All Hat No Cattle: Happy Valentine's Day From Vladimir

GOP senator calls for exhaustive investigation into Trump-Russia connections
Sen. Roy Blunt (R-Mo.) on Tuesday said there should be an exhaustive investigation into the ties between Russia and the Trump administration.
"I think everybody needs that investigation to happen," Blunt told KTRS radio, CNN reported.

I've decided that the correct term for removing a President and Vice President simultaneously is "twinpeachment." - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

3 top members of Trump's team have resigned over ties to Russia. Another dozen or so and Republicans are gonna start askin' questions.- Tea Pain

Putin Has An Itchy Trigger Finger
Russia has secretly deployed a new cruise missile despite complaints from American officials that it violates a landmark arms control treaty that helped seal the end of the Cold War, administration officials say.

Putin Starting to Wonder if His Puppets are Smart Enough to Pull This Off. - Andy Borowitz

Hedge Your Bets
There’s already talk of impeachment, just three weeks into Donald Trump’s turbulent presidency. In fact, many are already betting on it.
Gambling houses all over the world are taking in action on whether Trump, inaugurated just last month, will resign or be impeached. And the odds aren’t as long as you might think.

This Is Just Crazy Allowing Guns To Be Purchased By The Mentally Ill
The Republican-led Senate is moving to block an Obama-era regulation that would prevent an estimated 75,000 people with mental disorders from being able to purchase a firearm.

Republican Shenanigans

Sending Trudeau to stand attractively next to Trump while speaking French is actually the closest thing Canada has to saying “f**k you.”- Samantha Bee

Sarah Palin Must Be Very Unhappy
According to a report, President Donald Trump promised his Canadian counterpart Monday that former Republican Alaska Governor Sarah Palin would not be named ambassador to Canada. “A Trudeau government official says that assurance was provided

That's it! We're gonna have to limit the Trump administration to only 3 new scandals per day.- Tea Pain

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Rock The Voter News

So When Will Ivanka Declare Bankruptcy?
Ivanka Trump products have disappeared from the website of Burlington Coat Factory, a South Jersey-based retailer facing calls for a boycott from critics of President Donald Trump.

A snowstorm in the Northeast today caused many schools in the area to close. Said Betsy DeVos, “What? The school closures weren’t supposed to start yet.”- Seth Myers

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Biz/Tech News

Nordstrom’s stock went up after President Trump attacked them on Twitter for dropping Ivanka’s clothing line. Then RadioShack said, “Would you mind attacking us?”- Jimmy Fallon

Celebrity WWF Co-Founder To Run SBA
The Senate on Tuesday confirmed former wrestling entertainment executive Linda McMahon to lead the Small Business Administration. The vote was 81-19.

The Baltimore airport just got a gym where you can work out while you wait for a flight. Finally combining the two things Americans love most — waiting in airports and exercise.- Jimmy Fallon