Trump surrenders at Manhattan courthouse ahead of arraignment

Trump surrenders at Manhattan courthouse ahead of arraignment

The former president is expected to be charged with 34 felony counts

Melania Sends Thoughts and Prayers. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• Trump Rages Against Fox News Over 'SLAVE' Bill Barr, Demands Supporters 'TURN OFF' TV When His Critics Are On Air
• Trump Maximum Sentences Add Up To 136 YEARS In Prison For All 34 Felony Counts
• Trump Demands Alvin Bragg ‘INDICT HIMSELF’ Day Before He’s Set to Be Arraigned
• Marjorie Taylor Greene Brutally Mocked For Complaint About Noise 'Assault' in New York: 'Welcome to My District, Representative Snowflake'
• Trump Lawyer Confidently Predicts His Client Won't Be Subject to Gag Order: 'Can't Happen in This Case'
• Michael Cohen Mocks Meager Rally for Trump in NYC: ‘Looked Like a Bake Sale Over at a High School Football Game’
• GOP warns Trump charges will lead to more political prosecutions 

Manhattan Courthouse Acquires Tiny Fingerprinting Ink Pad. - Andy Borowitz

Losers Gonna Lose!
A federal appeals court has denied former President Donald Trump’s latest push to block a group of former White House advisers from testifying before a federal jury investigating efforts to undermine the 2020 presidential election, court records show.

Marjorie Taylor Greene just said that Jesus, like Trump, was a great man who was arrested. Refreshing to hear her say something nice about a Jew. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

• Utah GOP bans guns at DeSantis speech
• GOP senator endorses Trump ahead of NY arraignment
• 'He Obviously Had Affairs!' Dan Abrams Throws Down with Giuliani Over Trump Denying He Cheated
• Tucker Carlson And Adam Carolla Declare Covid Mask Mandates More Insane Than Manson Family
• Tennessee House moves to expel 3 Democrats after gun protest
• Former chief of staff to Maryland Gov. Larry Hogan dies after FBI confrontation
• House GOP's Biden investigations sputter out of the gate
• After arrests and 300% fee hikes, Florida’s largest homeowners association gets new board

I think we all owe a debt of gratitude to Stormy Daniels, who, out of a sense of patriotism, has been willing to relive the horror of having sex with Donald Trump. - Andy Borowitz

Where Have All The Trump Supporters Gone?

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene was largely drowned out by anti-Trump protesters when she spoke at a rally outside Manhattan Criminal Court supporting the former president before his historic criminal arraignment Tuesday.

Law enforcement officers separated Trump supporters and his critics with rows of metal barricades before former President Trump’s afternoon arrival as the first American commander-in-chief to face criminal charges.

I💖New Yorkers

Marjorie Taylor Greene Caught in NYC Eating Soros-Backed Hebrew National Hot Dog. - Andy Borowitz

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Rock The Voter News

• Biden Invites NCAA Women's Champs To White House — Says LSU 'Demonstrated Excellence On And Off The Court'
• Chicago heads to polls in heated mayoral election
• Lauren Book, Nikki Fried, top Florida Democrats, arrested in abortion protest

Have you noticed that President Biden hasn't tweeted even once about Trump's indictment? 

Can you imagine Trump keeping his mouth shut if one of his political enemies was indicted while he was president? - Stonekettle tweet

One Media Hog Visits Another Media Hog's Event

Rep. George Santos (R-N.Y.) made a brief appearance outside Manhattan criminal court Tuesday morning ahead of former President Trump’s arraignment.

Santos — who is facing his own investigations amid questions about his background and finances — was spotted walking outside Manhattan criminal court hours before Trump’s scheduled arraignment. He was peppered with questions from reporters about his presence at the courthouse and Trump’s legal fate.

