All Hat No Cattle

Monday, October 26, 2015

Wisconsin Governor Signs Bill Limiting Political Corruption Inquiries

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Wisconsin Governor Signs Bill Limiting Political Corruption Inquiries
Gov. Scott Walker of Wisconsin, who gave up his quest for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination last month, signed into law on Friday a measure that limits a longstanding tool against political corruption that has been used in investigations of Mr. Walker and his allies.

I am officially launching the ‪#‎DraftMicheleBachmann‬ movement to restore sanity to the GOP race. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

Rubio is getting some traction, he's in third place in his own state vs a reality TV star and someone who suspended campaign to sell books. - Zaid Jilani ‏

The Party's Over
Americans' support for the Tea Party has dropped to its lowest level since the movement emerged on the national political scene prior to the 2010 midterm elections. Seventeen percent of Americans now consider themselves Tea Party supporters, and a record 54% say they are neither supporters nor opponents.

The Chinese community, the Communist Party has banned gluttony, excessive drinking and adultery. Now hey, if you guys don't want American tourists, just say so!- Conan O'Brien

Donald Trump: Wearing a burqa 'easier' for women than makeup

Republican Shenanigans

I'm nostalgic for the days when being insane was something a politician tried to hide instead of flaunt.- Andy Borowitz

Ben Carson Went After His Momma With A Hammer
Ben Carson has answered critics who say he lacks energy for the Republican presidential fight, saying that in contrast to his softly spoken demeanor as an adult he was “very volatile” as a teenager, when he “would go after people with rocks, and bricks, and baseball bats, and hammers”.

“We have a breaking story. Donald Trump has fallen to second place behind Ben Carson. We informed Ben, but he was sleeping.”- Donald Trump

Republican Jabs Sarah Palin
According to a former White House chief of staff, the GOP’s current dysfunctional state — that finds them unable to agree on a new Speaker of the House and watching outsiders Donald Trump and Ben Carson become their top 2016 presidential contenders — can be laid at the feet of Sarah Palin.

Jeb is the Quayle of Bush.- John Fugelsang

Rock The Voter News

Jeb plans Bernie Sanders-inspired comeback using new campaign hashtag #FeelTheBush. - John Fugelsang

Sanders Appears On "The View"
"The View" co-host Joy Behar is "feelin' the Bern."
Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders (I-Vt.) appeared on the talk show Monday, but gave Behar a surprise backstage.

The members of the House Freedom Caucus are from districts so white that their lawn jockeys have lawn jockeys.- LOLGOP

Business/Tech News

Ford Motor Company Versus Donald Trump
Ford Motor Company is disputing GOP presidential front-runner Donald Trump’s claims that he altered the automaker's future expansion plans in the U.S. and Mexico.
“Ford has not spoken with Mr. Trump, nor have we made any changes to our plans,” it said in a statement released Monday.

Car in front of me at red light has a bumper sticker says 'honk if you love Jesus.' So I honk. Then he gives me the finger.- John Fugelsang

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So sorry for the late post. Internet problems, sigh.

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Odd News

Time To Deflate Photo

This monument is the work of Russian artist Zurab Tsereteli and is located in Bayonne, New Jersey, facing the Statue of Liberty. "To the Struggle Against World Terrorism" was conceived as the events of 9/11 unfolded and Zurab Tsereteli walked the streets of Moscow. Struck by the outpouring of grief he observed, a memorial with an image of a tear formed in his mind.
A gift from Tsereteli and the Russian people, the memorial is made of steel sheathed in bronze. Standing 100 feet high. In it hangs a 40-foot stainless steel teardrop, representing sadness and grief over the loss of life, but also hope for a future free from terror. Etched in granite on an 11-sided base are the names of the nearly 3,000 killed in the 1993 World Trade Center bombings and terrorist attacks on Sept. 11, 2001.

Peace through art.

Friday, October 23, 2015

Benghazi Bedtime Tales

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The Benghazi Republican Panel gave Hillary the best 11 hour TV ad spot for president. Hillary thanks you.

If you only watch Fox you probably expected Hillary to go down like Nixon yesterday just like you probably thought Romney was going to win.- Gabriel Sherman

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

We Need A War On Hurricanes: Cat 5 Hitting Mexico Now
Hurricane Patricia, which is now rated Category 5 and the strongest hurricane ever recorded in the Western Hemisphere, continues tracking towards the coast of Mexico with landfall forecast on the central coast of Jalisco between 4:00 and 6:00pm, where its effects could be catastrophic.

