All Hat No Cattle

Friday, October 23, 2015

Benghazi Bedtime Tales

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The Benghazi Republican Panel gave Hillary the best 11 hour TV ad spot for president. Hillary thanks you.

If you only watch Fox you probably expected Hillary to go down like Nixon yesterday just like you probably thought Romney was going to win.- Gabriel Sherman

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

We Need A War On Hurricanes: Cat 5 Hitting Mexico Now
Hurricane Patricia, which is now rated Category 5 and the strongest hurricane ever recorded in the Western Hemisphere, continues tracking towards the coast of Mexico with landfall forecast on the central coast of Jalisco between 4:00 and 6:00pm, where its effects could be catastrophic.

I apologize for the intern who tweeted that Trey Gowdy is French for "very sweaty." He has been fired.- Donald J. Drumpf

Republican Shenanigans

FUN FAX: Hillary Clinton spent more time on Capitol Hill yesterday than Marco Rubio has during his entire career.- LOLGOP

Jeb! Cuts! Salaries!
Jeb Bush, once a front-runner for the Republican presidential nomination, is implementing an across-the-board pay cut for his struggling campaign as he attempts to regain traction just 100 days before the party’s first nominating contest.

Jeb Bush cuts campaign staff and payroll 40%. Yet more victims of the Obama economy. Impeach!- Tea Party Cat

I never want to see Trey Gowdy again but any kid dressed as him for Halloween gets the King Size Snickers bar.- LOLGOP

Rock The Voter News

Sanders: Wall Street may need to take 'haircut' on Puerto Rico loans

“For months, my campaign has been rocked by difficulties and doubts,” she told the Benghazi committee. “Yesterday, with your help, all of that changed.”- Andy Borowitz

"Wall Street should not believe that they can get blood from a stone." -Bernie Sanders On Puerto Rico Crisis

Business/Tech News

You shouldn't be legally allowed to own a personal computer if your general worldview predates the concept of the personal computer.- Josh Gondleman

GOP Shifts Focus From Benghazi Fiasco To Repeal Obamacare, Again.
House Republicans voted Friday to repeal Obamacare’s core provisions and strip federal funds from Planned Parenthood, using an expedited process designed to send those proposals to President Barack Obama’s desk for the first time.

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Odd News

Time To Deflate Photo

Smile and the whole world smiles with you. I hope you had a nice time at AHNC this week.

Peace.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

BENGHAZZZZZI

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Dem nails ‘partisan’ Benghazi panel: Congress didn’t try to humiliate Reagan after ’83 Beirut bombing
During Thursday’s Benghazi committee hearing, Washington Rep. Adam Smith (D) accused the commission of being nothing more than a partisan attack against Hillary Clinton, a Democratic candidate for president.

The Benghazi Committee is outraged over the attack & will continue to be so until next election day when it will never be mentioned again.- John Fugelsang

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

The actual #Benghazi terrorists thank the #BenghaziCommittee for blaming the Benghazi attack on everyone but them.- John Fugelsang

Germany Has Their Haters Too
German officials said Thursday they had foiled an extremist plot to torch migrant shelters, adding to concerns over rising attacks on refugees in Europe as migrant arrivals hit new records.

In a sane world, this would be 8th committee investigating why no one was arrested for the financial crisis.- LOLGOP

72% Of Americans Are Sick Of This Benghazi Badgering
A CNN/ORC poll released on October 22nd finds that 72 percent of Americans believe the House Select Committee on Benghazi is mostly using the Benghazi investigation to achieve political gain. Only 23 percent of Americans think that the committee is conducting an objective investigation to find out what happened during the Benghazi attack.

Republican Shenanigans

Friendly reminder for everyone tweeting about how gross it was for Jeb Bush to say that the young actress who plays Supergirl is hot. - OhNoSheTwitnt

Trump Blames Corn For Drop In Polls
Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump on Thursday reposted a tweet from a follower blaming his fall in a new Iowa poll on genetically modified corn that “creates issues in the brain.”

Unable to rattle Hillary Clinton with tough questions, Benghazi committee tries poking her with a sharp stick. - Kona Lowell

Texas Kid Moving To Qatar
The decision by the family of a Texas teenager to move to Qatar is not surprising in light of lingering anti-Muslim sentiment that makes many U.S. followers of Islam feel as if they are "under siege," a spokesman for a national Muslim-American group said Wednesday.

