All Hat No Cattle: March 2018

Thursday, March 29, 2018

Happy Holidays. I am starting a war on Easter.

There will be a new edition on Monday. I need to get off the Trump crazy train for a few days.

Peace.

Wednesday, March 28, 2018

What rhymes with Trump?

Trump’s attorney discussed pardons for Flynn and Manafort last year — which Mueller could investigate as obstruction
The recently departed attorney for President Donald Trump raised the possibility of pardoning Michael Flynn and Paul Manafort with their attorneys last summer.

So Manafort is holding out for a pardon and Flynn didn't. The plot thickens.

Ever since Stormy went on TV Trump has been silent, and for that, a grateful nation must salute her. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Donald Trump loves to trash talk people, but, strangely, he has never said one bad thing about Vladimir Putin. In fact, last week, Trump called Putin to congratulate him on winning a shady election in which he was the only real candidate, despite the fact that his advisors gave him notes in all-capital letters stating "DO NOT CONGRATULATE.” Come on guys, if you want him to read a note, put it on something he pays attention to, like a cheeseburger or Ivanka. - Stephen Colbert

We're journalists!

Well, If Anyone Knows About Breaking Up Marriages, It's Joe & Mika
MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski hinted they’re hearing from inside sources that President Donald Trump is worried the first lady might be planning to leave the White House.

So, up till now, he's been a huge fan of Putin. Well, yesterday, all that... Stayed the same. But the United States did expel 60 Russians over a U.K. poison attack. Normally, for Trump to expel that many people, they have to be in his cabinet. - Stephen Colbert

Rick Santorum Robbed at Gunpoint Despite Extensive First Aid Training - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

They've created a special secure holdin' facility to store a copy of Donald Trump's tax returns. It's called "Bob Mueller's office." - Tea Pain

Trump Deposition?
A lawyer for adult film star Stormy Daniels has requested in federal court to take a deposition from President Donald Trump in a legal battle over an agreement to keep her quiet about her allegation that they had a sexual relationship.

I was going to watch Roseanne's new show until I learned it was going to be written from a pro-Trump point of view. If I want to see a family live like that, I'll just watch the people I work with. - Trav Huey

Conservatives: The problem with kids today is that they all get participation awards when they need *looks at NRAdotcom* bulletproof backpacks and 2 days of rations to survive most lockdowns. -LOLGOP

______________________

http://www.cwblogsite.com/

____________________

Rock The Voter News

Going from Barack Obama to Donald Trump is like going from cruising a Tesla down the coast to smashing a Go-Kart into a pile of burning diapers. - Tommy Campbell

No Wonder Trump Needs So Many Lawyers. He Created His Problems.
A district court judge has ruled that the emoluments case against President Donald Trump can move forward. According to Bloomberg, Judge Peter Messitte in Greenbelt, Maryland, rejected the Justice Department’s argument to dismiss the lawsuit.

I don’t want to live in a country where police officers pay no price for shooting innocent black men and women. It is imperative that we look at all of our local elections to find candidates who represent equality and will punish people in positions of power who abuse it. - Chelsea Handler

____________________

http://www.wattensawpress.com/

____________________

I crunched the numbers and if Trump wins reelection we get a Cosby Show reboot.- Jesse McLaren

Business/Tech News

Mark Zuckerberg Prepares For Congressional Testimony By Poring Over Lawmakers’ Personal Data - The Onion

Americans Not Feeling The GOP Tax Cuts
A majority of Americans say they are not yet seeing President Trump's tax cuts reflected in their paychecks, according to a new poll.
A CNBC All-America Economic Survey finds 52 percent of respondents say they haven't seen a change.

Jeff Bezos Tables Latest Breakthrough Cost-Cutting Idea After Realizing It’s Just Slaves - The Onion

____________________

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Top Republican Lawyer: No One’s Asking to Be on Trump’s Legal Team

Top Republican Lawyer: No One’s Asking to Be on Trump’s Legal Team
On Sunday, President Donald Trump reacted to news reports that he was having trouble recruiting lawyers for his legal team. “Many lawyers and top law firms want to represent me in the Russia case…don’t believe the Fake News narrative that it is hard to find a lawyer who wants to take this on. Fame & fortune will NEVER be turned down by a lawyer, though some are conflicted,” he tweeted. “Problem is that a new….lawyer or law firm will take months to get up to speed (if for no other reason than they can bill more), which is unfair to our great country – and I am very happy with my existing team.”

