All Hat No Cattle

Friday, April 3, 2020

You'd never know that Pence leads the Coronavirus Task Force

Strategic National Stockpile description altered online after Kushner's remarks
The government website for the emergency repository appears to have been updated this morning.

This is intentional mass murder. Trump was warned by the military, intelligence services and medical experts and he still is not producing what our governors need. Instead, he sends Jared to say the national stockpile is not for the states. We're being played, people, and they are laughing all the way to the bank.

For a guy who loves to rant about Hunter Biden, Trump sure does put his useless son-in-law, Prep School Slenderman, in charge of a lot of important sh*t. - OhNoSheTwitnt

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

Outside Mt. Sinai hospital, Ron Allen, NBC: "We've seen a gathering of nurses & medical professionals from doctors' physicians, who are still complaining about the lack of protective equipment across the city. They say that every day at work is like a suicide mission."

An Emergency Order For -- Wait For It -- Golf Cart Rentals! He Has No Shame. None.
The Secret Service signed a $45,000 “emergency order” to rent golf carts at President Donald Trump’s Virginia golf club on Monday, according to The Washington Post.
The agency signed a contract, which it described as an “emergency order,” to rent 30 golf carts from a West Virginia-registered company called Capitol Golf Cars and Utility Vehicles from April 1 until the end of September, according to the report.

We're now at 1 million worldwide cases. Pretty much every Doctor on the planet says that's a low balled number.
This isn't a joke, this isn't something that will be cleared up tomorrow.
This will take months to get past and years to recuperate from.
Sorry but that's the truth. - Stephen LeGresley

BREAKING: Americans Support Moving Jared Kushner To National Stockpile. - Andy Borowitz

Republican Shenanigans

ESPN Execs: ‘F*ck It, Air The Dogfighting’ - The Onion

Wouldn't It Be Nice If We Had A F*cking Federal Pandemic Response Plan?
Many of the country's largest cities keep their pandemic response plans under lock and key, preventing the public from knowing — or critiquing — how their local governments will respond to a public health emergency.

Government Stockpile Contains Twenty Million Unsold Ivanka Trump Shoes. - Andy Borowitz

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Chris Cuomo, comforting a guest who lost a loved one, said that, when Cuomo’s father died, Joe Biden called his family and said:

“Some day when your fathers face and his name comes to your mind, a smile will come to your lips before a tear will come to your eye.”

Rock The Voter News

Trump Launches "Celebrity Coronavirus Briefing" with Gary Busey and Dennis Rodman, - Andy Borowitz

We do not have enough ventilators.
Period.
I am signing an Executive Order allowing the state to take ventilators and redistribute to hospitals in need.
The National Guard will be mobilized to move ventilators to where they are urgently required to save lives. - Gov. Andrew Cuomo

Melania Suggests Trump Wear Andrew Cuomo Mask. - Andy Borowitz

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Business/Tech News

The next relief package must provide $2,000/month to every American for the duration of this crisis, and fully cover testing and treatment with no out-of-pocket costs.

Otherwise, we'll be mired in a drawn-out economic and public health crisis on a scale we've never seen before. - Robert Reich

Trump Org. Needs To Delay Loan Payments. Don't We All?
On Thursday, The New York Times reported that the Trump Organization is in talks with a major creditor to delay loan payments, as the coronavirus pandemic has shuttered their properties and their profits have imploded.

Asian Americans are American no matter how we look, act, dress, eat, talk, or simply breathe air. We’re American when we eat kimchi, natto, or give red envelopes on Chinese New Year. We don’t have to prove our American-ness to anyone. And we deserve to be safe in our own country. - Eugene Gu, MD

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I'm in my third week of self-isolation.

The troops traveled over many mountains to bring me some vino blanco. I had been without for a fortnight. Our president banned the sale of alcohol along the Pacific coast, to keep away the non-believers from the beaches. I hope you feel as safe as I do.

Thursday, April 2, 2020

Disaster in motion: 3.4 million travelers poured into US as coronavirus pandemic erupted

Disaster in motion: 3.4 million travelers poured into US as coronavirus pandemic erupted
Travel data of passengers arriving in the U.S. from China during the critical period in December, January and February shows a stunning 759,493 people entered the U.S.

We're losing the war because the leader didn't stock up on bullets, denied the enemy was coming and is forcing the generals to bid against each other to buy bullets from ruthless merchants. - Walter Shaub

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

I don't ever want to hear a f*cking word about having a business leader run the country. Between Bush and Trump, they have wrecked us. I want a goddamn politician in charge. I want someone who thinks that government is a good thing, not some rank amateur playing dress-up. - The Rude Pundit

Who Friggin' Stabs A Toddler? MAGA Man!
The vicious stabbing of an Asian-American family, including a 2-year-old girl, at a Sam’s Club in Texas earlier this month has been deemed a hate crime by the feds, as authorities continue to raise alarm bells about a potential surge in racially motivated crimes amid the coronavirus outbreak.

