All Hat No Cattle

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

GOP House Says NO COLLUSION! So There!

House Republicans say investigation found no evidence of Russia-Trump collusion
House Republicans investigating foreign interference in the 2016 election say they have found no evidence that Russians colluded with any members of the Trump campaign and dispute a key finding from the intelligence community that Russia had developed a preference for the Republican nominee during the election.

Imagine if someone robbed your house so you called the police
The police showed up and saw your stuff gone and arrested 19 people for robbing your house
Then the House Intelligence Committee showed up & Devin Nunes told you that your house was never robbed,
This is like that...
- ManInTheHoody tweet

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Devin Nunes would have helped Nixon erase the tapes. - Jeff Tiedrich

CNN Analyst Angrily Resorts To Bathroom Analogy
CNN’s Phil Mudd on Monday had a remarkable reaction to the conclusion by Republicans members on the House Intelligence Committee that Russia did not interfere in the 2016 presidential election to help Donald Trump, telling Wolf Blitzer if the report was “written on toilet paper, I wouldn’t stoop to wipe my ass with it.”

Vladimir Putin could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody and he wouldn't lose Donald Trump's vote. - Preet Bharara

Republican Shenanigans

Yesterday. Tillerson responds forcefully to Russian nerve agent attack in UK. Today. Tillerson fired.- Anthony Bourdain

My only wish for the impeachment is that when Trump is removed from office he's notified via Twitter. - Andy Borowitz

ICE Spokesman Quits Because Of Lies From Trump And Sessions
Immigration and Customs Enforcement spokesman James Schwab on Monday resigned from his role with the San Francisco division, citing the “burden” of spreading falsehoods from Donald Trump and Attorney General Jeff Sessions.
As CNN reports, Schwab accused Sessions and Acting Director Tom Homan of deliberately spreading misleading information after ICE slammed Oakland Mayor Libby Schaaf’s decision to warn the public about upcoming ICE raids.

Devin Nunes & the GOP House Intelligence Committee remind you that
1) The CIA, the FBI, National Security Agency and the Office of the Director of National Intelligence are all totally lying and/or wrong about Russia, and
2) Mr. Trump never asked us to say that. - John Fugelsang

I’d pay $10,000 to have Betsy DeVos try to cover a textbook with an old paper grocery bag on live TV. - Chip Chantry tweet

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Rock The Voter News

So now the House Intelligence Committee has free time to open a 15th Benghazi investigation so we can really get to the bottom of this thing where Hillary sold uranium to ISIS in order to finance the child sex ring run out of the basement of a pizza parlor that has no basement. - Jeff Tiedrich

Papadopoulos ponders witness protection
program

No Collusion! No Collusion Except That Former Aide Points Finger Directly At Trump's Collusion
George Papadopoulos, a former foreign policy adviser to the Trump campaign and potentially a key witness in special counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia probe, told federal investigators that before the election, Donald Trump personally encouraged him to pursue a summit with Russian President Vladimir Putin...

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Source just texted me: "Imagine running Exxon-Mobil for decades and being a titan of the world and then being fired by Donald Trump on Twitter."-Josh Dawsey, CNN

Business/Tech News

Trump has now fired more people as President than he did as host of the apprentice.- Mike Deitsch

Trump Fires Tillerson And His Under Secretary Of State. Trump Must Be Really Pissed.
The White House has reportedly fired an aide at the State Department who contradicted the White House account of President Trump's firing of Secretary of State Rex Tillerson.

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Monday, March 12, 2018

I wish this was the latest James Bond film and not reality

U.K. Prime Minister Says 'Highly Likely' Russia Responsible For Ex-Spy Poisoning
British Prime Minister Theresa May says it is "highly likely" that Russia is behind the poisoning of a former Russian spy and his daughter earlier this month in southern England.

Prime Minister of United Kingdom publicly accuses Russia of attempted assassination by nerve agent on NATO soil. What will the president of the United States say & do? - David Frum

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Journalists On Putin's Hit List
A Russian double agent who defected to Britain has revealed he was poisoned like stricken Sergei Skripal.
Boris Karpichkov says he and Skripal were on a hit-list of EIGHT defectors Vladimir Putin wants dead – and names the others .

Vladimir Putin is a ruthless despot who kills dissidents, murders journalists, props up war criminals, and attacked American democracy.
Trump has been more critical of Chuck Todd, Meryl Streep, and Nordstrom. - Brian Klaas

Republican Shenanigans

“McMaster” sounds like what happens when a German guy makes up an Irish name. - Conan O'Brien

Betsy DeVos Argues Issue Of Guns In Schools Should Be Fully Left Up To Individual Shooters - The Onion

Stormy Throws A Sideline Pass, Makes 1st Down
Stormy Daniels is making an offer that, if accepted, would allow her to finally speak freely about her alleged affair with President Trump.
According to NBC News and The New York Times, Daniels is offering Trump lawyer Michael Cohen that she would return the $130,000 she accepted.