Jesus Christ Officially Endorses Fellow Socialist Bernie Sanders For President. - The Good God Above Tweet

Rock The Voter News

I should do the Rapture but only for guns and idiots.- The Good God Above Tweet

Texas Raids Planned Parenthood
Texas officials raided several Planned Parenthood facilities on Thursday, the group said, in a move that comes days after the state’s Republicans leaders barred the women’s health group from receiving state Medicaid money.

BREAKING: Benghazi Select Committee gets Hillary Clinton to break down and admit under oath that she was the 2nd gunman in the grassy knoll.- Tea Party Cat

Hoping 2018's and 2021's Benghazi hearings are better than this one.- LOLGOP

Business/Tech News

There should be a box on our federal tax returns that we can check if we actually want to pay for the Benghazi hearings.- Andy Borowitz

Sheesh. Shigellosis Outbreak In California
Health officials in California are investigating an outbreak of shigellosis in California that sickened 93 people, and is now being linked to secondary infections of the highly contagious infection.
Most of the people hospitalized in the outbreak ate at the Mariscos San Juan Restaurant in San Juan, the Santa Clara Public Health Department said in a report.

Canada’s new Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, once put on a striptease show for charity. In Canada, a strip tease just means unzipping your outer layer of fleece.- Conan O'Brien

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Odd News

Time To Deflate Photo

You're never too old to pull a good prank!

Peace.

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Paul Ryan Demands Family Time In His New Job

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Paul Ryan Demands Family Time In His New Job
Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) made many in his party happy Tuesday night when he told his colleagues that he had finally agreed to take the job no one wants and run for speaker of the House. But he said he will do so only if members agree to a list of conditions, most of which concern the functioning of the caucus. One demand, however, was deeply personal.
"I cannot and will not give up my family time," Ryan told reporters following the House GOP meeting.

Shorter Paul Ryan: I want great power with no responsibility. - John Fugelsang

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

1st Carson blames gun control for the Holocaust, now Netanyahu blames the Grand Mufti. Maybe Hitler wasn't so bad after all. He did like dogs. - Sue Stein Tweet

Bush & His Poodle
A bombshell White House memo has revealed for the first time details of the ‘deal in blood’ forged by Tony Blair and George Bush over the Iraq War.
The sensational leak shows that Blair had given an unqualified pledge to sign up to the conflict a year before the invasion started.
It flies in the face of the Prime Minister’s public claims at the time...

Republican Shenanigans

I can't wait to see former Senator Ted Cruz begin his commercials for reverse mortgages. - John Fugelsang

Harry Reid Wants GOP To Foot Benghazi Bill
Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) took shots at the House Select Committee on Benghazi on Wednesday, a day before former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's appearance before the panel. ...Senate Democrats have sent a letter to the Republican National Committee (RNC) asking that it reimburse the American taxpayers for any money spent on the Benghazi committee.

Donald Trump is now saying that his immigration policies would have prevented 9/11. Trump is also claiming his hair would have kept the Titanic afloat.- Conan O'Brien

NSA “civil liberties officer” says agency is getting more transparent; true, but only because it used to not acknowledge its own existence. - Dan Froomkin

Rock The Voter News

So Marty McFly got to Biden in time then, right? :) - LOLGOP

Back To The Future

Shooter On The Run
Police in New Mexico are trying to identify the person responsible for a road rage incident that claimed the life of a 4-year-old girl Tuesday.

People who claim there's a voter fraud problem actually have a democracy problem. - John Fugelsang

Business/Tech News

Volkswagen may be forced to buy back all the cars that failed to properly pass their emissions tests. Volkswagen officials say that’s fine — because they plan to resell them as rock concert smoke machines.- Conan O'Brien

Donald Trump’s Blustery 1990 Campaign Against a Wall Street Analyst
Barron’s recounts an incident in which the presidential candidate attacked an unknown securities analyst who didn’t think the Taj Mahal was a good bet for his clients.

Every fish you catch and release goes home with an alien abduction story.- John Fugelsang