All Hat No Cattle

Monday, September 22, 2025

Disney Bringing Back Jimmy Kimmel’s Show After Backlash

Disney Bringing Back Jimmy Kimmel’s Show After Backlash

The Walt Disney Company is bringing back Jimmy Kimmel's show, Jimmy Kimmel Live!, the company announced Monday.

The ONLY reason Disney is bringing Kimmel back is because the American people stood up, called out the executives by name, Disney's stock plummeted and Disney lost a lot of money.

Get it?
That's the playbook for the next three years of Trump.

YOU must be LOUDER than him. - Don Winslow

The World Is A Safer Place Without Trump

They would do well to remember that the Nuremberg rally was followed by the Nuremberg trials. - Ellen Barkin

They Act Like The Mafia
President Trump’s designated “border czar” Tom Homan was recorded by the FBI taking a $50,000 bribe last year, but Trump’s Justice Department closed the case, according to multiple reports.

Border Czar Tom Homan Now Accepting Bribes Via PayPal. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

Nobel Peace Prize Committee Asks Trump to Clarify Remarks About Hating His Enemies. - Andy Borowitz

NO ONE IS ABOVE THE LAW! Yeah, right.

The United States is considering imposing sanctions as soon as this week against the entire International Criminal Court, putting the court's day-to-day operations in jeopardy in retaliation for investigations of suspected Israeli war crimes.

Washington has already imposed targeted sanctions on several prosecutors and judges at the court, but naming the court itself in the sanctions list would be a major escalation.

No one gave a eulogy at Charlie Kirk’s “memorial”
They gave call to arms speeches
It was a hate rally. - William Bueker

Live your life in such a way that your spouse doesn’t sell fascist merch at your funeral. - Andy Borowitz

MAGA, the people that claim they voted for Trump because things were “too expensive” left behind so many chairs and coolers at the Charlie Kirk Memorial that ATF bomb squads had to investigate. - RightWingCope

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Rock The Voter News

Donald Trump just blamed the left for hate speech, while delivering a hate speech at the memorial for a man who said there was no such thing as hate speech. - JoJoFromJerz

Tylenol Probably Didn't Donate To Trump
President Donald Trump plans to announce Monday that using Tylenol during pregnancy could contribute to autism risk and will advise pregnant women only to use it, or generic acetaminophen, for high fevers, two senior administration officials told POLITICO.

Tylenol is going to sue the American government into f**king bankruptcy. - Mike Nellis

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Business/Tech News

ABC Hires Kash Patel to Host Late Night Comedy Show. - Andy Borowitz

Geez Louise, More Radioactive Shrimp!

Over 85,000 bags of shrimp are being recalled for potential contamination, marking the latest products to be impacted by a radioactive threat.

In a recall notice published Sunday, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration said three varieties of shrimp sold at Kroger stores in 31 states may be contaminated with cesium-137.

"Why are whites taking this? Why are we just sitting idly by and allowing corporate America to give all the jobs to nonwhite people"
- Charlie Kirk

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Friday, September 19, 2025

FCC commissioner: ‘We don’t have the authority’ to retaliate against broadcasters

FCC commissioner: ‘We don’t have the authority’ to retaliate against broadcasters

Federal Communications Commission (FCC) Commissioner Anna Gomez said Thursday that the independent regulatory agency does not “have the authority” to retaliate against broadcasters over what they choose to run on air.

Republicans keep proving that free speech isn’t free for everyone. That’s why I introduced the Free Speech Act of 2025 — to stop the FCC from being used as a political weapon and to protect the First Amendment. - Jasmine Crockett

The World Is A Safer Place Without Trump

If we’re going to have a “national day of remembrance,” as the Senate wants, let’s have it be for Virginia Giuffre—the child who worked at the Mar-a-Lago spa, was trafficked by Epstein and Maxwell, and raped by Prince Andrew and others, eventually committing suicide. #ReleaseTheEpsteinFiles - Andy Borowitz

Since When Do Federal Authorities Protect A Private Citizen's Funeral?

Federal authorities are tracking “several threats of unknown credibility” against people planning to attend a Sunday memorial service in Arizona for Charlie Kirk, the conservative activist who was fatally shot last week in Utah.

If Trump starts jailing comedians my only request is that we get the kind of prison Ghislaine is getting. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

Trump Calls for Star Trek to Be Removed from TV for Using Name Kirk in Vain. - Andy Borowitz

Yep, They're Still Trying To Kill Us
A federal vaccine advisory panel voted on Friday to recommend people talk with a clinician before getting a Covid vaccine, while voting against a motion to require prescriptions for the shot.

