White House condemns attack at Wisconsin anti-abortion office

White House condemns attack at Wisconsin anti-abortion office

The White House on Monday condemned an attack at an anti-abortion group’s office in Madison, Wis., the previous day, which police are investigating as arson.

It’s insane that the Supreme Court is regulating uteruses when throughout American history most of the disasters have been caused by penises.- Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• Mark Esper Says US Officials Stopped Trump's 'Dangerous' Plans 'That Could Have Taken The Country in a Dark Direction'
• Police investigating possible arson at Wisconsin anti-abortion office
• Jill Biden meets with Slovakian President Čaputová
• Jill Biden makes a Mother's Day visit to Ukraine

President Zelensky is the greatest comedian of all time. He turned Russia and its army into a joke. - Aaron Parnas

Italy Seizes Putin's Mega Yacht. LOL.
The Italian government on Friday froze a yacht with reported links to Russian President Vladimir Putin, blocking the vessel from leaving its port.

Republican Shenanigans

• Politico Has Not Been Contacted About Supreme Court Leak Probe, Executive Editor Says
• Trump Reportedly 'Weirded Out' By Madison Cawthorn Revelations, Considering Pulling Endorsement: Is He 'F*cking His Cousin?'
• Trump Fires Back at ‘RINO,’ ‘Lightweight’ Mark Esper: ‘I Had to Run the Military Myself’
• Trump-backed Idaho governor candidate vows 'Christ will reign' if she's elected
• Georgia Guv Candidate Builds Campaign on Demolition of ‘Satanic’ Tablets
• Ohio GOP House Candidate Denies Supporting QAnon But Posted Videos of Himself Painting 'TRUMP 2Q2Q' on His Lawn

Every single Republican condemning the peaceful protesting outside Justice Kavanaugh's home today was absolutely silent when Christine Blasey Ford had to *actually move* because right-wing cranks were sending death threats right to her front door. - Max Burns

Meghan McCain Continues To Embarrass Her Father

The late Republican Sen. John McCain, a Republican, was frequently "embarrassed and appalled" by the conduct of his daughter, Meghan, a right-wing pundit, according to an eleven-part, tell-all Twitter thread published by John McCain's former presidential campaign manager, Steve Schmidt.

Kavanaugh Claims Protesters Outside Home Obstructing Daily Keg Delivery. - Andy Borowitz

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Rock The Voter News

• White House urges peaceful protests, support for judges in wake of abortion rights demonstrations
• 'That’s Ultra-MAGA Right There!' Psaki Rips Texas Gov. Greg Abbott's Plan to Go After Public School for Immigrants
• Joe Manchin becomes a villain in the 2022 Democratic primaries

I’m starting a GoFundMe to send Samuel Alito to law school. - Andy Borowitz

 

I'm Not Holding My Breath, Mr. Holder.
Former Attorney General Eric Holder believes former President Donald Trump should be indicted — in a reversal of his previous stance on that issue.

I don’t believe in reincarnation but a big part of me wants Barrett, Kavanaugh, Thomas, Gorsuch and Alito to come back as impoverished unwed pregnant teenagers.- Andy Borowitz

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Business/Tech News

• Americans worrying more about finances: Gallup
• More than 580K pounds of frozen chicken breast recalled
• Retailers placing limits on baby formula purchases as shortage worsens
• Musk tweet on Japan doomed by low birthrate provokes anger - but not just at him

Elon Musk is now tweeting out his plans for free speech and content moderation on Twitter by engaging in a discussion with [checks notes] a former Infowars host and pickup artist from the alt-right who promoted the crackpot Pizzagate conspiracy theory. - Brian Klaas

When The Media Makes Excuses For A White Republican.

Philip Bump of the Washington Post threw embattled Rep. Madison Cawthorn (R-NC) a lifeline Thursday, when he explained some of the young Republican’s struggles might simply be due to his youth.

Cawthorn alleged in March he had been invited to “orgies” and that he has seen cocaine use since he has been in the House. The North Carolina Republican has also had issues with driving infractions and has twice been in hot water after bringing a gun to an airport.

If you can say My 401k, congrats, the one to thank is Jimmy Carter and the Revenue Act of 1978. You're welcome!

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Update:  The shady people will soon be meeting the long arm of the law.

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Odd News

• New research shows just how quickly sunscreen can become toxic in the ocean
• Boy, 6, discovers megalodon shark tooth while searching for shells in Suffolk
• Wordle swaps out word due to Supreme Court leak
• Idaho man walks with running chainsaw on his chin for world record
• 2,000-year-old Roman bust bought from Texas Goodwill for $34.99

Time To Deflate Photo

A massive flock of Flamingos at Lake Bogoria in Kenya.

Peace.

It is a sh*tshow down here

I am in the middle of having shady people removed from our property. The police are there with my son. Things have gotten ugly. 

