Fox Host Assures Women in Red States: You Can Just ‘Go Live Somewhere Else’ for an Abortion

Fox Host Assures Women in Red States: You Can Just ‘Go Live Somewhere Else’ for an Abortion

Rest easy, women who live in red states. Should the Supreme Court reverse Roe v. Wade, Fox Business Network reporter Jackie DeAngelis has a solution for you: Just go “live somewhere

Republicans not only want to control women's bodies, they want women to be chill about it. - Middle Age Riot

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• EU proposes ban on Russian oil imports
• Putin tells Macron West could use its influence to stop "atrocities" in Ukraine - agencies
• Russia reroutes internet traffic in occupied Ukraine to its infrastructure

This Trump-appointed right-wing Supreme Court wants to preserve the right of every unborn fetus to die a few years later in a school shooting. - Andy Borowitz

Modify? More Like Falsify.
The Department of Homeland Security claims former Acting Secretary Chad Wolf allegedly modified an intelligence report about Russian interference in the 2020 election. He is also accused of delaying its delivery in order to assist former President Donald Trump.

And who is gonna adopt all these extra babies? Amy Coney Barrett? - Maya May

Republican Shenanigans

• Taxpayers Sue DeSantis to Block Repeal of Reedy Creek that Would Stick Counties With $1 Billion Bond Debt; More Lawsuits Expected Soon
• 'Vance Was Toast Two Months Ago,' Then 'Trump Endorsed Him': Media Reacts to J.D. Vance's Ohio Primary Win
• National Review Nails JD Vance on Flip-Flopping With JD Vance's Own Writing in the National Review
• 'I'm frankly amazed': Another judge orders Republicans to prevent destruction of records in Gableman election review
• Brooks touts NRA endorsement in new ad
• 60 Minutes Reporter Can’t Keep a Straight Face While Interviewing ‘Birds Aren’t Real’ Conspiracy Satirist

Stephen Colbert: “If these folks believe Roe was so egregiously decided, why didn’t they tell the senators during their confirmation hearings? Because Americans support abortion at 80%. They knew if they were honest they wouldn’t get the job, so they lied, which is perjury.”

When All Else Fails, Ted Cruz Tells A Whopper

Senator Ted Cruz lied through his teeth Tuesday evening when they claimed Democrats want to kill babies after they are born. They do not.

Cruz was on with Laura Ingraham to discuss the recent bombshell leak of a Supreme Court decision draft that appears to reveal an imminent overturning of Roe v. Wade, the landmark decision from 1973 that legally protects a woman’s right to abort a fetus.

Childbirth isn't mentioned in the Constitution either so maybe we should play it safe & ban that too. - John Fugelsang

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Rock The Voter News

• Voters Want Supreme Court to 'Support Abortion Rights' By 2 to 1 Margin in Survey Taken After Roe Draft Leaked
• 'How Dare They!' Kamala Harris Excoriates GOP Leaders Amid Supreme Court Draft Decision Overturning Roe
• 'If You're Pre-Born, You're Fine. If You're Preschool, You're F*cked': Read George Carlin's Epic 1996 Rant Against Anti-Abortion Conservatives

Those poor rightwing justices.  Their opinion was leaked and they had no - what's the word? - choice.

Why, it's almost like their autonomy & right to privacy were suddenly stripped away.

 - John Fugelsang

Voters Support Term Limits For Supreme Court

More than 60 percent of voters said in a new poll that they support term limits for Supreme Court justices.

According to the Morning Consult-Politico survey released Wednesday. Sixty-six percent of voters said they support setting term limits for justices, with only 21 percent disapproving.

BIDEN: “The bottom line is the deficit went up every year under my predecessor before the pandemic and during the pandemic and it’s gone down both years since I’ve been here. Period.”

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Business/Tech News

• Record low 30 percent say it’s a good time to buy a house: Gallup
• Harris to meet with Amazon, Starbucks organizers
• Musk: Twitter may charge ‘slight’ fee for commercial and government users
• Many children’s products labeled as eco-friendly contain toxic ‘forever chemicals,’ study finds

A Russian oligarch sailed his $325 million super yacht at full speed for 18 days across the pacific ocean to avoid capture for sanctions... 

The U.S found the yacht in Fiji and seized it anyway. - Brian Karem

Stay Safe. COVID Is Still Out There.

COVID-19 hospitalizations in New York almost tripled in the past month as figures exceeded 2,000 on Tuesday. 

The spike in hospitalized COVID-19 patients, which was first reported by NBC New York, marked the first time since late February that the state’s COVID-19 hospitalizations were over 2,000. The latest figures showed a 153 percent increase from this time last month.    

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Odd News

• Condors soar again over Northern California coastal redwoods
• Nantucket votes to allow anyone to go topless on beaches
• Body in barrel in Lake Mead was man who had been shot decades ago, Las Vegas police say
• Texas dog dubbed world's tallest at 3 feet, 5.18 inches
• Florida woman goes skydiving for her 100th birthday

Time To Deflate Photo

A majestic Appaloosa horse. What a beauty.

