Thursday, April 12, 2018

Trump backs off tweet warning Russia of 'coming' Syria strike

Trump backs off tweet warning Russia of 'coming' Syria strike
A day after warning Russia in a tweet that “missiles will be coming” to Syria, President Trump said on Twitter that an airstrike was not necessarily imminent.


Last night, the portraits of Washington and Jefferson quietly snuck out of the White House. - Conan O'Brien





The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

"All the war-propaganda, all the screaming and lies and hatred, comes invariably from people who are not fighting." - George Orwell


Of Course Trump Is Friends With The Owner Of A Sleazy Tabloid Rag That Is Now Under Investigation
President Trump has long had ties to the nation’s major media players. But his connections with the country’s largest tabloid publisher, American Media Inc., run deeper than most.







President Trump today criticized special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation saying there is "no collusion or obstruction other than I fight back." Hold on, no obstruction other than I fight back? Fighting back against an investigation is obstruction. That's like saying no infidelity other than I sleep with porn stars. Only Trump would try to obstruct justice and confess to it in the same tweet. - Seth Myers





On #HolocaustRemembranceDay, Donald Trump remembers the good people on both sides. - Paul Soloman


Republican Shenanigans

House Speaker Paul Ryan said he is not seeking re-election because he wants to spend more time with his kids. Ryan said, "As a dad, there comes a time when you want to be there to take away their healthcare IN PERSON."- Conan O'Brien






Paul Ryan is stepping down and looks forward to pretending it's possible to worship both Jesus & Ayn Rand in the private sector. - John Fugelsang



35 Sets Of Subpoenas? 35?
Prosecutors from special counsel Robert Mueller's office have obtained 35 sets of subpoenas to call witnesses for Paul Manafort's bank and tax fraud trial set to begin in a Virginia federal court in July, court records show.






Former House Speaker John Boehner has joined the board of a marijuana company and today he said his "thinking on cannabis has evolved." That can only mean really one thing: His grandson showed him how to use a bong.- Conan O'Brien




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Senators should reject Mike Pompeo’s nomination to be Secretary of State. He denies the climate crisis, and has been doing the bidding for fossil fuel interests his whole career. The American people deserve better.- Al Gore


Rock The Voter News





It was reported that President Trump is doing nothing right now but angrily fuming, eating, and watching TV. In other words, it sounds like Trump is turning into a Trump voter.- Conan O'Brien



I Have An Idea. Let's Tar & Feather Scott Pruitt!
Environmental Protection Agency Administrator Scott Pruitt routinely directed staffers to book expensive hotels, help him earn frequent flier miles and schedule meetings to align with his personal travel desires, a former top staffer told congressional investigators.








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According to reports, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg sat on a four-inch-thick cushion to boost his height during his Senate testimony yesterday. Zuckerberg was like, "Oh, no, that's my wallet."- Seth Myers





Business/Tech News

Mark Zuckerberg completed day two of his congressional testimony about security breaches. Things got a little tense when Zuckerberg referred to each senator by their PIN number.- Conan O'Brien






Buy Your Very Own Sears Store Online!
More than a dozen of Sears Holdings' stores are being auctioned online.
Commercial real estate services firm Cushman & Wakefield is teaming with Real Insight Marketplace, an online bidding platform, to help unwind some of the department store chain's assets.


DEA officials have seized 500 pounds of meth concealed inside Disney figurines, which explains why Goofy is missing all but two teeth. - Conan O'Brien




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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo

What a perfect shot.

Peace.


Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Trump Tweets Missile Threats At Russia

Trump warns Russia to 'get ready' for U.S. strike on Syria
A Russian diplomat earlier said American military assets would be targeted in the event of missiles being fired at Syria.


FUN FACT: Trump has telegraphed ample warning to Putin to move all his military assets to safety.  #TrumpTreason - Tea Pain






The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

Russia vows to shoot down any and all missiles fired at Syria. Get ready Russia,  because they will be coming, nice and new and “smart!” You shouldn’t be partners with a Gas Killing Animal who kills his people and enjoys it! - Donald Trump tweet




Who's Got The Bigger Missiles?
Russia has warned that any U.S. missiles fired at Syria over a suspected chemical weapons attack on a rebel enclave would be shot down and the launch sites targeted, raising the possibility of a U.S.-Russian confrontation.





Mueller closing in on Trump at the same time an international crisis escalates has always been the doomsday scenario. God help us. - Matthew Miller






The American Dream is now that a reality TV host can go from firing Meat Loaf to firing Missiles. - John Fugelsang




The NRA & Russia
The National Rifle Association has accepted contributions from about 23 Russians, or Americans living in Russia, since 2015, the gun rights group acknowledged to Congress.









Republican Shenanigans

John Boehner just realized that the people who own this country can now make more $ selling weed than they currently do from locking up nonviolent men who sell weed. - John Fugelsang



House Speaker Paul Ryan Running Away Retiring
House Speaker Paul Ryan announced Wednesday that he will not seek re-election and will retire in January.
"You all know I did not seek this job," Ryan said, addressing reporters. "I took it reluctantly. ... I have no regrets."







