All Hat No Cattle: Oy vey: John Kasich Jesus-splains to New York Jews how Passover is linked to Christ’s blood

Oy vey: John Kasich Jesus-splains to New York Jews how Passover is linked to Christ’s blood
Republican presidential candidate John Kasich this week suggested to a group of Jewish voters in New York that the blood of Jesus Christ was somehow linked to the Old Testament Passover story.

Jesus never called the poor 'lazy,' fought for tax cuts for the wealthiest Nazarenes or asked a leper for a copay.- John Fugelsang

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam

The director of the CIA says that no matter who the next president is, the agency will not use waterboarding ever again. Instead, he's come up with a new way to torture people: turn off the Wi-Fi when they visit their parents’ house.- Jimmy Fallon

Putin Praises Obama
In rare words of praise for President Obama, Putin described him as a "strong man" for recognizing his administration had made mistakes in Libya. Obama recently told “Fox News Sunday” that "failing to plan for the day after" the fall of Libya's then-dictator Muammar Gaddafi was the "worst mistake of his presidency.”

This campaign is starting to feel more and more like a long, national nervous breakdown.- Christopher Hayes, MSNBC

Republican Shenanigans

It’s always a high point in a presidential campaign when your top staffer narrowly avoids criminal charges for assaulting a woman.- LOLGOP

There Really Is A Right Wing Conspiracy
The lawyer who represented Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis after she refused to issue same-sex marriage licenses told CBS News that his group was also behind anti-LGBT legislation in 20 states.

Somewhat amazed that "Longest Serving Republican Speaker Of The House In History Turns Out To Be A Child Molester" isn't a bigger story.- Christopher Hayes, MSNBC

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Researchers in California found that 74 percent of mothers confessed that they like one child better than another. Then one mother said, “Don’t use my name, 'cuz I don't want Jeb to find out.”- Jimmy Fallon

Obama Sadly Admits Time Running Out to Confiscate Nation's Guns. - Andy Borowitz

Rock The Voter News

Are Gun Makers Shaking In Their Boots?
A lawsuit can go forward against the maker of the rifle used in the 2012 Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings, a judge ruled Thursday.
Superior Court Judge Barbara Bellis said that a 2005 federal law protecting gun-makers from lawsuits does not prevent lawyers for the victims' families from arguing that the semi-automatic rifle is a military weapon and should not have been sold to civilians.

The #DemocraticWhores hashtag shows what happens when allies decide to despise each other until Trump can be elected.- John Fugelsang

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Well, Of Course The Oil Industry Knew!
The oil industry’s knowledge of dangerous climate change stretches back to the 1960s, with unearthed documents showing that it was warned of “serious worldwide environmental changes” more than 45 years ago.

House Speaker Paul Ryan issued a formal statement ruling himself out as a potential replacement candidate if there is a contested Republican convention. And you know things are bad in the Republican Party when people who aren’t even running are dropping out of the race.- Seth Myers

Business/Tech News

Microsoft Sues U.S.
Microsoft Corp (MSFT.O) has sued the U.S. government for the right to tell its customers when a federal agency is looking at their emails, the latest in a series of clashes over privacy between the technology industry and Washington.