Remember when having rubber gloves, a mask, duct tape and a large plastic bag in your trunk would be suspicious? Normal now! - Jim R Bilbrey

Republican Shenanigans

It’s time to abort Republicans out of office. - Irishrygirl

I'm Thrilled My Home Town Fort Lauderdale Came Through
As Holland America’s Zaandam and Rotterdam cruise ships dock at Port Everglades this afternoon, the process of disembarking passengers could last through Friday.

Trump Keeping Promise To Run Country Like His Businesses. - Andy Borowitz

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‘They’re Doing Something To The Street,’ Reports Nation Staring Out Window. - The Onion

Rock The Voter News

Trump boasting about how great the economy was before the pandemic is like describing a beautiful antique before he fed it to a wood chipper. - Andy Borowitz

Don't Breath In Public!
A scientific committee warned the White House on Wednesday that the coronavirus could spread through breathing and conversing, according to CNN. The committee also warned that it’s possible you could be infected from the virus lingering in an inside environment.

Nation's Unemployment Outlook Improves Drastically After Fifth Beer. - The Onion

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America remember. On this day when 240,000 are projected to die from this virus, as hospitals are at their breaking point, this President is fighting in court to take away healthcare insurance coverage from millions of Americans and destroy the ACA, Obamacare. - Wendell Pierce

Business/Tech News

Calm down, everyone. It’s just lost jobs and lost lives, it’s not like it’s lost emails. - OhNoSheTwitnt

Maybe the Hurricane Season Will Get Coronavirus and Stay Home
Sixteen named storms, including eight hurricanes, are forecast for the 2020 Atlantic hurricane season, according to early predictions released Thursday by experts at Colorado State University.
Four of the hurricanes will become major storms of Category 3 to 5, with sustained winds of at least 111 mph, the projections indicate for the season that runs from June 1 to November 30.

I know many folks are feeling anxious and worried. I just want you to know that you're not alone. Americans in every corner of the country are feeling the same exact way you are. We may be physically apart, but we are all in this together — and we will overcome this. I promise. - Joe Biden

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I'd Rather You Laugh Than Cry

Wednesday, April 1, 2020

‘Stop lying to our faces!’ Mike Pence flayed for saying Trump never ‘belittled’ COVID-19 threat

‘Stop lying to our faces!’ Mike Pence flayed for saying Trump never ‘belittled’ COVID-19 threat
Vice President Mike Pence on Wednesday defended President Donald Trump’s handling of the COVID-19 pandemic by falsely claiming that the president had never sought to belittle the threat the virus posed.
“I don’t believe the president has ever belittled the threat of the coronavirus,” Pence said.
A massive trail of evidence shows otherwise, however.

I’m no epidemiologist, but I’m going to theorize that lives can be saved if a President doesn’t spend the first weeks of a pandemic golfing. - Andy Borowitz

The World Is A Safer Place Without ~~Saddam~~ Trump

The President is a sociopath. He has no feeling about people suffering or dying. He uses these ridiculous press briefings as a campaign tool, managing the death toll like poll numbers. Trying to convince US that 200,000 deaths is a victory. Monstrous. - Rob Reiner

Trump Won't Reopen Obamacare During Pandemic. How Trumpian.
The Trump administration has decided against reopening Obamacare enrollment to uninsured Americans during the coronavirus pandemic, defying calls from health insurers and Democrats to create a special sign-up window amid the health crisis.

Donald Trump loves America so much that if he was married to America he would only leave it for a younger, hotter America. - John Fugelsang

Republican Shenanigans

Apparently you can get rapid testing if you have an underlying wealth condition. - Irishrygirl

Anyone Taking Bets That The Projected Death Count Will Be Triple That Amount?
Dr. Anthony Fauci and Dr. Deborah Birx offered sobering projections at Tuesday’s White House briefing, saying that with mitigation the United States could face between 100,000 and 240,000 deaths from the coronavirus.

Trump Catches Melania Watching Cuomo Briefing. - Andy Borowitz

I'm old enough to remember when people thought it was hyperbole to say people will die because of Donald Trump's incompetence and negligence. - Steven Beschloss

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Rock The Voter News

Yes. I think the Republican nominee is unfit to serve as President. - August 2, 2016, President Obama

Russia Sends U.S. a Planeload of Medical Supplies and Probably Ballots for Stuffing
Russia is sending a planeload of masks and other supplies to help the United States fight the coronavirus pandemic as the number of cases threatens to top 200,000 across the country.

My boredom has reached “Memorize the Vice Presidents” level. - Conan O'Brien

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Business/Tech News

Study Finds Most Restaurants Fail Within First Year Of It Becoming Illegal To Go To Them. - The Onion

Cruise Ship Not Allowed To Dock, Floating Aimlessly Off Florida
The U.S. Coast Guard has directed all cruise ships to prepare to treat any sick passengers and crew on board while being sequestered “indefinitely" offshore during the coronavirus pandemic.
The new rules require daily updates on each ship's coronavirus caseload for vessels in U.S. waters, and come with a stiff warning: Any foreign-flagged vessels “that loiter beyond U.S. territorial seas" should try first to medically evacuate the very sick to those countries instead.

New York Quickly Builds Thousands Of Emergency Hamptons Mansions To Shelter Wealthy. - The Onion

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I'd Rather You Laugh Than Cry