All Hat No Cattle

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Florida allows armed teachers

Florida lawmakers pass bill allowing armed teachers in classrooms
Florida’s lawmakers narrowly passed a controversial gun bill late on Wednesday that would allow armed teachers in the state’s classrooms, three weeks to the day after the Marjory Stoneman Douglas high school massacre in which 17 people were killed.

Me: I'm talking about RESPONSIBLE gun ownership
Gun Nut: WHY ARE YOU LIBTARDS TRYIN' TO TAKE AWAY MAH GUNZ!!!
Me: I never suggested taking away your guns. I said, take RESPONSIBILITY.
Gun Nut: LIBTARDS TRYIN' TO TAKE MAH GUNZ!
Me: No, I said...
Gun Nut: MAH GUNZ! - Stonekettle tweet

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

According to The New York Times, a Belarusian escort is claiming that she has audio recordings that prove Russian meddling in the U.S. elections. "I've never even met Anastasia," yelled Trump, before anyone said her name.- Seth Myers

A Mercenary, A Congressman And A Russian Walk Into A Fundraiser...
Blackwater founder Erik Prince will host a fundraiser this month for Russia-friendly Republican Rep. Dana Rohrabacher, as Prince faces new questions over a 2017 meeting currently being investigated by special counsel Robert Mueller.

Republican Shenanigans

Microwave Oven Becomes Latest to Angrily Depart White House - Andy Borowitz

With all these headlines, I just assumed Steel Tariffs was Stormy Daniel's co-star.- Stephen Colbert

Republicans Have Ruined Florida With Their Hard On For Guns
Florida State Rep. Elizabeth Porter (R) this week pushed back on the students who have spoken out in favor of stricter gun laws, saying they did not have the "wisdom" or "experience" to make laws.

I’m calling the Stormy Daniels drama the “pussy grabs back” phase of Trump’s presidency. - Molly

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Attempting to repair some of the fallout from his recent remarks about women, Donald Trump said on Sunday that the decision of whether women should be considered humans should be left to the states. - Andy Borowitz

Rock The Voter News

President Trump is on a diet and has been trying to eat more salad. When he first ordered one at the White House, the kitchen was excited because they thought the Obamas were back. - Conan O'Brien

Celebrate International Women’s Day by telling a man to calm down. - Erin Ryan

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Business/Tech News

Remember, the ppl who say more access to guns leads to fewer mass shootings tend to be the ones who say less access to birth control leads to fewer abortions. -John Fugelsang

Uh Oh. Better Sell Your Shares Of Birth Control Stock!
Abstinence-only education — encouraging adolescents to wait until marriage for sex — is making a comeback under President Trump.
In a marked departure from the previous administration, conservatives at the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) are putting an emphasis on abstinence to reduce teen pregnancy rates.

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Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Shift change at the White House

Ex-Trump advisor Gary Cohn complained he only used 20 percent of his brain power in the White House: report
Outgoing Trump economic adviser Gary Cohn reportedly complained that he wasn’t being used to his full potential shortly before he announced his departure from the administration.

Gary Cohn Resigns In Protest Of Trump’s Bigoted Comments Towards Aluminum - The Onion

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

FUN FACT: Almost everybody that leaves the Trump White House finds a job workin' for Bob Mueller. - Tea Pain

Putin Willing To Blow Up The World. Seriously.
President Vladimir Putin has warned that he would not hesitate to strike back if Russia was hit by a nuclear adversary, even if it led to a “global catastrophe.”
The Russian leader spoke to one of his country’s most infamous pro-Kremlin TV show hosts, in a tough-talking interview broadcast on national airwaves before Russians go to the polls later this month.

Conservative Christians’ Creed: “Jesus forgave me for my sins so I could concentrate of yours.” - Mrs. Betty Bowers

Republican Shenanigans

According to sources, White House chief of staff John Kelly is frustrated with Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner, and questions what they do during the day. I'm going to say "nothing" and "homework." - Seth Myers

Nation is Praying There is No Tape of Trump Having Sex
Adult film star Stormy Daniels has filed a civil action against Donald Trump, asking a California court to declare that the nondisclosure agreement between them is not valid because Trump never actually signed it.