New Report Finds Adult Film Star May Have Paid Over $130,000 To Cover Up Sexual Encounter with Trump. - The Onion

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

The White House deserves credit for expulsion of the Russia diplomats. It took five White House aides to hold Trump down while other officials expelled ‘em. - Tea Pain

Russia & China Developing Super Sonic Missiles. US Isn't.
Russia and China are outpacing the United States in the development of super-fast missile technology, Pentagon officials and key lawmakers are warning.
Russia says it successfully tested a so-called hypersonic missile this month, while China tested a similar system last year expected to enter service soon.

I Know Why Trump Is Afraid Of Putin. He's Afraid Putin Will Poison Him.
Christopher Wylie, the former employee of Cambridge Analytica who alleged that the data firm had harvested data from 50 million Facebook users, told Members of Parliament in the U.K. that he believes his predecessor at the firm was poisoned in a Kenyan hotel room after a deal went wrong.

I like how people who want more God in govt voted for a hybrid of Judas, the Golden Calf & Caligula. - John Fugelsang

Republican Shenanigans

White House on lockdown after television hurled through window. - Andy Borowitz

EVANGELICALS: “We can’t judge Donald Trump because God has forgiven him.”
GOD: “No, I didn’t forgive him. You have to ask. And he never did. Checkmate, hypocrites.” - Mrs. Betty Bowers

Saudi Arabian Magazine Coming To A Supermarket Near You!
A nearly 100-page magazine published by Donald Trump’s allies at American Media Inc. is providing a different kind of celebrity gossip than the American supermarket shopper is used to seeing. It’s selling America on a fellow Trump ally, Saudi Arabian Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman.

I am a Catholic, and go to church each week, and post many readings from Bible, and I also know that you don’t have to believe in God or Jesus to live a life of love and meaning. Also, if you hate others, or use faith to divide, you aren’t really a Jesus follower. - Matthew Dowd, ABC

Email
Subject: People with Passion Can Change the World

Lisa,

Twenty years ago, Apple computer put out a large-format booklet titled "1998: The Year of Thinking Different" which saluted people who changed the world for the better, with a descriptor and a few brief paragraphs about each person.

Albert Einstein - Questioner
Mahatma Gandhi - Leader
Pablo Picasso - Creator
Alfred Hitchcock - Master of Suspense
Rosa Parks - Human Being

Bob Dylan - Troubadour
Buzz Aldrin - Moonwalker
Muhammad Ali - Champion
Thomas Edison - Tinkerer
Martha Graham - Mother of Dance

Jim Henson - Muppeteer
Maria Callas - Virtuoso
Dalai Lama - Idealist
Amelia Earhart - Aviator
Ansel Adams - Conservationist

Joan Baez - Citizen
Paul Rand - Purist
Miles Davis - Improviser
Lucy (Ball) & Desi (Arnaz) - Pioneers
John (Lennon) & Yoko (Ono) - Dreamers

Today, a new generation of young people are leading the way to improve the world. And a bunch of old farts are doing what they can to stop that progress. But the youth will win, because they will out live the status quo fools.

May you be well,

- Sol

Beautiful, Sol. Thank you for writing.

Posted by Iman, David Bowie's widow.

______________________

http://www.cwblogsite.com/

____________________

Military refuses to participate in Trump's parade citing bone spurs - Andy Borowitz

Rock The Voter News

NRA Admits It Took Foreign Money & Spent It On Campaigns. Wait. What?

The National Rifle Association acknowledged this week that it has moved money from accounts with foreign donation to accounts that are used for spending on U.S. political campaigns. The organization insists the transactions are “permitted by law.”

Breaking: the CDC recommends that all porn stars use protection while having sex with Mr. Trump. - Edel Rodriguez

I love these delusional gun fetishists who imagine themselves making a brave stand against a tyrannical government, as if said tyrannical government wouldn't just call in an air strike on your dimwitted inbred ass. - Jeff Tiedrich

____________________

http://www.wattensawpress.com/

____________________

Business/Tech News

Mark Zuckerberg agrees to testify on Capitol Hill which is controlled by Republicans, many who have used the services of Cambridge Analytica, but he won’t testify in the UK which is currently taking action against the corrupt company and Russia simultaneously. Telling. - Ricky Davila

Trump Wants U.S. Military To Pay For His Wall
President Donald Trump has privately floated the idea of funding construction of a border wall with Mexico through the US military budget in conversations with advisers, two sources confirmed to CNN Tuesday.

Cop Explains How It Feels To Live Every Day In Fear Someone Might Record You Brutalizing A Civilian - The Onion

MOME is where the Meart is

____________________

I'll Get AllHatNoCattle To Pay For The Wall

Monday, March 26, 2018

Happy Monday. It's the President & the Porn Star Day!