The flaming yam's lawyers have gotta be gulping Prozac by the handful and guzzling whisky straight out of the bottle by now. - Beyond Blonde tweet

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Business/Tech News

• Elon Musk’s swelling inventories of unsold Teslas has investors concerned
• Disney CEO Bob Iger Blasts DeSantis' 'Anti-Florida' and 'Anti-Business' Feud with Company
• Cable News’ Relentless, Second-by-Second Coverage of Trump’s Plane Ride Was Absolutely Ludicrous
• Billionaire Richard Branson’s Virgin Orbit Files For Bankruptcy After Failed Satellite Launch
• Gulf of Mexico oil worse for climate than thought, study

Until wokeness is used to kill a classroom full of children, Congress should focus on guns. - Middle Age Riot

Apparently, Narcissists Aren't Smart Enough To Run Social Media Sites

Former President Donald Trump bet it all on Truth Social to carry his social media presence, but a new report says the venture has thus far failed to pay off, and it has taken out a massive chunk of his net worth.

Forbes published an article on Tuesday with their assessment that Trump’s fortune sank by about $700 million in recent months, bringing his net worth down from $3.2 billion to $2.5.

Updated summary of team trump

Trump: Arrested

Campaign chair: Felon

Deputy campaign chair: Felon

Personal lawyer: Felon

Chief strategist: Felon

Natl Sec Advisor: Felon

Foreign policy advisor: Felon

Campaign fixer: Felon

Company CFO: Felon

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Odd News

• Repeating radio signal leads astronomers to an Earth-size exoplanet
• Scientists use computational modeling to design “ultrastable” materials
• The Dutch city of Amsterdam is launching an ad campaign to warn rowdy young British men looking for sex and drugs to "stay away."
• Firefighters rescue parachutist caught high up in Washington tree
• 5-year-old uses mom's phone to order $4,000 worth of motorcycles and boots
• South Carolina man breaks mustache record at 2 feet, 1 inch long

Time To Deflate Photo

I wonder if the plane is named Moses.

Peace.

Trump returns to New York to face criminal charges

Trump returns to New York to face criminal charges

Former President Donald Trump flew from Florida to New York on Monday for his historic booking and arraignment on charges related to hush money payments.

So, I look at the television….and see this hunk of sh*t, 1991 plane….with “Trump” painted on the side….and I’m thinking “Wow. He better raise a LOT more money. If that’s the best a billionaire can do…he better let someone else have a run at it.” I’m embarrassed for him. My wife was a year old when that plane was built. Seriously. - Jack Hopkins tweet

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• Trump More Than TRIPLES Lead Over DeSantis in First Post-Indictment Poll
• DOJ has more evidence of possible Trump obstruction in classified documents case: Washington Post
• Trump lawyer refutes his claim that judge on New York case is biased
• Russia makes arrest, accuses Ukraine of involvement in bombing that killed blogger 

New York City Mayor to Marjorie Taylor Greene:

'be on your best behavior'

NYPD Is Expecting The Worst Scenario, In My Humble Opinion.
The New York Police Department (NYPD) says its officers are “ready to respond” with protests planned at former President Trump’s scheduled arraignment on Tuesday, following his indictment last week in a years-old hush money case.

Republican Shenanigans

• Ann Coulter tells Nikki Haley to ‘go back to your own country’ in racist rant against new GOP presidential candidate
• Jim Jordan Hops Aboard the Defund the FBI Bandwagon: 'We're Gonna Have to Look' at 'Limiting Funds' for the FBI and DOJ
• Trump Lawyer Admits 'No Reason to Believe' Hush Money Judge is 'Biased,' Which Trump Claimed in Angry Rant
• Pro-DeSantis super PAC says it has raised $30 million
• DeSantis signs bill to carry concealed guns without a permit
• 'We Fact-Checked': Marjorie Taylor Greene Caught Lying in '60 Minutes' Interview
• CBS faces backlash over 60 Minutes interview with Marjorie Taylor Greene
• Republicans grapple with their weakness among Generation Z voters

Real billionaires don't have to beg fans to pay their legal fees. - Tristan Snell tweet

Well, At Least It's Not Sarah Huckabee Sanders...

Republican former Governor of Arkansas Asa Hutchinson announced he’s running for president in 2024, and — he added — former President Donald Trump should get out of the race.

Hutchinson confirmed his decision in an interview with ABC News’ Jon Karl.