I am grateful to be home and safe. And I am not in any state of mind to post AHNC. Deep apologies.

Democrats to force vote next week on Roe v. Wade decision

Democrats to force vote next week on Roe v. Wade decision
Senate Majority Leader Charles Schumer (D-N.Y.) will force a vote next week on legislation codifying Roe v. Wade in the wake of a leaked Supreme Court draft decision that would strike down the landmark case.

“Women in places like South Dakota, Missouri, Texas will have the exact same Abortion Rights as women in Afghanistan under the Taliban.

Yeah just think about that: We just evacuated people out of Afghanistan, now we’re gonna have to evacuate them out of Tennessee?”

—TREVOR NOAH

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• Israel says Putin apologized for Lavrov’s remarks
• Zelensky says second stage of Mariupol evacuation completed
• Top US cyber officials warn against underestimating Russia’s cyber capability
• Russian State TV Threatens to Annihilate the U.K. With 1,600-Foot-Tall Nuclear Tsunamis
• Navy Veteran Confronts Marjorie Taylor Greene Over Military Comments: 'You're a Shame'

Ovaries shouldn’t be more regulated than Assault Weapons. - Jared Moscovitch

More Nuclear Intimidation From Russia
As Russia’s invasion of Ukraine enters its 10th week, the Kremlin’s Ministry of Defense said its forces had practiced nuclear-capable missile strikes on the Baltic coast in Kaliningrad, near European Union members Lithuania and Poland. Meanwhile in Ukraine, Russia announced a three-day ceasefire in the besieged city of Mariupol to allow civilians to safely evacuate.

Bring back the draft, let’s see how men like having the government control their bodies. - Irishrygirl

Republican Shenanigans

• Nationwide protests planned in response to leaked SCOTUS abortion ruling
• Glitz, Glamour and Election Fraud: Sights and Sounds from the Mar-a-Lago Premiere of Dinesh D'Souza's Loony 2020 Film
• Attacks dominate Pennsylvania’s Senate GOP primary debate
• Taxpayers Sue DeSantis to Block Repeal of Reedy Creek that Would Stick Counties With $1 Billion Bond Debt; More Lawsuits Expected Soon
• Romney: Trump ‘very likely’ to be 2024 Republican nominee if he runs again

For Republicans, the question is never, "Who is responsible?"

The question is, "Who snitched?" - Middle Age Riot

This Young Republican Needs Mental Health Care Before He Hurts Himself Anymore Than He Already Has

Rep. Madison Cawthorn (R-N.C.) has called a recently leaked videotape in which he can be seen nude “blackmail,” saying he won’t back down after the “hit against me.”

The North Carolina lawmaker in a tweet acknowledged that the video was authentic and said that he was joking around with a friend.

Alito Says Whoever Leaked Pro-life Decision Should Be Executed. - Andy Borowitz

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Rock The Voter News

• Karine Jean-Pierre to Succeed Jen Psaki as White House Press Secretary
• Jen Psaki Rebuts Anti-Abortion Pastor Albert Mohler During Briefing: 'Even a Fox News Poll' Said 63% Support Roe
  
• Biden meets with labor organizer at Amazon after Senate hearing

While I love Michelle Obama, I do not think we can go high anymore. - dylanmsmittty tweet

Deplorable CNN Anchor
CNN anchor Alex Marquardt wondered if President Joe Biden’s remarks torching “the MAGA Crowd” could have a similar impact to former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton‘s dubbing of former President Donald Trump’s supporters as “deplorable.”

If Louisiana wants to make it a crime to get an abortion, let's criminalize men who don't wear a condom. - Jon Cooper

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Business/Tech News

• Dow plunges 1,000 points as Wall Street reverses post-Fed rally
• Newsom moves to regulate crypto industry in California
• Boeing to move headquarters from Chicago to Arlington, Va.
• Global seed vault ‘father’ joins State Department as food security envoy

“Lots and lots of text messages. Good thing Meadows has T-Mobile’s Unlimited Talk and Treason plan.” - Stephen Colbert

GOPer Wants To Teargas the Media
A Republican candidate in Florida for the U.S. House of Representatives implied in a campaign video ad released on Thursday that he’ll gladly teargas the media.

FACT: #CincoDeMayo is the Spanish term for "drunken gringo bro doesn't realize his sombrero is problematic." - John Fugelsang

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Odd News

• Scientists worried Mars rocks retrieved by NASA may host alien germs
• Piece Falls Off Boeing Starliner as It Trundles Toward Launchpad
• K-9 named Zorro captures Florida man after high-speed chase
• Coast Guard crew rescues dolphin from illegal net off Texas coast
• Table tennis player breaks world record with 117 opponents in one rally

Time To Deflate Photo

The Butterfly Nebula, 4.000 Light-Years away from Earth.

Peace.