All Hat No Cattle

Friday, April 30, 2021

Bombshell Letter: Gaetz Paid for Sex With Minor, Wingman Says

Bombshell Letter: Gaetz Paid for Sex With Minor, Wingman Says

A confession letter written by Joel Greenberg in the final months of the Trump presidency claims that he and close associate Rep. Matt Gaetz paid for sex with multiple women—as well as a girl who was 17 at the time.

Donald Trump refuses to talk to Matt Gaetz because he likes rapists who don't get caught. - Middle Age Riot

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

The NRA reminds you that your children aren't quite as important as the right of convicted felons to obtain a gun. - John Fugelsang

Go Merick. Go Merrick. Go Merrick. GO!
Attorney General Merrick Garland is quickly negating the Trump administration’s law enforcement legacy, dismaying conservatives with a burst of aggressive reversals and new policies.

“Think back to the day after 9/11. Someone tells you that in the future the home and office of #AmericasMayor would be invaded by the authorities and he’d most likely wind up being charged. You’d think they were nuts.” - Bette Midler tweet

Republican Shenanigans

Let this sink in.

Currently, key figures in the Republican Party are under investigation for human traffickin’, child pornography and willingly workin’ with Russia to end democracy. - Tea Pain tweet

Anyone who thinks the Republican Party is not a cult should ask Mike Pence why he is cool with his boss trying to make him a human sacrifice. - Middle Age Riot

Grifters Grifting. Good, More Evidence.

Reps. Matt Gaetz (R-Fla.) and Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.), two of the most conservative members of the House, are joining forces.

The pair filed paperwork with the Federal Election Committee (FEC) on Friday for a joint fundraising committee dubbed Put America First, a move that will allow them to combine their star power on the far right and take in larger checks from donors.

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McConnell Refuses To Stand And Applaud After Biden Says Puppies Are Nice. - Andy Borowitz

Rock The Voter News

Major is going to eat the cat.
Fox News is going to go wild.
Republicans take back the House.
Louie Gohmert leads five investigations into the death of the cat. - Charles P. Pierce

The Nazization of Florida Continues

Florida on Thursday passed new voting laws that place restrictions around vote-by-mail and ballot drop boxes.

Florida’s state legislature passed a bill that specifies who can drop off a ballot at a drop box and where drop boxes can be placed. It also stipulates that drop boxes cannot be moved 30 days before the election and that an election official must be around when the drop box is opened

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Business/Tech News

Class Warfare is when top 1% uses the media to instruct you that a slight tax increase on the top 1% is Class Warfare. - John Fugelsang

Surprise, Surprise! People Spent Their Stimulus Checks

Consumer spending and personal income rose sharply in March, according to data released Friday by the Commerce Department, driven in part by President Biden’s $1.9 trillion economic relief bill.

Personal income rose a staggering 21.1 percent in March after falling 7 percent in February, thanks in part to a third round of direct payments and other forms of aid authorized by Biden’s American Rescue Plan.

I’d like to reassure my fellow celebrities that you don’t *have* to run for governor. - Conan O'Brien

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I name thee Sir Camo. - Mother Nature

Peace.

Thursday, April 29, 2021

A petition is calling for Jill Biden to undo all of Melania Trump's changes to the White House Rose Garden

A petition is calling for Jill Biden to undo all of Melania Trump's changes to the White House Rose Garden

More than 40,000 people have signed a petition calling for First Lady Jill Biden and Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff to undo changes made to the White House Rose Garden by the previous First Lady Melania Trump.

Donald Trump and Ron DeSantis will not be on the ticket in 2024; they will be sharing a cell with Matt Gaetz and Rudy Giuliani. - Remove Ron tweet

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

You can't expect people to get over Trump losing when they haven't gotten over Robert E. Lee losing. - Randi Mayem Singer

Is Putin Using Invisible Weapons on U.S. Soil?

Federal officials are investigating two incidents in the United States that appeared similar to the mysterious apparent attacks that left overseas personnel suffering from "debilitating" symptoms, CNN reports.

In one incident, a National Security Council official was reportedly sickened near the south side of the White House in November 2020, while in another, a White House official "reported a similar attack" while walking her dog in a Virginia suburb in 2019.

Explosive Video Reveals Biden Plot to Use His Power to Improve Living Conditions. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

I wish Joe Biden would speak out in favor of proper vision care, just so I could watch every Republican poke their own eyes out. - Jeff Tiedrich

Wow. Not All Republicans Are Science Deficient!

The Senate voted Wednesday to undo a Trump administration rule that rescinded methane emissions limits and made it harder to regulate releases of the greenhouse gas from the oil and gas sector.

