Tuesday, July 31, 2018

No Collusion! No Collusion!

Rudy Giuliani Stuns Fox News Hosts With Rambling Account Of Trump Tower Meetings
Rudy Giuliani baffled Fox News hosts Monday when he attempted to clarify comments he made on CNN earlier in the day about events related to special counsel Robert Mueller’s Russia investigation.


Cop: sir, I pulled you over because you have a burned-out taillightRudy Giuliani: THAT HOOKER IN MY TRUNK WAS ALREADY DEAD WHEN TRUMP FOUND HER- Jeff Tiedrich



The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

The good news is, the NRA opposes 3-D printed guns. The predictable news is, it’s only because, in this case, the NRA can’t make money off of death. - OhNoSheTwint







Bob Woodward Releasing New Book On Sept. 11. Sounds Ominous. 
The next writer to take a close look at the Trump presidency: Bob Woodward.
The celebrated journalist of Watergate fame has written “Fear: Trump in the White House,” Simon & Schuster announced Monday. The book is coming out Sept. 11.




[in a Jewish deli]
Customer: I’ll take a BLT.
Clerk: Sorry, ma’am. We don’t serve pork here.
Customer: (grabs phone) Yes, hello, Religious Liberty Task Force? I have a code red at Morty’s Deli on Main... Thank you, please hurry. I’m feeling EXTREMELY oppressed.- OhNoSheTwint




Gonna be interesting watching the NRA twist that right to bear arms no matter what into "but not if they're 3D printed and we can't make a profit." - Randi Mayem Singer




Republican Shenanigans




Good morning!
Today @POTUS’s Campaign Manager, and the man who handpicked Mike Pence to be Vice President, goes on trial.
It’s a totally normal time in American history. -
Andy Lassner


This Is A Real Headline: Judge Orders Trump To Stop Drugging Children.
A federal judge reportedly ordered the Trump administration on Monday to stop administering psychotropic medication to migrant children without obtaining permission from their parents or guardians, finding that the practice violated child welfare law.





Re-branding The Klu Klux Klan as “Religious Liberty Task Force" is fooling no one. - YS tweet





DHS Secretary Needs To Resign After Kidnapping, Drugging & Losing Kids, Parents, Don't You Agree?
Sen. Dick Durbin (D-Ill.) on Tuesday called for Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen to resign over the Trump administration’s “zero tolerance” immigration policy, which resulted in the separation of migrant children from their parents at the southern border.





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In the only abortion case heard by Trump's nominee to the Supreme Court, Judge Kavanaugh issued a decision that would have forced a young immigrant woman to continue carrying a pregnancy against her will. - ACLU





Rock The Voter News




Senate Republicans hiding vital parts of Kavanaugh’s record from the American people is not only hypocritical, it’s incredibly troubling. What’s in there that they don’t want us to know?- Sen. Kamala Harris


Welcome Back, Al Franken? Fingers Crossed.
Former Minnesota Sen. Al Franken (D) said in an interview that he misses his former job and that he is considering a return to public service.





Lebron James has done more for education than Betsy DeVos, more for charity than Donald Trump, and more for inner cities than Ben Carson.
Maybe Washington should shut up and dribble. - Tony Posnanski

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Business/Tech News

"If immigrants somehow get over the wall, the condition of our bridges and roads will keep them from getting very far," one wall advocate said. - Andy Borowitz





What? There's No Ginger In Ginger Ale?
Canada Dry lies to its customers with the name “ginger ale,” a woman claims in a new lawsuit.
Julie Fletcher filed a suit in Buffalo earlier this month against Canada Dry and its parent company, Dr. Pepper Snapple Group, for “common law fraud, deceit and/or misrepresentation, breach of express and implied warranties, and unjust enrichment/restitution”





My son just came home from robotics camp. At least, I think that's him. - Conan O'Brien



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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo

I don't like the way this Mongolian ibex is looking at me.

Peace.

Monday, July 30, 2018

Russia brags knowing USA's and Europe's military plans

RUSSIA SAYS IT WILL KNOW OF U.S. MILITARY PLANS BEFORE THEY HAPPEN
Russia's top diplomat has claimed his country has insider knowledge on the military plans of the U.S. and its Western allies.
Russia Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov made the remarks while addressing the Terra Scientia on Klyazma River National Educational Youth Forum...


Actually, Trump posting 600 times today about the Mueller probe is proof that he’s got everything under control. - Patrick Monahan




The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump





Attorney General Jeff Sessions announces "Religious Liberty Task Force"
Sessions says the task force will "help the Department fully implement our religious liberty guidance," including "making sure our employees know their duties to accommodate people of faith."



Maybe we can combine the Religious Liberty Task Force with the Space Force and launch these intolerant bigoted fvckfaces into the sun. - Jeff Tiedrich




Okay but if someone tries to order a gay cake in space, will it be the jurisdiction of the Religious Liberty Task Force or Space Force? - Jess Dweck



The Religious Liberty Task Force is forcibly tasked with giving certain religious people the liberty to believe Jesus hates the same people they do. - John Fugelsang


Republican Shenanigans




Floodwaters rushing into the WH, but POTUS is only up to his knees. 
Giuliani swims by and says, "We're all drowning! How come you’re only up to your knees?" 
Trump smiles and sez,  "I'm standingon Don Jr.!"- Bette Midler






Trump & New York Times Differ On Their Conversation. Hint: Trump Lied.
President Trump on Sunday intensified his assaults on media organizations that cover him and his administration, dismissing them as unpatriotic and irresponsible.
The attacks followed a tweet from the president in which he revealed that he had met the publisher of The New York Times, A.G. Sulzberger, and outlined some details of their conversation.




People I know you're all concerned that a pickaxe violently smashed up Trump's Hollywood Walk of Fame star but I assure you that the pickaxe is ok. - John Fugelsang




I’m beginning to think Rudy Giuliani got his law degree from Trump University and his personality from Ambien. - Chelsea Handler

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Rock The Voter News




Rudy Giuliani calls Michael Cohen a pathological liar!  What crust! This from the guy that informed his wife, Donna Hanover via press conference, that he was dumping her...- Bette Midler


The 400 lb muscle guy sitting on his bed hacking.
Well, It Looks Like The Midterms Will Go Red Without Paper Ballots
Hackers from around the world had the rare opportunity to crack election-style voting machines this weekend in Las Vegas -- and they didn't disappoint.
After nearly an hour and a half, Carsten Schürmann, an associate professor with IT-University of Copenhagen, successfully cracked into a voting machine at Las Vegas' Defcon convention on Friday night

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Business/Tech News

My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus invents a 3-D printer and prints everyone guns. - OhNoSheTwint






Farmers Ready To Follow Trump Off A Cliff. Yessiree Bob, They Are!
Farmers being hit by the Chinese tariffs imposed on American agriculture products as part of Trump’s trade war say they don’t want handouts.




The Internet manages to show how far our species have come while simultaneously showing how far we haven't. - John Fugelsang




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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo

Auroras on Jupiter or a Fascinator hat the British ladies wear?

Peace.


Friday, July 27, 2018

Technology can be a b*tch


I hate when that happens.

AHNC will post a new edition on Monday July 30, unless Robert Mueller handcuffs any White House official.



Keep the faith.

Peace.