I apologize for the intern who tweeted that Trey Gowdy is French for "very sweaty." He has been fired.- Donald J. Drumpf

Republican Shenanigans

FUN FAX: Hillary Clinton spent more time on Capitol Hill yesterday than Marco Rubio has during his entire career.- LOLGOP

Jeb! Cuts! Salaries!
Jeb Bush, once a front-runner for the Republican presidential nomination, is implementing an across-the-board pay cut for his struggling campaign as he attempts to regain traction just 100 days before the party’s first nominating contest.

Jeb Bush cuts campaign staff and payroll 40%. Yet more victims of the Obama economy. Impeach!- Tea Party Cat

I never want to see Trey Gowdy again but any kid dressed as him for Halloween gets the King Size Snickers bar.- LOLGOP

Rock The Voter News

Sanders: Wall Street may need to take 'haircut' on Puerto Rico loans

“For months, my campaign has been rocked by difficulties and doubts,” she told the Benghazi committee. “Yesterday, with your help, all of that changed.”- Andy Borowitz

"Wall Street should not believe that they can get blood from a stone." -Bernie Sanders On Puerto Rico Crisis

Business/Tech News

You shouldn't be legally allowed to own a personal computer if your general worldview predates the concept of the personal computer.- Josh Gondleman

GOP Shifts Focus From Benghazi Fiasco To Repeal Obamacare, Again.
House Republicans voted Friday to repeal Obamacare’s core provisions and strip federal funds from Planned Parenthood, using an expedited process designed to send those proposals to President Barack Obama’s desk for the first time.

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Odd News

Time To Deflate Photo

Smile and the whole world smiles with you. I hope you had a nice time at AHNC this week.

Peace.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

BENGHAZZZZZI

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Dem nails ‘partisan’ Benghazi panel: Congress didn’t try to humiliate Reagan after ’83 Beirut bombing
During Thursday’s Benghazi committee hearing, Washington Rep. Adam Smith (D) accused the commission of being nothing more than a partisan attack against Hillary Clinton, a Democratic candidate for president.

The Benghazi Committee is outraged over the attack & will continue to be so until next election day when it will never be mentioned again.- John Fugelsang

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

The actual #Benghazi terrorists thank the #BenghaziCommittee for blaming the Benghazi attack on everyone but them.- John Fugelsang

Germany Has Their Haters Too
German officials said Thursday they had foiled an extremist plot to torch migrant shelters, adding to concerns over rising attacks on refugees in Europe as migrant arrivals hit new records.

In a sane world, this would be 8th committee investigating why no one was arrested for the financial crisis.- LOLGOP

72% Of Americans Are Sick Of This Benghazi Badgering
A CNN/ORC poll released on October 22nd finds that 72 percent of Americans believe the House Select Committee on Benghazi is mostly using the Benghazi investigation to achieve political gain. Only 23 percent of Americans think that the committee is conducting an objective investigation to find out what happened during the Benghazi attack.

Republican Shenanigans

Friendly reminder for everyone tweeting about how gross it was for Jeb Bush to say that the young actress who plays Supergirl is hot. - OhNoSheTwitnt

Trump Blames Corn For Drop In Polls
Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump on Thursday reposted a tweet from a follower blaming his fall in a new Iowa poll on genetically modified corn that “creates issues in the brain.”

Unable to rattle Hillary Clinton with tough questions, Benghazi committee tries poking her with a sharp stick. - Kona Lowell

Texas Kid Moving To Qatar
The decision by the family of a Texas teenager to move to Qatar is not surprising in light of lingering anti-Muslim sentiment that makes many U.S. followers of Islam feel as if they are "under siege," a spokesman for a national Muslim-American group said Wednesday.

Jesus Christ Officially Endorses Fellow Socialist Bernie Sanders For President. - The Good God Above Tweet

Rock The Voter News

I should do the Rapture but only for guns and idiots.- The Good God Above Tweet

Texas Raids Planned Parenthood
Texas officials raided several Planned Parenthood facilities on Thursday, the group said, in a move that comes days after the state’s Republicans leaders barred the women’s health group from receiving state Medicaid money.

BREAKING: Benghazi Select Committee gets Hillary Clinton to break down and admit under oath that she was the 2nd gunman in the grassy knoll.- Tea Party Cat

Hoping 2018's and 2021's Benghazi hearings are better than this one.- LOLGOP

Business/Tech News

There should be a box on our federal tax returns that we can check if we actually want to pay for the Benghazi hearings.- Andy Borowitz

Sheesh. Shigellosis Outbreak In California
Health officials in California are investigating an outbreak of shigellosis in California that sickened 93 people, and is now being linked to secondary infections of the highly contagious infection.
Most of the people hospitalized in the outbreak ate at the Mariscos San Juan Restaurant in San Juan, the Santa Clara Public Health Department said in a report.

Canada’s new Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, once put on a striptease show for charity. In Canada, a strip tease just means unzipping your outer layer of fleece.- Conan O'Brien