Peace.

Chief Justice John Roberts Confirms Roe Draft Opinion is Real, Announces Investigation Into ‘Egregious’ Leak

Chief Justice John Roberts Confirms Roe Draft Opinion is Real, Announces Investigation Into ‘Egregious’ Leak

Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts confirmed the authenticity of Justice Samuel Alito’s leaked majority opinion foreshadowing the possible overturn of Roe v. Wade.

The Supreme Court released a statement on Tuesday acknowledging Politico’s publication of the opinion draft, which sparked massive uproar over the possible rollback of federal protections for abortion rights.

Whoever leaked the opinion - thank you and bless you.

Good news! Abortions will remain accessible as long as you were knocked up by a Republican politician. - OhNoSheTwitnt

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• Pope Francis Says NATO Started War in Ukraine by ‘Barking at Putin’s Door’
• U.S. Government Changes Brittney Griner's Status To 'Wrongfully Detained' By Russia, Reportedly Set To Negotiate Her Return
• Ukrainian drones destroy Russian patrol ships, defense ministry says
• Tapped Calls Expose Russia’s Heinous Treatment of Own Dead Troops

John Roberts called for an FBI investigation into the leak of the decision

Yet he never called for the FBI to investigate:

Clarence Thomas’s wife for plotting to overthrow the govt & selling influence

The 4,500 tips about Kavanaugh’s misconduct

SCOTUS is utterly ILLEGITIMATE. - Lindy Li

Another Republican Not Buying Into Trump's Big Lie

Georgia Sec. of State Brad Raffensperger disputes 2020 election fraud claims during GOP primary debate.

While speaking at the debate hosted by the Atlanta Press Club and Georgia Public Broadcasting, Raffensperger went on to count the rumors they had to deal with after the 2020 election.

I think there should be term limits for the Supreme Court. But failing that, I think there should be a cap on how many sexual assailants can serve on it. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

• McConnell Seethes Over SCOTUS Leak in Fiery Senate Floor Rant: 'Liberals Want to Rip the Blindfold off Lady Justice!'
• Romney backs opinion, says leaker should be punished
• Trump-Backed GA Gov. Candidate David Perdue Getting Creamed by More Than 35 Points, New Poll Shows
• Trump said Nebraska gubernatorial candidate accused of groping 8 women is 'the most innocent human being'
• GOP Senator Lisa Murkowski Says Roe Draft Opinion 'Rocks My Confidence In the Court'
• Rudy Giuliani Tweets, Then Deletes, Bizarre Video Plugging His Cameo
• Susan Collins Admits Surprise that Gorsuch and Kavanaugh Bamboozled Her on Roe v. Wade
• Minn. GOP candidate suggests jail for Dem elections chief

Let me put the abortion ban in terms Brett Kavanaugh will understand. Once upon a time, this country banned beer. That didn't work out too well. - Andy Borowitz

Will Trump Pay Washington, D.C. 750K?
Former President Donald Trump’s businesses and inaugural committee have reached a deal to pay Washington, D.C., $750,000 to resolve a lawsuit that alleged the committee overpaid for events at his hotel and enriched the former president’s family in the process, according to the District of Columbia’s attorney general.

“If this leaked draft opinion is the final decision and this reporting is accurate, it would be completely inconsistent with what Justice Gorsuch and Justice Kavanaugh said in their hearings and in our meetings in my office..” - The very concerned Sen. Susan Collins

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Sooo…it appears the Supreme Court believes their opinions have a fundamental right to privacy…- Jon Stewart

Rock The Voter News

• Senate Democrats will force Republicans to vote on abortion rights
• California Democrats pledge abortion protections after SCOTUS leak
• Klobuchar: Abortion is a ‘decision between me and my doctor. Not Ted Cruz.’

To read the Bible is to know I'm extremely pro-death. - The TweetOfGod

DOJ Sues Manafort For $3 Million

The Justice Department is suing Paul Manafort, the former Trump campaign chair, for almost $3 million in penalties related to his alleged failure to file reports disclosing more than 20 bank accounts he controlled in foreign countries, including Cyprus, the United Kingdom and St. Vincent and the Grenadines.

While a sitting Supreme Court Justice’s spouse is trying to overthrow the government, don’t tell us about “egregious leaks”. - NotHoodlum tweet

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Business/Tech News

• Biden administration temporarily extending window for expired work permits amid backlog
• Fed to fight inflation with fastest rate hikes in decades
• Fiji Gives the US Permission to Seize a Superyacht Reportedly Owned by a Russian Billionaire
• Shell company made illegal $500K donation to pro-Trump super PAC, watchdog alleges

If Koch Industries owned a chain of abortion clinics none of this would be happening. - Andy Borowitz

Trump Doesn't Want To Pay His 10K a Day Court Fine. Poor Baby.

Former President Donald Trump asked an appeals court to suspend his $10,000-a-day fine for contempt of court, saying in an interview that the judge in the case is “unfair. 