Lesley  Stahl asked Marjorie Taylor Greene several times if she wanted to apologize to Nancy Pelosi and David Hogg. (They showed the clip of MTG chasing Hogg.) She said no.

Ugh. - Victoria Brownworth tweet

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Rock The Voter News

• Biden expected to skip Charles III coronation
• Most Americans approve of Trump indictment but say it was politically motivated: CNN poll
• Activists' network in Mexico helps U.S. women get abortions

Really hope Hillary Clinton doesn't hurt herself from laughing too hard. - Covie tweet

Man Convicted Of 2016 Election Interference. Email Lady Unavailable For Comment.
A social media influencer who once had 58,000 Twitter followers was convicted by a federal jury of election interference in the 2016 U.S. presidential race over a voter suppression scheme, the Justice Department said late on Friday.

Man, camera, mugshot, fingerprints, indictment. - Hamish Mitchell

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Business/Tech News

• Oil prices jump after OPEC+ announces surprise production cuts
• A drug recall for a possible contamination that can cause ‘life threatening infections’
• Elon Musk Makes His First Big Strike in the Great Blue Check Purge, Pulls the NY Times' Badge: 'Their Propaganda Isn’t Even Interesting'
• It keeps getting worse: Florida property insurance rates set to jump up to 60%

If Trump was a real billionaire he wouldn't be asking your grandmother for half of her social security check in order to hire a guy named Joey Tacopizza. - Liam Nissan tweet

How Many People Is McDonald's Going To Fire?
Fast food giant McDonald’s is temporarily shuttering its U.S. offices as the company readies to let employees know about layoffs, according to a new Wall Street Journal report. 

Americans are so divided today.

Half of us now call Trump's plane "Perp Force One"

& the other 1/2 call it "Con Air."

It's ok to have different views, people. - John Fugelsang

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Odd News

• The four astronauts NASA picked for the first crewed moon mission in 50 years
• The US leads the world in weather catastrophes. Here's why
• Seaweed belt hits record: 'Major beaching inevitable'
• Naked Tory MP Reportedly Woke Up in Brothel, Made Desperate 4 AM Rescue Plea to a Colleague: 'I Don't Know How I Got Here'
• Surprises unearthed in 90-year-old San Francisco time capsule

Time To Deflate Photo

Wangxian Valley in China, with houses hanging on its cliff. The view must be incredible.

Peace.

Secret Service rejected plan to arrest Trump today

Secret Service rejected plan to arrest Trump today

The exchange between the Manhattan district attorney's office and Donald Trump's team underscores the extremely delicate, unprecedented nature of the indictment.

President Biden: "I have no comment on Trump."

From the guys who brought you LOCK HER UP comes LET HIM GO. - Diedrich Bader

 

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• NY Young Republicans Club: 'Trump's soul is totally bonded with our core values and emotions'
• Mark Levin Calls Trump Indictment Declaration of 'War' on GOP: 'Republicans Better Wake the Hell Up'
• 'Almost crying' Lindsey Graham ridiculed for Trump indictment meltdown
• ‘It Looks Like Trump Will Not Be Indicted’: Fox’s Larry Kudlow Predicted No Charges Less Than an Hour Before Indictment News
• Ivanka Trump offers up blandest statement possible about Donald Trump’s indictment
• CNN Analyst Says NYPD Has Ordered Every Cop In The City Of Every Rank To 'Show Up In Uniform Tomorrow'
• D.A. Bragg Says He's in Talks With Trump's Attorney to 'Coordinate His Surrender'

When Trump gets booked. He will have to be swabbed for DNA. I wonder where that will lead? - Plsgetserious tweet

Pence Poo Poos Prosecutor

Former Vice President Mike Pence on Thursday called a Manhattan grand jury’s decision to indict former President Trump an “outrage,” and declined to say if Trump should drop out of the 2024 race if he’s convicted.

“The unprecedented indictment of a former president of the United States on a campaign finance issue is an outrage,” Pence said on CNN. “And it appears to millions of Americans to be nothing more than a political prosecution that’s driven by a prosecutor who literally ran for office on a pledge to indict the former president.”

