All Hat No Cattle

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Florida House declares porn a public health risk shortly after denying assault rifle ban

Florida House declares porn a public health risk shortly after denying assault rifle ban
Florida lawmakers on Tuesday passed a resolution declaring pornography a public health risk, less than an hour after they rejected a motion to consider a bill that would ban assault rifles.

Welcome to the American gun debate; where the adolescents are leaders because the leader is an adolescent. - John Fugelsang

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

It’s insane, and the fact that there’s more bullet holes in those windows than bills that have been proposed and passed to save these kids’ lives is disgusting. - David Hogg, Parkland survivor

At Least Someone Is Trying To Stop The Russians
Top House and Senate Democrats want to add $300 million in new FBI funds to a government spending bill next month to bolster America’s defenses against foreign interference in U.S. elections and social media.

Oh, This Is Just A Little Quid Pro Quo, Bro!
Federal investigators are probing whether former Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort promised a Chicago banker a job in the Trump White House in return for $16 million in home loans, two people with direct knowledge of the matter told NBC News

GOP: An AR-15 isn't even an automatic weapon. You can't regulate from a position of ignorance.
ME: [pulls out paper and pencil] Please draw, label, and explain the female reproductive system. -ffish tweet

Republican Shenanigans

Let’s elect the Parkland students to Congress and send the idiots who are there now back to school.- Andy Borowitz

Billy Graham, devoted his life to emulating Jesus, a Jesus who hobnobbed with Caesar and died a multi-millionaire.- Mrs. Betty Bowers

Conservatives Turned Comrades Are Mad At Twitter Bot Purge
Conservative Twitter users are raging against the social media company, lobbing accusations of left-wing bias and censorship after they lost thousands of followers in an overnight bot purge

'They're the ones putting out the pornographic stuff. The Jewish stranglehold has got to be broken or the country's going down the drain. - Billy Graham to Richard Nixon 1972

Remind all those GOPrs who are now saying the answer to school shootings is dealing with mental illness: They are the SAME people who last year passed a law to give the mentally ill the ability to buy guns. - Kurt Eichenwald

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Republican Plans To Build A Wall Separating Republican And Democrat Staff
House Intelligence Committee ranking member Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) spoke out Tuesday against a plan from the panel's chairman Rep. Devin Nunes (R-Calif.) to build a physical barrier between the staffs of Democrats and Republicans on the committee, calling the idea "terrible."..."So the wall is a terrible idea," Schiff said, adding: "Plus, Mexico will never pay for it. Though I suspect if they did build the wall in our committee, it will be the only wall Trump ever gets built."

Rock The Voter News

To those who say we can never get rid of assault rifles, there was a time in our country when people said we could never get rid of slavery. As I say this, I recognize that some people who want to keep their assault rifles are still bummed that we got rid of slavery. - Andy Borowitz

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I just wish these high school students had some relevant expertise before speaking out about public policy, like owning a beauty pageant or being the host of The Apprentice.- Jess Dweck

Business/Tech News

2018: Debtor's Prison
In the first-ever report on the extent and impact of cooperation between courts and the private debt collection industry nationwide, the American Civil Liberties Union found courts in 26 states and Puerto Rico in which judges issued arrest warrants for alleged debtors at the request of private debt collectors.

Panicked Billy Graham Realizes He Took Wrong Turn Into Heaven’s Largest Gay Neighborhood - The Onion

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Tuesday, February 20, 2018

It's not even March

Top court snubs challenge to California gun waiting period
In a blow to gun rights activists, the U.S. Supreme Court on Tuesday turned away a challenge to California’s 10-day waiting period for firearms purchases that is intended to guard against impulsive violence and suicides.

My generation went to the moon and ended the Vietnam war. This generation is capable of doing more. Do you know why?
Because we're Americans Goddammit!

NRA & GOP remind you that 49 dead in an Orlando nightclub, 26 dead at Sandy Hook & 17 dead at a FLA High School are just the price America has to pay so the next Nikolas Cruz can still easily buy an AR-15. - John Fugelsang

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

The Olympic Committee has imposed more sanctions on Russia than our President.- Warren Holstein

Meanwhile, Back At The Tinderbox Peninsula
South Korea and the United States will announce plans before April for a postponed joint military drill, South Korea’s defense minister said on Tuesday.

From the Netherlands: I admire the teenagers in the USA, fighting for their right to live and not to get killed! - Dutch Wondering Tweet

Trump ‘went to play golf while they held funerals’ - Anderson Cooper, CNN

Republican Shenanigans

DeVos Says Trump Will Not Go Down as Worst President in History Once Schools Stop Teaching History - Andy Borowitz

Republicans Are At Fault, Not "Congress"
More than 6 in 10 Americans fault Congress and President Donald Trump for not doing enough to prevent mass shootings, according to a new Washington Post-ABC News poll, with most Americans continuing to say these incidents are more reflective of problems identifying and addressing mental health issues than inadequate gun laws.

One of the first victims identified among the 17 people killed was Aaron Feis, an assistant football coach and security guard.