In the 52-42 vote, three Republicans voted with Democrats to get rid of the rule: Sens. Rob Portman (Ohio), Lindsey Graham (S.C.) and Susan Collins (Maine).

I have yet to see a chunk of adderall fly out of President Biden's nose. - Leona tweet

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Speaker Pelosi to CBS on Republicans: "All of a sudden they're deficit hawks, when they were giving away money to the wealthiest people in our country under President Trump."

Rock The Voter News

There are no tracking devices inside any Covid vaccine, just microscopic copies of Kamala Harris’s book. - Stephen Colbert

85% Approval Rating For Biden's Speech. 85%.

President Joe Biden’s address to a joint session of Congress earned a whopping 85 percent approval among viewers of the speech according to a poll taken afterwards.

Just a casual reminder that in 1861, 11 Senators and 3 Representatives were expelled from Congress for failing to recognize Lincoln’s election and supporting insurrection. - Andrea Junker

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Business/Tech News

The party of Open Carry wants you to know your mask is making them uncomfortable. - Jason tweet

Uh Oh. The Pandemic Has Taken A Bite Out Of Apple.

Supply chain disruptions are taking a bite of out Apple, and it may make it harder to get your hands on that shiny new tablet or laptop.

Apple warns that it can't make enough iPads and Macs to keep up with demand, thanks to the global shortage in semiconductors that has already disrupted production at almost every major car company, from Ford to VW.

Now that smart people can go outside without masks, my maga moron identification system is gone. - Randi Mayem Singer

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Time To Deflate Photo

The earth rising, Apollo 15 photo taken in 1971.

Peace.

Wednesday, April 28, 2021

Giuliani's apartment raided by feds over Ukraine

Giuliani's apartment raided by feds over Ukraine

Federal authorities executed a search warrant at Rudy Giuliani's NYC apartment as part of a criminal probe into his dealings in Ukraine, the New York Times reports. Electronic devices seized...

BREAKING- No one is searching Hunter Biden, Hillary Clinton, or Barack Obama’s residence. - Tony Posnanski

The World Is A Safer Place Without Republicans

Guys there’s a serious chance this might harm Rudy’s reputation. - John Fugelsang

North Carolina Judge Apparently Doesn't Want A Chauvin-Type Trial. Why Not?

A North Carolina judge on Wednesday rejected a bid to have body camera footage of sheriff's deputies shooting Andrew Brown Jr. released to the public — but said the man's family would be allowed to view it.

Superior Court Judge Jeff Foster said turning over footage to news media could affect a potential trial of law enforcement officers who opened fire while serving a warrant on the 42-year-old Black man in Elizabeth City, North Carolina.

They gotta be warming up the paper shredders at Mar-a-Lago right now. - Jeremy Newberger

Hold the phone -- FBI now at Victoria Toensing's house. Lawyer, wife and partner of Joseph DiGenova, same circles as Rudy and Trump. This has the hallmarks of a bigger day at DOJ. And she's probably not expecting it, unlike Rudy. - Harry Litman tweet

Republican Shenanigans

Listening to that F*cker Carlson, I'd like to add that traffic lights have always seemed to me to be an infringement of my personal liberty, and that people's slavish obedience to them shows the alarming effect on individual freedoms brought by such socialist nanny-state measures. - John Cleese

Trump Mulls Holding More Super Spreader Events
Former President Trump is discussing the possibility of resuming his signature Make America Great Again rallies as he seeks to remain a part of the political conversation while out of office and silenced on Twitter.

It doesn’t have to be true, it just has to be said and the damage is done. This is the formula of Trump, Fox News, NY Post, GOP. It works and it’s profitable, but it is the equivalent of intellectual fracking. - Noel Casler

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Rock The Voter News

Marjorie Taylor Greene Attacks Biden’s Plan for Free Preschool: “I Refuse to Go” - Andy Borowitz

There's An Opening At The New York Post

The reporter who wrote a false story about books by Vice President Kamala Harris being handed out to children at a migrant shelter resigned on Tuesday, alleging she was forced to write the story and that it was her “breaking point.”

The report falsely claimed that copies of a children’s book by Harris were being given to migrant children at a shelter in Long Beach, California as part of “welcome kits.”

BREAKING: Feds Search Giuliani’s Apartment, Find No Evidence of Law Degree. - Andy Borowitz

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Today, Hunter Biden was invited to speak at a lecture hall at Tulane University.

While Rudy Giuliani was invited to stand in the hall while agents search his apartment. - Jeremy Newberger

Business/Tech News