ICYMI: Roseanne Barr created a total sh*tstorm earlier this week after tweeting racist remarks about Valerie Jarrett, a black woman who formerly served as a senior adviser to President Barack Obama. Her show Roseanne was canceled by ABC hours later, and many people—including her costars—immediately condemned her.
Not long after, Roseanne implied that Ambien was to blame for her original comments...
Given that a TV star was fired for racist tweets one week after a New York billionaire was led away in handcuffs for sexual assault, it’s understandable if Trump is on edge right now.- Andy Borowitz
The World Is A Safer Place Without
- Trump revealed details of classified battle in Syria during private fundraiser: report
- UN Ambassador Nikki Haley tells Russia to leave Ukraine
- Russian journalist Arkady Babchenko, who had been reported shot and killed in the Ukrainian capital, shows up at a news conference very much alive
- Bush DHS chief criticizes 'fear mongering' over migrants
- CIA report: North Korea won't give up nuclear weapons, but could open burger chain as favor to Trump
- Top Afghanistan general: Some Taliban involved in 'secret' talks to end war
The only reason that Eric Trump isn't in trouble for colluding with the Russians is that he accidentally locked himself in a refrigerator the day of the meeting. - Jeff Tiedrich
Republican Says There Is No Spygate
Rep. Trey Gowdy, R-South Carolina, says that the FBI has an "obligation" to run out any leads it may have -- including using informants -- to get to the bottom of the case of Russian interference in the 2016 campaign.
Roseanne’s network wanted to showcase the average Trump voter. And that’s exactly what they got.- Molly Knight
- ‘Me me me!’ Internet groans as ‘pathetic man-child’ Trump makes Roseanne’s firing about himself
- Trump whines ABC never called him to apologize after they fired Roseanne
- Giuliani: 'I would have considered' recusing myself from Russia probe
- Manafort’s friends set up legal defense fund because he’s broke from Mueller’s ‘smear campaign’
- Even the Dictionary is mocking Roseanne for blaming her racist tirade on Ambien
- Roseanne Barr compared another Obama official to an ape in 2013
- Roseanne Barr's lies about my father George Soros are an insult to all who survived the Holocaust
- Trump aide lashes out at ‘b*tch’ staffer as leaks continue to cause chaos in the White House: report
- Cruz up 11 points in Texas Senate race: poll
- Desperate prisoner prays for pity from Trump as Kim Kardashian lobbies White House for prison reform
White House in Panic Mode After TV Star With Racist Twitter Feed Loses Job.- Andy Borowitz
Stormy Daniels' Lawyer Dressed Down By Judge
Michael Avenatti has withdrawn his request to represent adult-film star Stormy Daniels in the case centered on the FBI raid of President Trump’s attorney Michael Cohen.
Disappointed World Will Never See Episode Where Roseanne Blows Open Seth Rich Murder - The Onion
Taking an Ambien once a day doesn't make you racist.
Watching Fox News three times a day does. - Erik Bransteen
Rock The Voter News
- The Obamas Will Keep Politics Out of Their Netflix Productions
- Democrats praise Trey Gowdy for defending FBI against Trump's 'spygate' accusations
Let me make clear the difference between Colin Kaepernick and Roseanne: One is fighting racism and despised by Trump, the other is facilitating racism and loved by Trump.- Matthew Dowd
Trump Says Staff Member Doesn't Exist, That Does. Do You Know What's Scarier? All The Stuff That Exists That We Don't Know About.
Matthew Pottinger must have been surprised to learn that he doesn’t exist. As the top official for Asia on President Donald Trump’s National Security Council, Pottinger had briefed dozens of reporters about North Korea two days before Trump angrily tweeted that a New York Times article citing his remarks had relied on an official who “doesn’t exist.”
I hate that Roseanne took the livelihoods of cast and crew she didn't speak for with her. Can we just rebrand the show "Dan" and have John Goodman hang out with Jeff Bridges, slowly transitioning the whole thing to a Big Lebowski TV run? - Richard Jeter
- Fed looks to ease rule that limits risky bank trading
- China vows to protect its interests from 'reckless' US trade threats
- President Trump signs 'right to try' law to get experiment drugs for terminal patients
- Trump says drug companies to 'voluntarily' slash prescription costs
Although I agree with ABC’s decision (obviously), I have nothing but contempt for their decision to air the Roseanne reboot in the first place. They knew exactly what they were getting..- Andy Borowitz
Here's A Good Dick
Dick's Sporting Goods shares jumped 23 percent at the market's open Wednesday after it beat first-quarter expectations and hiked its full-year earnings forecast, easing concerns that restrictions it placed on gun purchases would hurt its sales.
Look, I’m not trying to make excuses for anyone, but the last time I took Ambien I annexed Poland - Andy Richter