Conservative Goes After Parkland Shooting Survivors
CNN viewers on Tuesday demanded that the network fire conservative contributor Jack Kingston after he suggested that students who survived the mass shooting in Parkland, Florida were being organized by liberal activists.

I wish we could form some kind of Twitter human shield around those Parkland kids to protect them from the godawful soulless bastards who, predictably, are starting to attack them. - Rex Huppke

I'm old enough to remember when "President's adult son helps push conspiracy theory aimed at teen who survived high-school shooting that killed 17" would be kind of a big freakin' deal. - Rex Huppke

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Rock The Voter News

High School Students Practice Using One-Syllable Words for Upcoming Meeting with Trump - Andy Borowitz

Meanwhile, Trump Is Trying To Replace Obamacare With GFY Healthcare
The Trump administration wants to allow insurance companies to offer more policies that have limited health benefits and that can reject customers if they have pre-existing medical conditions.

Finally, teens’ ability to deliver devastating blows to people’s self-esteem is being put to good use. - Jess Dweck

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Business/Tech News

Man Only Buys Products Made Right Here In The USA By Cheap Immigrant Labor - The Onion

I Wonder If These Will Cost As Much As An Epi-Pen
The first treatment to help prevent serious allergic reactions to peanuts may be on the way. A California company said Tuesday that its daily capsules of peanut flour helped children tolerate the nuts in a major study.

Progress: I always give the audience a chance to ask questions before I end my show.
Last nite in Fla: "Talk about our president."
Me: "I'm not in that group. He's not my president."
Last yr here I got booed for similar, last nite, applause. - Elayne Boosler

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Monday, February 19, 2018

Happy Presidents' Day

Trump blames FBI for Parkland massacre, suggesting Russia collusion probe was distraction
President Trump capped a week of heartbreak by suggesting in a tone deaf tweet that the Federal Bureau of Investigation was too distracted by the Russian collusion probe to investigate the Parkland, Fla., shooter.

I am so proud of those brave students at Parkland High School.

F+ck this Gundamentalist bullsh+t.
We fixed the part of the Constitution that allowed slavery.
We fixed the part of the Constitution that said women couldn't vote.
Now let's fix the part that (some people believe) allows private citizens to own weapons capable of mass slaughter. - Randi Mayem Singer

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Before entertaining the ridiculous notion of arming teachers, worth considering the NYPD stat for hitting their target in gun fight is 18%. - Anthony Bourdain

I'm So Glad I Had A Limbaughtomy
Conservative talk radio host Rush Limbaugh on Sunday called for concealed carry in American schools to prevent mass shootings.
“The solution is we need concealed carry in these schools. If we are really serious about protecting the kids, we need a mechanism to be defensive when this kind of thing — if we’re not going to take action, we better have mechanisms in these schools to stop it when it breaks out,” Limbaugh told “Fox News Sunday.”

Teachers are heroes but I've seen them try to work an overhead projector and I don't believe they should have guns.- Ken Jennings

Remember, if you think God made DT president, you've confused God with dead slave owners who demanded an electoral college.
Happy #PresidentsDay2018!!! - John Fugelsang

Wow. Here's One Republican Criticizing Trump On Russia.
Former Rep. Joe Walsh (R-Ill.) criticized President Trump for not condemning Russia after charges were brought against 13 Russian nationals and three Russian groups.
"54 hours later, and this President STILL hasn't condemned Russia," Walsh tweeted Sunday.

Vice President Pence is shedding light on what he did and did not do when he was seated by North Korean leader Kim Jong-Un's sister during the opening ceremony.
Pence explained he didn't avoid her, he ignored her. Like he does all women. - Jimmy Kimmel

Republican Shenanigans

"Every time he sees me he says, 'I didn't do that,' and I really believe that when he tells me that, he means it. But he says, 'I didn't do that.' I think he is very insulted by it, which is not a good thing for our country," - Donald Trump, on Putin saying he didn't interfere with the 2016 election

Oh Gawd, They're Gonna Breed Online
A website that promises to “Make Dating Great Again!” matches Trump supporters looking for companionship, but it only allows users to register as a “straight man” or “straight woman”, although their relationship status is not limited to single.

Sarah Palin was watching Russia from her house this whole time and didn’t say a damn thing. Pretty suspect.- Kaivan Shroff

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Rock The Voter News

Teenagers who were almost murdered four days ago are leading the nation on gun control. The head of Trump’s EPA is afraid to fly coach. - Sam Adams

THIS Is The Real America, Goddammit! I Love These Kids!
Washington, D.C., area students on Monday staged protests against gun violence outside of the White House just days after 17 people were killed in a shooting at a South Florida high school.
Numerous students took part in a "lie-in" on the road outside of the White House, laying on the ground for three minutes at a time in an effort to symbolize the short amount of time it took alleged shooter Nikolas Cruz to gun down numerous people at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Fla., last week.

Incomprehensible pain and loss at a high school, yet again, and it’s children who are the leading voices for action. Meanwhile, our president uses the tragedy to attack the investigation of a foreign adversary’s interference in our democracy. Shameful. - Sally Yates

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