Donald Trump is a walking indictment in a red tie. - Kamala Harris

Republican Shenanigans

• DeSantis warns Disney World he'll take a third swing at them after the company wrote in a loophole that collapsed his takeover plan
• North Dakota aims at school curriculum to deter abortions
• Republicans want to cut $1 trillion in spending — and instead of introducing 1 bill, they've introduced 500 to do just that
• House GOP approves broad bill to 'unleash' American energy
• Democrats' anger boils over after GOP witnesses testify without taking questions
• Texas Republican Falls For The Old Filthy Fake Name Prank In Hearing
• Hundreds of millions from Emiratis, Qataris to Kushner

For all those Republicans who believe if they did it to him, they can do it to you: Don’t pay hush money to any of the porn stars you sleep with. - Steven Beschloss

Marjorie Taylor Greene  Is Going To NEW YORK CITY To Protest

Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA) announced that she is headed to New York to protest the indictment of former President Donald Trump.

In a Friday tweet, Greene told her followers, “We MUST protest the unconstitutional WITCH HUNT” of Trump. Earlier in the month, however, she struck a very different tone when talking about a potential indictment of the ex-president.

your reminder that every Democrat believes that if Hunter Biden broke the law, he should be punished, and every Republican believes that Donald Trump should be above the law. look at them, they're all out there proving it right now. - Jeff Tiedrich

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Rock The Voter News

• 'Let him go': Joe Biden calls on Russia to release US journalist
• Maryland voters to decide abortion constitutional amendment
• California's Newsom starts tour to boost red-state Democrats
• Watch Colbert Audience Go Absolutely Nuts As They Get Trump News In Real Time

Most born and raised New Yorkers have witnessed DJT get away with corrupt, criminal, racist behavior for decades. He polls under 10% in Manhattan because they know him. Only fitting the first (of several and more serious to come) indictments come from his old stomping grounds. - Luis Moreno tweet

Is This Guy Auditioning To Be Trump's New Lawyer?
Andy McCarthy, a conservative legal commentator for Fox News and National Review as well as a former federal prosecutor, condemned the impending indictment of Donald Trump as a “classic abuse of power” on Friday, drawing special attention to the fact that it would include 34 counts.

To all those talking heads on cable news who are gravely bemoaning what has become of the "Party of Reagan," please stop. Reagan engaged in an illegal war in Nicaragua for which both he and his vice president, George HW Bush, should have been impeached. The Party of Reagan is alive and well and paying hush money to porn stars. - Andy Borowitz

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Business/Tech News

• Shadowy brokers walk off with billions in Venezuelan oil
• Minnesota train derailment, ethanol fire renew safety fears
• Judge orders US to resume oil lease sales in North Dakota
• Florida AG steps into Disney fight, demands records

If we simply required gun owners to carry liability insurance, the insurance industry would destroy the gun industry. - Mohamad Safa

 

CNN Wants Patience With Their Low Ratings. Hey, Just Go Back To Doing The News Instead Of Catering To The Right.
CNN's leadership is preaching patience even though thousands of viewers are abandoning the network during its attempted turnaround, with no indication yet whether it will be rewarded.
Cable news ratings are down across the board compared to 2022, when Russia's invasion of Ukraine was fresh in the news. CNN's dip is most dramatic — 61% in prime time in March, with Fox News Channel down 27% and MSNBC off by 12%, according to the Nielsen company.

Who else wouldn’t be surprised if Trump sells autographed copies of his mug shot? - Jon Cooper tweet

Happy Birthday, Christopher Walken!

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Thank you!

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Odd News

• One hurricane forecast to extend to seven days. More time for Florida to watch — and worry
• Elusive blood-sucking fish washes ashore in Netherlands. Take a look — if you dare
• Japan unveils proposal to promote marriage, raise birthrate
• Calif. Mom of 2 Hospitalized After Strangers Put Bucket on Her Head for Social Media Prank: 'Not Funny'
• Las Vegas lawyer indicted in $460M 'slip-and-fall' scheme

Time To Deflate Photo

Phra Nang Beach, Krabi, Thailand is my idea of a perfect vacation with a sandy beach and a hammock, I need a hammock.

Peace.