Say what you will about Donald Trump, but he got Paul Ryan to quit. - Chip Chantry






The definition of insanity is behavin' like Nixon and expectin' different results. - Tea Pain


Bipartisan Senators Want To Protect Mueller
A bipartisan group of senators is moving to revive legislation protecting special counsel Robert Mueller from being fired by President Donald Trump.
Behind the measure are Republican Senators Thom Tillis of North Carolina and Lindsey Graham of South Carolina. They are being backed by Democrats Chris Coons of Delaware and Cory Booker of New Jersey.




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Shorter Facebook hearing:
"But where is the book where you keep these faces?"
"Senator I'm not following"
"The physical book, with the faces? There is a book, right?"
"My God, you're serious."
"My grandson said there was a book and I had to join it."
- Oliver Willis


Rock The Voter News





New Secretary Of State Asks Hillary For Suggestions
While preparing for his new role, Secretary of State-designate Mike Pompeo reached out to every living former secretary of state, including Hillary Clinton, sources told CNN.
During a call, Clinton pressed Pompeo on retaining career diplomats, a source familiar with the conversation said.






I can’t believe Hillary wrapped the murder weapon in Obama’s birth certificate and hid it in Michael Cohen’s office. - John Zal


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Business/Tech News

I hope congress doesn't break Facebook into pieces. 
I'd hate to log onto Nosebook or Earbook or Eyebook. - Ham On Wry Tweet





Fox's London Office Raided. There Is A God.
European Commission investigators raided Twenty-First Century Fox's London office on Tuesday, The Daily Telegraph reported.
Sources at the location told the newspaper that authorities were trying to be discreet and had been told to keep details of their mission confidential. The Telegraph reported that investigators will be on site through Wednesday and maybe Thursday.
Shares of Fox fell more than 1 percent in extended trading.


Mick Jagger in drag. He looks like my scary high school chemistry teacher.

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Smiles Are Always Free Of Charge Here



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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo

This is what a sandstorm in United Arab Emirates looks like. I wonder why the camels crossed the road.

Peace.


Tuesday, April 10, 2018

This is the best season of "The Apprentice"

FBI raid targeted records of payments to porn star, ex-Playmate
The FBI raid on President Donald Trump's personal attorney Michael Cohen sought information that included payments allegedly made to keep women silent about affairs with Trump more than a decade ago.

Does Trump realize that the NY AG who approved the warrant on Cohen is the very person who he personally interviewed, gave him the position, donated the max to his campaign and is a REPUBLICAN?


When Trump is put on house arrest, is he going to have to stay at the White House or Mar-a-Lago?- Tim Hanlon





The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

Overheard: MAGA apparently stands for "My Attorney's Getting Arrested."- George Takei





Innocent People Don't Whine Or Lie, Sarah
White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders on Tuesday insisted that the investigations into President Donald Trump’s campaign and acquaintances had “gone too far.”







Trump sends National Guard to his accountant's office. - Andy Borowitz






“If a mysterious virus suddenly started killing eight of our children every day, America would mobilize teams of doctors and public health officials. We would move heaven and earth until we found a way to protect our children. But not with gun violence.” - Se. Elizabeth Warren


Republican Shenanigans

Kim Jong-un Says He Will Meet with Whoever is U.S. President in May. - Andy Borowitz







Republicans Lied About Tax Cuts. Again.
The massive tax cuts signed into law in December, which Republicans said would pay for themselves, will balloon the U.S. deficit in years ahead, the Congressional Budget Office said on Monday, possibly hobbling President Donald Trump’s future agenda.






He's Cohen down... or am I Russian to judgment? Is it an optical collusion or just Watergate under the bridge? Is he dis-Putin all the allegations? Is he in t-Ruble? - Tyler Gorash





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'It's Over, You F*cker,' Nixon Tells Trump from Hell. - Andy Borowitz





Rock The Voter News

Ever notice that when you don't want to pay to educate poor kids you always end up paying to incarcerate poor dropouts? - John Fugelsang






Here's A Pussy That Trump Should Grab
Senate Democrats have obtained internal Environmental Protection Agency documents they say show no evidence of specific, credible, physical threats against Administrator Scott Pruitt.
Pruitt's staff cited death threats to rebut criticism of Pruitt flying in first-class airline seats and a full-time security detail of 20 armed officers.






THANK GOD WE DON'T HAVE HILLARY AND ALL HER DRAMA, AMIRITE???!?!?!!- Rex Huppke




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Business/Tech News

If there was another country in the world where cops killed people at rate they do in America, State Dept. would advise you not to go there. - Richard Hine






I Wish There Was A Ben & Jerry's Near Me In Costa Rica. I Scream For Ice Cream.
Ice cream enthusiasts are in for some free sweet treats on April 10 thanks to Ben & Jerry’s annual Free Cone Day.
From 12 p.m. and 8 p.m. on Tuesday, Ben & Jerry’s scoop shops around the world will give away free ice cream to customers on its 40th annual Free Cone Day.








“We act insane, because if we didn't, we would most surely become insane."
―Hawkeye Pierce in MASH




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Miss Manners Updates Place Setting


Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo

A mother Toucan feeding her baby a red M&M.

Peace.