This is going to end with us seeing the president's d*ck, isn't it :( - morningloria tweet

Major side-eye when Trump claims to be in favor of background checks. He’s the same person who hired Rob Porter, Michael Flynn, Paul Manafort, Rick Gates, George Papadopoulos, Carter Page, Sebastian Gorka, Omarosa Manigault, Anthony Scaramucci, Jared Kushner, etc., etc. -Mrs. Betty Bowers

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The only way congress is going to impeach SCROTUS is if they find out that after molesting thirteen women and sleeping with Stormy Daniels, he had sex with Monica Lewinsky.- Elayne Boosler

Rock The Voter News

Alabama senate wants to display Ten Commandments in schools to stop shootings. I guess it'll help if they're big enough to hide behind. - John Leguizamo

Trump Playing Games On Guns
President Donald Trump said Monday that he is "watching court cases and rulings" before taking action on raising age limits for purchasing some firearms, arguing that there is "not much political support (to put it mildly)."

Jared Kushner’s brother reportedly donated $50k to the “March for Our Lives.” I applaud him for giving the money to a good cause and not saving it for his brother’s bail. - Chelsea Handler

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Business/Tech News

I watched the news & saw poor people busted for illegal mood-altering drugs. Then came the commercials for the legal ones.- John Fugelsang

Apple’s new futuristic headquarters, Apple Park in Cupertino, California, is having some problems. The building is filled with so much clear glass that employees have reportedly been walking into glass walls. I guess Apple shouldn’t have installed windows. - James Corden

Fox News Attempts To Rebrand Itself
Fox News is launching a new ad campaign featuring the slogan "Real news. Real honest opinion."
"Fox is the one place where dissent is allowed," prime-time host Tucker Carlson claims in one of the ads

Study Finds Cats Only Meow When They Want To Alert Owner Of Neighbor’s Murder They Witnessed Through Window - The Onion

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Friday, March 9, 2018

How sane people feel each morning

‘Cover-ups matter’: Stormy Daniels’ lawyer says he can prove Trump is lying about porn star payoffs
The attorney representing adult film star Stormy Daniels said on Friday that he believes he can prove that President Donald Trump has been lying about what he knows about attorney Michael Cohen’s decision to pay hush money to his client.

He's insulted us, gaslighted us, and publicly humiliated us.
America is Melania Trump. - John Fugelsang

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Dennis Rodman is going to get Nobel Peace Prize for Trump NK meeting. - Stephen Colbert

Man has need for good guy with gun.

VA Secretary Is So Scared Of His Staff That He Hired An Armed Guard
Veterans Affairs Secretary David Shulkin is now in an all-out war with his own staff.
The Washington Post reports that Shulkin’s relationship has now gotten so toxic with some of his staff members that “an armed guard now stands outside his office.”

It's wild that the Parkland shooter had a swastika carved into his gun, wore a MAGA hat, and explicitly expressed his hatred for Jews and black people but all these things were excluded from the subsequent conversation. - Tuxedo Mask tweet

Jim Carrey, the actor, posted his art on Twitter titled "Oh Say, Can't You See"

The president who boasted of treating women like sex objects is being outplayed at his own game by a porn star. - Washington Post

Republican Shenanigans

Trevor Noah on the Trump Administration: 'We're learning about laws because they keep breaking them'

Porn Star Interview On Hold. I Wonder Why?
Former adult film actress Stormy Daniels has recorded an interview for CBS's "60 Minutes" after filing a civil suit against President Trump this week in an attempt to void a nondisclosure agreement between the pair.
A source familiar with the program told The Hill that Daniels, whose real name is Stephanie Clifford, will appear on “60 Minutes” on a future date but won't be on the program this coming Sunday.

So, Trump kids, how do you feel about your father's affair with Stormy Daniels?
Ivanka: "It never happened."
Don Jr.: "Father nailed a porn star. That's awesome!"
Eric [looking up from the jar of library paste he'd been eating]: "Dad what?" - Jeff Tiedrich

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I took this screenshot of Stormy Daniels' Tweet

Trump supposedly used alias “David Dennison” with Stormy. Rearrange the letters, and it spells “Diva Don Sinned.” - Bette Midler

Rock The Voter News

Nunberg Sobers Up
Former Trump campaign aide Sam Nunberg arrived at District Court in Washington, DC, Friday morning, where he is expected to deliver federal grand jury testimony as part of special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation.

[tweets about feminism]

Whoa there, little lady. International Women’s Day was yesterday. - OhNoSheTwint