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Rock The Voter News

Rep. Melanie Stansbury: With the director of the FBI lying under oath in this chamber just yesterday. It is a felony to lie under oath… So if you want to talk about crime in DC, then look no further than your own damn hearings.

AOC: We should be clear about who Charlie Kirk was. A man who believed that the civil rights act that granted black Americans the right to vote was a mistake.

GO AOC!
Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) explained why she voted "No" on the GOP-backed resolution honoring Charlie Kirk and condemning political violence.

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Business/Tech News

Don't expect corporations (lookin' at you, ABC) to behave morally. Corps care about one thing: profit$. If you want Jimmy Kimmel back, you gotta holler your head off. - Stephen King

Trump OKs Complete Destruction of Gaza
The Trump administration has told Congress it plans to sell nearly $6 billion in weapons to Israel, a fresh surge of support for the U.S. ally as it faces increasing isolation over its war in Gaza.

Just gonna start posting every night that Kay Graham published the second tranche of Pentagon Papers in the middle of an IPO, at the same time Nixon was threatening to pull her FCC licenses. - Caitlin Legacki

Having been dropped by a major media corporation 2 years ago, I can relate to what Jimmy Kimmel is going through. I can also say that since becoming independent, I have a bigger audience than ever before. It turns out people want to listen to uncensored voices. Oh, and f*ck Disney/ABC. - Andy Borowitz

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Time To Deflate Photo

Hamersley Gorge in Karijini National Park, Western Australia.

Peace.

Thursday, September 18, 2025

Trump floats pulling licenses if networks are 'against' him after Jimmy Kimmel suspended

Trump floats pulling licenses if networks are 'against' him after Jimmy Kimmel suspended

President Donald Trump has applauded the suspension of Jimmy Kimmel's late-night show over comments he made about the man accused of...

Jimmy Kimmel should have stuck to acceptable comments, like suggesting that homeless people be executed. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without Trump

Trump Spends Entire U.K. Trip Trying To Figure Out Where He Knows Prince Andrew From. - The Onion

About how my days in Russia made it clear to me what a broken society the Soviet Union was—in part because they could only mock their leaders behind closed doors. - David Pepper

Gag Me With A Spoon

White House Faith Director Jenny Korn praised the suspension of late night host Jimmy Kimmel and insisted anyone who “celebrated” the death of conservative activist Charlie Kirk should lose their jobs.

Marjorie Taylor Greene: "Tyler Robinson was not MAGA. Not one bit. He was part of antifa. He was in a relationship with someone who identified as furry."

Republican Shenanigans

I do worry a bit that another casualty may be The Onion Website. - Jimmie von Tungeln

Rep. Comer Comes To Kash Patel's Aid
House Oversight Committee Chairman James Comer (R-KY) agreed with FBI Director Kash Patel’s assertion that there was “no credible” evidence the late sex offender Jeffrey Epstein trafficked his underage victims to anyone else on Wednesday.

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Rock The Voter News

Standing against fascism is now domestic terrorism, by presidential decree. Anyone committed to fighting fascism can now be deemed an enemy of the state, arrested and held—possibly without full due process—on the claim that they're a "terrorist."

Just like that, we lost America. - Seth Abramson

Apparently, Marjorie Taylor Greene Is An Attention Hog
Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) joined the chorus of hard-right influencers posting their past text messages from Charlie Kirk as the MAGA world debates Candace Owens and Tucker Carlson’s claim that Kirk had turned against Israel. Owens has gone on to wildly claim Kirk was feeling “blackmailed” by Israel ahead of his death despite Kirk being one of the most vocal pro-Israel voices on the right.

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Business/Tech News

To be clear: It's not "ABC pulls Jimmy Kimmel after comments about Charlie Kirk," it's "ABC pulls Jimmy Kimmel after threats from Trump FCC chair"

The distinction matters here. - Theo Baker

What Will SCOTUS Do?
President Donald Trump's administration asked the U.S. Supreme Court on Thursday to let him move ahead with firing Federal Reserve Governor Lisa Cook - a move without precedent since the central bank's founding in 1913 - in a legal battle that imperils the Fed's independence.

Soon, the only comedian left on TV will be Karoline Leavitt. - Andy Borowitz

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Time To Deflate Photo

Peace.