Trump Denies Having Sex With Stormy Daniels, Citing Boner Spurs - Andy Borowitz

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Rock The Voter News

Not to be too controversial but if Hillary were POTUS there’s zero chance that we’d have to read about her sending pictures of her gross old d**k to a porn star. - OhNoSheTwint

Education Secretary Visits School Shooting Site, Barely
Education Secretary Betsy DeVos’s visit to Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Fla., where a shooter killed 17 people and left many others wounded, was met with criticism by some students...Students said that during her visit DeVos didn’t speak with many of the students or answer their questions.

Wait, now Gary Cohn is gone too? I can't keep up - the last time this many people fled the White House the British were burning it in 1814. - Bill Maher

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Business/Tech News

A Trumper is a feller that would set his house on fire if he thought it would hurt your property values. - Tea Pain

In What Fresh Hell Does Trump Find These People?
Former Trump campaign aide Sam Nunberg on Wednesday insisted that his Monday media spree was not a drunken meltdown as some have speculated...“I don’t feel exploited,” Nunberg revealed. “I was playing everywhere… I was trending No. 1 on Twitter from a couch in my office.”

A new study has found that when romantic partners hold hands while in pain, their brain waves can sync and decrease that pain. "Nah, I'm good," said Melania.- Seth Myers

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Jazz Hands

Me after I located the cause of my slow-as-molasses notebook. It was a loose RAM thingamabob.

Fixed it!

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Roger Stone's Latest Smokescreen

Ex-Trump Aide Sam Nunberg Now Says He Is Likely To Cooperate With Mueller Subpoena
A former campaign aide to Donald Trump appears to have changed his mind and will not fight a subpoena he says he has received in the Russia investigation — after daring special counsel Robert Mueller to arrest him in multiple media appearances.

I have never seen anything like this in my life.
Sam Nunberg is imploding on live TV.
This is like OJ getting out of the white Bronco to do a press conference. - The Hoarse Whisperer

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Kim said that there was "no point in having nuclear weapons" now that the GOP has stolen his idea of destroying America. - Andy Borowitz

Bush Thrilled Trump Is An Idiot
Former President George W. Bush is reportedly pleased by at least one element of the Donald Trump presidency: It’s making him look better.

I told my kids that at their age I had to watch VHS tapes on school safety, and they said “what’s school safety?” - Conan O'Brien

Republican Shenanigans

"I smell racism on your breath" should be said to every Trump supporter who comes on a cable news show. - Frank Conniff

This Must Be Chum For His Evangelical Base
A notorious Republican official who has led quixotic crusades against pornography, unregulated stripping and medical marijuana has been appointed to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

In 2005 ms (condoleezza) rice called me into the state dept to tell me i needed to let my activist friends know that W couldn’t do anything about the genocide in darfur and, i quote, “you need to tell them to shut up...” true story ...- Don Cheadle tweet

The president is crying on the internet again. - LOLGOP

I think we are witnessing what scholars will later call.. the full Nunberg. - Jim Acosta, CNN

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Rock The Voter News

BREAKING: Education Secretary Betsy DeVos is being guarded by U.S. Marshals after she received a suspicious package containing a science textbook. - Andy Borowitz

I Miss The Obama Drama
A little girl who was transfixed by a portrait of Michelle Obama last week got to meet the real person Tuesday -- and even danced with the former first lady.
A photo of Parker Curry, 2, staring at Obama's portrait in the Smithsonian National Portrait Gallery went viral last week, attracting the attention of the former first lady.

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http://www.wattensawpress.com/

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Business/Tech News

This is the worst time to put tariffs on steel. We are going to be needing so many prison bars soon. - Andy Borowitz

The Internet is a series of tubes. - Sen
Ted Stevens, GOP

Meanwhile, Elon Musk Wants To Provide Internet Everywhere
A pair of test satellites launched into orbit by SpaceX on Feb. 22 may herald the dawn of a truly global internet, one that makes high-speed service available not only in cities and in rural areas covered by cellphone towers but at almost any point on the planet.

March came in like a lion and was shot by some rich a-hole. - Conan O'Brien

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I fear my 3 yr old notebook is on its last legs. It is slow as molasses. I am far behind on answering emails and everything else online! So sorry!

My computer expert friend said it sounds like my motherboard. Ay yi yi yi.

I love this notebook. Darn.

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Thursday, March 8, 2018

Florida allows armed teachers

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Shift change at the White House

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Roger Stone's Latest Smokescreen

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