All Hat No Cattle: Today in History

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Rebooting Jeb Bush apologizes to France for mocking them
Jeb Bush’s rebooted campaign for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination included an apology to the French on Tuesday for making a joke about their work ethic.

NOTICE: Short edition today.

If Jeb Bush were a stock, he'd be the entire stock market his brother left us in 2009.- LOLGOP

Man bombed Wal-Mart because it stopped selling Confederate flags, finally convincing everyone that the flag isn't so bad after all.- Adam Wolf

Jughead, Err, Jeb Is Dropping Like A Rock
Donald Trump and Ben Carson have healthy leads over the rest of the Republican presidential field, while Sen. Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) is on the rise and former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush is fading at 4%, according to a new national survey.

If Republicans move any further to right on immigration, they will technically have been deported.- LOLGOP

They Can't Impeach Obama, So Now They're Going After His Presidential Wallet
GOP presidential candidate and former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee suggested that one way Congress could stop the Obama administration from extending visas to immigrants is to cut off funding to the White House.

Marco Rubio trails a reality show star and a grifter on a 2-week book tour by over 10pts in his home state; or as media puts it, 'surging.'- John Fugelsang

Oil Lobbyists Are Very Busy Right Now
Bernie Sanders announced on Wednesday afternoon his support for a new climate bill that would ban all new fossil fuel development on US federal lands and terminate current leases that aren't producing. The bill, called the "Keep It In The Ground Act," would also ban offshore drilling for oil and gas in the Arctic and the Atlantic and would stop new leases for offshore drilling in the Pacific and the Gulf of Mexico.

The GOP candidates have banded together to collectively bargain for better conditions at debates -but don't you try that at your job, k? - John Fugelsang