Pelosi says it was "courageous" that intelligence officials "spoke truth to power. "The president doesn't seem to have the attention span or the desire to hear what the intelligence community has been telling him,"

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Howard Schultz is a reminder of how wealthy, opinionated white guys are just like Starbucks: there’s one on every f*cking corner. - Bette Midler

Rock The Voter News

An FBI agent will wipe that smirk off.

Kushner Khaos Kontinues
A White House security specialist has been suspended without pay for defying her supervisor Carl Kline, less than a week after NBC News reported Kline approved Jared Kushner for top secret clearane over the objections of career staff.
The specialist, Tricia Newbold, had filed a discrimination complaint against Kline three months ago.

It is the quintessence of white privilege to be walked out of your home in a crisp blue Polo shirt and later go on tv to complain about excessive force... Eric Garner sold cigarettes, Roger Stone sold out his country... Yet the latter lived to complain about ‘excessive force’...- Cyrus McQueen

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Business/Tech News

Donald Trump Jr. is what would happen if someone tried to make stupid from concentrate, but forgot to add water.- Middle Age Riot tweet

Trump Wants His Wall At Any Cost, Correction, Your Cost.
Congress has until Feb. 15 to discuss a border security deal, but the White House is already finalizing its plan B — declaring a national emergency.

Do you think the guy who invented French bread was overcompensating? - Conan O'Brien

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Behold, a tip jar!

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Trump & McConnell are cut out of the same cloth

McConnell open to anti-shutdown legislation
Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said Tuesday that he would be open to a bipartisan proposal that would put an end to government shutdowns.
At a press conference Tuesday, McConnell said he hopes that shutdowns can be avoided in the future and would consider a proposal to stop them from occurring.

Trump is expected to spend Super Bowl weekend at Mar-a-Lago. And Sarah Suckabee Sanders will be spending it on the sidelines in case they need an extra linebacker. I’m not body shaming her, I’m saying she’s good at protecting someone with deflated balls. - Chelsea Handler

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Imagine having data from 17 intelligence agencies at your fingertips and choosing instead to get your daily briefing from a third-rate morning chat show. - Jeff Tiedrich

#BeBest
A senior United Nations judge who worked in one of the body's international courts in The Hague is reportedly resigning over "shocking" political interference from the Trump administration and Turkey.
The German judge, Christoph Flügge, accused the U.S. of threatening other judges after steps were taken to investigate U.S. soldiers' conduct in Afghanistan...

More Americans were killed last year by toddlers w/guns than by terrorists. I think we all know who the real threat is. - John Fugelsang

Republican Shenanigans

Your refusal to accept the unanimous assessment of U.S. Intelligence on Iran, No. Korea, ISIS, Russia, & so much more shows the extent of your intellectual bankruptcy. All Americans, especially members of Congress, need to understand the danger you pose to our national security. - John Brennan, former CIA Director

I Didn't Know Trump Was A Super Spy
President Trump in a series of early morning tweets on Wednesday pushed back on warnings from his own top intelligence officials about the stark threats still posed by ISIS, saying the caliphate would “soon be destroyed.”

Trump doesn’t believe the US intelligence chiefs he appointed. But he does believe Vladimir Putin.

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Rock The Voter News

Any sign of a SecDef nominee yet? I mean, this is a little weird to have such a long period without even a nominee to one of the most important national security positions in our government. - Kelly Magsamen

Is Impeachment Off The Table Because Pelosi's Waiting For Mueller...?
Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) is keeping her troops in line on one of the most divisive issues facing Democrats internally and the country more broadly: the impeachment of President Trump.

In an ideal scenario the President of the United States and the worst human being in the world would be two different people. - TheTweetOfGod

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Business/Tech News

This presidency is a hate crime. - TheTweetOfGod

DOJ versus China
The criminal charges against Chinese firm Huawei mark a sharp escalation in the Trump administration’s fight with China.
The company and Beijing are vowing to fight back and both sides are digging in, setting the stage for a battle that will likely impact upcoming trade talks.

The polar vortex caused hundreds of injuries across the Midwest today, as people who said “so much for global warming” and similar comments were punched in the face. - Andy Borowitz

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Tuesday, January 29, 2019

Pelosi invites Trump to give State of the Union address on February 5

Pelosi invites Trump to give State of the Union address on February 5
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., on Monday invited President Trump to deliver the State of the Union address on February 5.

Roger Stone says Mueller will “charge Trump and Pence with collusion, then make Nancy Pelosi President. Pelosi will appoint Hillary VP, then step aside.
This might be the first good idea Roger ever had. - Tea Pain tweet

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Taliban Agrees To Peace Deal Despite Concerns About America’s Human-Rights Record - The Onion

Another "Fredo"
Special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation is "close to being completed," Acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker said Monday. Speaking at his first press conference since taking over the Justice Department in November 2018, Whitaker also said he has been "fully briefed" on Mueller's probe.

Do you ever think about how weird it is that the secretary of education is a billionaire whose brother owns a private army? - Molly tweet

Republican Shenanigans

The video of Federal agents swarming in to arrest #RogerStone was so satisfying! Almost as satisfying as the one playing in my head, of Stephen Miller tripping and falling into a hole full of starving migrants. - Bette Midler

Gag Me With A Waterboard
The hawkish House Republican with a famous last name is seen as a possible senator or even speaker of the House.

I'm just super-tickled to learn that the guy who cheated on his first wife with his second and cheated on her with his third and cheated on her with a porn actress and lied about paying hush money and then said the hush money payments were legal says that Bible study is important. - Jeff Tiedrich

Those Sneaky Mexicans...
Mexico posted its highest trade surplus on record in December despite efforts by President Trump to close that gap by redoing Nafta

I sure hope Mexico sends that check by February 15. - Justin Amash tweet

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Rock The Voter News

Pelosi is going to have to add Trump to her disclosure forms where it asks for a list of assets she owns. - Adam Parkhomenko

I bet they'll do a better job than Trey Gowdy
It's known as "the theater committee" for its high profile, high-drama role investigating President Donald Trump's White House. And now, five of the fieriest Democratic freshmen in the House are players on that stage.