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Odd News

• Daredevil walks slackline between hot air balloons, breaks world record
• Seven stolen Camaros lead police on high-speed chase
• Florida Ford GT Owner Crashes Because He's "Unfamiliar" With Manual Transmission
• Texas district's graduating class features 35 pairs of twins, one set of triplets
• World's tallest woman awarded three more Guinness World Records titles

Time To Deflate Photo

Moraine Lake is a glacially fed lake in Banff National Park, Canada.

Peace.

Trump: 'Can't you just shoot them? Just shoot them in the legs?'

'Can't you just shoot them? Just shoot them in the legs?'

President Donald Trump wanted U.S. troops to shoot protesters during racial justice demonstrations in 2020, according to a new book.

Trump White House Records Show Four-year Gap in Accomplishments. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

• Pelosi Visits Zelensky in Kyiv: We'll 'Be There For You Until the Fight Is Done'
• US diplomats resuming limited activities in Ukraine
• UK could be ‘plunged into the sea’ by underwater nuclear strike, Russia state TV threatens
• Jan. 6 committee calls Republican Reps. Andy Biggs, Mo Brooks and Ronny Jackson to testify

The fact that I know more about Johnny Depp’s and Amber Heard’s relationship than I do about the crimes committed by Ginni and Clarence Thomas shows exactly what is terribly wrong with today’s political mainstream media. - Andrea Junker

Jared Kushner Is Writing A Book. LOL.
Jared Kushner’s upcoming book will focus on the investigation into Russia’s election interference, former President Trump’s impeachment trial and other topics, according to his publisher.

Republican Shenanigans

• Trump or no Trump: Asa Hutchinson mulls run for president in 2024
• DeSantis Repeatedly Refers to Biden as 'Brandon' in Podcast Rant
• Trump-Backed AZ Gov. Candidate Tells Maria Bartiromo She Would Refuse to Take Orders from ‘Illegitimate President’ Biden if Elected
• Trump Takes a Victory Lap on TV Ratings for Piers Morgan Interview, Then Pronounces Morgan's Career Dead: 'It's Over for Him!'
• Rep. Madison Cawthorn is under mounting pressure from scandals ahead of midterms
• Tucker Carlson brushes off 20,000-word NY Times story dubbing him ‘American Nationalist’
• Marjorie Taylor Greene Stonewalls, Snipes at Reporters During Intense Grilling About Her Jan. 6 Texts
• Trump Organization Accused of Hiding Witness Who Knew if Trump Lied

Tucker Carlson’s version of Hell would be spending eternity with one of his viewers. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Lawsuit Rejected Because They Are Dumbasses

A federal judge in Washington, D.C., on Sunday rejected a lawsuit filed by the Republican National Committee (RNC) against the House select committee investigating the Jan. 6, 2021, Capitol riot.

The RNC had alleged its First and Fourth Amendment rights were violated when the panel subpoenaed Salesforce, a software company it used for fundraising efforts.

It would be cool if Greg Abbott and Ron DeSantis kept guns out of schools instead of books. - Andy Borowitz

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Rock The Voter News

• ‘We Had a Horrible Plague Followed By Two Years of Covid’: Joe Biden’s 9 Best Jokes from the White House Correspondents’ Dinner
• United States to invite Pacific leaders to White House, ramp up diplomatic ties
• Democratic senator Joe Manchin cuts ad for West Virginia Republican

Ron DeSantis is banning math books, and Greg Abbott is banning history books. They’re both pissed at Betsy DeVos, who was supposed to keep kids from learning to read. - Andy Borowitz

Maybe Georgia Can Do What New York Couldn't
When potential grand jurors show up at an Atlanta courthouse Monday, they’ll find a television camera in the room and streets closed outside — nods to the intense public interest in the investigation into whether former President Donald Trump and others illegally tried to pressure Georgia officials to overturn Joe Biden’s presidential election victory in the state.

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Business/Tech News

• 10-Year Treasury Yield Hits 3% for First Time Since 2018
• The S&P is having its worst start to a year since 1939
• Amazon workers lose paid COVID leave
• Amazon Union Loses Vote at Second Staten Island Warehouse

Your Monday morning reminder that trickle-down economics is nothing more than a cruel hoax designed to enrich the wealthy at the expense of the American people. - Robert Reich

Most Parents Approve of Public Schools Because They're Not Dumbasses
Most parents around the country believe their kids’ schools are doing a good job communicating what is being taught, even where controversial subjects are concerned, a new poll has found.

Your speech is free. Consequences are not.

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Odd News

• Emergency workers in Ukraine rescue cat from bombed-out high-rise
• Warrant issued for Alabama corrections officer charged with helping inmate escape
• Texas researchers find dozens of creepy dolls on Gulf Coast beaches
• Turkey terrorizes D.C. residents on bike trail, drawing blood and sowing fear
• Bear chases down couple, dog in front of Florida home

Time To Deflate Photo

Tunnel of Love, Ukraine.

Peace.