Stormy Daniels accuses Trump attorney Michael Cohen of defamation in newly amended lawsuit
Adult film star Stephanie Clifford, whose stage name is Stormy Daniels, amended a lawsuit against Donald Trump to include allegations of defamation by his personal lawyer, Michael Cohen.

Coming of age: Trump's son is 12 years old and entering the age of puberty. You know he is watching all this porn star stuff. I hope he's embarrassed and not impressed.

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

If you believe the biggest threat to our nation are the survivors of a school massacre, it’s time to question the validity of the political philosophy that brought you to that conclusion. - Tea Pain

I Love These Kids!
They were defiant, outraged and determined. And they had a resounding message for lawmakers in Washington: Enough gun violence.
Thousands of students, teachers and supporters gathered in the nation's capital Saturday for the March for Our Lives rally, organized by survivors of a shooting that left 17 people dead at a Florida high school.

Here's some of my favorite signs from the march

Wow. Trump Finally Punishes The Russians. Huh?
President Donald Trump will expel 60 Russian intelligence officers and order the Russian government to close its consulate in Seattle, the administration announced Monday morning, as a retaliatory measure for the nerve agent attack on a former spy living in the United Kingdom.

If you didn't understand why Betsy DeVos and conservatives want to destroy public schools, I'm sure you do now, after watching the Parkland kids speak. - LOLGOP

Stormy Daniels to CBSNews: "I really don't need sixty minutes to talk about something that didn't last one. - Mrs. Betty Bowers

Republican Shenanigans

President Trump is now being sued by a porn star, a reality star, and a Playboy model – or as Trump's evangelical supporters call that, "the holy trinity." - Conan O'Brien

Did Stormy Daniels Unleash Pandora's Box?
Stormy Daniels’ 60 Minutes turn was compelling television. But like other segments in that program’s storied history, it also portended deepening legal liability for its targets: President Trump and his lawyer Michael Cohen. The revelations from the interview make the pair's already serious legal problems even more challenging.

CNN Needs To Can This Conservative
Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School student David Hogg and his sister Lauren called out former Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA), who said Sunday that more students should take personal responsibility and help during school shootings, instead of marching or attacking the National Rifle Association. Alternately, he suggested they learn CPR.

Rick Santorum clearly read the memo that being wrong and/or offensive on Cable News has become the swiftest path to a job in the White House. - John Fugelsang

______________________

http://www.cwblogsite.com/

____________________

All 30 Major League baseball teams are extending netting to protect fans from baseballs. This in a country where almost anyone with a screw loose can buy a semi-auto weapon the likes of which the founding fathers never imagined. I sense a contradiction there. - Stephen King

Rock The Voter News

This girl who watched people die in front of her just got up on national TV to speak, puked half way through due to nerves, said "I just puked on national TV & it felt great!" then kept going.

I am literally never allowed to be too afraid to do anything ever again. - Bree

75-year-old Joe Biden wants to fight 71-year-old Donald Trump. The winner takes on Bob Newhart. - Conan O'Brien

Methinks Cambridge Analytics Is In Deep Sh*t
Former workers reportedly said Cambridge Analytica sent non-U.S. citizens to advise U.S. campaigns in 2014.
The Washington Post reported that dozens of non-U.S. citizens helped to give advice on strategy and messaging to GOP candidates....One former worker who spent months in the U.S. working on Republican campaigns told the Post that "we knew that everything was not above board, but we weren't too concerned about it."

Here's A Respite

____________________

http://www.wattensawpress.com/

____________________

I hope President Trump knows what he’s doing with these tariffs. Just had two eggrolls at Panda Express and it cost me $611.00. - Conan O'Brien

Business/Tech News

For his next rocket ride he will become lasagna rain.

Flat Earther Rockets Himself 1875 Feet To See If The Earth Is Flat. Wouldn't It Be Easier To Take A Jet Flight At 30,000 Feet?
He finally went up — just like the self-taught rocket scientist always pledged he would.
He came back down in one piece, too — a little dinged up and his steam-powered vessel a little cracked up...."Mad" Mike Hughes, the rocket man who believes the Earth is flat, propelled himself about 1,875 feet into the air Saturday before a hard landing in the Mojave Desert.

A new trend has emerged where women are having diamonds pierced into their finger instead of wearing engagement rings. "The pain reminds me I'm alive," [photo of Melania] said one woman.- Seth Myers

____________________