Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Roseanne Barr Implies Her Racist Tweet Was Caused By Ambien

Roseanne Barr Implies Her Racist Tweet Was Caused By Ambien
ICYMI: Roseanne Barr created a total sh*tstorm earlier this week after tweeting racist remarks about Valerie Jarrett, a black woman who formerly served as a senior adviser to President Barack Obama. Her show Roseanne was canceled by ABC hours later, and many people—including her costars—immediately condemned her.
Not long after, Roseanne implied that Ambien was to blame for her original comments...

Given that a TV star was fired for racist tweets one week after a New York billionaire was led away in handcuffs for sexual assault, it’s understandable if Trump is on edge right now.- Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

The only reason that Eric Trump isn't in trouble for colluding with the Russians is that he accidentally locked himself in a refrigerator the day of the meeting. - Jeff Tiedrich

Republican Says There Is No Spygate
Rep. Trey Gowdy, R-South Carolina, says that the FBI has an "obligation" to run out any leads it may have -- including using informants -- to get to the bottom of the case of Russian interference in the 2016 campaign. 

Roseanne’s network wanted to showcase the average Trump voter. And that’s exactly what they got.- Molly Knight

Republican Shenanigans

White House in Panic Mode After TV Star With Racist Twitter Feed Loses Job.- Andy Borowitz

Stormy Daniels' Lawyer Dressed Down By Judge
Michael Avenatti has withdrawn his request to represent adult-film star Stormy Daniels in the case centered on the FBI raid of President Trump’s attorney Michael Cohen. 

Disappointed World Will Never See Episode Where Roseanne Blows Open Seth Rich Murder - The Onion


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Taking an Ambien once a day doesn't make you racist. 
Watching Fox News three times a day does. - Erik Bransteen

Rock The Voter News

Let me make clear the difference between Colin Kaepernick and Roseanne: One is fighting racism and despised by Trump, the other is facilitating racism and loved by Trump.- Matthew Dowd

Trump Says Staff Member Doesn't Exist, That Does. Do You Know What's Scarier? All The Stuff That Exists That We Don't Know About.
Matthew Pottinger must have been surprised to learn that he doesn’t exist. As the top official for Asia on President Donald Trump’s National Security Council, Pottinger had briefed dozens of reporters about North Korea two days before Trump angrily tweeted that a New York Times article citing his remarks had relied on an official who “doesn’t exist.” 


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I hate that Roseanne took the livelihoods of cast and crew she didn't speak for with her. Can we just rebrand the show "Dan" and have John Goodman hang out with Jeff Bridges, slowly transitioning the whole thing to a Big Lebowski TV run? - Richard Jeter

Business/Tech News

Although I agree with ABC’s decision (obviously), I have nothing but contempt for their decision to air the Roseanne reboot in the first place. They knew exactly what they were getting..- Andy Borowitz

Here's A Good Dick
Dick's Sporting Goods shares jumped 23 percent at the market's open Wednesday after it beat first-quarter expectations and hiked its full-year earnings forecast, easing concerns that restrictions it placed on gun purchases would hurt its sales.

Look, I’m not trying to make excuses for anyone, but the last time I took Ambien I annexed Poland - Andy Richter

Petrified Wood



Odd News

Time To Deflate Photo
I name this photo -- In between a rock and a hard place.


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