Monday, April 13, 2020

White House Economic Coronavirus Task Force to Reportedly Include Ivanka and Kushner

White House Economic Coronavirus Task Force to Reportedly Include Ivanka and Kushner
President Donald Trump is reportedly set to unveil his economic task force that will be tasked with reopening the American economy amid the coronavirus pandemic on Tuesday. According to Fox News, this council to reopen the country will include, among others, Trump daughter Ivanka Trump and her husband Jared Kushner, both of whom are senior White House advisers.
Besides Javanka, Fox News also reported that the council will include new White House Chief of Staff Mark Meadows, Trump economic adviser Larry Kudlow, Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin and a number of other Cabinet heads.



Trump’s ‘Council to re-open America’ does in fact lack medical experts but if you count Kudlow’s freebasing skills and Jared’s & Vanky’s botox regime it’s kind of like chemistry. Also Wilbur Ross is cryogenically preserved. - Noel Casler



      God Help Us All.


The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

Last month was the first March without a school shooting in the United States since 2002. - Robert Klemko







Will Trump Fire Dr. Fauci? Naw, He'll Have Someone Else Do It.
President Donald Trump was clearly annoyed by Dr. Anthony Fauci‘s comments on CNN regarding the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, retweeting a former congressional candidate’s post that criticized Fauci and used the hashtag “#FireFauci.”






Jared Kushner Says States Should Have Planned Ahead Before Joining The Union. - The Onion






Republican Shenanigans

What kind of sh*thole country murders its own postal service. - Jeff Tiedrich






Remember When Trump Said He Loved The Uneducated?
Thanks to an under-the-radar bookkeeping change at the Department of Education, hundreds of rural schools across the US are set to lose vital funds.
As reported in the New York Times, the department has changed the eligibility criteria for the Rural and Low-Income School Programme, which provides funding for school districts in some of the poorest parts of the country.
The change will make it harder for districts to demonstrate their eligibility, meaning hundreds of them will lose tens of thousands of dollars – and in some cases much more.



Trump says Jesus could have avoided crucifixion by taking hydroxychloroquine. - Conan O'Brien




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Rock The Voter News

Obama Demands to See Trump’s Elementary-School Diploma. - Andy Borowitz

Sanders Endorses Biden But Will The Bernie Bros?
Senator Bernie Sanders endorsed Joseph R. Biden Jr. as the Democratic nominee for president on Monday, adding the weight of his left-wing support to Mr. Biden’s candidacy and taking a major step toward bringing unity to the party’s effort to unseat President Trump in November.






Some states, like Montana and Nebraska, are getting more than $300,000 in federal stimulus money per reported COVID-19 case.
New York is the hardest-hit state and yet we are getting only about $12,000 per case.
We need a fair federal stimulus bill that is distributed by need. - Gov. Andrew Cuomo





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Business/Tech News

Nation’s Governors Consider Forming Country. - Andy Borowitz





Trump's Favorite Coronavirus Drug Is Killing People
Scientists in Brazil have stopped part of a study of a malaria drug touted as a possible coronavirus treatment after heart rhythm problems developed in one-quarter of people given the higher of two doses being tested.


With all this time off I was hoping the arts would experience a new Renaissance period. But with all the snacks, it's gonna be our Rubenesque period for sure. - Tim Hanlon




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Thank you so much!
Almost 2/3 of the way there!

💓


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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo
Coron, Palawan, Philippines. I hope there is no coronavirus there.

Peace.


Friday, April 10, 2020

The Pusher

Trump Spends Friday Morning Binging on Twitter, Posts 46 Tweets Calling Pelosi Evil, Bashing WHO and Mocking Biden
Are you bored at home, surfing Twitter during the coronavirus pandemic? President Donald Trump is too. The commander-in-chief has tweeted or retweeted 46 times as of this writing on Friday morning. His first tweet of the day was posted at 12:45 a.m.


Today is Good Friday -when pro-death penalty Christians commemorate anti-death penalty Jesus getting the death penalty. - John Fugelsang






The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

LEGO Unveils New 20,000-Piece Ventilator Set To Aid Supply Shortage. - The Onion





God Bless Our Sailors Because Trump Sure Won't
The U.S. Navy confirmed Thursday that 416 crew members on board the USS Theodore Roosevelt, a U.S. Navy aircraft carrier docked in Guam, have now tested positive for the coronavirus. The number of confirmed cases jumped by 130 people in one day with more than 1,000 tests still pending.





Trump’s whole life has depended on hiding the truth, convincing others they don’t need to know the truth or the truth is what he says it is. By degrading people’s capacity to grasp the truth, he’s gotten this far.

Not anymore: Dead bodies don’t lie. - Stephen Beschloss





Republican Shenanigans

When Donald Trump loses the 2020 election, he will not leave the White House quietly.
Good.
Trump screaming and crying and swearing while being dragged out by federal agents will make an awesome ringtone. - Middle Age Riot





The Man Who Puts The DUH in Flori-DUH
Florida Gov. DeSantis (R) on Thursday signaled that there was still a possibility that Florida schools could reopen in May after being closed since March due to the coronavirus outbreak...."This particular pandemic is one where, I don't think nationwide there's been a single fatality under 25. For whatever reason it just doesn't seem to threaten, you know, kids," DeSantis said.


Jared Kushner has less facial hair than I do. He’s like a piece of waxed fruit. He doesn’t shave – Ivanka has someone dust him once a week. - Bette Midler







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Rock The Voter News

‘New York Times’ Pledges To Cover Biden Sexual Assault Allegations In Upcoming Crossword. - The Onion


A Berner Is Burned Up! Oh, Just Stop It!
Briahna Joy Gray, the press secretary for former Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders, continued to take shots at Joe Biden and other Democrats on Twitter after Sanders announced the end of his campaign this week — despite the Vermont senator’s pledge to work with Biden to defeat President Donald Trump.





FUN FACT: Ivanka Trump, who’ll serve on the White House’s new economy-focused coronavirus task force, was granted a trademark on coffins. - Jon Cooper

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Business/Tech News

If I buy a pizzeria, and 3 yrs later, it runs out of napkins, gloves, aprons, hair nets, and pizza flour...it’s the previous owners fault? - Smith Street tweet





Trump Is Not Only Killing People But The Economy Too! A Two-Fer!
With the coronavirus outbreak having already resulted in massive unemployment across the U.S., JPMorgan believes the gross domestic product (GDP) will absolutely crater during the second quarter of 2020.
According to CNBC, JPMorgan economists are forecasting that the GDP will fall by 40 percent through the spring months. They also predict unemployment will reach 20 percent in April, with 25 million jobs lost overall.


My shoes probably think I died. - gent tweet






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Thank you!
Almost 2/3 of the way there!




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Odd News


Time To Deflate Photo
Happy Easter everyone!

Please stay safe and peaceful.


Thursday, April 9, 2020

Kushner Considering Using Personal Patient Data to Create National Coronavirus Surveillance System

Kushner Considering Using Personal Patient Data to Create National Coronavirus Surveillance System
Senior White House adviser Jared Kushner is leading an effort to develop a national coronavirus surveillance system in order to track patient data almost in real time, Politico reported on Tuesday based on conversations with four people involved in the ongoing effort.


The Trump sons must be asking themselves, “What does Jared not have that I also don’t have?” - Conan O'Brien




The World Is A Safer Place Without Saddam Trump

 Dr. Anthony Fauci is imploring the nation’s pharmaceutical companies to fast-track the development of a drug to treat narcissism. - Andy Borowitz




Leave me out of this!

Mike Pompeo Eagerly Awaiting For The Rapture
US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo has said it is "possible" that President Donald Trump was sent by God to save Israel from Iran.
In an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network during a high-profile trip to Israel, he said it was his faith that made him believe that.







CDC Releases Instructions For All Americans To Make Their Own Hospitals. - The Onion




Republican Shenanigans

“So many more could have died.”— Trump 2020 campaign slogan- Andy Borowitz





Pence Is A Very Good Capo
Vice President Mike Pence’s office is apparently trying to force CNN into airing the White House’s full press briefings again by refusing to let top health care officials appear on the network.
CNN has chosen not to air recent briefings from the coronavirus task force in their entirety, given President Donald Trump’s tendency to spread misinformation and continue feuds with the media. 



Yesterday Obama calls for a robust system of testing & monitoring.Today Trump cancels federal testing.Trump is gonna show him, no matter how many people die. - Woman in the Moon tweet




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When people talk about the country returning to normal, I assume they mean when Obama was President. - Andy Borowitz




Rock The Voter News

Undaunted Sanders Supporters Announce They’ll Continue Presidential Campaign Without Candidate. - The Onion





Pretty Soon Trump Will Disband All Intel Agencies, Is My Guess!
A bipartisan group of senators is demanding that President Donald Trump explain why he fired the intelligence community’s top watchdog, writing in a letter late Wednesday that the president’s stated reasoning was “not sufficient.”
The letter, signed by eight senators from both parties, represents Congress’ clearest denunciation yet of Trump’s decision to sack Michael Atkinson, the intelligence community inspector general.


Biden Surges In Polls After Asking Obama To Be His VP. - Andy Borowitz




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Business/Tech News

More than 16.8 million Americans have lost their jobs in the past three weeks alone.
Meanwhile, the S&P 500 is on pace to have its best weekly performance since 2008.
If that doesn't convince you that the stock market is not a reflection of the economy, I don't know what will. - Robert Reich



Cheap Gas & Nowhere To Go
U.S. oil dropped more than 9% on Thursday, giving back an earlier gain of more than 12%, as the Street awaited details on production cuts from OPEC and its allies, known as OPEC+. An extraordinary meeting between the oil-producing nations, which kicked off around 10:45 a.m. ET, remains ongoing.


Walgreens Introduces New Dumbass-Only Shopping Hours For Dipsh*ts Who Don’t Know How To Stay 6 Feet Away. - The Onion




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Odd News


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I wish squirrels would build a nest on my window ledge, if I had a window ledge.

Peace.